Run No. 1234/5              18th-20th July 2008

Venue:                              Letchworth RUFC J;

Beer:                                 Potton Shannon IPA, Village Bike & Potton Gold J;

Location:                          Letchworth

Hares:                               Windmill, Sludge & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead

Runners:                           152

Virgins:                             1

Visitors:                            loads

Newies:                             0                                 

Hounds:                            4

Full Moon Toy Wolves    1

Après Hashers:                2

Gatecrashers:                  2

Weekend Total:               162

Membership:                    To Bagdad & back!


Welcome to this Penny Dreadful.           

Finally after months of planning the 1234 came rolling around, though due to a cock up with a miss-calculation with lots of alcohol being supped at committee meetings & the fact that this 2008 is a leap year the numbers were slightly out.

            There were more than a few early arrivals for the event, though plenty of these like the Scottish Hashers, the F.U.K. Full Mooners of the De Fannies, Smartarse, Kebab, Me Juliee & Panda (smugly proudly stating that they had “Beaten the Sock!”), as well as Spare Rib EZ Over & Sex Toy, Stretch, Chris & Mini Ha Ha all managed to entertain themselves in the various local Pubs before arriving to register.

            By the time Mr.X had finished his trips dropping stuff off for the weekend, & picked up Guzzler from the Station, he was surprised to see that most of the weekend’s Pack had their tents erected well before the 17:00 Registration.  At least he returned to find the guys fitting the brand new noise restriction monitor had finished its installation, it was now up & running so the Disco & Band could play over the weekend.

The Guernsey girls were in a bit of a tizzy as had their tents supplied & they still weren’t erected, Tim Brooke-Taylor did volunteer the services of his tent if the ones promised to them didn’t materialise, did he know what he was letting himself in for?  Fortunately for T-B-T Mr. X had finished his other tasks & with Beetroot’s assistance the huge 6 man Harriette tent (kindly brought along by Twonk) some of the Guernsey Harriettes managed to put their wine & cocktail glasses down long enough to help out as well, but at least the smaller two man Harriette tents were put up by Paxo & Mark E Mark.  It was still a case of Nulla est Redemptio* for Mr. X as he still had to put up a tent for Mini Ha Ha & Stretch, then another for Neptunus. 

At Registration, manned by Psycho, Junior & TC, those who are Full Mooners found that they were missing the Black towels from their Goodie bag, this was due to the fact that the ship they were on was still in transit from Egypt.  Had the curse of Vernon spread from the F.U.K. Full Moon 250th?  The rest of the Pack had either a green or a red towel, all of which had arrived, though Sick Boy wasn’t happy at having a green one as he’s a Rangers supporter (surely he wouldn’t be taking it to ‘Gers game?)

            Also in the Goodie bag were 8 drink tokens that were Zimbabwe Dollar Bearer Cheques, even the highest denomination of 500 Million Dollars for one the Real Ale is now obsolete, for that very weekend the 100 Billion Dollar Bearer Cheque was introduced!  It’s cheaper to wipe your backside on these dollars than buy toilet paper!

Apart from 5 registrations, the Pack all received a personalised necklace, as Mr. X ran out of Ns & Rs, Nineteenth Hole was stumped, as was Mr. Nuisance, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Mr. X himself!  TC didn’t like the necklace, calling it “cheap tat!” but his two letters were no good to make another name up so he was stuck with it.

After registration it was time start to shake hands, socialise & chat.  Many purchased Max Boyce’s old Hash Shirts from a stall ran by Sooty, this made over £100 on the Friday alone to go to Macmillan Nurses.  It was good to see Me Juliee (Banana Bender) had decided to come to the weekend with it being so soon after Max’s passing.  By the end of the weekend it seemed to have done her good to know so many are thinking of her but weren’t pressuring her.

 The Guernsey Girls of Supergrass, Gobby, Pure Genius, Big Bird, Assault, Shrink, Lady Muck, Black Bess, Patch Pisser, Leg Over, Climax, Fake It, Studley, Skelly & Lettuce Lips (their newie at away weekends) had come well prepared, with the extra space of having no tent to carry on the flight, they could bring along lots of booze & little comforts such as strawberries.  Strangely they seemed to attract the likes of Hoggy, Twonk, Windsock, TC, Junior & Paxo around their encampment, like moths to a flame.

As the Clubhouse filled up, it became clear that the Sassenachs were witnessing a meeting of the Clans hailing from as far as Aberdeen, Edinburgh, Glasgow & Elgin Hashes, they consisted of Olymprick, Roobs (Piss Poor), Tongue Lasher, Monsoon Drain, Gin Bin, Hoggy, Meagsaurarse, Ayatollah, Wildebeest, Pirelli, Miss Blobby, Tub Thumper, Muff Diver, Pommie Knickers, Hughie Blaaaaaurgh, Mr Nuisance, Sick Boy, Emu (a Scotralian) & Dog Biscuit who had travelled down from Nor a Borda, plus Eric the …… & Twonk who are now residents in Englandshire!  There was plenty of Tartan on show to liven up the dour colour of the F.U.K. Full Moon Black Dress Run.

One by one, the Black Dresses grew in number.  Well, what can you say, the Harriettes carried off some stunning outfits, then there were some Hashers who wore much too revealing an outfit, with the off the shoulder numbers that led to a lot of “off the cuff remarks”!!  The Black Dress Run was probably the first of only two times over the weekend that twins of Pic & Mix would wear different outfits, though being black there wasn’t too much in it, just the hemline!

The Guernsey Girls topped off their black numbers with wide brimmed pink hats, each with long rabbit ears, very fetching.  They were not the only ones to be topped off with pink accessories, Beetroot wore a bright pink bob style wig to show off his little black number!  In comparison Windsock looked rather sedate, very unlike him, but there was a lot of the weekend to go yet! (He’d slightly make up for it on Saturday)

Kylie found that his necklace was rather on the small side & he couldn’t get it over his head, so with the options of cutting off his ears disregarded he opted top wearing like a very thin headband!

Windsock bellowed out a 5 minute warning for the Pack to circle up outside, but before exiting the Bar, Windsock ask Junior that Question (even Junior can remember the answer to this one) suddenly the F.U.K Full Moon’s “How would you like my finger in your ear?” was echoing around the Club house.

The Circle formed, Mr. X & Tops welcomed the Pack of 152 to the 253rd F.U.K. Full Moon Trail, the largest F.U.K. Full Moon Trail since last Nash Hash!  After the Pack’s cheering had subsided, Mr. X announced that the Pub Crawl would take in four of the Pubs in Baldock, these would be Das Boot, De Kock, the White Lino & the B’Orange Tree!  Martini shouted out that Borange wasn’t present.

Mr. X then asked for Harriettes to volunteers & shake collection tins, as well as anything else along the way, to help raise money for Macmillan Nurses, who cared for Max Boyce at his home.  Tongue Lasher, Warbler, Roobs & a couple of the Guernsey Girls did the honours to take around the green collection tins & use gentle persuasion along the way to make the general Public part with their money.

My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead (Known as Spunky Chops to Studley & the other Guernsey Harriettes) had already set off to lay the Trail, so Mr. X directed the Pack out the way he had been told the Trail was going to head away from the Rugby Club.  He began by leading the Pack up the embankment, along the north side of the Rugby ground, but his first attempt out failed at a dead end, so everyone headed a short way to the east to find a gap leading up to a mobile phone mast disguised as a pine tree, it looked very odd indeed.

Still no Trail was found as Mr. X continued to lead the Pack over the plot of scrub land beside the Club, some doubted he knew where he was going but eventually the Trail was picked up on the inside of the hedgerow running along the Baldock road.  The Trail passed by an electricity sub-station, just beyond this it turned off on to a tree-lined farm track out between the crop fields.  The Track passed beneath the buzzing overhead power-lines, some thought that they saw Maddog’s fur stand on end as he ran beneath HT cables.

On the way to the underpass beneath the A1(M) motorway, two figures came running toward the Pack, one was dressed in black & was at first mistaken for a Hasher coming back, but it was no False Trail.  The two Joggers were too fit for the Hash, one looked like he had his thighs where his biceps should be, the young Schwarzenegger received a lot of attentive looks from the Harriettes & cursory ones from some Hashers!

The Trail emerged from under the motorway to follow the footpath between the local playing fields to the north & a nature trail to the south, as the route headed toward Baldock the path became more & more littered with dog’s eggs, it seems that the dogshit bin at the edge of the path doesn’t get a lot of use!  The Pack soon found themselves running out through the back streets of Baldock, they had to run by a small playground where there were lots kids to ask plenty of questions, as kids do, about why everyone was wearing Black dresses?

On the Trail out through to the local Tesco’s, Warbler was stopped by one woman, who enquired as to what the Pack were up to?  Once it was explained that the Hash is sometimes described as a “Drinking Club with a Running problem” & the Pack were collecting for the Macmillan Nurses, the woman donated some cash in Warbler’s money box & then went off to fetch a can of Kronenbourg 1664 to add to collection.

The Trail passed through the car park & out by the ornate pillared Tesco building, which was once home to a Film Studio, then “Full-Fashioned Hosiery Company” later to be called the “Kayser Bondar Ladies stocking factory”!  The Rolling Stones once played in the dance hall above.

Dust led beside the car park & the Trail made its way down the long ramp on the steep front embankment to the High Street below, then it was a case of crossing over to the Boot, the first Pub on the crawl!  Not sure that the woman passer by appreciated seeing Digger’s backside on display as he Mooned Junior’s photo-shoot.

Mr. X entered Das Boot to find that it was going to be a Karaoke night in there, none of this was planned, but it was manna from heaven.  Once he had a pint, Mr. X then put in a request with the DJ, the brilliantly named “Disco Dave”, for “Delilah” to be sung by Windsock!  The locals, the staff & Disco Dave were all surprised at the sight of all the Hashers in Black dresses, the shock didn’t put them off of generously donating to the Macmillan fund.

