Run No. 1443 1st April 2012
Venue: The Jester
Beer: Breakspear, Lakeland Lady, Hook Norton
Hare(s): Fliptop, Count Roadkill & Lady P
Visitors: Hare & Hounds
Membership: Crazy Fools!
Yes a Hash on April the First means that there would be a minimum of one wag out there taking the Michael, but it seems that there would be more than three on this occasion! So, where better to hold it than at the Jester, although it is opposite Ashwell & Morden Station, it’s actually in Odsey as both the afore mentioned villages are each a couple of miles away, plus it is just tucked in to a crevice of in Cambridgeshire!
The Joint Pack gathered outside of the Jester, it was splendid day with the sun shining to warm up what was a crisp & frosty morning. While awaiting the RA, Hare Raiser & Hyena all to arrived by Train, which conveniently pulled in to the Station at 10:58! Rapid Withdrawal took the opportunity to string along Lady P with a load of nonsense about the origins of April Fools, as far fetched as it seemed he reckoned on something like it was a corruption of Jouster, a chap who went by the name of Ap Rilfool & another version of it being a corruption of the name Jester, how much would sink in would be revealed in the final Circle.
Ketchup, Angela & Jaron would be the last to arrived, well after the Pack had set off, little did they know that this would save them from having to endure the awful jokes that Fliptop kept coming out with once the pre-trail Circle had been called! [We must get more expensive crackers for this Christmas Meal! – Ed]
Sludge did the honours of introducing the Pack to the correct Herts Run of 1443, while H5 clocked up 1089. There were lots of comments about not panic buying, Petrol, Postage stamps & Pasties (of the hot variety) The Hares were introduced & all three were sporting silly hats with bells on, they were not alone as a few of the Pack were also inclined to wear similar head gear, some even had balloons tided with sting to sticks! [It’s a shame when you’re not allowed to keep a pet! – Ed] these were a modern representation of inflated pig’s bladders that Fools used to hit each other with in days of Yore!
Finally after a few more terrible Jokes from Fliptop, the Pack were mercifully allowed to escape out of earshot & search for the Trail. A couple of FRBs were tempted to look down the path for the homes opposite the Pub, there would be no Trail down there, instead the obvious sign-posted footpath that runs through the car park for Ashwell & Morden Station was the correct route.
Sparky blew his horn as the Pack got going, things should have got off to a steady start, but only a couple of hundred yards in to the Trail there was a faller as Nik Nak went flying as she tripped over an unmarked sleeping policeman. While No Eye Deer & a few others stopped to make sure Nik Nak was alright, she wasn’t as she was rather shaken & had a large graze down one of her arms, the rest of the Herts Pack kept a close eye on T-B-T- OBE as they know what his track record is for falling over on the Hash is like!
Nik Nak returned to the Pub, where she was patched up by the Staff.
The likes of Zebedee were soon off through the yard for the works at the back of the Station grounds, the slightly pink dust did stand out against the grey white path that leads out by one side of the extraction works, the chalk from the huge pit that is ground in to the soil makes this route quite hard to spot plain flour on, as well as self raising!
The Pack had a decision to make at a split in the path, where a conveyer belt for the extraction of the high grade Morden chalk runs by the very tip of the triangular quarry, none of these workings were there last time H4 ran in these parts. Zebedee was first down the track off to the left, which headed in a north-easterly direction toward the New Part of the Morden Grange plantation, he would soon be back as he found a Bar CHK someway down this route. Meanwhile the rest of the Pack were all heading out on the grey white Track parallel to the Railway line.
Once Zebedee was back on track with the more able bodied of the Pack, the SCBs were offered up a short cut down that route he had just come back from. Lady P led the way on the Short Cut, Pongo joined her on this route, as did the Herts RA, T-B-T OBE, & Hyena.
The Main Pack made their way down the long, long route to a point where a farm track crosses it to go from northwest to southeast & pass under the Railway by way of a brick bridge, there was no Trail on the opposite side of the railway & on to the A505 beyond, there wasn’t even a CHK there! Being young whipper-snappers, the late arrivals of Porky Pie & ARP would have no trouble getting around this part of the Trail! For Ketchup, Angela & Jaron it would be a long way around.
The Pack were now led on the next part of what was going to be one almighty loop, there was no stopping on the way back up behind the ‘New Part’ of Morden Grange Plantation, having reached the halfway point of the main Morden Grange Plantation the Keenies were led on by Zebedee up to this point were Lady P & Pongo had stopped, but there was no sign of a CHK or any regroup.
Here Pongo produced two boxes of jellies he had won at the H5 quiz night. To the Harriettes he offered jelly willies & to the Hashers jelly boobs, though some of the H5 Hashers were bothered which ones that popped in their mouths! Luckily for them Pebbledash was there this day!
While chewing on the jellies there were a few gripes to be heard about how long the loop was (so far), the seemingly lack of Dust & the fact there was no respite from running unit now, little did they know they would have to wait a lot longer for the next stop. It was no wonder that Fliptop & Count Roadkill had ‘Cheshire cat’ like grins across their faces!
The Keenies were encouraged to continue further along the edge of the plantation to a stile in the wire fence, somehow Shufflecock went off trail for a bit as he wandered off through the woodland before being brought back around to the true Trail. The main Pack now headed off on another long loop, longer than the last & this would run off toward Upper Gatley End & then around behind the quarry extraction works!
