Junior’s 50th Birthday Weekend, Hunstanton 1st - 4th October 2010


The first glimpse that some of the early arrivals had of Junior was when Mr. X, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Hyena went over to Tesco to get their provisions for the weekend, as they approached the check out they caught sight of the spectacle that was Junior & TC wobbling along the aisles, not doubt looking for the Booze section?

            By now the weather had changed & it was lashing down, having gotten soaked coming back from Tesco’s, where Hyena managed to drop a few bottles of Ale form the box he was carrying, only one man was lost, so it wasn’t as bad as it could have been. Hyena made himself comfortable in the Gold Lodge & should add “Every room’s a bedroom” to his Arabic sayings Mr Mohammed taught him.

Once the Gold Lodge had been sorted out, they popped in to see what was happening in Junior’s lodge!  Those who were in there were already in Junior’s ‘Squiffy Club’ & appeared to be set to remain there for the duration.

Mr. X, My Lil’ & Hyena decided to take a wander around to the Mariner’s Bar, as they were led to believe that was where everyone was going to meet up or the start of the Pub crawl!  Mr. X had copied Junior’s emailed Itinerary after he had left work & he handed these out, as he did so pointing out the clause that Junior had added about nothing probably going to plan!

Adonis, Rubber Duck, Showman & Blondie Blonde all came in to the Mariner’s Bar, having just arrived back from Guernsey, so quite a bit of time was whiled away listening to tales of PGs Wedding.  The video clip of Showman reciting ‘Twinkle, twinkle little star!’ after inhaling helium was extremely funny.

As the group around the table grew in size, the staff turned off the ‘big screen’ showing the Ryder Cup so that a bloke could come in & set up his Karaoke equipment.  He went through a few tests, with the usual “One, two, one, two!” which received a reply of “Three, four, three, four!” from Mr. X.

The Karaoke guy looked at the table surrounded by Hashers & said that he was glad that he had a crowd in this evening, which was a shame as the Pack were still going to go ahead with the Pub Crawl & see the Band in the Waterside.  He would be left with around 5 people to entertain once the Hash had moved on!

Time came around for the start of the advertised Pub Crawl, well the window of opportunity as the rain had eased up had come, but only a half a dozen of them took advantage of this & set off into the damp night about an hour behind schedule.  On the way by Tesco the intrepid ones of Mark E Mark, Lobby Lobster, Mr. X , My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Hyena saw TC, that Dear Chap Henry Root & the ever charming Ginger Root walking back toward them.  They had already gone to the first of the Pubs in town & found no one was there! 

TC wasn’t happy to go back again & seemed resigned to spending the night at Searles, but once the Roots (Darling Henry & Ginger) both were persuaded to turn once again, like Dick Whittington, & head off toward the Wash & Tope, TC was now convinced to follow ‘the flock’ back to the Pub. Lobby Lobster rallied Mark E Mark around to get on with things with a cheery “Hurry up Harry Hill, let’s get moving!”

In the Wash & Tope, they would meet up with Windsock, Tops, Twonk & Unmentionable, who had been out for some grub & had managed to do two of the other Pubs in (Not so) Sunny Hunny. 

Ketch Up, Pel & 1-2-1 managed to make their way to the Wash & Tope as well, it looked like a Pub Crawl was beginning to take shape, as for the organiser of the event?  Well, he was still back at base camp (Searles) where 19th Hole was trying to persuade him to put his shoes on to go out, the feat of getting his feet in to his shoes would take her over an hour!!  At his age you would have thought that she would be slipping his old plates of meat in to fluffy carpet slippers?

Anyhow, the small band moved around to the Old Marine to sample the Ales in there, after the Wash & Top these seemed a lot quieter, but at least the others could hear Pel explain that he was there as he had to come up to Norfolk to pick up a Window!  Mr. X thought that it was a made up excuse for Pel to get away from his other half, like “I am off to Norfolk Dear, I‘ve got a pick up a window for a mate!” & so no more thought was given to the subject.

The jolly little band now moved on around to the Golden Lion Hotel, it seemed that a lot of the businesses in Hunstanton weren’t open on Friday night, there was no sign of many eating places doing any trade. Once in the Golden Lion Bar the small Pack soon found that this was even more lifeless than the Old Marine!  A quick one was had in there before everyone set off toward the Neon Blue Bar signs over by the sea front, to the Waterfront.