Mr. X stepped outside to see if the majority of the Pack were on there way, what a sight greeted him as a mad dash began with the Keenies realising that they were heading toward the First Pub stop there was mad scramble by some to get down the concrete embankment on a more direct route than using the zigzagging path!

Back in the Bar & Bouncer decided that he was outstanding enough for an audience & he procured some bright pink lipstick to highlight his black number which no doubt belonged to the Guernsey Harriettes at one time.

Once a larger enough crowd were present, Mr. X called them inside for Windsock’s “party-piece”& boy were those who have never witnessed this performance shocked!  The DJ soon had his mobile phone out to record the ear deafening barrage of air-raid siren proportions that emanated from the shocking sight of a 6 foot 5 inch bloke, with wild blonde hair, wearing a Black dress who was accompanied by a bunch of Lilly Savages!!

Everyone joined in with the chorus, civilians alike, especially the “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha-ha! part as sung in the fabulous Alex Harvey band’s version of the Tom Jones classic!  No one will ever be able to listen to this song in the same light again!  Even though a lot of the F.U.K Full Moon Hash have all sung along before with Windsock on previous F.U.K. Full Moons, & you know what’s coming, it is still a classic!

The first of the Down-Downs would take place inside the Boot, Mr. X was out for the being the remaining Hare (My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead was off chalking the Trail down to the Cock Pub) Windsock was called out as it was thought his throat may have need a bit of lubricating after all of his screeching down the microphone!

If this wasn’t enough entertainment for the locals, they would still remain in shock as Spermwhale took the microphone for the next for a song, looking at the size of Mr Whale, Disco Dave must have been slightly worried that Spermwhale was going to eat the microphone as it resembled a small lolly in his fist & Spermwhale looked like a hungry man wearing a bib around his neck!

 The Karaoke went from “strength to strength” as Spermwhale was followed by Warbler & Leg Over, backed by most of the Guernsey Girls as they performed their rendition of “Stand by your man” The Pack could have easily have remained in this Pub all night, but the Crawl had to continue all of the 15 yards down to the Cock.

In the Cock (steady there Pebble Dash) there was a larger selection of Rea Ales, & a chance to chat, Hannahballs appreciated the Ale Fresco, since she has been shown the light by the F.U.K. Full Mooners & now enjoys her Real Ale drinking with some gusto at F.U.K. Full Moon & other Hash Runs.

Again the Patrons were generous to contribute to the cause.  By now Mr. X had been awarded one of the Pink Hats to wear, not that he knew why but by the end of the night it had moved on to Hoggy’s nap!

The patio garden was put to good use, it was there that the other Hare was rewarded for getting the Trail this far!  Windmill was called out by Mr. X for having the “worst wig” seen so far on the Trail, yes worse than Beetroot & Bashers.  Wearing the long, straw like blonde strands of hair, Windmill was unrecognizable to Mr. X as he called for him to step forward, Mr. X hadn’t noticed that Windmill was standing right beside him!  Windmill was joined by Bob de Fanny for a Down-Down as he’s a Hairdresser & even he couldn’t do anything for Windmill’s Barnet Fair! 

Paxo was called out for a hit, as he was now wearing one of the Supergrass’s long PVC gloves, it looked as if he had melted plastic on his arms after holding bin liner too close to a fire, Paxo was also taking too much of an unhealthy interest in Pepé le Pew’s nipples when they slipped out!  A change of RA saw Spare Rib pick on Mr. X as a stand-in for Cosmo. Doh!  It was here that Neptunus caught up with the Hash after his late arrival from the Airport, he arrived just before the Pack set off again.

Again the Pack didn’t have too far to move to the next Pub, the White Lion was situated over the road, but for some the Chippie was the next stop where the staff where overwhelmed at the amount of custom.  Some just sat outside on the pavement, like old soaks to eat their chip suppers.  Windsock didn’t go for the usual Essex Friday night fare, he & Tops relaxed in the surroundings of a local Italian restaurant.  No doubt they put a dent in the wine list!

In the White Lion there was a bit of a delay as the Abbot had to be changed, Mr. X & Tim Brooke-Taylor spent most of the time in there trying to convince a couple of girls to run with the Herts Hash, after one of them said their father used to Hash, they too donated to the Macmillan Nurses!  The Hash filled out the Bar & the archway of the old Coaching house entrance, as well as the Pub garden, but being so split up there were no more Down-Downs there.

Another Pint down & the Trail moved on, this time there was a bit further to stagger as the Trail ran to the end of the High street, then over the Icknield way to go through the Churchyard of St Mary’s, a 14th Century Church with a small “Hertfordshire Spike” (Spire) on the west tower.  Baldock still retains a lot of its Market town quaintness, & Mr.X explained to a few that the town is named after the old French for Baghdad when it was founded by the Knight’s Templar in the 14th Century.

The Hash made their way to the final Pub on the crawl, the B’Orange Tree, where the Pack was split between the two bars, by now some of the frocks didn’t look so posh.  Quite a few were looking a little ragged by now, Pepé le Pew even tucked his dress in the back of his pants to lower the tone by exposing his buttocks, cheeky!

The Inn Trail home was a little bit of a patchy, there were some long gaps between the one-sided arrows on the long straights, sees that the Hare was feeling the effect of the alcohol.  Mr. X was asked why half-arrows were used, basically it’s to distinguish Hash arrows from those of utility companies that are often sprayed up on the paths!

It was a fairly straight walk back for most, Basher was the exception to the rule as by the time he had finished his Ale he had been abandoned by his fellow Full Mooners & was on his own, but he couldn’t manage to find his way out of Baldock!  Some of the stragglers arriving back Inn at the Club thought that the Police car pulling up was coming to the club about a complaint, in a way they were correct as the Police were dropping Basher off, after they had discovered him wandering aimlessly around the streets of Baldock in his little Black Dress.  Luckily they saw the funny side! 

Having staggered back to site, the sound of Flip Top’s Disco welcomed the Pack back, it seemed to be going well, as was the Potton Ales of Village Bike, Potton Gold & Shannon IPA.  Hannahballs could now continue with her newly founded education in British Ales.

To one side of the clubhouse, Ketch Up had set up a table of snacks, being the “Mr Cheese” of Herts Hash, he had supplied a selection of some really exotic cheeses.  The selection included Shropshire Blue, White Stilton, Danish Blue, Seriously Strong Red Cheddar, a Vintage Cheddar & to quote Ketch Up “A Brie for the Ladies!” These Cheeses went down well, accompanied with the grapes, biscuits & nibbles.

They cheeses must have been good as the old Hyena’s paw was soon in there scooping it up, & you thought Hyena’s were only meat eaters?  But he may have paid the price later on, as he claims that cheese makes him dream & gives him nightmares, while Red wine makes him snore!  Those camped around him may not have been so happy about that & his local Fat Fighters may have something to say as well.

There was a blast from the past for some of the veteran Herts Hashers & F.U.K. Full Mooners when Drinker gate-crashed the Party, he hasn’t been on the Hash since Bicester’s 1,000th Weekend way back in 1994!  He was whoever wearing his King’s Street tie, & he was very lucky that the end of it wasn’t cut off & added to those snipped off from various Rugby Club ties & framed above the club’s fireplace.

The 1234 saw another gate-crasher this night, this time the Hash was graced by the presence of Ring Peace from Milton Keynes, who no doubt realised what he was missing out on, or not, as he saw the state of the crowd?  I thought that MKH3 had already staged Nash Hash?  They Have & it’s now down to the Scots!

The Hash had the chance to show off their best black frocks as they strutted their stuff & danced the night away to Flip Tops’ “Top Tunes” on his Disco!  By the time the lights went up Chris (from Bristol) was on his knees as Digger had an impromptu circle formed around Chris to give him a Hash name of “Dangly Bits” which has since been superseded by that of the “The Apprentice” by his home Hash.

Windsock had an impromptu kip while sitting at one of the side table, the sight of him with his head slumped down was too much to resist for some, now instead of “Beating the Sock” a few like Digger decide to “Moon the Sock!”

The advertised Cocktail party had been set up near to the Guernsey girls’ tents, beneath a commandeered gazebo.  Windsock had mixed the drinks & a large party made their way over to the said gazebo, the only problem was that the small, child-like, tent pitched beneath it actually had someone trying to get some sleep inside of it! 

Things didn’t go too well as Windsock was lunged at by the irate occupant, Windsock shoved him back & the rest of the group split them up, thankfully the atmosphere soon became less frosty as the party went in to the early hours!  Amongst the non-cocktail drinks was a bottle of Jameson’s to keep Fergus & Anonymous happy, somehow Junior got in on the act (even though he’s Anglo-Welsh) but not being Irish he would feel the consequences later on.

In the wee hours there was a bit of a kafuffle as Tops was attacked by a particular nasty guy-rope & she took a tumble.  The result was a black eye & a very sore nose, though Mr. X & many others were surprised that Tops could actually land flat on her face, she even admitted she didn’t know she was capable of it herself!

Saturday Morning dawned, for most they enjoyed having a shower unhindered but for Ever-Ready & a few of the lads it wasn’t quiet so straightforward.  As they were lathering up & stepping butt-naked beneath the shower, they had a somewhat unexpected question put to them by Mark E Mark as he asked “Do any of you want to go in for a sausage eating competition?” Steady on there!  It was all an innocent question to do with Mark E Mark’s entertaining Hash game to take place during the Circle, but hey, no one wanted to drop the soap!

A decent full English breakfast was enjoyed to give the Hash some sustenance for the Day’s Hashing.  Kit Kat & Bones arrived & managed to make it as the last to be registered for the weekend.