The SCBs took to the alternative choice of the footpath running in the edge of the scrubby woodland, on the right hand side was the tree & bush covered earthen embankment disguising the quarry workings behind. Care had to be taken as this route had plenty of discarded brambles cut from the hedgerow, T-B-T OBE was caught on one of these as he made his way up to the second conveyer belt to be encountered on this Trail.
A clamber over the metal steps over the conveyer, & on to the continuation of the Path out to an ‘AF CHK’ just before it emerges on to the access road to the works. A T was found on either side of the AF CHK, which led to some confusion as to what the Pack was supposed to do.
It was realised that this would be the ‘Bubbly stop’ that Count Roadkill mentioned in the Circle, soon there was a bit of ruffling about in the undergrowth & suddenly a couple of containers were dragged out. Once opened the contents were revealed as Bottle of Bucks Fizz, they did have orange labels but not of the type that some Harriettes expect their Champagne to have, for instance the Guernsey Harriettes! It was not the Famous ‘Widow’ Verve Clicquot, it was more like the Old Spinster of Tesco, coming in at 4% ABV, but beggars can’t be choosers & to get anything drinkable on April Fool’s day was a treat!
ARP & Porky Pie arrived after their late arrival, that long trot should have cleared out any cobwebs form their trip out to Wembley for the Saracens v Quins game, they made up good ground & were in time for the drink & snack stop.
Anyhow, back with the ‘Bubbly’ & to accompany the ‘No Expense spared’ drink [There was no expense spared at all! – Ed] there were Jelly Babies & Chocolate mini eggs! Some of H5 soon became bored, here Ringer decided that he would play with Zebedee’s spring before slinging it away in the undergrowth!
orange juice Buck’s Fizz went, the sweets were devoured with gusto,
especially with Spotted Dick & Custard around, it was obvious that Sloppy
Seconds, No Eye Deer & Paxo were all AWOL! Eventually these three turned up
after getting lost! [Quite a feat on a Trail that was just one big run out &
then back, with a single CHK point at one end! - Ed]
So, once the Pack were allowed to search once more, only a couple went off to look at the possibility that the Trail ran down the works’ access road, they were soon called back to follow the SCBs Trail all the way back to the Venue! Fliptop tried to encourage the back of the Pack to move a bit faster, his calls of “Keep Running!” were ignored in order to keep an eye on the ground to prevent any tripping over the bramble runners!
On the return, the Herts RA was surprised to see that one of H5 has lost one of their foolish appendages as he saw a solitary Red Balloon sitting in a patch of stingers, fortunately as everyone knows everyone knows that nettles don’t sting this time of year, even more so on April Fools Day! So, with no regard for his own safety he waded in & pulled out the said balloon.
Hyena was now well behind the rest of the Pack, but he was still in front of Ketchup, Angela & Jaron! By the time Hyena did make it back to the On Inn one of the H5 Harriettes enquired if he had just arrived? The Herts RA said that Hyena had been around the Trail but was in a different time zone from the rest of us!
As if the Pack hadn’t been spoilt enough, as Count Roadkill put it, T-B-T OBE had brought along some sarnies & canopies from his relation’s Wedding the day before, very nice they were too! Once these had been finished off the Pack finally settled around in the rear garden of the Pub
The hares were rewarded for a Trail that was different than the norm. Fliptop tried & failed to get the Herts RA in to trouble as H5’s Private Parts while doing the Down-Downs made a mistake, but the call of “If one RA drinks, both RA’s drink!” ended up with chorus of “He’s the GM!”” a position Fliptop recently passé don to Sludge, who stoically took his punishment like a true Grand Monkey should.
Other Down Downs saw Pongo rewarded for getting his Willies out, he was joined by Ringer for fiddling with Zebedee’s spring! [This behaviour doesn’t need encouraging!- Ed] The perpetrator out for loosing a Red Balloon ended up nominating someone for her Hit, which the RA rescued from a nettle patch that was up to his ears! Porky Pie was out after the RA overheard Spotted Dick talking to Custard about flying out on holiday & that Porky Pie could be the pilot of their flight, so the story about landing a larger plane than he had been taking in to the airport was recounted & he was given a handy scrap of paper with ‘Big Plane’ written upon it to stick in the cockpit!
H5’s Down-Downs mainly revolved around anniversaries or the awarding of various trophies, the best of which was when Lady P was presented with her 300 Run top, in a colour of her own choice being H5 Haberdasher, but in the excitement of receiving such a worthy award she had forgotten that she had taken the top half of her all over body suit down, as she removed her old jacket those standing in front of her got an eyeful of a couple of bouncers!
A sudden realisation of having her chest exposed, & another candidate for Hammocks Я Us, she rapidly covered up, fortunately (or unfortunately) the H5 Hashflash was on the wrong side of this scene! Even worse, the Herts Hashflash was still out on the Trail! After the screams of laughter & embarrassment had calmed down, the final Hit was the Herts Hashit, the Herts RA then said that to reciprocate the show put on by Lady P, Herts Hash would have their biggest bazooka’s out on display as Hyena was called forward to don the Herts Hashit, he was also out for being in a different time zone! But in the end Herts Hash had the better deal when it came to exposed chest department!