Here the Band were in full swing, over in the long glass conservatory on the far side of the Bar, Flip Top, Sis, Psycho, Skip, Commercial Whale, Alice et al could be found.  By now even the Birthday Boy had been dragged across to the Waterfront by 19th Hole!

The Band were very good, they hit the right note as they did a variety of covers from the late sixties to the present, with such songs as Teenage Kicks going down a treat & then it was time for Mustang Sally!  19th Hole was asked to join the band to sing the backing vocals, obviously theses poor souls didn’t know her form Adam!

Once over the shock of 19th Hole being asked to join another girl (civilian) to sing the backing vocals, Junior took his rightful place, at the front & facing the band.  With his air guitar primed, though some said his G string had gone a bit slack?  He was ready for it.

Joined by Mr. X, 1-2-1, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead to name a few, with hands over one ear & with the other arm raised, pointing to the ceiling, the song was truly mullered as only Hashers can!

After the band had finished, the Hash were finally chucked put & slowly made their way back to Junior’s Gold Lodge for a we soiree, TC was unhappy that certain Hashers had helped themselves to ‘his Becks’, so after just one most moved on to Windsock & Top’s Gold Lodge, were Wine was on offer.

The Pack enjoyed a laugh in to the smaller hours, but one person who wouldn’t be laughing by the end of it was Windsock.  After several attempts to read the Hieroglyphics embossed in to the aluminium oven front, as well as being assisted by no less than six people, the grill & oven was fired up.

Windsock was making cheese on toast for all & sundry, Mr. X was impressed by how he managed to made the cheese covered ‘soldiers’ of bread to a very uniform size?  But things went a bit ‘tits up’ when Pel arrived on the seen & somehow the Sock burnt his thumb on the oven/grill & he told Pel to ‘get out of the way’ in non uncertain terms.  Pel diplomatically decided to go to another of the gold lodges to finish off the night!

After this most decided to take their leave & try to get some shut eye for the long day ahead, but where they got their shut eye was a different thing.  1-2-1 didn’t make it back to his room, but instead crashed on Junior’s sofa, whoever, he did arrive at his billet in time for a cooked breakfast!  Which wasn’t bad as he blagged a sausage sarnie before leaving his temporary accommodation?

The itinerary for the morning g stated that the Trail would be a ‘10 minute walk’ to Heasham where the Hash would appreciate & enjoy the delights of the Fox & Hounds, which just happens to be a CAMRA recognised Brew Pub!

Fliptop paced around in his ‘military style’, checking the Lodges & their ‘Gold Members’ (Oh, ERR Pebbledash!) to see what they were up to?  Half said that they would walk down to the Fox & Hounds, while the rest said that they would get the bus there, in Mark E Mark, Lobby & Ketch Up’s lodge they had just arisen for breakfast & so would be a long way behind everyone else! 

The reason for them getting up so late was down to the fact that they had managed to drink the all of the contents of the bottle of port that they had brought along for Junior’s as his birthday present!  They would also see Pel off as he was really going to pick up a window!

Ryde & Tablewhine were staying at the Wash & Tope, so they called Mr. X to get the ‘low-down’ on what was occurring, Mr. X didn’t recognise her voice, which was probably down to the fact that he had to move about & go outside to get a signal & talk to her over the quacking of the many ducks that inhabit this site!

The same waterfowl that Lobby Lobster & Mark E Mark were spotted chasing around with a towel to throw over it, if they caught it!  The poor mallard with fishing line around its neck kept managing to get away from them, so they gave up!

It was a fine morning. A nice day for a stroll, but which route to take, the choice as were the coast route or the former railway line that was axed by a distant relative of Mr. X?  The coastal route seemed the best option.

So, off set Ryde, Tablewhine, Mr. X, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead, Hyena set off, along the way it came out that Ryde had spent a lot of her childhood here as her grandmother lived at Heasham.  As they passed by a small amusement arcade, she said that the plastic cartoon model policemen outside of it were there when she was a kid!

