Run No. 1312                28th November 2009

Venue:                         Land of Liberty, Peace & Plenty :-)

Beer:                            Tring Liberty Ale; Red Squirrel Conservation; Heronsgate Pale Ale; to name a few ;-)

Location:                      Heronsgate

Hares:                           Mr. X & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead

Runners:                       40+  

Virgins:                         0

Visitors:                        Joint Run with London H3

Newies:                        1                                 

Hounds:                        1

Aprčs Hashers:             0

Total:                           40+

Membership:                At the Herts CAMRA Pub of the Year!



Saturday is a strange day for Herts to have their weekly run, it was somewhat of an experiment as well as being a joint run with London H3 who often run on Saturdays.  Also Public transport is better on a Saturday.

The start time of Noon was later than most Herts Hashers are used to, but with the part of the Metropolitan line being closed for engineering works this should allow most of those not driving plenty of time to get there, with the exception of Last Tango!

Tess, the Herts Newie, arrived in plenty of time to shame some of the more seasoned Hashers.  The early arrivals heard that one of the Hares was yet to return from setting a loop in the Trail, unlike Captain Oates he did make it back in time to enjoy a pint before the Circle was called, in fact it took that long for the joint Pack to circle up, that he could have had two Pints! 

Mr. X explained his delay was down to the fact that he was sussing out a lot of permissive paths for a possible future run, then he met up with the Landlady’s partner, as he was walking the Pub dog!  Finally right near the end of the Trail he came face to face with a large dog fox, who looked indignantly at the Hare & took his time to wander off.

Ryde asked the Herts gang to hang around a little longer as Last Tango was again living up to her name, she had called from her Train coming in to Chorleywood.  Kafir arrived in his car & Mr. X wished him a Happy New Year, as he reckoned that it was the first time that he has seen him this year!  Zing-a-long-a-max, then Lofty, as well as Marxist also drove in to put in late appearances.

Tablewhine introduced the Circle to London’s 1928 Trail (or was it the year of his birthday?) & Mr. X stepping in for the absent Herts’ Grand Monkey, to introduce Herts 1312 Trail, no one noticed that that he said 1311!

Ryde now asked for a scribe to write up the run for the London’s ‘On-paper’ & when Mr. X’s name was mentioned in the same sentence as “Pinch his write-up!’ she said that ‘Mr. X run reports for the Herts Trash are way too long! Oooooh, put those claws away!

A somewhat knackered Mr. X, as the chief Hare, took the centre of the Circle again to explain what the Pack could encounter on their way around the Trail.  The parts about short cuts, all Short Cuts & CHK would be marked for late comers & finishing the Trail in an hour went down well.  However, the part about a possible encounter with Metropolitan Police dogs wasn’t as popular!  The Pack were told if they were approached by any that they should stay still & keep their arms down by their sides.

The Herts Newie was almost forgotten by the Herts RA, Tess was asked to show herself to the rest of the Pack & the RA quoted NASA’s Gene Krantz “I’ve never lost a man on my watch & I am not starting now!” as he asked for the Pack to keep an eye out for her & not to loose her on the Trail, which would be hard at her height!

Without further ado the Pack were let loose to run up the Swillet, which Mr. X explained is an old expression for a natural soak-away on a hill!  The Pack ran up the narrow lane of the Swillet to pass by the Stag, a McMullens Pub, where a CHK was found directly across from it.

The Keenies were swiftly away up the footpath beside the Pub as it ran beside some local allotments, they were encouraged to run this route as My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead went up there with them to lure them along but they would soon be turning around as there was a T just beyond allotments.  Meanwhile Pete the Pilot & Bangers were carrying on along with Mr. X  where the Swillet becomes the Heronsgate road to find another CHK just a couple of hundred yards up for  the last one, by where a footpath crosses the main road.

The Trail was picked up on the southerly footpath out by the side of a local football pitch, where a few kids were having a kick around.  The Pack were now led on down the green hillside to a CHK on a crossroads of several footpaths, it was a wonderful vista out over the verdant Herts rolling landscape on this bright & sunny day. 

It may have been a little chilly up on the hill on the fresh afternoon, but the Hares felt warm from the smug feeling as they watched on while the Keenies fell for another Falsie, this one being a longer one all the way down in to the valley & up through the next enclosure to find a T up by the hedgerow in front of Bullsland Farm cottage.

