Run No. 1327              14th March 2010

Venue:                         The Engineer’s Arms

Beer:                            9 Different Real Ales & a few Ciders!

Location:                      Henlow

Hares:                          My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead

Runners:                      11                

Virgins:                        0

Visitors:                       Shaggy Plug (Black Pudding Hash) & 15 Hare & Hounds

Newies:                        0                                 

Hounds:                       3

Après Hashers:          0

Total:                           30

Membership:              Can you ‘ear me mother?


For the second week on the trot the weather couldn’t have been finer.  The gathering Herts Pack, who had abandoned their Mum’s this Mother’s day, soon found that they were going to be joined by the Hare & Hounds Hash, on an unannounced ‘joint Run’!  For a change H4 were running across the boarder in Bedfordshire & Shuffle, who volunteered to be the H5 Hare for this week, took the easy option (& who could blame him as it’s his local?) in tagging along as a parasitic Hash.  (Do the Hare & Hounds have any thoughts of setting a Trail from the Sun, Lemsford in the future? Mr. X)

While the Hashers were pre-occupied with talk of the imminent R*n, Winston decided that he should christen the Hare’s bag of sacred Tesco flour & cocked his leg, the Hare was unimpressed & a “Waste of money, those dog training lessons!” showed how he felt about it all.  Every one else thought that it was funny as he ripped the yellow bits off of the top of the bag he was going to have to take around to mark the Trail!

One first for a Herts Trail was the arrival of Shagpile & Underlay, two H5 Hashers, on a Tandem, which inspired those of a certain age to recite an old PG Tips Advert, & talking of Monkeys, the Herts’ Grand Monkey wasn’t present this week, with it being Mother’s Day & all, perhaps Back Pack was taking him out for a meal? 

So, as the time ticked away to eleven of the clock, Flip Top took up the mantle of welcoming the Pack to his joint Run, getting the Run number 1327 correct & introducing the Hash to Run No.976 of the Hare & Hounds.  Amongst the gathered crowd, there was one esteemed guest amongst the hoi ploy this week & that was Shaggy Plug was down from the Black Pudding Hash, as he had stayed at ‘the Nutters’ house after going to watch Accrington Stanley (ooh are dey?) beat Barnet at Underhill the day before.

After the usual booing that accompanies his introduction to the Circle, the day’s Hare warned the Pack to watch out for horses & that the Trail was marked in flour, & that it was a SHORT Run!  There was a stunned silence from H4 & with no more to add the Hare pointed out an arrow that was clear for all to see, directing the Pack up the back-passage (Oooh errr! Pebble Dash) beside the Engineer’s Arms!  The Hash took this route & came out on to Park Lane (No not that one in London!)

While No Eye Deer & ARP searched off down to the North, to no avail, Skip & Mr. X were also among the few who were caught out from the very first CHK, when they went off in the opposite direction down toward the green, & it was a long way around the perimeter fence until they reached the T!  Calls of “On!” resonated from behind them & they turned about to see the tail of the main Pack disappear off in to the cul-de-sac of Sparksfield.

As the Dust led through a short alleyway between the prefab homes, those trying to make up lost ground soon found that they could cut off a chunk around the garages when they arrived at a marked Short cut running right between the blocks of garages to come out on to Groveside. 

The next CHK was found out by the small bit of green on the T junction with Church road.  While the Keenies made their way around a loop around the grounds of St Mary, the rest of the Pack found that the real Trail was up along by the Scout camp & on to the footpath up along the edge of the local School grounds.

The wide track headed toward Henlow Grange Health Farm, a couple of the FRBs talked about the type of things that they do at the ‘Health Farm’ like colonic irrigation not appealing to anyone on the Hash!  A CHK halfway along the way saw Count Roadkill going off to search on another wide track off to the northeast, while Mr. X headed further along toward the front of Henlow grange. 

“On!” was called from Count Roadkill!  The Hare also headed off in the same direction, there by luring the gullible ones down another long Falsie, Skip, Sloppy Seconds, Flip Top & Sparky were all among the Herts Hash who were stung on this one.

Mr. X started back to run down what he didn’t know was to be a Falsie, the Hare stopped & dithered a short way down the track, the RA believed My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead as he claimed that he was looking back to make sure those who ran the loop around the Church were back on track!  A line of bobbing heads could be seen in the not so far off distance as the FRBs headed toward the Ivel.

Once over the small pack bridge spanning Ivel the T was found, it took a while for the Keenies down there to realise that they had been suckered by the Hare, a few wondered if he had taken another route off of the main track but there wasn’t!  A glance back saw that the Hare was now on his way back to join the rest on the way to run by the front of the Grange.