There seemed to be a lot of tired looking Hashers around, but at least they were still talking about how good the F.U.K. Full Moon Pub Crawl was, & if they didn’t say how good it was Mr.X threatened them with a shot of Aquavit, a shot of that would jump start them in to life.

Mr. X saw that Wildebeest was removing a stray R from her name, as she didn’t want to be known as a Wilder-beest!  I guess no woman likes to have a large Rs?  While on the subject of the necklaces running out of letters, Smartarse had heard about the confusion at Registration when Psycho & Co couldn’t find one for “Shave de Beard, Cut de Hair & Bob de Fanny” he had his necklace made up under his Essex name of “Casey Jones” to save time & letters!

For some, like Hughie Blaaaaurgh, who had the correct spelling & number of letters, theirs was a problem of a different kind as they just couldn’t get their necklaces over their large heads (who said head?) The length of cord was large enough to fit over Mr. X’s head, based on his “Treadmill necklace” from a few years back.  All I can say is that you had to have pity their mothers when they gave birth to the likes of Hughie Blaaaaaurgh, imagine squeezing that out?

Ryde & Tablewhine chatted about the low numbers that recent Hash Weekends have had, Mr. X said that he was still surprised that the Herts 1234 had just over 150 present.  Mr. X thought that a lot of normal band of travelling Hashers may have been in the same boat as him & blown three weeks holiday for InterHash this year, he also said that Australia wasn’t cheap!  Finally he added that Herts have a pretty good away team, their travelling may have contributed & so many may have felt obliged to return the compliment!  All Herts Travel Documents may be confiscated in the future.

Auntie asked Mr. X if he had said “hello!” to Basil, he had indeed stroked the hairy, exploded mattress of a dog, where he was tethered to the clubs front door.  He would not be the only hound on the Trail as Pebbles had brought along Gertrude (another hairy Twonky-dog) Kippernik & Fishfinger had Flash the whippet, while Too Tuf & Chikki had Freya their pointer, & of course there was Mr. X who had his “gap-tooth Gypsy bruvver” of Maddog! Woof!

Now there were some impressive shirts on display for the Trail, the Essex Hash had gone to the trouble to all wear an away team T-shirt especially for the Herts 1234 Run, this Windsock inspired black shirt had a red corset printed on the front & very good they looked too for the weekend’s theme.  Herts were honoured as Essex had decided to visit en masse as one of their away weekends, Windsock explained that they booked early as their own weekend earlier in the year didn’t look as if it would happen.

The Guernsey Harriettes would not be outdone by Essex, as they too had corseted T-shirts, theirs being black on white.  Other T-shirts, like the Bras & Pants Hash ones with various under-garments printed on them would appear later on in the evening!  

The Herts’ Grand Monkey was conspicuous by his absence as the time edged toward 11:00 Hrs for the start of the Run, but Paxo was eventually rounded up away from the Guernsey Harriettes enclave to do the honours & introduce the Pack to the Herts 1234 Run.  After a rousing cheer, the main Hares of Windmill, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Sludge were introduced to the Circle, while Pub Crawl Hares of Junior & Windsock stayed on the peripheries of the Circle. 

Chief Hare Windmill told the Pack that there were three Trails, there was an 8 mile route that had a split halfway for the Medium Trail of 4 miles, & there was a Pub Crawl Trail (also of 4 miles).  The Pack was informed there would also be a Beer & packed-lunch stop on the Trail.

It was a gloriously sunny morning as the Trail began with an amble up to the far end of the Rugby Pitches, the Keenies were led up to the southeast corner but soon changed tack as the Dust headed northward, the SCBs cut diagonally across the fields to pick up the Trail through the strip of woodland at the end of the field.  The Dust now ran along an uncapped track running along the edge of the crop fields beside the A1(M).

Junior & Windsock’s Pub Crawl Trail took a different route as it paid a visit to a local Costcutter to purchase some wine & other alcohol based drinks, they were joined by TC, Dragon Lady, Me Juliee, Panda, Swiss Toni, Supergrass, Mini, Stretch, Twonk, Unmentionable, Pure Genius, Patch Pisser & Kebab (What, the boy stayed behind while letting his Dad do the long Trail!) their Trail went on to pay a visit to the Three Horse Shoes at Norton Green.

Back on the proper Trail, this followed a hard, dry dusty track all the way down to the next CHK, which was located where the track meets up with the one running from the electricity substation, the same route the F.U.K Full Moon Trail ran the night before!  Again Maddog’s fur stood up as he ran beneath the power lines.  So, it was back under the motorway bridge to run the gauntlet of the dog sh*t laden path.  One hopes that Maddog had nothing to do with this & that Pebbles has him house trained?

The Keenies had to deal with a couple of new CHKs that had been added along the way to throw them off of the scent on the route back in to Baldock, Ketch Up was one who fruitlessly went off in to the nature reserve to the right.  The FRBs were taken away on several more loops off of the main Trail, they would come back & join the SCBs running across the A505 to run down the Icknield way & pass by the Orange tree.  Some would not get by the Pub without stopping for a drink, but they could catch up as the Trail was being marked along the way by the Hares.

Most resisted temptation & managed to pass by the Hostelry without too many withdrawal symptoms, they followed the Trail around to the Norton road, once through the narrow arch of the Railway bridge, the Pack would bunch up at a CHK by a footpath beside the steep Railway embankment.

The Keenies who had gone astray further up the lane, all returned to the CHK, it was single file along a footpath laden with nettles on each side as it headed along beside the railway embankment toward the local sewage station, Hyena was happy to pass by the sewage works & talk shit to anyone who was beside him to listen.

As the Pack progressed through the nettles, Mr.X got in his usual “Don’t panic, nettles don’t sting this time of year!”  Nineteenth Hole piped up “You always say that!” which in Mr. X’s mind proves it to be true!

The next CHK was found by the small, dark foot tunnel running back through the Railway embankment to Baldock, no one seemed willing to venture off in to the murky depths of the tunnel beneath the railway, soon there was no need to scare any rats in the dark as the Dust was found further on along side the earthen rampart of the line to Cambridge.

The Pack was led around to the open common, & the next CHK was found up beside the local allotments.   By now the earlier brief scattering of grey overcast skies had turned to bright blue, some of the Pack were feeling the strength of the sun! 

Out on the common the Dust ran up the dirt track to the allotment holder’s car park, one van parked up & a guy got out, a local civilian said “Good morning Kevin!” to the Guy, so Mr. X being always polite also wished a “Good morning Kev!” as he passed by, even though he had never met him before.

The Pack reached a regroup before the next enclosure on the common, there Mr. Nuisance & Mouldy Dick questioned Mr.X on his local knowledge, as they tried to work out where the Beer Stop was.  Mr. X wasn’t giving too much away but said it wasn’t that far!

This regroup was the point where the Trail split, Windmill showed the Keenies the way out to the east of the common & the likes of Maddog, Fish Fingers, Muff Diver, Basher & even Pepé le Pew started off on the long loop out around the Radwell area,  My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Windmill escorted the Long Trail Pack on this section of the 1234 Run.

Mr. X (If you believe it?) was up for the Long Trail, but he had a change of mind as he thought that there would be more “ammunition” for the Circle later on if he stuck with the medium Trail!

Those on the Medium Trail were ushered away to the north of the common.  Having heard that he wasn’t far from the chance of Beer, Mouldy Dick astounded those around him as he took to becoming an FRB & ran away on one of the paths cut through the tall brown wild grass.  Meanwhile, those on the Pub Crawl Trail were starting on bottles of wine!  Hic!

Back to the Medium Trail, there were those like Mr. X & Whyno, who set off slowly in chase of Mouldy Dick (he doesn’t run that fast on the level) soon found that he would be taking a long route on a semi circular path in a clockwise direction around the common.  The footpath off through the hedgerow out to the Norton road, at the 240° mark, proved to be no more than a teasing possibility that the crafty Hares knew those with local knowledge would fall for!  Looking back over the grassy common, the Keenies could see the SCBs heading straight through the centre of the grassland to follow the Dust in to the woodland at the north end.

From a CHK in the wood the Trail turned to the left.  Again Mouldy was still full of enthusiasm as he followed the Dust out of the wood & on to the Norton road, he crossed the bridge spanning the A1(M) & then straight over the Norton road carriageway to a CHK by the farm entrance in the hedgerow.  Mouldy led everyone beyond the gate & on to the edge of a cornfield behind the hedge, but he was stopped in his tracks when he found it was a False Trail.

Again a lot of the Hash, like Auntie, I.E. & Mouldy looked toward Mr. X for clues as to where to run, he said that there were several options to traverse the ridge to the Beer stop, the Keenies began searching again but the Trail seemed lost on the west side of the road, then Sludge (a Hare) was spotted lurking back over on the other side of the Norton road.

The Trail was picked up on the new permissive footpaths running down through a nature reserve, this route had only been used once before by Herts Hash, it is slightly obscured from the road but it leads directly down to Norton Bury Farm, & more importantly the picnic area just beyond it.  At last there was some enthusiasm for the Medium Trail runners to make an effort in the sultry conditions & run on the long path to the Stables.

Paxo, Bus Stop, Flip Top & Sis had only just set up the Beer Stop before the Short Trail FRBs arrived!  Most of the Pack enjoyed their Ale & packed lunches out on the grassy picnic area, some chose to sit at the few tables.  At the table Mr. X sat down at there seemed to be some jealousy that he had a Flake in his goodie bag & Wimpy didn’t! 

Those old enough, reminisced about the advert with the “Flake girl” eating one in a field awash with red poppies!  Wimpy then rudely awoke the chaps from their dreaming when he said that he didn’t even have a Kit Kat (the chocolate bar not the Harriette) in his lunch pack, so Mr. X made sure he had one by giving up a spare he had!