Most of the Pack cut across the paddock to follow the footpath diagonally out over a crop field to track of Bullsland lane, hidden behind the hedgerow.  Eric the Retread just caught up with the Pack at this point, after he had been off Trail searching the earlier Falsies, he was just in time to follow the other FRBs up the lane on another False Trail, lucky old Eric!

The Trail headed south down the rough uncapped farm track to a 90° right turn in its route, now the Hash headed westward again, this was the area of the first bit of shiggy the Pack would encounter as they ran up to the next CHK at the T junction with another track of Old Shire lane.  The Keenies found the Falsie up to the south on Old Shire lane, running along the side of Buckinghamshire Chilterns University grounds. The likes of Skip & Windmill were up with the FRBs as they came back from that path the SCBs were soon to be led up by My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead.

The Keenies were now taking a loop, firstly they would carry on along the shiggy path to the west, at the bottom of the university ground, a CHK was found at the corner of the Woodland Trust land of Phillipshill Wood & the firmer uncapped track of Shire lane rising up northward, this was a falsie!

The Pack made their way through the start of the Woodland Trust land, then no less than 3 arrows directed them up off of the main wide track & on to a footpath rising up through Newland Gorse beside the college grounds, at the top of the hill the Trail left the woodland & ran across a large open field close to Shrubswood. 

This was the first up-hill section of the Trail & a few slowed up, Tablewhine had a chat with Mr. X at the back on the way through the broadleaf wood, while Screw Loose & Double Entry’s progression had been hindered by having to carry their Racing Snake until he was out of the shiggy, as his “undercarriage was get dragging through the mud!”

The next CHK was found out on the driveway to the Buckinghamshire New University ground, there a green tie of possibly a St Albans’ School found on the stile to get out to the drive.  It didn’t take long for the Keenies to find the correct Trail this time, the as they clambered over another stile to find themselves on a meandering path through an enclosed bit of fallow land of Newland Park, but suddenly the Dust just petered & the Hash now thought that they had fallen for yet another Falsie.  The likes of Skip, T-B-T, More On & Windmill began to lead the rest back as they retraced their steps back to the driveway, but they hadn’t gone awry as the Long trail Hare came wandering toward them!

It seems that someone, possibly in uniform, may have removed all trace of the Dust as the Pack were ushered to continue along the snaking path & follow around by the now boarded up out-buildings of the University grounds, many of these had large signs warning of Metropolitan Police dogs being trained there!

As the Hash made their way by a split in the path in part of the wild grassy field, there was still no sign of any Dust, it wasn’t until they reached the stile out to the green playing fields beyond the fallow scrub land, that they saw the first blob of flour in quiet awhile.

The FRBs made their way over by a hockey pitch that was in use that day, the Long Trail Hare thought that he saw a Herts Hasher running the line (or what ever its called in Hockey) when he was out setting the Trail?  But he didn’t have time to stop & find out!

The Pack crossed the tarmac driveway to the Sports ground, seemingly the only part of the University still in use, to amble between one last small section of scrubby land & to climb the last a stile on the Trail to find a Re-group on Old Shire lane between the hedges.

By this time the SCBs like Pete the Pilot, Bangers & Psycho with My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead had already made tracks & had moved on  So, Mr. X waited for Screw Loose & Double Entry to catch up before allowing the FRBs to search again.

Windmill was one of the couple of FRBs who decided to CHK out further up the enclosed Old Shire lane, toward the Chalfont road, even after the Hare had hinted heavily that there was only really one way to go once he had ruled out the route up from the north on the enclosed path that the SCBs had taken to get to the re-group!  The rest of the Pack crossed the stile & headed eastward out over a paddock, the going slowed as they waded through the large patch of shiggy by a kissing gate, now they were out on to an uncapped drive to Goreland Lane.

The Trail now ran along the edge of the open farm land to the corner of Bottom wood, there an arrow directed the pack on to the meandering path between the trees, along the way the route dropped down in to the valley to reach a CHK at the very bottom.  It was only a short way to the next CHK, just out side of the wood.  From there the Trail was found running up the long steep green slope, littered with cowpats to avoid on the way up to a CHK by a mobile phone mast up above the M25, this bit was supposedly put in to keep the London Hash happy with some traffic & urban noise!