Having made their way through various parts of caravan parks, they came out to follow the coastal route along to Heasham.  There was a refreshing breeze drifting in off of the Wash, not quite the ‘Bracing’ type advertised in Skegness, otherwise the fat bloke with us would be gaily skipping along the beach in a Souwester & he wasn’t!

The sun was shining & those who took the coastal route soon began to work up a thirst.  Lots of birdlife could be seen along the shore as the tide was out, & the view was pretty spectacular view over to the Lincolnshire coast.  Ryde said that she was happy to have been to Skegness & surrounding area as she got to see Hunstanton from a different perspective!

One spectacle they didn’t expect to encounter was what happened as they caught up with Flip Top, Sis, Psycho & Skip!  As the approached a small outcrop of rock, two of the party ahead of them broke of & disappeared behind the stony mound.  Sis had to stop for the call of nature, ‘when you gotta go you’ve gotta go!’ but to make it worse, Skip then stopped to pollute the water there as well!

Flip Top decided that he would join Mr. X in looking inland & take a picture of the local beach huts, Mr. X took his to text it to Smartarse with the caption “Is your garden shed?” while Flip Top was more out of embarrassment at his wife’s antics!

Everyone was stunned as they saw one of these tiny, wee sheds Beach huts was up for sale at £4,500!  Flip Tops attention then turned to the fact that he could see a holiday park refreshment area & a sign for Public Toilets.  Psycho was relieved, in more ways than one to see this!

The Pack had now been out for over half an hour on the so called 10 minute walk, & as they headed up toward the centre of town they came up to the old Railway line & just by the former railway station was the West Norfolk Pub.  Having been out for so long, & having worked up a thirst, all of the group decided to stop off for an Ale.

Now the service wasn’t the fastest, but the Hobgoblin Ale was most refreshing, Flip Top enquired whether the Landlord uses the back room for functions, which led to the staff thinking that they were about to make a booking!

Eventually it was time to move on up toward the Church in this quaint English Village, it was a fairway until they came around the bend to find he Fox & Hound Pub.  It was already quiet raucous inside as the walkers found Junior, Windsock, Tops, Commercial Whale, Alice, Panda, Twonk, 19th Hole, Mee Juliee were louder then the Sock’s shirt [& that was loud! –Ed]

Most of the raucous laughter came from the Fact that Mee Juliee had fallen asleep on the Bus & had continued along toward Kings Lynn, while the others had alighted not realising that she wasn’t with them. The friendly bus driver sorted things out for her to get her back to the fold.

Most were of the same idea to start off at the end of the Bar with Ales of then weakest strength & work their way along from 3.4 to 6.3%!

The Fox & Hounds is a great Pub, just as they should be.  It had leaflets & pamphlets on Music & Real Ale through out Norfolk, it seems there’s a lot more happening around there than some of us get back home!

The Sock was apologetic about the previous night’s altercation, but unfortunately Pel had already gone by then. Still at least he had thought about it, perhaps the ‘thumbs up, signs he received managed to jog his alcohol addled memory?

The Pub was also inhabited by locals, one of whom was hunched up over one end of the bar & looked like a grizzled old sailor who had spent too many years at sea said, He didn’t say much except for “He keeps looking at me!” when Mr. X glanced over when he mistakenly thought that it was Junior sat there!

The rest of the Pack arrived in small groups, Lobby Lobster, Mark E Mark, ketch Up & 1-2-1 all walked there, they too were not impressed by the ‘Only a 10 minute walk’ statement & Junior had this ringing in his ears for quite sometime!

The Pack had lunch at the Fox & Hounds, which was a good idea considering how much time would be spent there, the food was very good indeed.  Tops was a bit concerned when Windsock took an order for Seafood platter, as he was supposed to have ordered something entirely different, but the Sock being the Sock had changed his mind!

Suitably nourished, the Sock bellowed out a statement of “Are Herts good enough to take on Essex at Pool?” of course we know that we are as My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Mr. X wipe the floor with the Sock out in Benidorm!

Mark E Mark & 1-2-1 soon stepped up to the plate to take on Windsock & Twonk, this game got a lot of attention as it went down to the final Black, which was potted by 1-2-1 to take the first match, in fact they would not loose at all to the ‘Team Sock’, their only defeat would come at the hands of Showman & 19th Hole!

