Run No. 1319              17th January 2010

Venue:                         The White Horse

Beer:                            McMullens AK, Country

Location:                      Burnham Green

Hares:                          Airscrew & Donut from H5

Runners:                       27

Virgins:                         0

Visitors:                        Hare & Hounds H3

Newies:                         0                                 

Hounds:                        6

Après Hashers:           0

Total:                            50+

Membership:                Wondering where H5 will be running next week, no doubt Forking Dickchair knows!



With the Hare & Hounds Hash encroaching on Herts territory once again, an executive decision was made to have a joint run since most of the Herts Hard-core live not far from around this area, plus the original Hare is bogged under with his studying.  Perhaps we should have informed them that it was a joint Run, nah!

The Hares were surprised as the Pack grew, doubling in size from the expected H5 Hashers & farm more than the 15 the Hares had warned the Landlady to expect!  There were a few of the trespassers from the ‘Bedfordshire’ Hash who commented on Herts being parasites, for not informing them about having a joint run deep in our territory, but what the hey, it was a fine day for a r*n on our manor!

Time approached for the start & it was quite clear that the Pack was divided in to H5 & H4 The GMs did the introductions to Runs & welcomed the Hash to the appropriate Run numbers of 1319 & 968 respectively, then the Herts Grand Monkey’s mobile went off, jeers of derision echoed around the Circle as Paxo muffled his mobile!  Then Forking Dickchair started to go on about where next week’s HTrail would be from, he was shouted down by his own Hash & told to leave it until the après Circle.

The Hares of Airscrew & Donut stepped forward to explain what to expect out on the Trail, the speech was aimed in particular at H4.  An emphasis was put on the numbered CHKs & fish-hooks (nasty tricks) that H5 use to keep the Pack together, so say the first 5 Hashers to the CHK with a 5 inside of it have to run back to the tail of the Pack & start again! 

Without further ado the Pack were directed out over toward the Green to the first CHK, WWW & CRT found the T on the Tewin road, Shufflecock called “On!” down toward Bulls Green.  The last ones out of the Pub car park crossed over by what was the Duck, now a Restaurant /Pub & it didn’t take too long for them to pick up the Trail behind the FRBs as the Dust led down Harmer Green road, the Hares had set the Trail to lead the Keenies on by a footpath off through the mobile-home site.  The sight of the returning FRBs made sure that the middle order of the Pack took advantage of taking to the winding footpath through the home of the glorified trailers & out in to edge of Tewin wood behind.

A ladies CHK was found at the crossroads of two paths, here Spotted Dick said to the Herts RA “I bet that ends in a T!” as the FRBs called on along the wooden panelled fenced off path, it was a case of the commentator’s curse as he talked in & the whole Pack were lured up there & then turned back when the T was found!

Mr. X now heard from ARP that Porky Pie wasn’t in a fit state after the little soirée after the Half Moon on last week’s Hash, seems that the ‘Curse of Hitchin’ that befell Stand in Shit has struck again!  A smile crept across the faces of those who heard about someone who fell over along the few hundred yards from the Pub to his home, he smile broadened as they learnt that he fell through the door, fell up the stairs & had to be taken for a walk by ARP to sober up!  That’s what happens when you drink with the big boys!

The Hare’s hadn’t finished with the Pack at the Ladies CHK either as they were encouraged to search up Cowper’s way to where the Trail terminated in another T!  Back at the CHK & an arrow had mysteriously appeared out of the ether to direct the Hash down behind the homes of Cowper’s way to emerge out on to Bishops road, there a CHK was found by the large lump of icy remains of what was a huge snowman, as the Pack were informed by Count Roadkill!

The Hash were allowed to start checking again & Mr. X was straight down the start of Firs walk toward the footpath sign that leads away to the east but only a few yards down the way he was stopped by a T!  As he returned, one of the Hares was spotted to set about altering the Trail down there!

Now the Pack made their way up the steep incline of Bishops road to reach the Burnham Green road once again, another CHK was found not far from where the FRBs were stopped at the start of the Trail, there the SCBs were found waiting for the FRBs arrived.  The Hares advised the SCBs to hang around at the CHK if they wanted to take advantage of another short cut!  Roger the Cabin Boy, Pete & Millie with Charlie took up this offer!

