Run No. 1320                24th January 2010

Venue:                         The Crown & Sceptre

Beer:                            Bateman's Scottish Lass, Tring Coley's Dog & four others.

Location:                      Briden’s Camp

Hares:                          Flip Top My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead

Runners:                      17

Virgins:                         0

Visitors:                        0

Newies:                        0                                 

Hounds:                        3

Aprčs Hashers:             0

Total:                           20

Membership:                Capable of running over Capability Brown’s work!


For three of the Herts gang travelling in by bus, they were offered a lift up to the venue from Tess, she said that she would meet them at the bus station & that she would be driving a red Subaru, this sound somewhat impressive, needless to say that when Tess arrived in her ‘working Subaru estate’ it was obviously not in the same league as Swiss Toni’s Scooby, but once Hyena, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Mr. X had been crammed in the more practical motor it didn’t matter as it got them to the Crown & Sceptre in time.

Now, they say that dogs sometimes take after their owners, & visa versa, well let’s hope not as Tess’s dog decided to mount Winston while the Pack Readied themselves in the over-flow car park, what was worse was the fact that Winston stood there & let him!  Poor Flip Top now seems to own ‘Sparky’ the gay dog’ from South Park TV series!  Anyhow, a bit less of that kind of thing!

The Grand Monkey was on hand to welcome one & all to this week’s Trail, a low turn out only saw 14 at the opening Circle, but the numbers would be boosted by 3 more as Princess, Ketch Up, with Jaron arrived really late in order to keep up their “We’re doing every Hash up to the Wedding!” promise to drop a dress size, though why Ketch Up is wearing a dress no one knows!

You could have heard a pin drop when the Pack realised that the original Hare for this Trail, Flip Top, had to bail out at the last minute & his shoes were filled by My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead!  The silence was soon replaced by some low groans as the Pack now expected to have a marathon of a Trail, especially as the ‘longest Trail of the Year’ so far was currently held by last week’s joint r*n & that was spot on the hour.

The Hare informed those gathered that there were Short Cuts, which received a welcome cheer, but to every 'ying' there must be a 'yang' & the low point was the mention of numbered CHKs & Fish-hooks! Seems that the old H5 trick has rubbed off on someone!

Without further ado the Pack were sent off from the over-flow car park & out to a CHK by the Pub on Sun lane.  The first Dust was found by Mr. X, Tess, Sparky & the GM, as they ran around the bend in the lane toward the Cricket Club but there a T was found!  So, it was back by the front of the Pub, which raised a few “On Inn, that was a quick Trail!” comments before finding the CHK had been marked the opposite way down Sun lane.

At a Footpath running off across the fields to the south, an arrow directed the FRBs over to where the SCBs had been directed by the Hare.  A sudden pause then came about when Flip Top stopped & declared that it was a Falsie, it wasn’t & he admitted it after he gave the SCBs a little more headway on the FRBs!  Sis decided to let Lucy off the lead, always a precarious move, & Sis nearly fell over right in front of the RA as she did so!

The Pack made their way on down through the trees of Hogstrough Dell on a winding path within & then out along the edge of a field full of small green bean plants, ahead of the FRBs was Hyena running away, & with gravity on his side he began to open up a quite expansive gap.  It wouldn’t last as he was soon caught up by Windmill, Tess & Sparky, who just reached the CHK before him,  Windmill & Tess fell for a Falsie each, while Sparky had actually started off on the correct path but was lured back by calls of “On!” from the other two!

The Trail was picked up where Sparky had been before, on the Footpath on the steep climb up along the edge of the field & back toward the Crown & Falcon, the pace slowed to a walk, only Tess & Windmill had the oomph to run any part of the climb up to the level, Mr. X wasn’t that far behind the front two but he slowed up as the Dust led on by a Footpath off to the south & he thought that the Hare had lured them on to a Bar CHK.  Sure enough they were soon turned back!

The Trail crossed over to a fenced-in paddock by Varney’s wood, once through the kissing gate the FRBs followed the Dust over to a Stile & gate to the farm yard of Wood farm, there a CHK was found.  Flip Top said that having studied the map of the area to set the Run, he now believed that the Hash were going to be on a long one!  He then had to stop & cleaned up after Winston decide to poop in the middle of the paddock, the change of tone in Flip Top’s voice indicated that he was not happy with this!