Those who went on to the 6.3% Ale soon found that this was a finely balanced Ale which is deceptively smooth, the type of Ale that would sneak up on the unsuspecting & take its toll.  So, the some of the Pack guzzled it down like it was going out of fashion.

Soon it was time to head back to base, so the palaver of getting the Bus back began once Windsock had given the 5 minute warning!  It seemed to take an age for the bus to arrive, so long in fact that Twonk had to go off & have a pee in a bush in someone’s garden!

It was announced that Saturday’s Curry was off, this was no doubt due to two facts, 1) Junior doesn’t eat when he drinks 2) He hadn’t even bothered to book any tables there!  This would lead to the Pack breaking up to source what ever sustenance they could find, & of course some would not meet up again in the Wash & Top to see ‘Hair of the Dog’!

A few did go to the local Curryhouse, & very good it was too.  By the time Mr. X, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead & Hyena had left Flip Top, Sis, Psycho & Skip there, it had started to rain again, so the mission to find the United Services Club ground to a halt, but according to Junior you can see it from the Square.

In the Wash & Tope the Band were soon in full swing, & full swing meant that it everything was played at break-neck speed as ‘Hair of the Dog’ were slightly on the speed-metal side of things.  Even the Queen song they played at the beginning of the first set was trashed to death!

During the lull between the first few songs, Windsock was quite vocal about what he thought of the band’s abilities, style & choice of music, he was soon chastised by Tops who strictly laid it down to him if he didn’t stop barracking then he would have to go home!  & Go Home they did!

Henry Root & Hyena have an advantage over the rest of the Pack, at least they could turn their hearing off!  Adonis & a few others couldn’t hear themselves think, let alone have a conversation about ‘No-Showman’ being a light weight & crashing out after the afternoon session!

If that wasn’t bad enough, some of the Herts more established Hashers were shocked to see that Rhino now reduced to drinking lager!  What has Splash done to him?

In one brief respite from the band, Mr. X asked Rhino where the United Services Club was in Hunstanston, again he was told its just up from the Square with the crescent car park, all the locals all talk about this place as if it should be obvious to all.

Some time in to the bands second set, when the conversation was leading to everyone ending up with hoarse throats for having to shout above the music.  Panda was one who escaped the noise & it was quite clear for the likes of Rubber Duck, Adonis, My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead, Hyena & Mr. X that Panda was pretty well gone.

One of the main pointers to Panda’s state was the angle that he was managing to stand up at, someone hasn’t been seen to lean that far forward & not topple over since the days of the famous act of ‘Little Titch!

At least Panda was still with us, even if it was only in body & not mind, as for (No) Showman he had disappeared off to bed & would not be seen again until the morning.  But with the pressures of his business & being a part owner of a racing team you can’t blame him.  Not all of us can party all of the time in the current climate!

While some enjoyed the Band, others enjoyed the relative peace of the Waterside, but others would get a lot near to the ‘water’s side’ as Twonk & Splash were among the few who decided to do a bit of ‘Skinny dipping’…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….Sorry about that I had a sudden urge to throw up!  Where was I, Oh, Twonk & Splash, well fortunately it was far too dark for most of the drunks as they staggered home to witness the scaring of  the local wildlife.

Sunday morning was another bright day, which meant that My Lil’ Sperm ‘ead had to go out & set a Trail, if it was raining then it would have been straight into the Bar!  Others up relatively early were some of the Mark E Mark Lodge, as they were going around chasing a duck!

1-2-1 arrived back at Mr. X’s Gold Lodge, this time he had missed breakfast so he took it upon himself to put some bacon in the saucepan that had been used to cook the beans & use that to cook the rashers, which was all very well but it left the pan with a thick black burnt crust around it, & this would be a pig to get off! [Call yourself a scientist Dr Young! – Ed]

With the Trail laid it was over to Junior’s Gold Lodge to help decorate it with suitably embarrassing photos of the ‘Birthday boy’ while TC & a couple of others got him out of the way by taking him to Tesco’s for some more provisions.

