Run No. 1470 7th October 2012
Beer: Buntingford Silence, Simcoe; Growler; Clanger; ESB
Membership: Running two Trails!
Only one person parked up in the public car park, the rest managed to bag a spot right near to Brambles. Goes Quietly was the one who parked away from the Pub, he told the RA that he was only in Buntingford the weekend before, as Cambridge were Hashing from the Fox & Duck, just off of the High Street. Words & Down-Downs will be had when Mr X sees Slaphead & Bastard, both of whom have the RA's email address, & not inviting Herts along to play on their own territory.
My Lil’ seemed extra keen on getting things going, perhaps it was the fact that he was only wearing a T-shirt on this chilly & foggy morning. My Lil’ kept prompting the GM to get a move on. So, it was a few minutes past the hour that the Grand Monkey finally got the show on the road by calling for the Pack to form a Square! It wasn’t Waterloo old chap, even if there were a few Red tops on show this morning.
Having got the Run Number correct, the Hare was introduced & he was welcomed into the square by a grumbling, low moaning from the Pack, so it is not just reserved for My Lil’ then!
Pepé le pew soon noticed that the back of the Hare’s neck had been shaved & it looked as if it went a lot lower, but the Hare squirmed out of Pepé’s grip before any more shaved flesh was exposed.
Anyhow, I digress. Kylie took a lot of trouble to make sure that he Pack was aware of saw-dust that may be encountered on Trial, this was the remnants of the CH3 Trail. Sparky was made particularly aware of this otherwise if he followed the sawdust he may never be seen for days!
The Hare then went on to reiterate Herts Markings, not just for benefit of Sparky & Goes Quietly, but for the FRBs so that they knew when they should make their way all the way back to a CHK. Without further ado, the cold Pack were ushered away to the North.
At the end of the High Street, Dust was soon found on an alleyway off of Ermine Street & as the Pack made their way up this enclosed tarmac path it soon became clear that he dog-poo bin at the start was probably pretty empty as there were quite a few dog’s eggs littering the way.
Out on to the end of Bowling Green lane, here the Dust seemed to disappear as the option on to the next alleyway out to the east was found to be void of any Dust, then a call of “On!” emanated from a footpath running on the inside of a hedge by an industrial estate, between this & the hedge of the local School. Sludge almost went astray as he wandered away to the school entrance, Pepé le pew called him back.
It was a moderate run out by the old white factory units, the FRBs now had to dodge even more dog turds & make their way out through the spinney at the end of the factory area, the likes of Pepé le Pew, My Lil’, Goes Quietly, Sludge, Sparky & Mr X were suddenly stopped in their tracks by a T just as the path comes out into the open. As the FRBs made their way back toward No Eye Deer & Pebbledash, Pepé le pew told them that as it was a T, this meant going all the way back to the very first CHK.
It now became all too clear as to why Kylie had gone into so much detail to explain the Hash Markings! So, back through the dog turd laden alleyways & back to the end of the High street to find some nice, freshly chalked arrows directing the way down to Vicarage Road.
The Hare had already dispatched Hyena down this route with a “Can you put a trot on so the others don’t see you?” in order for the FRBs not to get an inkling as to where the Trail would go to at the end of Vicarage Road. Hyena’s reply was in the negative & had a few choice swear words added to it, he had no intention of breaking in to any kind of trot.
Pepé le pew was in good form as he soon ran to the end of Vicarage Road, where a CHK was found next to the small, narrow bridge over the River Rib. Hyena may have been out of sight of most, but Pepé le Pew may just have glimpsed him as he took to the Wyddial road.
Pepé le Pew was soon on to the footpath off of the side of the lane, it was on the Lane to Wyddial, that the Pack would pass by an elderly gentleman out for his morning constitutional stroll & a young girl out jogging, this would be the first of a few meetings between these two & the Pack, once the Keenies had fallen for the Hare’s trickery.
The Footpath left the lane, rising steeply up the embankment to lead on up between the fenced off paddocks of a farm below the Church of St Bartholomew’s, here there were plenty of Llamas to be seen, these inquisitive beast were of various sizes as well as a few with black coats, there were also cute youngsters in the paddock.
The Trail led up to the tree line running from north to south, then on to a bridleway running southward up to the Church at the top of the wooded hill, Pepé le Pew was first up to St Bartholomew’s Church, that has been under some renovation of late, Sparky was soon up with him & the pair hid behind the skip & building equipment once they had found the Bar CHK just beyond!
Goes Quietly said to the RA that he would have to watch the Hare, as they both descended down the Bridleway to come out on to the Wyddial road, right by the old Gent & the young girl! A CHK was found on the lane & this saw two choices for the Trail to take, Sparky stuck with searching the tarmac, while Pepé le Pew chose the footpath running north-easterly along the ditch separating the fields in the bottom of the valley.
Both found Dust, it was now becoming noticeable that the Hare had marked each option with equidistant blobs of flour from the CHK, so both called “On!” about the same time. However, it would be Sparky who found a T, while Pepé le Pew would lead Sludge, My Lil’, Goes Quietly, Mr X & Paxo out on the way over toward Wyddial.