Now, one of the Hares hadn’t realised that the route back Inn was back going to be along the tree-line, but instead he had chalked ‘On! On!’ on the spar of narrow wooden gate to a private road on the route he took back Inn.  The Pack found the wooden gate down the slip road to the Mobile phone mast & so only a couple of short cutters of Bus Stop & Screw Loose, who were now ‘long cutting’, took an alternative way back up to the Swillet.

The majority of the Pack came back in along the private Nottingham road, as there was no Dust up there a few looked around in case they were off Trail, the sight of Mr. X taking that route as well meant they were reassured to carry on to the T-junction & turn to the right on the short Stockport road & on by the picturesque little Church of St Johns, with its War Memorial outside, to reach Long lane & turn left to head up a few hundred yards to the On Inn.

Mr. X was happy that he hadn’t ‘lost anyone on his watch’ but was surprised to find that the Pack had actually increased by about 8 extra Hashers, with Yorkie Porkie, Twin Peaks & Testiculator in that unusual position of propping up the Bar by the time everyone was back at the On Inn!

Ryde handed out the LH3’s ‘On Paper’ Trash, while Mr. X stapled together the Herts Trash. Last Tango then enquired what Herts were going to do about chips, or food?  Mr. X said he hadn’t arranged anything as he wasn’t sure on numbers for a Saturday, in the end LH3 sorted out the chips, though they didn’t seem to go far as Mr. X missed out as he handed out the Trashes!

If LH3 getting the chips in wasn’t bad enough, they refused to take any money from Skip with the Herts Run fees, & they bought all of the Down-Downs!  Herts weren’t going to hear the end of that for a while!

There were a few Hits but not many misdemeanours out on the Trail, of these the first ones saw the Hares of Mr.X & My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead rewarded for a Trail that took majority of the Pack an hour & five minutes to get around, this seemed very popular with the Pack!  

Tess the Newie was out, the Herts’ RA was pleased to hear that she didn’t purchase any London Haberdashery when it was being offered for sale Double Entry & instead was prepared to wait & get some Herts gear!  2 AM joined her in the circle as they were complete opposites in height, Mr. X calling them the long & the short of the Hash!

Ryde was awarded her Down-Down by Mr. X as he said she could always highlight sections of his Run report & press delete to Edit it!  2 AM called LH3’s returnee from Boston in to the Circle, which led Mr. X to get T-B-T in there as if one Bostonian Drinks, all Bostonians drink, since he has only recently been out there for his holidays (vacation)

Last Tango was out for her usual late arrival; Eric the Retread was awarded the last Down-Down for his emails sent to Mr. X about ‘Investing’ in a single malt, that Eric obviously thought he was going to get some of?  Mr. X made sure that Eric’s punishment was suitable for a Scotsman as he had it in a St Albans Beerfest glass, which carries St Alban’s Saltire, this is similar to that of St Andrew’s but with a the cross is in gold instead of a white one, then he watered it down as he said Scotsmen don’t like this to happen to their Whisky, Eric protestations fell on deaf ears!

            The Pack retired to the Bat to carry on enjoying the Ales, Eric wanted to know if he could have the Pub TV on to watch the Scotland v Argentina match, the Landlord didn’t seem to happy as there were civilians sitting at the table in front of the TV.  Eric checked if it was ok to have the TV on with the sound down, the civilians agreed, the Irish game was on first & they were cheered on by the impartial ones in the Pub, as they beat South Africa (Well all except for Screw Loose!)  In the end, perhaps Eric wished he hadn’t turned the TV on at all after they Argentina won 6-9!

By the late afternoon something unprecedented would happen as Mr. X, My Lil Sperm ‘ead & Hyena were the last Herts to leave, this left Ryde, Tablewhine, Pete the Pilot & Eric among the few LHHashers to gloat that they would beat H4 at being the last to leave!’  There was a valid reason for the Herts early departure & that was that they were going to a Beer festival in St Albans & Mr. X was continuing on after that to see Magic Sofa play their last ever gig!  This didn’t stop the left over remaining LH3 Hashers from making some very vocal comments! 

Having edited this report down for Ryde, I bet the bit about Herts leaving before the last few of LH3 doesn’t get edited out of London’s "On Paper’!