Ryde & Tablewhine had supplied the colour ones, while Rhino had sourced the black & white ones form when he was a kid, obviously there wasn’t much colour film about in those days.  These were placed around the room, Happy 50th Birthday banners stuck across the windows & to top it off, Psycho had made a cake, which she had superbly decorated with the Herts Hash logo.

There was another cake on show, this one was made by Angel, who had made a Icing sugar effigy of Junior on top of it, this yellow figure was posed like Junior with one hand over one ear & the other arm outstretched in that pose we are so familiar with.

While the decorating was going on, the banter was about Junior & one wag came out with a witty remark about Junior, which left 19th Hole to retort with a curt “Don talk about My Junior like that!” & those in the lodge replied with a long, drawn out, Wooooooo!

With the pictures on the walls, the Pack could admire how Junior’s haircut has improved over the years, from the classic Short back & side, to the dome like bowl cut to the Herts Hash regulation Skin ‘ead!

Junior was back to see the rogues’ gallery of his pictures, he also seemed proud to wear his “Kiss me I am 50!” lip shaped badge, which flashes.  You’d have thought that he’d have placed it down in his crotch area.

While TC & Mr. X poured the Bucks Fizz, [Was this in tribute to one of Junior’s favourite groups?-Ed] that dear chap, Henry Root, admired Junior’s birthday cards on the mantel piece above the fireplace, the book about ‘What to do now your 70’ was rather amusing.

While the Hash were out on the veranda for pre-run cocktails, Showman, Blondie Blonde, Rubber Duck & Adonis drove by in the campervan to say goodbye!  Once they had moved on, after Showman checked that a passing bin wagon hadn’t touched his mobile home, Fliptop finally called the Circle together!

But there was a further delay as 19th Hole was still faffing around with picture of Junior to decorate the walls with!  [Save it for the dartboard – Ed]  The Buck’s Fizz was passed around, Tops & Me Juliee went around with scones, with cream & strawberry jam, very civilized, finally the Pack toasted Junior. [Which is far better than being ‘Roasted’! – Ed]

Next in the Circle was Twonk, who announced that he had lost a Sock while Skinny Dipping in the Sea, he  held up the remaining ‘Left’ one & said that the missing article was similar but had ‘Right’ stitched in to it.  He failed to mention that it also had a label with his name stitched into it as well!

Mr. X took the circle to say a few words about his mate, Junior, but couldn’t find the words, so he presented him with a present that Junior had to open in front of the Pack.  Mr. X said that he bought Junior something he will not need to use, therefore saving on paying out for any batteries!

The Circle laughed as Junior showed them an alcohol breathalyzer, which I may add is endorsed by Stirling Moss no less! Then Mr. X produced a sheet with a picture of Junior, from an article that was in the Times, & he asked the Pack to come up with suitable captions for the empty speech bubble that had been placed on it!

The Hare had said that the Trail would be a half hour walk for those who didn’t want to R*n, which would be a few by the looks of things & it was set in the usual Herts nonsense!  The First CHK was outside of Junior’s Gold Lodge, but there was little in the way of checking to start with as Mr. X was one of the few to actually leave & begin running!

The Trail led down through the park, toward the South, but the Herts GM & RA were soon found to be lost at one end of the park as they came up to a Bar CHK.  They began to work their way back toward Sis & Lobby Lobster, on the way they looked down several options off of the main drive back to the CHK.

At the point where the Trail broke off to the West, the RA saw Rhino had stopped & was leaning against a post while going through the motions of barfing up, no doubt it was all of that lager??  What a lovely sight to witness as the Pack made their way out to the West side of the Park, then out on to a service road below the sea wall.

The Hare had set the Trail so it led southward a short way below the sea wall before it climbed a set of stairs to reach the top of the wall.  A choice of two was soon narrowed down to one as Mr. X picked up the Trail heading northward toward the Fun Fair & Amusements up ahead.

Mark E Mark, Mr. X, Rhino & Ryde were the FRBs that day, leading most of the way & definitely doing the searching for the Trail.  Rhino was now trying to run off his nauseous feelings as the Trail crossed back over the sea wall for a brief time before returning to the sea side.