Some may recall that there were a few Red tops on show this morning, well, one of these was worn by Mr X & all though it is starting to fade, it is still bright enough to be seen for quite some distance, even with the slight lingering remnants of fog. The RA could only conclude that Sparky must be Red/Green colour blind as he failed to spot him on his way down the path, as Sparky short cut across the recently seeded crop field to join the FRBs on the way through to the Wyddial road.
The FRBs found a CHK where the footpath comes up on to Broom’s corner, the second of the S bends in to the village of Wyddial, from here Pepé le Pew led My Lil’, Sparky & Sludge off on the footpath heading north-easterly over toward Wyddailbury Farm, this would turn out to be a Long Falsie Trail.
Mr X & Paxo had seen the turnabout on that choice & so they moved to take to the opposite southeast option, where a footpath takes to the fields in the east from the first part of the S band in the lane, on the way Paxo handed out a card to the girl out jogging as they passed once again, then as they made their way along the tarmac they met up with the old Gent once more.
The old chap would soon see these two once again as they had to run back by him, after finding that the route they were on was False too! The only option left now was to take the lane into Wyddial, so a trot along the tarmac & by the village sign would have Paxo & Sludge commenting on how this village sounds as if it should be in Wales.
Pebbledash & No Eye Deer caught up with the RA & JM, Paxo now seemed concerned that he couldn’t see Puddles or Spillage anywhere back down in to the valley, Hyena was the only one down there. Pebbledash explained that the girls weren’t lost, they had just abandoned the Trail to visit a friend of theirs!
Back to the Trail & the Pack found a Held CHK by a bench at the T junction with Moles lane, Sparky & Pepé le Pew both took advantage of sitting on the bench beneath the horse-chestnut tree, they took to sitting down on Trial as Paxo delved in to his pockets & then started to hand out sweets for the second week running. Others were more interested in Pepé le Pew’s hipflask that he was offering around, even more so when they found out it contained Port.
Sparky took it upon himself to be the lookout for the backmarkers coming up the hill, it soon became clear that he hasn’t been down to Specsavers [other suitable optician stores are available! - Ed] as he said he could see one of Pebbledash & Pepé le Pew’s girls, wearing Red, coming toward the Pack. The only thing wrong with his statement was the fact that neither of the girls were on the Trail any longer, nor were they wearing Red! It was Hyena who was dressed in red bringing up the rear of the Hash!
The old Gent now walked up to the Held CHK, Pebbledash & No Eye Deer tried to convince him to join the Pack, as he seemed to be more spritely & fitter than some, but he declined as he was heading in to Wyddial.
I was soon time to move on, My Lil’ & Mr X seemed keen on checking out down the dead end Moles lane, a walker who was also taking that route asked Mr X what they were doing, & so the second card of the day was handed out. Pepé le Pew made it clear that he hadn’t any Hash Cards & would like some, the RA will sort something out.
Having given a quick & rough explanation of what the Hash is about, Mr X set off on the Trail which had just been picked up by My Lil’ on the track that leads on from the end of the tarmac lane. Sludge was soon up with the other two FRBs as they took to the footpath by the northwest corner of the fenced off paddock.
The slightly askew, old green sign post of 1 mile to Buntingford lured them along here, the RA said that a mile can be done in four minutes, so they wouldn’t be far from the On Inn. Sludge & My Lil’ were not so sure that any of them could do a mile in 10 minutes!
No Dust was seen until they reached a gap in the hedge, there Mr X spotted Dust at the bottom of a telegraph on an adjacent footpath to the west, all the way across on the opposite side of the field! So, it was back to the paddock to make their way over to the southeast corner & then out on a wide farm track that winds around to lead along by the edge of Beauchamp wood.
The Trail now led in the direction back toward Buntingford, but knowing this Hare it would not be a simple trot back down in to the village, oh no! The Keenies started off on the right track, but then a CHK halfway to a kink in the footpath along the field’s edge, led Pepé le Pew to go off to the south, where there was a Falsie lurking in wait for him.
Mr X, My Lil’ & Sludge continued on & around the small bend in the path & picked up Dust. A call of “ON!” went out to Pepé le Pew, who signalled that he had heard the others with a limp-wristed wave down.
The others would soon be a little less cocky as they would soon fall foul of the Hare’s cunning, this was from a CHK that waited for them by a footpath up through the crop field to the adjacent footpath that was now less than 1 mile to Buntingford. Sludge searched up this one, he found Dust at the same time as Mr X, both called out “On one!” then “On two!” this left My Lil’ confused as to which way to follow.
My Lil’ decided that he would follow the RA, as he ran on down toward a family, with the kids out on their bikes. They all looked around as Mr X started to laugh when he looked back to see Sludge was coming down from his option, but the merry p*ss-taking would soon be curtailed as My Lil’ pointed out a T on the edge of the harrowed field!