While awaiting for the Long Trail runners to come back in, Mr. X explained to a few that this picnic area was once a “Dogging Spot” (not that he know about such things) & to prevent these unwanted activities, the car park for the site has a large bollard that automatically rises up in the entrance to block access after 19:30 Hrs, as the warning signs decrees!

The sky clouded over, but it was still very muggy as the sun managed to break through some of the thinner cloud, Anonymous, Fergus & a few others with fairer skin would show the signs of the sun’s strength later on when they had a very radiant glow at the evening party.  Anonymous resembled Zebedee by the end of the day.

Once the Long Trail, Pub Crawlers & Short Trail had all arrived back to be “fed & watered” out on the green, & TC had been bombarded with flour, it was time for the Down-Down Circle.  So, the Hares of Windmill, My Lil’ sperm ‘ead, Sludge, Windsock & Junior were rewarded for setting the trail.

Then in no particular order amongst the plethora of Hits were:  Anonymous (Full Moon name of Honky White Bastard) was out for Down-Down after Mr. X had found an article about a white guy who was taken to court, where £5,000 of tax payers money was spent wasted on prosecuting him, after he called three other white guys “Honkies” But “if one Honky drinks, all Honkies drink” & so the now pale-faced TC was called up for a hit as well.  It looked like the Jameson’s appreciation society up there. 

Mr. X wondered how the F.U.K Full Moon & Herts Run reports would survive with all of this ludicrous Political Correctness going on?  Pretty well I should think, as they’re normally stick to reporting the antics of a bunch of foul, obnoxious, filthy, smutty, over-weight, bald, thieving, Beer swilling has-beens with thick skin (Did I miss anything out?) oh yes, but their hearts are in the right place! 

Mr. X then summoned Basher out for his wandering around the streets of Baldock late at night, while wearing a Black Dress, & getting picked up by the Police.  Spare Rib then came up behind Mr. X & tried to pull Mr. X’s Texas shorts down, he failed & Mr. X quoted Rumpleforeskin in Australia when tried the same trick & Rumpleforeskin said “Your one dumb-arsed f*ck as you know I wear lycra underneath!”

Mr.X then picked on Spare Rib for a Down-Down after his feeble attempt to yank down his pants, Spar Rib wasn’t adorned with his Mexican flag as he normally is in a Circle, this was soon remedied by a smaller one Mr. X had procured, which just about covered it.  Spare Rib went on to wear the flag upon his head.

Wildebeest was called forth in to the Circle for a hit for A) not treading on the wee Scottie Dog out on Trail, unlike the one she trod on at the Herts 1k weekend a couple of years back, & B) taking the letter R out of her misspelt necklace!

Hoggy took the Circle for the next few Down-Downs & he started by donning his “Shagging Glasses” which he claims “Fuck’s yer mind!” & with their half inch thick glasses you can believe it.  They are so strong the wearer could not tell Twonk or Olymprick from Miss World, you would probably (hopefully) pass out before sex ever took place!  Mr. X was worried that a stray sunray shining through a lens could have the picnic area going up in smoke.  Hoggy demonstrated the effect these spectacles have by going through humping motions with various Hashers & Harriettes alike, like a randy dog on a postman’s leg!

A serious study at Bristol University (ask Tablewhine) this year proved that that the “Beer Goggles” actually do work, & in men the effects can last up to 24 Hours!  The study gave half the volunteers alcoholic drinks (lucky bastards) & half went without (Ha! Ha!)

The results when the lucky fuckers volunteers were shown a series of male & female faces produced a 10% higher score by those who had been drinking, the men who had drunk alcohol still voted higher scores when tested again 24 hours later!  This may explain a lot about Junior who has had the old “Cider Visor” down for the last 24 years!  But more importantly, aren’t you glad that your tax-payers money is being spent on such worth while research?  I reckon the Hash should put in for a research grant?

But who needs Beer Goggles when there’s Hoggy’s “Shagging glasses” so Mr. X tried on the “Sex Specs” & declared that “You need good eyes to look through these!” but little did he know that they where already weaving their magic & cast a spell on him, from little seeds on the 1234 Saturday night dance floor, a mighty oak would grow at the Isca Roman Away Day the following weekend, but that’s another run report!  Hoggy should get a patent out on those specs.

Back to the Hits, the RA’s were lucky to have EZ Over & Spare Rib there, for they could sing a Down-Down song for almost every occasion, a practise built up from their time in Mexico, thus saving Mr.X & Hoggy from straining the alcohol addled grey matter in coming up with the appropriate song.

Of course it was only a matter of time before Mr. X was called in to “Hoggy’s Circle”, Hoggy told of how Mr.X had asked for him to purchase a green “Emergency Kilt Towel”, which Hoggy had done & brought down to present to Mr. X. in the Circle, Hoggy asked Mr. X who it was for, Mr. X admitted that he couldn’t remember which Harriette he promised it to, but she was at some late night session in Perth, Australia.  In the end Creeper volunteered to take it off his hands!

Mr. X turned his attention to Mouldy Dick, firstly for being an FRB on the Trail & bragging about it!  So Mouldy wouldn’t drink alone, the subject turned to the honour of being among the few invited to Mouldy’s Wedding to Wick Dipper, this led on to how [to quote Hoggy] “the Pished” Mini Ha Ha found it extremely hilarious that Mr. X had a Golly sticking out of the top pocket of his suit.  It was a gift he had purchased for Fergus to add to his collection! 

Fergus was then invited in to the Circle, handed the Golly & a Down-Down, as Mr. X explained how Mini Ha Ha had thought that the golly was TC gate-crashing the service, her laughter echoed around the Church!  If that wasn’t bad enough, the rest of the (squiffy) guests couldn’t keep it in when the elderly Priest at the alter uttered the words for Mouldy to repeat, as soon as he said “ I Roger….” that was it, they were in stitches as they desperately tried to suppress their laughter!

A change of RA again as Smartarse took over the Circle, mainly to present Mr. X, My Lil Sperm ‘ead, Fergus, Digger, Bob de Fanny, Blow Dry & all the other Full Mooners with their numbered Full Moon goodies that failed to make it from Vernon’s to the Previous Month’s 250th Run Weekend.  Suddenly there was a brief downpour & lots of the Pack managed to squeeze beneath the gazebo.  We ought to call the Guinness book of records to see if 100 Hashers under an 8 foot square canopy is a record?  Mr.X was glad that like many of the F.U.K Full Mooners they had been presented with personalised waterproof jackets o keep them dry as he & the rest of the Mooners despatched their Down-Downs.

Luckily there were enough RA’s present to ensure that the rain was brief, but just as the Circle composed itself after the rain there was a short interruption as Neptunus began to strip off to down to a pair of day-glo yellow pants, he then contorted his body like Harry Houdini as he wrestled them right up above his head, which looked painful enough without Twonk & Maddog giving him a power assisted wedgie!  There was just as much laughter as there was cringing at the sight of him Downing his hit through his pants, Maddog gave him a “Maddog Down-Down”, which meant the Pack were all barking out the Down-Down song, they were truly barking.

Mr. X called for any Houghton’s present to step forward, a first no one did as apparently it’s pronounced Howton & Hawton, blimey it was like an episode of “Keeping up appearances”.  Bob de Fanny, Blow Dry, Pic & Mix all stepped forward, Bob de Fanny was presented with the Houghton’s Winery cork screw & bottle opener.  Then, just as they though that was all they were going to receive, Mr. X produced a bottle of Red & a bottle of White Houghton’s wine, however they were encourage to remove the corks & share it about!

Just to break up the Down-Downs & stop things becoming a little boring for those who hadn’t been picked on, Mark E Mark staged the first (& only) heats of a sausage eating contest!  The competitors on the list he had drawn up were all asked if any of them were allergic to nuts or chilli?  Although they weren’t, it made some ponder on what the sausages were made of?  Mr. X soon put them out of their misery when he said it would be a lucky dip when they chose their sausages, as half had chilli seeds placed in them before they were cooked.

The first two teams were the Jockenese (Scotland) versus Norfolk.  So, Hoggy, Emu & Mr Nuisance lined up against Beetroot, Twonk & Unmentionable.  With Mr. X & Able Semen keeping an eye on the not so pleasant job of checking the contestant’s mouths, the teams were started.  It was neck & neck between Hoggy & Beetroot, but things changed as Twonk devoured his sausage so quickly that he must have trimmed his finger nails at the same time?  Emu struggled slightly (Too hot mama?) & by the time it came to Mr. Nuisance’s turn, Unmentionable had finished things off for a Norfolk victory!

It was soon obvious as to who had chilli sausages by the sudden shocked look on their faces! 

The next two teams were Herts versus Essex, Mr. X was shocked to find his name down on the list for the Herts Team & more surprised when found out he has picked a chilli sausage!  Herts were knocked out by Essex.  The final round was the F.U.K. Full Moon versus Guernsey, the seasoned professionals of the Garbage disposals that are the F.U.K. Full Moon won easily!

The order of the day returned to the Down-Downs to finish off the Sheppard Neame, 1-2-1 was awarded a Down-Down for the expansion of his wife’s “personal consumption” limit at the Brewery!  EZ Over & Spare Rib then gave the Circle a rendition of their Brussels Manneke Piss H3 song, it’s a pleasant ditty about being the “Perverts of their Nation” which is saying something coming from Belgium!

Mr. X then called up Hyena to present a packet of "Gooseberry Superporn" to him, Mr. X bought this out in Thailand, but since he couldn’t read Thai he assumed it was a drink & poured the powder from the sachet in to Hyena’s drink.  Luckily Mr. X had a wee sample of the stuff, it tasted like soap powder, then he spotted the tiny bit of English print that read “Facial scrub” on the packet!  Mr. X rapidly prevented Hyena from drinking it, all of these actions led to Mr. X joining Hyena in the Circle for a Down-Down to get rid of the taste of the sample.