Having made it by the Amusements the FRBs found them selves running beside the coast side of the Waterside, it was clear to sea that this was once Hunstanton’s Railway Station before it was axed in the 1960s by a relation of the Herts RA!

The Trail led up toward the park area below the War Memorial, the Keenies managed to make their way up to the small green area in front of the Golden Lion Hotel, but from there the Trail seemed to stop, which was no surprise as the CHK the Hare had laid had a car parked on top of it, even though there were double yellow lines at that point!

Mark E Mark eventually picked up the Trail over by the ‘Britian’s largest Joke Shop’ which led Mr. X to wonder what is Britain’s largest joke?  Anyhow, the Dust soon led the few Keenies up to a crossing & then on by ‘Sunny Hunny’s Bus Station, here the FRBs ran into Junior, who was leading the likes of TC, Windsock, Panda, Mee Juliee on the Short cut. 

All of which was fortunate since the Hare had terminated the Trail just a little further down at a Held CHK, since he still hadn’t found the On Inn of the United Services Club!  & looking from the square no one could see this.

The Hash passed by United reform Church, YMCA & YHA but there was still no sign of this allusive club!  As Junior led the Pack up the hillside & around the corner, to the very top of the hill, hidden behind a walled garden & lots of trees a Union Flag could be seen billowing in the sea breeze, the Oasis had been found!

Mr. X remained back by the Square & directed the doubting Flip Top & unsure Ryde up the hill before the Hare arrived.  Even when Mr. X set off, it still didn’t look promising until turning the corner & reaching the every top of the hill!

The Hare marked the Trail up to the Club & the Pack soon made themselves at home in the side Bars, which kept them away from the good gentlefolk of Hunstanton.  The Club stewards made the Pack very welcome, with a reserved area at one end of the front Bar.  Most had a go in by a ticket for the Services Club bottle draw.

 There were several choices of Real Ale, it was IPA for Skip, so the RA explained that it means I Pee A-lot!  Anyhow, one of the Stewards heard about the Hash’s like for Real Ale & informed the Pack that they were going to hold a Beer Festival at the Club in 2011 in a bid to drum up some trade.

After being asked “What is the hash about?” as the RA chatted with a someone he presumed was a local, but it turned out that he was from Hertford, the RA told Mark E Mark that the guy was from Hertford, having not seen the bloke Mark E Mark asked “Which one?” to which the RA replied the one with the Herts’ haircut!

The RA called the Circle & the Hash were allowed to hold this inside & keep them out of the drizzle.  The RA went on to find tyre that is used as a dartboard border to protect the back wall, this look like it could be a horse collar that is used for Gurning contest, but with Twonk being there the RA deemed that there would be an unfair advantage to him if it took place.

Firstly the RA said that he never expected Junior to live this long, also that his bet with William Hill was now off!!  Then the serious bit of Down-Downs took place.

The Hare from Yesterday was out, for setting an invisible Trail;  Banana Bender was out for falling asleep on the bus to the Fox & Hounds; also clearing up yesterday’s hits were the pool teams (who were left) & of course Twonk for peeing in someone’s bush in their front garden!

My Lil’ was out for setting the Sunday Trail, especially as he had no idea where it was going to end since the United Services Club lurks within the Hunstanton Triangle.

Fliptop was out for his complaining to the staff about not having bed sheets, then going back for another moan when he thought that they had forgotten to drop of a new set, then on Saturday night opening the plastic bag on the side to get out a pillow case only to find that it had sheets in there as well!

Junior was presented with an Oscar for being the biggest Diva on the Herts Hash this year!  Gold Members Henry Root, dear chap, & Ginger Root brought along a baby’s bottle for Junior to have a Down-Down out of!  This was filled with Ale & Junior was again in the Circle, tough he couldn’t seem to suck any of the liquid out.  Perhaps he hasn’t had a teat in his mouth for awhile & is out of practise? This is a feat that even a new born baby can accomplish!

Rhino was wearing his FUK Full Moon 21 Bum salute T-shirt, one that Mr X had actually missed out on & after he mentioned this to Rhino he was told that he could have it, Mr X wasn’t too bothered about excepting it now as it was pretty sweaty after Rhino had run around in it, this was a Down-Down for Rhino!