By the time they had made it back by the CHK, to go further up the route to the north that Sludge had come back off of, Pepé le pew had made up the ground he had lost earlier. A CHK was found up by the Hedgerow, where these Pepé le Pew, My Lil’ & Sludge all headed up through the smaller enclosed field on top of the ridge, on a path that sweeps around to the Church of St Bartholomew’s, but they didn’t pick up the Trail before Mr X had found Dust in the lower field, running along the hedgerow to the west.
Sludge, My Lil’ & Pepé le Pew all returned to the CHK & followed the RA round the hedge at the fields perimeter, this turned a quick left & then a right, for an arrow to direct Mr X into a smaller enclosed fallow paddock, there a dreaded T was found!
While the RA & Pepé le Pew went back around the field’s edge, My Lil’ & Sludge blatantly cut across the fallow paddock, claiming not to have seen any T in there! Even though they fully well knew what the RA had planned for Sparky & his heinous crime of cropping on his earlier short cut.
Pepé le Pew & Mr X were back on the correct route, just as the Hare was coming up the Hill, Hyena could be seen on the path along the hedgerow, but Sparky & Goes Quietly couldn’t not be seen at all! Eventually in the distance Sparky was seen coming around, way back on the Trail. He had gone astray on a False Trail & somewhere along the line had some problem with an Electric fence, which the RA was pleased to hear about later on.
Pebbledash & No Eye Deer were up with Paxo as the two FRBs, who were obeying the markings , ran on to the arcing path around to St Bartholomew’s. On the way there was a very large squashed dog turd that really reeked taking the breath away of those of the Pack who passed by it.
The Dust led out through the farm yard & out on to the by-way up to St Barts, here the Trail would take to the Causeway, which would lead directly back down into Buntingford. As the Dust came in to the area of houses, it didn’t waver from this route as it came down to the ford in the River Rib. Luckily the floor of the ford has been raised so that the water flows underneath the concrete, unless there has been torrential rain.
Once over the Rib, the Trail turned left to head around on to Church Street, My Lil’ & sludge decided to take a different route & went to the right to try to find an alleyway up between the homes & then on to the end of the High street. Something must have gone awry as they came out of the alleyway just as the RA was walking up to the end of the High street!
The pack were soon inside Brambles, entering the Bar it was like a scene from the PG Tips advert, with the knitted monkey, as Mr X & My Lil’ made similar noises to the advert when Johnny Vegas & Monkey come back in from being out in the cold, Mr X added the quack, quack bit, just without the duck slippers!
Pepé le Pew reminisced about when the Pub was called the Chequers & he used to work on the door, it used to be a bit of a night Club that attracted a lot of noisy youngsters. Now it’s a really good Real Ale Pub that attracts an elder & more sedate clientele.
The Pack were spoilt as the bar snacks came out, they were told to tuck in to the chicken legs & wings, sausage rolls, sausages, cheese & pickled onions. Mr X & Pepé le Pew then lowered the tone, almost putting the Hash off of their snacks, as Mr X answered Kylie’s statement about “Varnish or waxing!” with a “What, your back?”
If that was a bad enough sight, then the one of Sparky coming along & picking at other Hasher’s left over chicken bones wasn’t that good either. He proudly said “That’s how you leave a bone!” Pebbledash was in stitches as the thought of Sparky’s bone! She then went on to question the Hare about vegetarians putting ‘meat’ into their mouths! [Oh Lord! – Ed]
Down-Downs were taken out in the rear deck, which apparently has to come down due to complaints about it’s erection, it’s hard to see who could complain as it is impossible to see from almost every direction, & it only covers the tarmac of the small former car park area.
Anyhow, it was soon apparent as to what the RA was planning as three pints were watered down a bit, & like some kind of alchemy class, vegetable soup went in as well. Sludge was very quick to let the RA know that ‘Revenge is dish best served cold!’ he then tried to give the RA one of these as he had fallen off of his bike on the way back from the last weeks Hash, the scabs on his right arm were testimony to this, but this would have put the balance of things out, so it was a normal Pint of the RA!
The RA finished his Down-Down & normal service was returned. The Hare was rewarded for a good Trail, much shorter than his normal ones. Skip & Psycho had turned out for London on Saturday, the RA wondered if it was the knowledge of who the Herts Hare was that made them change to LH3 for the weekend?
Then it was down to the sinners, unbelievably the RA heard a lot of crap about not seeing any T etc. as excuses by My Lil’ & Sludge. The RA explained that he had already said Sparky would get a soupy Down-Dawn for his short-cutting across the field over the seedlings, even knowing this, the other two still cut off a field near the end, & so as not to be unfair on Sparky, the other two had to have the same punishment.
My Lil’ wasn’t as keen as Sludge or Sparky, the later who seemed to relish veggie soup in the Ale. Though Sparky couldn’t see that he had Short Cut over the field, but not going back to the CHK constitutes short cutting to the RA! Even though he had mentioned what Short Cutting was about in front of the RA & Pepé le pew while in the bar, while claiming he didn’t do any!!!! Pepé le Pew was last out for falling for the most False Trails!