The RA decided that he would look down the sloping paddock & on the footpath running down the hillside toward Piccotts End, once through the kissing gate he looked back to see that Paxo & Ewok were following the Trail properly & not short cutting across the paddock down toward him, especially as he would strike it lucky & pick up the Trail on a long trot down the farm land to run a long a farm track that eventually turned to emerge on Dodds lane.  There the next CHK was found!

The RA was soon on to the Trail once again as he found it running the length of the path behind the hedgerow along Dodds lane & this led all the way down in to Piccotts End where the Dust turned left to head down through the narrow straight village toward the south on what was once a Roman road, but the Trail didn’t go too far that way.  A CHK put pay to that, this was found on the opposite side of a footpath running in front of the new builds & conversion of the old Mill, with a dry green ditch in the lawn on the other side that was once the path of the diverted ‘Millstream’!

Mr. X fell for the Falsie on by the front of the Old Mil, while Sparky & Tess were next to the CHK & they carried on a short way to find another footpath crossing over the river Gade, this was a short loop back around to the continuation of the footpath beside the mill, across the Leighton Buzzrad road.  The RA looked at the wide, shallow river below the wooden footbridge & thought that if this hadn’t been roped off it would have made an excellent river crossing!

The FRBs crossed the Leighton Buzzard road & ran up the driveway to a Pumping Station, there the first Held CHK was found.  It was at this point that Tess decided that she couldn’t hold on any longer & asked if someone could hold her dog while she went to scare the squirrels! 

Sparky volunteered to hold the hound, but as Tess left, her dog decided he didn’t want to be left behind & followed on with some gusto, dragging Sparky along with him, as he was jerked away Sparky grabbed the cord of the extendable lead & this burnt his hand.  The noise of this made those gathered at the CHK jump, what a commotion!  The FRBs waited for Paxo, Six Pack & Back Pack to come in to sight before the Hare let them loose again.

Now, something strange happened as Hyena took to looking on the footpath that runs around the perimeter of the pumping station land & he picked the Trail, up straight away!  Confused & bewildered with the heady feeling of being a true FRB, Hyena took to running & led the way around on the path that was a straight as a dog’s hind leg.  Of course Hyena’s keenness soon wore off & he made his way to one side to let Mr. X by.

The Footpath turned many times around the contour of the fenced off field, the Pack had to be aware of the single strand of barbed wire along the top of the fence, especially Windmill with his running style.  The path came out to open farm land & now it straightened up as it run by the side of a fishery south of Noake Mill.  It was noticeable that the ponds were covered in nets & for good reason as a large heron flew down to inspect the water but had to settle on perching on a tree.  There have been fishponds here since Medieval times!

It was along here that Windmill, Sparky & Mr. X found a CHK at the end of the field, this had a 4 inside, Mr. X was going to stop & take a stone out of his shoe before reaching it, now he wished he had as it would have prevented him from going to the back of the Pack!  All of the first three hoped that Hyena was still in the fourth position, but alas it was Tess, who’s “You’re kidding me!” belayed the fact that she wasn’t happy at being the fourth in falling for the Back 4 CHK!

A bit further along this lengthy footpath below the grounds of Gaddesden Hall, three of the four would fall for fish-hook with 3 beside it!  Nasty Hare, it may not have kept all of the Pack together but it certainly kept the FRBs bunched up!

Now, the FRBs made their way back but only as far as Bus Stop, Flip Top & the Hare, Windmill reasoning for this is that on London Hashes you only have to go back as far as the Hare!  Which this ‘gang of four’ did!  If they had have gone all the way to the very back of the Pack, where Fartin Martin was limping along with his strained ligaments in his ankle then they would be way back on the other side of the valley as its believed that he was going to turn back so far into the Trail!

The Hash now made their way out along behind the homes of Noake Mill lane, where it seems it is compulsory to own a yapping dog if you live there!  Over the noise of the barking, the Hare reckoned that it should be his decision as to where the FRBs have to run back to from a numbered CHK or a Fisk-hook, it should but no one in their right mind would go all the way back to were Farts was.

The Pack left the field & made their way out to a Held CHK at the end of the drive with Potton End lane!  Tine for a fruit jelly stop from the Hare, Hyena soon forgot about next Thursday’s ‘Fat Fighters’ as he tucked in to the blackcurrant & raspberry sweets, mind you they were nice!  Paxo arrived with Back Pack & Six pack just in time for them to have some of the few remaining sweets before the Hyena’s paw was in there again, the sweets were going quicker than My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead’s bargees on a Full Moon Curry!