On the subject of T-shirts, Ketchup wore a Pickled Eggs T-shirt, yep yellow with a cartoon of a jar of pickled eggs, on the back it should have someone in bed with the old duvet ripping away due to the after effects!

The RA gave way & Commercial Whale took the Circle to tell an elaborate story about Junior on Isle of Wight for UK Full Moon Nash Hash, it was based on a trip Junior made to the Gents at the Junior School of the venue, where Commercial Whale went for a pee to witness the state Junior was in.  In a story that Ronnie Corbett would have been proud of, it started off with Junior finding it hard to get in a position to urinate in the low urinals, as the story developed Junior was contorting his body to use the urinal before he ended up bashing his head on the ‘bathroom furniture’ & all of this had the Circle in Stitches as Junior seemed to be believing all of this as if it were true [How would he know otherwise the state he was in? – Ed]

Things took as out turn as the obligatory photo’s were taken of the drunks on the dance floor, as Hyena & that dear chap Henry Root embraced & Hyena’s tongue was out & on the loose heading toward Henry’s puckered lips.  [As they say on Crimewatch “Don’t have nightmares!” – Ed]  Mark E Mark & Lobby were out for their chasing of waterfowl ducks around their gold lodge, trying & failing to catch the one with fishing line around its neck.

A couple more Down-Downs that didn’t include Junior took place before the result of the caption competition were announced, The suggestions were:


“I am environmentally friendly, except after a few beers!”


 “I thought I was working for Avocado!”


“Good morning Madam, here I am to service you with a smile - and I am wearing my (hand) protection.”


“Good Morning Ocado, Colin speaking, before you place your order I have a question. Are you over 49 & voluptuous?”

“No I am 25, blonde & slim!”

“Sorry Madam you have the wrong number!”


Bouncer’s “Don’t tell Twonk but I have his sock in here!  Adds that ‘Special’ ingredient to the cheddar!” was deemed the winner, this closed the Circle.


The candles on Junior’s cakes were lit, surprisingly none of them went ‘Bang!’ or the fire brigade were called out!  The room soon warmed up though!!

The Birthday cakes were cut & slices handed out, very good they were too.

The Pack slowly retreated back to site for Dips & snacks at Chez Junior, who was still convinced that 19th Hole had given him his Birthday present.  Fortunately there was no cheese on toast, so no burnt fingers, no swearing Sock this time around, but there was plenty of beer.

The remainder of the Hash kind of knew when it was time to move on form this soirée when 19th Hole began to clear up & the hoover was brought out, still the Becks Mountain was not demolished!  Sock ended up taking some home, since it couldn’t all go back on the Train with TC, Panda & Junior.

To get out from under 19th Hole’s feet, the Pack moved on to the Mariner’s Bar, where a large part of the Herts Hash were interested in watching the Arsenil Chelski match.  Mark E Mark, even though he was neutral, saw an opportunity to make some money as he laid bets with a few of the Gooners.

Panda & My Lil’ ended up being very happy as Chelski took the lead.  Many of the Hash were surprised at how animated Skip was!  He was more upset than TC as the Gooners headed toward a loss!  Though TC has had his moments, & the tales of his paying out after losing bets on ‘His boys’ were recounted to Lobby Lobster & Co who missed out on witnessing TC having the hump big time after his Team lost the FA Cup final to Liverpool, while we were away at the London Hash 25th Anniversary weekend.

TC did go walkabout at one point, due to the scoreline, but Lobby Lobster went out & rounded him up to come back to the Bar!  When the final whistle blew Mark E Mark set up a table & chair on the dance floor, beneath the big screen, then he asked those who owed him money to form a queue & a queue did form.  TC was at the front & first to part with his money!

Most had a quiet night to be ready for the journey Home.  Leaving in the afternoon on Monday, Mr X, My Lil’ & Hyena went off to have a quick beer in the Ancient Mariner, since it was highly recommended but the long walk to get to it & sober up some, wasn’t to Hyena’s taste & he was heard to moan & groan all the way there!  Thankfully the Ales on offer were good enough to appease him before boarding the Bus to Kings Lyn Station.

An excellent weekend came to an end.  Now, I must pop down to the bookies to see what the odds are for Junior making 60?