Run No. 1495               1st April 2013

Venues:                         The Jester The Railway Tavern

Beer:                              GK IPA, Abbott Charlie Wells Eagle IPA; Bombardier

Location:                      Barnet

Hare(s):                         Mr X

Runners:                       20

Virgins:                          0

Visitors:                         0

Après                              0

Newies:                          0                        

Hounds:                         3

Total:                            23

Membership:              Cursed by the Black Squirrel!


                It seems that this Trail was going to fall foul of some April tomfoolery throughout the morning, it was bound to be with this Trail being on April the First!  The first problem to beset the Hare was the fact that the Jester was now shut, when he went to check it out there he saw that there wasn’t a stick of furniture to be seen through the Bar window, let alone a hand-pump for Ale!

            So, after some frantic rushing around with emails & phone calls, thanks to TBT OBE for calling 2-1-2 Maureen & Bus Stop, the venue had a last minute change to the Railway Tavern, a venue most of the Pack know well enough to find.  The late change of plan meant that the Hare would also have to adapt the Trail to pass by the Jester, just in case someone like Sparky had not been informed & had arrived at the empty Pub & failed to see any markings outside of it.

            The GM was back from seeing the Aurora Barourilis (Northern lights) on his cruise with Flanders in Scandinavia, he was certainly invigorated by his break as he was keen as mustard to get the show on the road.  The time was just on the hour as he called the Circle together, his introductions almost caught the Pack out as every man jack of them were about to pounce on his words of “Welcome to Herts Hash House Harrier’s Run Number 1500!”  You could hear the groaning beginning to rise & then tail off to collective sigh of relief as Sludge continued with “Minus 5 Runs!”

Thankfully the Hare was less devious when it came to his spiel about what the Pack could expect out there.  The main points were that it was set in flour, there were would be short cuts, there would be an egg hunt stop where a dozen Easter eggs were stashed away, then he finished with “It seems like Mr & Mrs Barnet don’t clear up after their pooches on the good streets of the town!” as a fair portion of the Trail was laced with dog’s egg landmines to be avoided.  It was as bad as being in Belgium!

As the Pack set off to leave the rear car park, Fartin Martin & Dragon’s Den drove in & this led to comments about there being chocolate out there on the Trail coinciding with Fartin Martin turning out this week.  They weren’t the last to join the Pack, Bus Stop would catch up after a late start, as would Skip & Psycho.  The latter two had no excuse as they are currently living just yards away from the Pub!

Turning the corner to come out on the main street, the Pack soon felt the cold wind cutting through as the Trail led from the front of the Pub & headed eastward the short way toward the Railway bridge for the main Kings Cross line, the first CHK was found just before the bridge.

While a few of the Pack gathered around the CHK, Sludge was soon searching under the Railway bridge, meanwhile Pepé le Pew was off up the footpath running beside the western side embankment of the railway line behind the new build office & factory units.  Somewhere up the gravel footpath the Dust was found, care was needed as the way was littered with allsorts of crap, from bits of wood, discarded bottles, plastic & of course large dogs eggs.

On the way someone was unlucky enough to tread in one pile of the reddish colour dog mess, it seems that there may be just one large dog as the culprit for these large deposits.  Sludge made his way back from going off Trail & was soon bustling his way by the likes of 2-1-2 Maureen, No Eye Deer, Pebbledash, Sis & Lofty as he ran up to the next CHK where a footpath comes down from the bridge upon the Railway embankment.

Along the way Lofty explained the various guises that Barnet comes under, Barnet, New Barnet, Chipping Barnet, Friern Barnet, High Barnet [Not Barnet Fair though, as that’s rhyming slang for Hair! – Ed]

Fliptop had to stop & clear up after Winston, perhaps that is a first for this alleyway footpath?  Anyhow, he started off again as Sludge came back from the False Trail further northward between the homes on the west & the Railway on the east.  The Trail was picked up by Pepé le Pew & Sloppy Seconds as they had gone up the flight of concrete steps to cross over the main line.

On the way through the fenced-in bridge, which has a wire fencing to stop anyone jumping on to the path of the trains below which give it a tunnel like feel after the concrete start, there was more evidence of dog mess littering the place, sadly this would continue once the Pack were down the opposite set of steps by the Gas works, with its deflated Gasometer.  Once in the north-eastern corner of Victoria Park there would still be dog crap littering the way, which should have been picked up & put in one of the bins in the Park, like Fliptop used.

Sludge ran on eastward toward the end of Lawton road but was stopped in his tracks by a T, he soon scuttled across the green sport ground on a long arcing route of his own to almost get on to the western path leading down near to the cleared area of the fenced off Gas works that no doubt will be redeveloped in to a housing estate. The other FRBs followed the Dust to the south-western corner of the Park, near to the Running Club that Windmill was a big part of for years.

Sloppy Seconds went off up the park entrance by the Sports club, while Pepé le Pew took to the tarmac path heading along the south end of the park, near to the watery ditch where he found the Trail.  Sludge was on his way over there when he spotted that Pepé le Pew had run along the path as it dips out of view to follow the Dust below the level of the sport ground & then up to come out behind the Tennis courts.

Pepé le Pew emerged from behind the gazebo & fountain in the Park to head northward beside the Tennis courts, Sludge had now changed his course & his running took to another long curved trot around the grassy sports ground to join Pepé le Pew on the path heading northward out to a CHK on Lawton road.

The Hare had put in a short cut, he was followed on by Spillage & Backpack to miss out the trot around the Park, Sis & No Eye Deer were keen this morning & decided that they would do the whole loop around the Park.  The RA would soon hear that Backpack is now to be known as Derek at school, or a girl’s name that the Scribe couldn’t recall at the time of writing.