Once the Ale had been supped, Beckerovka appeared as the Down-Downs to finish off the circle, Smartarse & Pirelli were called out by Mr. X, one for lost property & the other to receive a calendar, (Pirelli’s surname is Callender) both received the same Bangladesh Hash calendar with their Hits, shame all of the holidays are Muslim ones!  Smartarse was surprised at receiving his calendar as he thought he had “accidently” left his behind in Perth, Australia!

 It was soon time to move on!  While most of the pack had a steady walk back for the 2 miles home, a few with local knowledge broke away from the Trail after it had passed through the cattle enclosure, & then the grounds of the Norman Church of St Nicholas, for they knew that hidden out of view, just a few yards around the corner was the Three Horseshoe at Norton Green. 

The Herts RA & Blitzen left the Trail in a quest to “look for One Loos Le Trek”, shame he wasn’t there, as they stumbled upon a small rabble group of Hashers outside of the Three Horse Shoes. Among the usual suspects who had stopped off for a quick pint, or two, or three were, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead, Knead, Sick Boy, & Hughie Blaaaaaurgh & a return for TC, Swiss Toni & Junior. 

A couple in the Bar, who had noticed the large number of Hashers passing by earlier, enquired what it was all about, so Hughie & Mr. X did their best to convince them that they should give Hashing a try.  Who knows if he succeeded? 

While sitting outside enjoying the now fabulously sunny afternoon, Junior fell foul of the whip for it was not for the first time that day Junior had to be told about his “stacking”, like jets coming in at Heathrow, Junior “stacks” glasses with a third to a fifth of lager still in when his pissed & the content have gone flat.  He was made to drink up his remnants before the whip would buy him another one!

Meanwhile back at the site, the Guernsey Harriettes had joined the party over at Martini’s camper van, with Stretch, Mini Ha Ha, Beetroot, Hoggy to act as the “camper” entertainment & keep the troops moral happy.

There was an easy amble back to the Site for the breakaway team, they found everyone else was making merry in the Bar after washing & changing.  An excellent meal was had, this was needed for the sustenance to maintain the Pack through the long night of partying ahead (who said ahead?) it was soon time for the Party to begin proper.  Stretch decided that Bouncer hadn’t had enough ballast for the night’s drinking, so he spoon fed Bouncer with chocolate cake, which left Bouncer with a large brown chocolate moustache!

The theme of the evening was “Quakers, Bras & Corsets” to honour the world’s first Garden City’s Quaker founders & its famous “Spirella Company of Great Britain” corset makers & this would lead to a bizarre show of outfits described in the following pages! 

So how come Mini Ha Ha, Stretch, Whyno, Chris, Mouldy Dick & Swiss Toni were honouring Whipsnade Zoo, for they ended up wearing Zebra print leggings, crop tops, cowboy hats & paper zebra face masks?  It was noticed that Mini Ha Ha had her little bunny hair clasp placed on the top of her trousers, below the naval & above her “Bob” (As in Bob de Fanny!)

Amongst the other strange outfits on display that night was Bouncer’s, a dark brown outfit that could have been a dog or a bear, you couldn’t quite tell.  Whatever it was, it was something that was finished off with animal feet slippers, he topped it off by wearing a Quaker style hat.  Later on this sick puppy was seen outside in some kind of cruel mock dog-bear/zebra cross-breading programme with Mini Ha Ha when she bent over, something that Jules Verne’s Dr Moreau would have been proud of.

Still on the theme of animal outfits, Kylie appeared in his corset & being hirsute it looked as if he had a jumper on beneath it, had he escaped from Whipsnade Zoo?  At least Princess seemed to like his cuddly teddy bear look!

Back to reality, well almost!  The Guernsey Harriettes now sported their T-shirts with corsets printed on, Roobs & Tongue Lasher had a variation on the same theme, Hoggy’s also wore corset T-shirt & his was complimented by the pink rabbit hat he had become attached to & a pair of tight pink pants!  There were other T-shirts with underwear printed on them like Martini & Fergus’s ones. 

Tub Thumper, Muff Diver, Pommie Knickers & Miss Blobby went for making their very own rustic corsets made crafted out of hessian Quaker oat sacks, the cereal logo gave this away.  Their hessian outfits all looked a bit scratchy to wear & not as comfortable as the more serious Amish looking outfits like the ones chosen by Heap o’ Crap, Ain’t got none, Sooty & Lunch Box. 

This little group of Essex Hashers had opted for the much softer cotton of Quaker oats T-shirts beneath their black jackets, their outfits were topped off with wide brimmed black hats, I bet they use comfort fabric conditioner as well?  But these sinners were all imbibing alcohol! 

As a punishment for allowing alcohol to pass their lips, these Quakers were quite literally quaking as they had to endure the spectacle of Basher trying to get in to his skimpy corset & then struggling to get his legs into a skimpy pair of women’s pink draws, having them the correct way around would have helped (someone tell him the old C & A label in women’s knickers Joke!) taking his trainers off would have helped even more, it was a sight that was enough to make anyone get on the Waggon! 

There were more of the serious Quaker outfits on show, these were worn by Skip, Love Muscle, Creeper & Ryde (or was she Laura Ingells from TV show Little house on the prairie?)  Princess went for a plain Quaker Oats T-shirt, Banana Bender even had a personalised Quaker Oats T-shirt with her face on the logo.

Of course corsets were the main choice for the majority, there were plenty of different types on display, in contrast from his usual extravagant dress code, Windsock seemed rather subdued as he went for a black corset but he did choose orange stockings for shock effect, it worked!  Digger was another who went for a Full Moon black corset & he even went to the trouble of getting out the old fishnet stockings to make it a matching set! 

Mr. X, Mark E Mark & Kylie all had to thank Lobby Lobster for purchasing their black corsets.  Mr. X found that his fitted fairly tightly around his torso, but he didn’t have enough up top to fill out the cups, so he had a pair of Homer Simpson socks rolled up in them (Come on, you’ve all done it girls!  Well, perhaps not Tops & Sex Toy!)  Anyhoo, these were stolen by Creeper before the night was out, Does digger know that there is someone else out there who’s like a thieving magpie?

Other corset wearers who don’t naturally have a bust, chose alternative ways to fill out their tops, Twonk went for two small balloons to fill out his red corset, fortunately for most of the evening he had his bum-bag on to conceal the small posing pouch he was wearing.  The funniest set of inflated latex bust fillers must have been Jake the Peg’s, for his larger orange balloons were just at the wrong height for Big Foot as she walked in to & disappear face first between the two globes!

Pepé le Pew went for orange balloons as well to fill out the bust of his skimpy orange outfit, he looked like some kind of perverted cross between the tango man & Hari Krishna Monk with a semi-transparent orange sarong & matching bikini set.  Ewok found the sight of his “wardrobe malfunction” so funny that she nearly wet her self, she never though she’d see her near-by neighbour dressed (or undressed) like that.

Among those who had chosen red as the choice of corset colour were Sex Toy, I.E., Goose, Talking Pussy, Ever Ready, Tongue Lasher & Spare Rib.  Sex Toy filled her out in the correct proportions unlike Goose, while at the opposite end of the scale was Spare Rib who must have been a size zero? **  Of course someone always has to be the different to the red & the black, so Foghorn went for a flash turquoise corset.

TC chose a white corset for the evening, except he didn’t quite know how to wear it properly.  He soon found that he had 15 Trinny & Susannah’s informing him that he had it on back to front, it was then unceremoniously twisted around sot he laces were at the back.

Some of the Pack had gone for accessorizing their outfits, Fishfinger had added to his PVC corset & to make it a bit kinkier he was wearing flash’s studded dog collar, or is this Kippernik’s way of handling him?  Blow Dry & Goose were among the few who still had feather boas, Goose was adorned with a purple boa draped around his neck, this would do the rounds, the boa was spotted around the necks & other parts of various Hashers during the night.

Other accessories worn by Hashers were various bits of headwear.  Mr. X choose to wear a black wig, Blitzen took notice of his Maori Tiki on the chain around his neck.  TC went for wearing a long blonde syrup.  Ever Ready & Jake the Peg wore their traditional flat caps as their choice of headwear. 

While Mr. X’s syrup disappeared early on in the night, TC’s wig did the rounds over the evening & was worn by many of the Full Moon Hash, the likes of Kebab, Blow Dry & Digger all got in on the act, most looked pretty silly with it on, bet they’ve all been to see “Nitty Nora since?

However there is always an exception to the rule, & this was when it came around to Fergus & TC’s wig was placed upon his head (who said head?), it made him look mighty important, like a Judge.  If he wears it again on a Full Moon, make sure his Honour Fergus “Fergus” McFergus doesn’t place a black napkin on it when he holds court.  

Though with his beard, blonde wig & wearing a corset, Fergus also had more than a resemblance to the late Kenny Everett’s character Cupid Stunt, the busty blonde actress who appeared with a cardboard cut-out of Michael Parkinson, who she used to tell story line of her latest films with an “Ooh Michael!” then it would lead on to the inevitable describing the scene were “ & all of my clothes fell of” then he she would uncross & cross her legs several times before saying “It was all done in the best possible taste!” before slapping the cut-out of Parky.

Even the civilians got in on the act with the wig, Mars Bars (Pete who runs the Club) got in to the mood as well when he ended up wearing it while working behind the Bar. 