Those who had been around the Church grounds were now ahead of the other FRBs, but again because of the Hare’s trickery the tables would soon be turned, a Bar CHK off up the Health Farm’s main drive put pay to anyone getting too far away.  This saw Sis, Psycho, ARP, No Eye Deer & 2-1-2 Maureen all go awry there as well. 

The Pack were pretty much together by the time the real route on by the front of the health farm had been discovered, though a few were now weary of getting too far ahead of the Hare!  My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead carried on along & the Pack took to the wide track that’s a part of the ‘Kingfisher way’ to the southeast. 

A CHK was discovered where Grumble’s walk footpath breaks away to the east, to run around Henlow Bridges lakes of the nature reserve.  Having been caught out several times now, there were a few of the Hash who were hesitant to go off in search of the Trail, especially when Dust was found in both directions, but it was the loop out on the arc of raised land through the wet land park that turned out to be the correct one. 

Further around the loop & the surrounding reed beds at the edge of the stream & Jordon’s lake started to become silted up & one small pond in particular looked fairly stagnant!  The H5ers said that if ‘Scooby’ had been out on the Hash, then he would have been in there, it was so unappealing that even Winston didn’t go down there for his usual drink.  Mr. X said that knowing this Hare, the Pack were lucky not to be wading through the silt!  As for Madge, well she just darted back & forth as well as around the FRBs as she made sure Bangers was not too far out of sight!

Along the way Sparky recalled his stunt man performance right in front of the RA last time he ran around these parts with H4, it was amusing to those present when he went flying after tripping over a wooden bridge to end up in a heap on the floor! 

On the furthest point out the Pack found a Held CHK, which turned out to be a Jelly Baby Stop that the Hare had supplied, not everyone was so keen on Flip Top’s ‘Lucky Arsenal Sweets’ & Werthers’ originals!  Gorjoyce & Pongo arrived at the stop, & of course Pongo wanted to bite the head off of a TC look-alike jelly baby & he got his wish!

The Pack waited for 2-1-2 Maureen & Sis to catch up, the likes of Flip Top, Sparky & Skip decided to take the weight off of their feet & sat down on the conveniently situated bench!  Meanwhile, to while away the time ARP looked up in the clear blue skies to see if Porky Pie was out flying around, Mr. X reckoned that he ought to have one of those banners behind his plane, like (for those old enough to remember) on the old World of Sport opening titles!

The Pack set off once more, in what looked like the only direction possible, but the Herts’ RA said he wouldn’t have been surprised if the Hare had put a long Falsie along toward the Arlesey road & used the Held CHK as a ‘Check back’.  But Dust was found & the Keenies led the way along toward the road, a couple of the H5ers looked over toward the gate on to the parking area on the lake.

The Hash headed toward the looming concrete structure of the road bridge over Arlesey Station, not far from this the next CHK was found, while the main consensus was to search toward the main road, Mr. X had other ideas as he looked down Knights footpath running back toward Henlow.  He went a long way down on the Kingfisher way before he found the Dust, but he was “On!” & the prospect of the rumour at the start of the Trail looked like it was coming true!

The Dust led on by the entrance to the fishing lake & its shop, the fenced off path came out to the wide path the Hash were on earlier on the way from Henlow Grange, Mr. X started to look up there in case the Hare was going to drag the hash through one of the streams that crisscross this area, but had second thoughts & decided to look on the path in to the narrow strip of pine wood by a solitary Lodge house.

Mr. X found the Dust as it led up along the wooded strip by the Arlesey road, passing a ‘Dry Lake’ in the middle of the pine wood, & then on by the entrance to Henlow Aggregates & building supplies depot, then out on to the corner of the open common.  Dust was found on the most direct path across the common back to Henlow, but it soon stopped with a T!

Now the Keenies made their way around the outer edge of the common, before being brought over by the tall blue fence to prevent hooligans & the general public getting in to the block of houses that are still under construction, the start of where a footpath used to run between the houses that the Hash have used for the On Inn! 

Those who were at the Back could take advantage of the direct diagonal route back in as the Hare changed al of the markings once the Herts RA & the other FRBs had been caught out!  The Hash were heading Home & at the opposite corner they found the On Inn, after a bit of a limbo through the gap made by ripping out & bending up one of the metal stays in the white fence, the Hash just had to make their way down Coach road by the recreation ground & back around on to Park street to trace their steps backward to the On Inn.

The Pack were in shock as they had finished one of My Sperm ‘ead’s Trails & it was still only 11:45Hrs!  So, there was time to get changed outside the Pub.  The Pack were surprised to see that there was a few locals waiting to get in already at this time of the day!