The Keenies led the way along the Burnham Green road toward Bulls Green, a few were now wary of the Hares’ trickery & though that they could smell Bullshit from the calls of “On!” emanating from Bulls Geen, they were reluctant to run on by the footpath back in to Tewin wood.  The likes of My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Mr. X started to follow on behind an H5 Hasher who had set off to search the fenced-in path by a narrow stream, when the guy came back the others thought that they were on the wrong route but then the rest of the Pack began to come down the path after the Bar CHK back on the main road had been found.

Having turned around more times than Dick Whittington, those who had pre-empted the Hare were now back on course as the Dust was found further down than the H5 Hashers had searched.  The way behind the exclusive homes was pretty messy, with lots of shiggy to enjoy along the way, but if the guys who felt smug at outwitting the Hare were getting carried away with this, then the Hares had something up their sleeves to wipe the smile off of their smug faces. 

A fish-hook with 5 was found by the FRBs, so it was to the back of the Pack for them!  But not all of the first 5 to reach this turned around, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead was slowed up & walked on by the fish-hook, it was also noticeable how many FRBs slowed up to allow the Horrors of the Hash to run on by just in case the number was more than 5!

The going was fairly good on this long path arcing around the back of the homes in Tewin wood, at last the FRBs of My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead, Tess, Mr. X, Sparky, Zing-a-long-a-max & Sparky seemed to be getting a good run, that would all soon change at the next CHK!  The majority of Keenies choose to take the footpath around & up to Queen Hoo lane, as Spotted Dick correctly surmised.  The Herts RA was not convinced as he thought that the first blob of Dust was found far too quickly.  He was right & the Trail was back out on the drive off of Firs Walk!

Sparky, not one to be used to lurking around the middle order after falling foul of most of the Falsies, said to the Herts RA “Perhaps I should give my horn to someone up at the front?”  Mr. X said that eh thought that Sparky shouldn’t be putting his horn anywhere lie that!

The FRBs began to make their way back down the steep footpath along the edge of the open field, now the Hash headed back in between the exclusive home to find Donut standing by the choice of two options at a split in the path at the end of the drive, of course the Pack should have guessed that as he was standing on the start of the fenced off footpath beside the drive out to Firs Walk, they were being led away by some cunningly laid Dust on the path as it led southward out toward Tewin.

Some were now spurned on by the thought of a possible Beer-stop at the Plume of Feathers but all of their hopes were dashed, as after a fair way up the shiggy path toward the open fields, a Bar CHK was found.  A trudge back for those who were suckered yet again resulted in them discovering that the smirking Donut had moved on!

The Pack made their way along the wire fenced off path by the drive to emerge out on to Firs Walk were another CHK was found, no doubt freshly laid by the Hare in case any FRBs overshot the T earlier on!  At the CHK Roger the Cabin Boy, Pete, Millie, Sis, Louise, Molly & the various hounds were found waiting.  So far the Pack hadn’t really got out of Tewin wood, they would run a bit more of it before finally escaping!

The Trail could only go one way around Firs walk & this was to the west to find a CHK at the junction with East Riding, Cowper’s way & Desborough drive.  Once the Keenies had fallen for yet another False Trail down Desborough drive, the Hare waited for the Pack to move on down toward East Riding before he sent the SCBs off on a short cut.

The main body of the Pack made their way around the long loop along both of the Ridings with a Ladies CHK at the bottom end of the bend where the two Ridings meet to try & slow things up.  Time for Custard, ARP & No Eye Deer to do some checking out, though they would be a way behind Tess who seemed to find the correct option first time as “On!” was called on West Riding & when the Hash came back out on to Desborough drive it seemed like the Hash were heading for home, it all seemed to good to be true

Along the way Mr.X overheard Forking Dickchair asking a Herts Hasher who the tall Hasher was up ahead?  Don’t know what his misdemeanour was but it was pointed out to Forking Dickchair that the Hasher in question Hashes with H5!!  Forking Dickchair didn’t write that down on his RA’s naught pad!

A CHK on the Orchard road road saw Zing-a-long-a-max in the Hashit as one of the few who headed toward back toward Tewin before being brought back around, now things looked too good to be true as Burnham Green was insight!  Seasoned Hashers weren’t that convinced that they were heading to the On Inn with 12 minutes to go, they were right in their assumption as the Hare stood by cottages with the footpaths away to Cooks wood in the southwest.

After a lot of ‘umming & arghing’ a few deserted the cause this near to the On Inn, but the majority had more stamina & headed away from the White Horse on a long loop down by Cooks wood, there would be more shenanigans from the Hares on the way to Vera Lane & then back up from Pennyfathers lane.  The Hash were heading home by way of the nursery to Harmer Green lane, finally the stretch out Pack crossed over to Two Oaks drive beside the On Inn.