Olymprick’s dress started off the evening with him wearing his Aberdeen long T-shirt, the one with a kilt printed upon the bottom third, this was later replaced by an orange high-visibility jacket with the Perth InterHash logo upon it, the event in Sctoland sounded far barter than the one in Australia!  But even that wasn’t enough clothing for him, as later on he ended up squeezing Roobs’ hessian corset over the top!  It may have been a bit tight, but at least it didn’t constrict his ability to drink & play the air guitar.

Pic & Mix’s attire was no surprise in the fact they went for almost identical outfits, as they wore the same type of shiny bra & pants but with different colours!  Most of the Pack may have been confused as to who was who, so lets hope the attractive young Barmaid that Pic was smooching with knew which twin was which?

It wasn’t compulsory to dress up & have fun, Drinker certainly didn’t as he gate-crashed for the second evening.  Someone should have got some rego money out of the freeloader!  Poor old Hyena, he had grumbled weeks earlier “I aint dressin’ up!” & even EZ Over couldn’t coax the old Humbug to even wear that bloody feather boa of Goose’s that by now was going around & shedding feathers.  Strangely enough the boa only started malting after Lobby Lobster & Mumblehead had pulled it back & forth several too many times between Junior’s sparkly “Silvermember” Urgh!

Back to those having fun, the rest of the club house was rocking to the Disco, it looked like the “Frocky Horror Show” with all of the corsets, suspenders & stockings on view.  Whether it was to show off their wares, the Guernsey Harriettes took to dancing & swaying on the chairs along one side of the clubhouse, there was a line of F.U.K. Full Mooners danced on the chairs opposite, while the Scots dominated the seats & tables around the fireplace area.  

At one point Digger managed to take time out from the partying at a lull in the music, to form a Circle in the Bar, it was around about midnight Digger stood upon a chair & doing his best Tommy Cooper act, he produced from within an old screwed up T-shirt a bottle of Jameson’s to celebrate Fergus’s 64th Birthday, Fergus had a Down-Down to go with it. 

As the music resumed so did the dancing on the furniture, if it ever ceased? As the Beach Boys’ “Surfin’ USA” boomed out, there were a lot of moves with arms stretched out & knees bent to sway as if riding a surfboard.  This practise wasn’t confined just to three Hash groups, as Able Semen joined the Scots Harriettes.  Even Wimpy in his blue sarong braved the heady heights of a table, though Mumbles had more sense & stuck to standing on a chair.

There was still a lot of Tartan on show, with Gin Bin in a pink Tartan outfit, Tongue Lasher, Martini, Wildebeest wearing Tartan skirts, Monsoon Drain & Emu (the Scotralain) in kilts & Tub Thumper’s Tartan scarf it was like a Bay City Rollers appreciation society by the fire place.  Bet they hadn’t noticed that the pictures behind them were of the England Rugby World cup winning squad?

If the Disco wasn’t enough to keep the Hash on their feet, then the band would, R ‘n’ R played a good mix of rock & blues to keep the dance floor busy.  The Band seemed to keep King & his finely tunes musical ears happy.

Junior appreciated the music as he strummed his air guitar, while wearing a black T-shirt, matching bra & sparkly silver posing pouch that could have been a second rate homage to the last Austin Power’s film, Junior wasn’t quite up to being “Goldmember”, he’s in the “Silvermember” league but it doesn’t quite have the same ring!

A few of the Guernsey Harriettes decided that Swiss Toni needed to remove his Cardiff InterHash T-shirt from beneath his zebra bikini top, he was unceremoniously wrestled out of the shirt & the zebra top replaced upon him, it looked more than a little dishevelled but as it was on Swiss no one really noticed.

Some wondered if the Herts GM came in for the same treatment from the Guernsey Harriettes?  For Paxo started off in a black corset but somehow by the end of the night he had lost it & ended up wearing a hippie shirt.  Was the Herts’ Grand Monkey’s corset now a souvenir to be taken back to the Channel Islands?  Nope, the “Trophy” may have been either Pic or Mix’s Essex Corset T-shirt, which was posted back form Guernsey by Studley to Mr.X the following week!

Just as it looked as if the evening was going like a well oiled machine, someone became too well oiled.  Sloppy was getting a bit too friendly with some of the Harriettes.  Mark E Mark in particular took exception to the pawing of Lobby Lobster, so Sloppy was escorted outside to sober up a bit.  With Dog Biscuit off of the Dance floor & positioned to mind the door, the Herts Hierarchy could get back to dancing.

While most danced around like eedjits, Testiculator had enough of burning off too much energy & he found a nice spot to sup by the Bar, he then leant back to doze up against one of the black beams, had the time for hibernation began early?  Nope it couldn’t have, as Ketch Up was still there on the dance floor. 

For those who don’t know, when Herts change to Sunday running in the winter they used to loose Ketch Up from the Pack, as he used to find it hard to surface early in the morning & so went in to “Hibernation” at one Essex weekend he never got out of bed until 14:00Hrs on the Sunday!  But since the arrival of his baby son, his seasonal clock has been knocked out of kilter & he has appeared on Sunday Trails!

Those with more gusto gyrated around the dance floor as Flip Top went through the section of music for those who “bat for the opposition”, what a sight it was with all of the corseted Hashers swaying & staggering to the sounds of the Scissor Sisters’ “I don’t feel like dancing” & Abba’s “Dancing Queen” it looked camper than a row of pink tents!

Now, Little Hole’s girlfriend Ellen has only Hashed once before with Herts before this weekend, but she certainly got into the mood as she whipped the top of her red dress down to dance around in her bra, which was certainly had a larger cup-size than the blue bra Little Hole was wearing!

Skip made it to dance at the front to show Little Hole “how to strut your stuff”, he gave it his all in his full Quaker gear, Richard Nixon (only Quaker to be President) would have been proud!  2-1-2 Maureen also on dance floor as well to show the youngsters how to do it.  But again it was T-B-T who proved as he did in Malta, that he’s the Daddy!  Oh yes!  He took to the floor like his namesake, when the real Tim Brooke-Taylor did the spoof “Saturday Night Fever” sketch on the Goodies, all he needed was an Ovaltine tin lid on a gold chain!

Mr. X was kept firmly on the dance floor at the front by the Disco, he was held captive by No Eye Deer & Cathy.  Cathy reckons he needs a good woman to sort him out (Preferably one who owns a Brewery).  Eventually they had their fun with him & a feather boa, having grown tired of Mr.X he was passed on like some old baggage to be propped up by Supergrass just as some slower smoochy music was played, he was all over her like a nasty rash.  Had Hoggy’s “Shagging glasses” started to weave their magic? 

Suddenly Mr. X was awoken from his staggering around in ever-decreasing circles on the dance floor when Muff Diver, Too Tuf, Twonk, Knead, Bouncer & Daffy Dildo streaked through the crowd as the “Nude Run” dashed through the Club House, he couldn’t believe he wasn’t a part of it but it was too late & too complicated for his to join in, as removing the corset he was wearing was almost impossible, in fact he couldn’t remove it until the morning!

The party carried on & time just flew by.  As the Hash were enjoying dancing & singing away, the final of the sausage eating & the raffle were abandoned in order not to break up the continuity on the dance floor, though some who took refuge on the edges of the dance floor may have appreciated a break?  Windsock was among the early casualties to crash out at edge of the Bar & Digger couldn’t resist the opportunity of a “Mooning the Sock right behind his head” photo-shot.

Chikki & 1-2-1 were others who had crashed by the way side!  Too Tuf was still in fine fettle & he had tied Freya’s lead to Chikki’s chair to make sure neither strayed far.  Panda was still with it, just, as he took his F.U.K. Full Moon’s Wolfie (Toy Wolf) sitting duties seriously.

Another casualty was Junior, who was exhausted after some furious strumming of his air-guitar had taken its toll & now he was looking jaded enough to get down to being “Tinfoilmember”.  Now everyone knows about not leaving your camera lyiong around, well Junior did just that & Mr. X got his grubby little hands on it to take a picture of Junior in a state.

But Junior shouldn’t have been resting, he should have been working hard, as after all of the badgering to be given the Job of Potman “Jim Branning Junior” he never picked up any other glass to be cleaned apart from the ones he was drinking out of.  Mind you that would keep him busy! 

Kylie & Mark E Mark had a little side bet that as Junior was in such a state, the wagered on whether Junior would get up in the morning still in his bra & posing pouch, Mark E Mark lost a fiver as Junior let him down when he managed to get dressed, or someone dressed him, properly for breakfast,

By the time the wee hours approached, many of the Pack swapped had swapped their clothing, the Zebra stuff & the Guernsey Harriette’s pink rabbit hats seemed popular, like the boa these items went around the crowd.  The Guernsey Harriettes see-through purple skirts went down with the likes of Digger & Hoggy as these adorned their waists, they hardly improved their look as they didn’t really conceal anything.

At one point in the evening, Mr. X staggered off for a pee, but as he tried to prop himself up at the urinal a camera flash suddenly went off, a dreadful shot was taken on Chris’s camera, by a yoof from Essex, Chris would only find this picture when he got home & checked his camera to recall the weekend.

The night turned to morning & the Disco wound down, many looked shell shocked when the lights were turned up, like startled hedgehogs they scuttled away to sleep it off.  But a few wanted to continue partying, mainly the ones who had left the other 59,985 drunks clinging to a rock in the English Channel! 

With Windsock not around to set up the Cocktail Party, nor Mr. X who was crashed out in one of the changing rooms after he attempted to prepare the Belgium treats for the morning, it was left to Digger, Pic ‘n’ Mix & the Guernsey Girls (We’ll blame them again) to entertain the night owls who were left outside.

Now, things started off fairly well, but there were many who needed their sleep after all of the drinking, dancing, sing & air-guitar playing.  Unfortunately they had to put up with Studley talking away, then they had endure the even louder whining noise of a rape-alarm that the Essex boys had brought along. 