By now Six Pack was struggling with a blister on his foot, was it new shoes? So, the Hare advised Paxo to take him & the rest of the SCBs on a short cut up by the Sun & on to the footpath home, which he jumped at the chance to do, having been up all night working!

Now it was down to Windmill, Bus Stop, Sparky, Mr. X & Tess to complete the rest of the Trail.  The Dust led down to the main road & for a while the Keenies had to make their way along the litter strewn, dirty verge until they reached the junction with Nettleden road, there it looked as if they would only be on a short loop to a seemingly unused footpath through the scrubby triangular area between the convergence of the two roads, but the Hare had other things in mind!

The Trail continued along down toward Nettleden for some way, a CHK was found by the bridleway up to Heizdin’s wood, but even Windmill & Sparky didn’t want to know this way when the realised that the Hare had put a short cut in down on the road.  The loop up in to the wood & back down may have been run if there were more Keenies around & the fact that no SCBs would benefit from them completing the loop!

Anyhow, half of the Pack made their down the lane to a footpath off to the right, this led over a meadow & around to the river Gade once again, Windmill took one look at the three Ts on the footbridge, yes count them three Ts!  He carried on across disregarding the Hash markings, we’ll have to remember that for next time Sludge or My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead cut through one of his Ts!

Tess on the other hand showed true Hash spirit as she ploughed through the shallows of the crystal clear water of an area once famed for its cress beds, the RA spotted some of cress & pointed it out as he looked at wading in.  Sparky showed some kind of spirit, a daft one at that, as he moved down form the shallow & tried to leap a narrower section of the crystal clear river, unfortunately narrower often means deeper, he soon discovered this as he ended up in the deeper water!

As the First of the Keenies made their way up to where the footpath passed between two cottages, the AR hung about a bit to see if Hyena & Bus Stop would follow the Hash markings?  Of course they too disobeyed the Hares Trail & took the drier route above the water!

The Trail crossed over the Leighton Buzzard road & now the Pack were confronted with the prospect of a long, step climb up through the parkland, dotted with grazing sheep, to make it up to Gaddesdon Place sitting upon the top of the plateau, where looks out over a spectacular view of Gade valley, the parkland of Gaddesden Place was landscaped by Capability Brown in the 1760’s!  Everyone agreed that it was a very scenic Trail, & that it was a shame that more of the hash hadn’t turned out to appreciate it.

Now on the level the Trail passed through a kissing gate to leave the grazing sheep behind, the Trail now entered a horse paddock where the inquisitive nags came over to see what these brightly dress people were doing in their field, here Tess, Sparky & Windmill almost went astray as they began to go down the hillside, the Hare brought them around & back up to the level!

The Keenies made their way out of the horse paddock, now they were confronted with some cattle, these being the short horn variety, that are the oldest beef breed in England!  The going had now slowed right up to a walk, after the steep incline the Keenies were now struggling across the churned up fields.

When the Trail came out to the capped driveway, Sparky, Windmill & Tess all took the wrong option from the CHK there, this was leading away from the Pub, Mr. X on the other hand knew different & he headed off to the right & out on to the lane back in to Bridens’ Camp, passing the Cricket club were Pepé le Pew broke his collar bone while playing there last year!

The Pack met back up in the barn, on the side of the Crown & Sceptre, which mean that when it came to the Down-Downs they could be held inside in the warm, which was spoiling the Pack a little. 

The Hare was rewarded for setting the longest Trail of the year, hopefully it will remain that way for another 48 weeks?  Sparky was out for his water sports in failing in jumping over the river Gade in a single bound!  The non-water babes of Hyena, Bus Stop & Windmill were awarded wishy-washy Hits for their avoidance of the wet stuff in disobeying the Hash markings!  Flip Top received two Down-Down, one for letting My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead take over the Trail & the second he received the Hashit for owning ‘Sparky the Gay Dog’.

            With only Hyena, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Mr. X remaining after the rest of the Pack departed, they were eventually joined by Princess, Ketch Up & Jaron who started off at 11:30Hrs, but with Jaron in his buggy it took a lot longer to get around than they expected, they both reckoned that it was worth it though to see some of the best Herts countryside.