The extra loop gave the likes of the late arriving Windmill, Bus Stop, Ketch Up & Daddies Sauce to catch up with the Hash, while Princess took Jarron for a little wander around.

The returning Hash saw Fartin Martin wandering back from the out Trail, Mr. X shouted out a cheery “Oi, fatty the camouflage doesn’t work!”  as he was clear to see in the distance wearing his dessert camouflage army top, which doesn’t really work in green winter conditions!  Farts was quick to let the RA know that he had made it to the beyond the first CHK, he added a few things he had seen along the way to confirm his alibi the fact. 

Fartin Martin’s reason for not completing the Trail was that he has pulled a ligament, which sound pretty painful, nearly as painful as when he said he would be resigned to walking around the next few Hashes, the RA stated that it would be hard to notice the difference form his normal Hash activities!

The Pack found that the prices in the White Horse were not the cheapest, no wonder Frank Warren moved out of the local area!!!  Tess was a little self conscious at the only footwear she now had that was dry were her wellies, it’s a country Pub, they should be used to wellies!

The Herts Book returned after a long absence so there was a long queue for those who haven’t missed a run in the last few weeks to catch up, Windmill has complete his annual audit of the run statistics.

Windmill went on to question the RA about why the last few Run venues have been changed, when we have had such a long list of Runs set a couple of month back. 

Ok the answers are: A) bad weather preventing most travelling long distances & lack of access to the previous week’s venue; B) the Scribe was & is still not sure if he’ll be living/working locally in the up coming few months (anyone else want to take over writing the trash, putting the funnies & maps, as well keeping the Hare line up to date, updating the website & sending out the emails?); C) With this week’s ‘designated Hare’ had to catch up with working on his college work, so, he didn’t have the luxury of time to set the Trail & get the Trash typed up & printed etc;  D) Most importantly, we had Trespassers on our land!

Away from the problems of the Hare-line & the Herts RA discovered that a certain Horror can’t wait for her Dad to get his Hash name!  So it looks as if the Pack will have to think about something suitable for someone who teaches the guitar & could possibly have Woodward in his name.  Only Woodward the RA could think of in Music is Karen Woodward from Bananarama!  Or Edward Woodward from Callan & The Equalizer fame, also, if you remove all of the D’s from his name you get Ewarwoowar!  Watch this space!

There would be no naming for this mystery Hasher just yet, but here are the Hits in no particular order:  The Hares for setting a cunning & tricky Trail;

Forking Dick Chair had Flip Top in the Circle for Winston’s defecation on the Trail, nothing new there then!  ARP was out for allowing Keith for going out with the ‘Big boys’ & getting himself into a state!  Sparky was also out for his dodgy turn of phrase when he said that “I should give the horn to someone up at the front!” (Fortunately pebbledash wasn’t there, but she didn’t need to be with this smutty talk!)

Forking Dick chair for asking Herts Hashers who the tall H5 Hasher was?  Flip Top was quick to get in “When one RA drinks, all RAs drink!” so Mr. X joined Forking Dickchair in the Circle!

H5 went on to celebrate some anniversaries, including a Birthday, as well as a decca run, Scooper 100 Runs, Pussies 150 Runs & White Rabbit who received a ‘hoody’ for being the first H5 Hasher to reach 600 Runs, she ought to get a life!  G-String received his Hit from the baby beaker on behalf of the Decca Run sprog.

The Herts Hashit caused something of a stir amongst the H5 Hashers as they seemed to have lost theirs!  One of the H5 crew was a little cocky in throwing some dregs on to the Hashit, he soon become a bit sheepish as he was told by Mr. X that non Herts Hashers weren’t exempt from wearing the Hasit!  But he needn’t have worried as Paxo got the Hashit for not being present at the calling together of the Circle!  He was joined by 2-1-2 Maureen for knowing a man that can for her broken-down car.

Finally all of the Hashers who have completed the most number of Trails to add up to more than a cumulative 2,000 were called upon to take centre Circle, Mr. X reckoned that this ensemble of Pongo, Gorjoyce, Flip Top & Fartin Martin resembled an episode of ‘Last of the Summer Wine!’  In fact if Mr. X & My Lil’ Sperm ead stepped forward as well then the total would have been nearer to 4,000!

Oh, by the way Forking Dickchair reckons that H5 are at the Black Horse Maulden next week!