Digger, Pic & Mix were responsible for throwing this in to Hoggy’s tent to start with, but Hoggy is from North o’ tha Borda & made of sterner stuff, Haggis, Tennants’ Super & Irn Bru?  Anyway, he managed to retrieve it & replace the pin to silence it before ejected it from the tent.  Whoever, the rape-alarm was quickly located, the pin removed & thrown in to another tent.  Buzby & Nightscreech were the unlucky recipients. 

This was a bad move as Nightscreech had been having some trouble with a scratch to one of her corneas, being in some pain this alarm was the final straw.  Nightscreech’s pupils turned pale green, one with a red scratch, her nightwear tore at the seams & from out of the tent emerged Dr David Banner’s alter ego.

Aaaaaaaaaarrrggghhh, raaaaaaaaagggghhhh! Her anger & frustration was taken out on one of the tents (supplied for the Guernsey Harriettes) this poor wee innocent dome was ripped from its pegs, screwed up & launched toward the hedgerow, still with Pure Genius & Supergrass’s gear inside.  It was a stroke of luck that they were up & about drinking & not asleep inside!  Digger & co kind of got the message now & so they eventually scuttled away to leave Studley still outside talking (probably to herself?)  The tent that tripped Tops up got away lightly!

            Mr. X arose in the morning to a constant stream of Hashers asking “Did you hear about last night?”  Of course he did, it’s his business to be omnipotent!  Buzby came in to the Clubhouse to apologize to Pure Genius & Supergrass of the Guernsey Harriettes, who were dining with Mr. X.  They said that they weren’t bothered by their temporary accommodation becoming made even more temporary during the night, but the real owner of the tent might no be so happy?

Mr. X finished breakfast, he then went & enquired from Stand in Shit & Fireball what colours their spare tent lent to Herts was, when they said it was green & orange, Mr. X told them they didn’t have to worry about taking it down, they just had to fetch it out of the hedgerow.  They didn’t seem too perturbed by it all, not even when they were warned to watch the brambles!

            One Hasher who didn’t mention the “Tentgate” incident was Tim Brooke-Taylor, he had other concerns.  It seems that T-B-T had been very errant & had “lost” his camera.  What’s more it wasn’t the one that had been handed in to Mr. X earlier, in the end it turned out to be “lost” inside his car.  How on earth did it get in there?

It was noticed that the Club’s long horned cow’s head & the opposing moose’s head were now adorned with more than the usual handful of Handpump Ale badges on the antlers, now there was a zebra mask & some black undergarments on the moose, at the other end of the club a Quaker hat was now hanging from the cow.  Apart from that, the Clubhouse was in a remarkably clean state, which was mainly down to Mr.X being handed allsorts of “Lost property” through out the morning, some of which was secretly dumped in one of his bags with out his knowledge & not found until he unpacked at home on Tuesday!

Being Sunday, the local lads from the Club had their gym session, followed by some passing & kicking training out on the edge of the Rugby pitch.  It had been noticed that Pic & Mix had already had a go at using the weights that morning to pump some iron, the rest of the Hash weren’t as fit & many looked as if they had been pumping lead.  No wonder Pic turned the head (who said head?) of the Barmaid.

The local lads training outside were in for a shock & got a right eyeful as a naked Gobby left the ladies’ showers & streaked at some speed across the full length of the pitch to the Guernsey Girls encampment!  Mr. X shouted out that she had a towel in her goodie bag, couldn’t she have used that?  Perhaps it was with the gear in the tent in the hedgerow?

Perhaps Gobby didn’t trust the new towels in case the colour run, in which case should was probably correct with her assumption.  Not long after the event T-B-T had a complaint, also he discovered that when he put his new green towel in the wash the colour ran & it turned his wife’s underwear a pale “jade” shade of green.  Hyena’s had trouble too with his black towel, he almost ended up looking like TC when he found himself covered in little black fluffy bits.  Is he sure it was the towel?

Time edged around for the Stan “Grunter” Grice memorial Run (Herts 1235) 4 years ago to the very day that he died.  Paxo had to be searched for once again so he could introduce everyone to the recovery Run Trail.   Once he had been rounded up, he performed the honours & handed over to the RA to say a few words about the late Grunter.  Most importantly in his spiel was the line of “Don’t attempt to run too hard, as Grunter certainly wouldn’t have!”

            As the Pack left the site Spare Rib jumped upon Too Tuf’s back, as Too Tuf bent down to pass under the steel barrier, his piggy-back passenger soon found Mouldy Dick & Whyno tying his loose shoelace to the barrier.  This didn’t hold Spare Rib long enough!

The Trail led out of the car park & down the driveway to cross the Baldock road, the Trail cut diagonally across the public playing field with a few footballers out practising on it.  Mr. X & Supergrass were the last to leave the site, as he had gone off to find her a bottle of Houghton’s white wine that had been secretly stashed away.  The two of them now loaded themselves up with booze as slowly made their way along the marked Trail, sipping the wine as they went they had to finished the bottle themselves as no one else wanted to drink it.

They caught up with Fergus & Bashers at the park across from the Club, after all four had missed the arrows directing them over the road!  They picked up the Trail as it crossed diagonally to an alleyway at the corner of the park, they weren’t as energetic as the footballers out on the pitches.  The Trail took to a litter strewn path running between the fenced off demolished industrial area & local homes, this led out to the back streets of the Pixmore area.

The Historical Trail wound its way down to the small park by the museum at Rushy Meads, it then made its way up to the Art deco Broadway Cinema on the edge of the Broadway, the Cinema is still in use & run by the Letchworth Heritage Foundation.  The Dust led on across the well kept flower beds & then down more back streets to run up to the first regroup, this was by the ornate Spirella buildings.

The “Spirella Company of Great Britain Ltd” name was spelt out in large black letters in the white strip running along the top of the former two main factories.  This, like the Full-Fashioned Hosiery Company in Baldock, made parachutes during the Second World War.  Mr. X wondered what they would have thought if Tops & Sex Toy had turned up there in the days of corset production, they would have had to have come up with something like the steel underwire design that the Howard Hughes invented for Jane Russell to wear in the film “The Outlaw” (& Jane Russell was only a 38D!)

After the obligatory Picture stop, the Trail moved on down Nevell’s road to the building that was once the known as the Skittles Inn, the first & only dry Pub in the former Quaker town.  Not surprisingly it shut in 1923 as they only served Cydrax (alcohol free cider) & Bourneville drinking chocolate, the Hare used this excuse for an alcoholic chocolate milkshake stop!  Sex Toy was none too keen on the alcoholic chocolate, she offered it up to Mr. X & he didn’t refuse her offered & made it disappear, just like the Houghton’s wine.

Mr.X had noticed that there were a couple of interesting headwear on show, Neptunus was sporting his Dutch Maid cap, complete with pig tails.  Eveready was sporting one of those Swedish flag style cloth Viking Helmets, the very type that Windsock told those F.U.K Full Mooners who bought them in Stockholm that no one would ever get any use out of!

That was enough History for most & the Pack wandered back to the Club House, on the way they passed opposite the Salvation Army, where Mr. X stood & called for the Pack to “Come & Join us!” & “Sign the pledge!” both of which fell on deaf ears!  He then ran off to get a cab back to base in order to set up the Belgium Beers & snacks.

The reason for the Belgium Beers & snacks was that Grunter always brought back & dish out in copious amounts to the Herts Hash & dished them out for free.  Mr. X explained that it was at Grunter’s funeral, when he made his eulogy about Grunters Hashing life, that he found out how he managed the logistics of getting so much foreign Beer to the Hash, Mr. X’s talk followed that of a “suit” from Belgium’s head office of TNT Air cargo.

The thirsty Pack soon found out that Leffe & Hoegaarden don’t pour very well in to the plastic half pints they had available, once the head (who said head?) had died down it wasn’t too bad.  The Beers washed down, various salamis, spicy wursts, as well as crisps, cheesy balls (for the Herts GM) & Mr. X’s chilli olives, Hot! Hot! Hot!  There was also three polypins of Master Brew to go through.  After the Belgium Beers it was back to the British Ale to wash down the packed lunches.

Of course there would be a plethora of Down-Downs yet again, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead was out for setting the recovery run of an hours walk!  Mr. X then went on to say that he had plenty of people saying what a great weekend they had, Olymprick summed it up the best by saying “It’s a mini Nash Hash!”  So Mr. X said that it wasn’t all down to those who had out all of the hard work in, it was also all of those who attended, with 15 Guernsey Girls & 18 Scots amongst those who have travelled a long way to attend!

Hoggy then wet his eyes with his beer, he made out he was coming over all emotional, weeping Beer profusely at Mr.X’s speech.  Mr. X was so affected by this & he too had steady stream of Beery tears flowing down his face & the two of them ran toward each other to hug in consolation, both shedding even more streams of beery tears over each other in the process!  

Again, EZ Over & Spare Rib were on hand to come up with apt Down-Down songs for each Hit, this saved Mr. X’s now very taxed grey matter to be left alone for recalling (& making up) his Down-Downs to be awarded.

Back to the Hits & Mr. X called out Kylie, but as he was driving & he can eat for England, he was given a cup of six sausages to devour in one!  He was left to munch away as the Circle was handed over to Hoggy’s & his attention turned to the weekend’s “Virgin”, Mr. X stepped forward for this but was soon turned away (Who’s he kidding?)  Hoggy meant the gorgeous young Barmaid that either Pic (or Mix) got lucky with (does she know which is which?) she was asked to step forward for her Down-Down. 

The Virgin was joined by the twins of Pic & Mix for getting lucky, now as everyone knows if one set of identical twins drink, all sets of identical twins drink so they were joined by Windsock & Martini with their wild blonde hair, then TC & Hyena as the other sets of twins (come on you must see the likeness?)