Now, things had been going too well for Herts to be back so soon, the downside was going to be a real surprise when the barmaid arrived & found that she was a key short to open up!  So, an involuntary wait was endured until the Hash could get in & enjoy an ale, of course Shuffle being a local imbiber was the but of some stick at being locked out of the Pub!

The Hits saw the Circle in a joyous mood as the Hare was called forward for setting the shortest run he’s ever laid, & for the first time in the Herts recorded he received a cheer! 

Now the H5 Hits were being awarded by ‘Team RA’ (No I don’t know either!-Ed) Shagpile was called forward his misdemeanour, no doubt tandem related, & so Mr. X announced if one Shag drinks all shags drink & so Shaggy Plug joined Shag Pile! 

Mr. X was call forward after it was misquoted about the front page of the Herts Website has ‘We don’t trespass on other counties for half of our yearly runs!’ which was misquoted, but as the Curate was quick to point out if one RA then all RAs. Touché!

ARP was out for not spotting Porky Pie up in the skies above Henlow.  Double Entry summoned forth to receive a ‘Team RA’ T-Shirt, which has a picture of Forking Dick Chair on it, & no doubt keeps the cats off of the lawn when it’s drying on the washing line?  Her Down-Down was out of a mug with the same ‘mugshot’ of Forking on it, let’s hope it didn’t sour the ale?

Shaggy Plug being the furthest travelled visitor was awarded his Down-Down by Mr. X before Shaggy Plug took the circle.  Shaggy Plug was like the Henry Kissinger of the Hash World as he started by saying that there should be no bickering we’re all Hashers, before handing out the first of his down downs to the respective RAs, so another Down-Down for Mr. X who was no overcome with emotion he was crying beery tears!  Shaggy Plug then went on to say that he had his name down in the Herts Book for his first run with us, which is free (if you don’t count the £75 registration fee he said he’d pay for the Herts 25th Anniversary weekend in June!) but when he went to register his first Run with the Hare & Hounds their Hash Cash didn’t want to know!


All in all a brilliant Day was had by all!



Now to some serious & sad stuff


Hi HHHs,


I am running my first marathon – Brighton on April 18th.  Yes, I know I’m too young for a mid-life meltdown. 

Training began well in January but soon after injury struck and I had to take over 4 weeks out of my schedule. Training has been more gentle over the past couple of weeks and my goal has changed from a sub 4hr marathon to just finishing. 

But I’m feeling confident enough now to ask you to help me, I am running in the memory of my Old Man.  My Dad died of cancer in the summer of 2006.  Watching him waste away over the course of 18 months as the cancer took hold was a truly harrowing experience.  Such a loss is something you never get over but something you learn to live with.

OK, so I may no apologies for pulling on the heart strings.  This is a horrible disease and 26.2 miles is a bloody long way!  So come on, dig deep and together let's raise a shed-load of cash to help Cancer Research UK fight this disease.

Please visit my site to sponsor me.  Now mater how big or small – your support will help me through the pain but more importantly help an incredibly worthy cause.


Kind regards,


Running the Brighton Marathon for Cancer Research UK


A Collection in Goose’s memory


Over the next couple of Runs, we will be collecting any donations via the Hash & then sending off the money to the Colchester ITU. Sis is collecting the donations.


For those who cold not attend Goose’s Send off, it was a good turn out from the Hash, Herts, Essex & F.U.K. Full Moon were there in numbers.  Many stories were told, stretching back over 10 years, to other Hashers & non Hashers alike, at the Service his Brothers read out this unique tribute for a unique individual.


The Goose A to Z


A is for Andrew

B is for Blackadder

C is for Curry (cabbage, cauliflower and cabrussel sprout)

D is for Down-Down

E is for Eccentricity

F is for Francophile

G is for Goose

H is fro Hawkwind his favourite band

I is for ‘If I was Prime Minister I would….’

J is for Jokes (Bad & old ones)

K is for Kindness

L is for Laverda his favourite bike

M is for My way is the right way

N is for Nephews and Nieces the he loved so much

O is for Opinions

P is for Puckeridge

Q is for queue to get in to the Pub… not Goose

R is for Respect

S is for Style (nuff said about that)

T IS FOR Tea with scones & cream

U is for Uriah Heap (another favourite band)

V is for Vodka (Greygoose vodka that bought him his car)

W is for Wordsmith

X … if Goose was Prime Minister he would ban X because it’s a stupid letter

Y is for Why am I paying so much tax?

Z is for Sleep


We hope there is something here for all of his friends to relate to.