Some “Lost Property” was found in Mr. X’s bag, Pure Genius, Supergrass, Beetroot & Bob de Fanny were out for lost shirts, a pink piglet cushion & hat.  Spare Rib decided that he would again try & sneak up on Mr. X & yank down his shorts but again Mr. X was prepared, & to quote Rumpleforeskin yet again, the “Dumb F*ck” failed! 

Mr. X called out Mars Bar (Pete from the club) & he was presented with a Herts Rugby Top & a Down-Down as a sign of appreciation for his hard work having us there, later on he said we would all be welcome back!  It was noticed by Miss Blobby, & some others, that Mr. X was now speaking with a Scottish accent.  Must have rubbed off of Hoggy in their emotional embrace?

There was a brief break in the proceedings in order to get some of the raffle prizes drawn, after all of the hard work Bus Stop, Lobby Lobster & Mumblehead had done in promoting it!  The draw was supposed to be drawn Saturday between the band sets but as everyone was having such a great time it was put back!  Prizes ranged from Booze to novelty feet presents right, then right down to the booby prizes of coconuts!

The Down-Downs resumed & Hoggy took the floor to do a few Hits, he began by telling of how there was no lock on “Trap 2” in the Gents.  While in “Trap 1” Hoggy handed out some advice to Knead who had just entered “Trap 2” & discovered there was no lock, Hoggy said that his granny always said “If there’s no lock on the door you should sing!”  So, there were a few lines of “I am having a shit!  I am having a shit!” which then turned to “I am wiping my arse!  I am wiping my arse!”  Kneed downed his hit.

Spare Rib took the circle & handed a stretched out long blue urine bag, this had Beer poured in & it was ideal for Stretch to tackle.  Spare Rib then called for the bag to be refilled to prove it was more useful than the usual flight sick-bags & he passed it on to Digger to prove he can handle it & he finished it off in style! 

Mr. X wasn’t going to escape with something as normal as that when Spare Rib called him out for a hit, oh no, he would have his out of a rolled-up paper cone that acted like a funnel, to rub salt in to the wounds it was a copy of the Trash Mr. X had produced for the weekend!

Now the beer soaked Herts Trash funnel would see good use as Testiculator was called forward & he had his hit, for his dozing against the pillar, poured down the funnel, unfortunately when this occurred he was bent over & the other end of the funnel was wedged between his butt cheeks! 

To Prove that sick-bags haven’t had their day, Junior was summoned in to the Circle when Mr. X found some more lost property, & handed one sick-bag loaded with Beer to Junior after he almost got away with a whole weekend without honking, Mr. X asked if it were right that Junior honk 5 times on the way back from Perth Alternative, it was true!

Next up on the list of “lost property” was a travel set of collapsible dog water bowl & brush, Mr. X poured a Down-Down in to the collapsible bowl & called Maddog forward to drink out of the vessel, while the brush was left tangled in Maddog’s furry head.

After Monsoon Drain had given his promotional speech for UK Nash Hash 2009, Possibly the best Down-Down of the weekend came next as Hoggy took the Circle, he got Mr. X to stand right beside him, saying “Yoo doony move Mr. X!”  Hoggy then went on to get out a Nash Hash 2009 promotional shirt & threw it on the ground in front of them, he then called up Digger to stand on his right-hand side!  Again Mr. X was warned not to move, Hoggy then asked Digger help him show how durable these shirts are. 

The shirt came under a barrage of Beer, lager & softies from the more confident Hashers around the Circle, Digger being his usual enthusiastic self couldn’t resist kicking cereal in to it, chocolate followed, as did crisps & a sandwich, Digger topped this all off by jumping on to an apple to squash it all over the shirt.  Resigned to the inevitable, Mr. X removed his bum-bag & was about to strip off his T-shirt as Hoggy pronounced “I’d like ta present this shirt ta…………………………………………………………………………………………………….Digga!”

The crowd roared as a stunned Digger stood there with a soaking shirt he was going to put on Mr. X, the laughter didn’t subside until well after Digger had put the mess of a shirt on & had downed his hit.

Mini Ha Ha may have thought that she had got away with no Down Down so far, but she was grassed up for having new shoes, she didn’t get a chance to get out of the Circle as she was wrapped up in masking tape to look like a mummy.  She was joined in the Circle with the rest of Mouldy Dick’s wedding party of Hoggy, Stretch, Whyno, Mr. X, Martini & Mouldy.   Mouldy was presented with Mr. X’s wedding present, which he unwrapped to reveal a Welsh Love Spoon.  Mr. X had taken the present all the way down to Torquay but drunkenly brought back with him by mistake, though what Wickdipper would have thought at the sight of her Wedding present being worn to dangle down from Mouldy’s crotch is anyone’s guess? (Crushed nuts anyone?)

Overseas visitors of Blitzen & One Loos Le Trek from Garden City Hash, New Zealand (unlike Letchworth, not the World’s First Garden City); Sex Toy from Hog Town Hash, Toronto; EZ Over & Spare Rib from Brussels Manneke Piss Hash, Belgium; & Neptunus from the Hague Hash, Holland; though none had travelled as far as anyone from the Planet Windsock!

There was a brief spot of rain for the second Circle in succession, but again there were enough RA’s about to make sure it quickly dispersed.  Anonymous had a Down-Down relating to the telling of a story of an Irish guy he knows who was caught drink driving (we do not condone this) This Guy had drank 15 Bottles of Pils & even then he decided to drive home, on the way he was pulled over by the Cops. 

Plod says to the guy “We’ve pulled you over as your driving seems a bit erratic, have you been drinking sir?” to which the guy replies “I‘ve had 15 bottles of Pils!”  The officer then proceeds to produce a breath testing machine & says “Could you blow in to this for me sir?” The drunken guy then says “What, don’t you believe me?”

The Circle began to thin out as people prepared to leave, Supergrass & Pure Genius remained as the rest of the Guernsey Girls set off before the end.  Mr.X the produced more lost property, the camera that had been handed in that morning.  Mr.X said that if it wasn’t claimed, he would keep it as it was better than his own one! 

When asked what pictures were on it he replied, lots of Guernsey Harriettes on the Friday Black Dress, the usual drunken debauchery of a Herts Weekend, few pictures of Arses & just maybe a shot of his cock!  Digger then piped up that there may be more than one todger on the memory card, it sounded like there could be an aviary (or is it ovary) of cocks on there. 

   Shamelessly, Mini Ha Ha stepped forward & claimed the camera, later on it was established that it wasn’t hers & was in fact it was Climax’s, it has since been returned!  What a shame Climax hasn’t got an old 35mm camera like Ketch Up uses, because she would have to take the film to be developed in Guernsey’s only photo shop, the old jungle drums would soon be beating around “the Rock”!

The last Down-Down went to Mr. X, who had been wearing the Herts Hashit all weekend, Warbler was very vocal when it came to who should have it & the “democratic vote” led to him receiving the damn thing again (Perhaps he should have asked for a recount? Perhaps not!)

The site was tidied up, Mr. X & Beetroot took down the Guernsey Harriette’s home from home, where they found a T-shirt covered in vomit & an inflatable airbed amongst the discarded property!  Stretch took down the tent Mr. X had lent him, to help the Herts RA out.  Little did Stretch know that Mr. X leaves the inner tent attached to the flysheet, Mr.X only found this out at the Isca Roman Away Day, when he took ages to erect his tent the following weekend.

Having cleared up, it was back to set about finishing off the Ale, but there is no rest for the wicked Herts Hardcore as they had to entertain a lot of the Scots in the Three (fanny) Magnets, the local Spoons Pub.  Hoggy & few stayed a wee bit longer to completely demolish the Ale before joining the rest at the ‘Spoons.

The party mood didn’t finish there as the rowdy group sat at one end, Roobs, Tongue Lasher & Magasaurarse were all wearing the zebra trilby hats, Gin Bin was the only one to go home without a zebra hat!  Please don’t mention it to her.  These were striped trilbies are drinking hats, they should never be mixed with Hoggy’s “Shagging glasses” could you imagine the result if that ever happened?  The girls in their “drinking hats” rapidly put up ‘Spoon’s wine sales! 

Hughie Blaaaaurgh, Sick Boy, Hoggy, Monsoon Drain & Olymprick made up the rest of the Clans in the Spoons, while Mr. X, Junior, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead, Hyena & TC kept it up the imbibing for the Sassenachs.  The girls decided that they had the ‘fidgets’ & would clambered over & sprawl themselves over the men, perhaps it was the wine?  But no one heard any complaints from the Hashers!

Eventually the big orange & white birds had to fly the Scots home, leaving Herts to carry on (though TC was tiring of it all).  While the Scots enjoyed their short flights home, for Studley it was a different matter.  The Guernsey Harriettes weren’t going to let her sleep, in revenge for her keeping them up all night & into the morning, by chatting away to her to wake her up every time she dropped off to sleep!

In the end only Junior & Mr. X were left as they made it to their local Pub until chucking out time!

            As for the sausage eating contest, the winners were declared to be the F.U.K. Full Moon ex-Horrors, who won their heat in the fastest time, just as they did at the F.U.K. Full Moon 250th Weekend!


The Friday Night Black Dress Run in memory of Dave “Max Boyce” Sutton raised £ 643.50 & one can of Kronenbourg, many thanks to all who contributed, especially those used their feminine wiles & shook their tins, Max’s employers, those who bought his old T-Shirts, the Staff & Customers of the Boot, The Cock, The White Lion & The Orange Tree who all contributed.


* There is no redemption

** On Herts Hash we do not condone the use of crash diets or eating fads that may lead to anorexia in an attempt to fit in to a size zero dress.  Hyena is living proof that you can beat anorexia.