TBT OBE arrived at the CHK & queried if the Trail cut across the adjacent crescent, the Hare said that there was a footpath straight over the green semi circle of grass in front of the line of homes, but he suggested that they ought to follow on behind Pepé le Pew, Sloppy Seconds & Sludge to find the Trail just over from the end of Lawton road, on the centre bollard on the end of the footbridge spanning the Pymmes brook.

While Pepé le Pew & Sloppy found the Trail & headed over the footbridge over the brook, Sludge chose a different option as he went off northward along Baring road in hope that he would intercept the Trail off on the footpath at the bottom of the Jewish Community School.  He was called back by the Hare before heading in to Hadley Wood, altered course to join Pepé le Pew & Skip on the way up Grove road.

The pace slowed up wide suburban Grove road as it runs up hill to the top of Mountpleasant, it may have been residential but that didn’t stop the place from being a spot for the locals to let their dogs crap on!  Having dodged more turds, some of which the Hare had placed Dust on to highlight their presence, the Trail led the Pack up to the roundabout of Mountpleasant. 

An Arrow directed Pepé le Pew straight over to the CHK by the car park of the Jester.  By the time the other FRBs had made it up to the CHK, Pepé le Pew had already found the Trail & even had the time to come back to mark it, a local gentleman was standing by the CHK pointed out the way to those following on behind Pepé le Pew. 

The Hare asked the local what was happening with the Jester.  Sadly the local reckoned that Tesco were after turning it in to a store, well they will not get the RA’s custom since he boycotts Tesco Expresses for what they have done with other Pubs being turned in to Tesco stores.

Bus Stop caught up with the Pack as the Trail now headed away from the parade of the Mountpleasant shops, now it headed northward along Northfield road to an arrow that directed the Hash off up an alleyway that runs between the back of the grounds of Ludgrove Hall on one side & a sports field on the other.  Needless to say that the route was still plagued with dog’s eggs but at least some of these were bagged up before being discarded on the path!  Sloppy Seconds & Sludge were soon up the alleyway, hot on Pepé le pew’s heels, then No Eye Deer took the northeast bound path out to Games road.

While they searched from the large CHK, that was placed around a bollard on the eastern edge of Hadley Wood, the Hare had put in a short cut off of Northfield road to head out of the end of Somer close, where a gate leads on to Games road on the edge of the woodland.

The Trail came around the end of the Hall’s ground as it turned westward to run down Games lane where it becomes an uncapped route along the woods’ edge, Sludge & Pepé le Pew came running down this route just as Backpack & Spillage emerged through the gate in the dead-end spur road.  

No Eye Deer wasn’t far behind the other FRBs, TBT OBE was also soon following the way down to the gentle slope to the level, there the track came up to a CHK by a small brick pack-bridge over the Pymmes brook where it drains out of the end of Jack’s lake.

Sludge seemed keen on going up around the side of the lake, but he was soon called back as “On!” was called a little further up the way on the opposite side of the bridge, a short way along the by-way & the Trail would peel off of the main route through the edge of the wood.  A short cut was put in along the by-way.

The Dust now led the Hash on through the clumps of scratchy holly & thorny brambles bushes in amongst the trees of wood, it weaved its way around a just few of the myriad of desire lines that crisscross the whole of the woodland.  Eventually this would come out on to a more open space with just a few young trees dotted across it in a future avenue.  The Keenies would now find out how the Hare got his Hash shoes wet while setting the Trail, the Trail crossed the boggy, cold, wet green space as it cut across at an angle to rejoin the by-way.

Pepé le pew was straight away down the track from the CHK, he wasn’t lured back in to the wood just yet.  As the Trail continued westward, having passed by the back of the Jewish Community School’s grounds, Pepé le Pew & the rest of the Hash were going to be led back in to the undergrowth as the Hare had them weaving their way back around the trees & bushes on Newman’s hill. 

Paxo was encouraged to go back in the woodland, since he was now behind Backpack who had already ventured back in to the wood with Puddles, Pepé le Pew, TBT OBE, Sloppy Seconds & Sludge.  The terrain rose for the Pack & eventually they would come out to the edge of the steep wooded embankment, near to where the by-way crosses the mainline.

There was a choice of ways to get down the sloping embankment, but no one wanted to use the rope swings that hang down from the boughs of the broadleaf trees at the embankments edge.  The Trail crossed the wide bridge over the Kings Cross line & a Held CHK was found by the baring gate on the opposite side above the Tracks.

Pepé le Pew thought that this was the Egg stop, but it wasn’t, not just yet.  Instead the Keenies were allowed to search again once Fartin Martin came over the bridge.  Farts & TBT OBE were kept back at the CHK, as the Keenies were soon on to the Trail, except that it would just be a loop off through a part of the woodland of Hadley wood, although it didn’t really go that far, it was long enough to entertain the FRBs while the majority of the Pack made it up to the Held CHK.

The FRBs made their way from the dry leaf littered floor of the wood & then on though some deep, cold wet shiggy as the Trail came back around in an anticlockwise direction on to the end of the Baker’s Hill road, this in turn came back up to the gate on the bridge where the Held CHK was, a few added arrows made sure that once they had waded through the shiggy in the wood the Keenies would not get lost!  It was here that the Curate noticed that Puddles wasn’t living up to her Hash Handle as she avoided the wet areas!

Now the Hare had set the Trail to lead in to an area of holly bushes, just away from the bridge & near to the northeast corner of the Tudor golf course.  But as the Pack searched between the bushes it soon became clear that some arsewipe had been in there & nicked the eggs, the remains of silver foil & Clingfilm was nearly all that was left, except for one abandoned egg that Winston tried to eat until Fliptop got it out of the back of the pooch’s throat!

Fortunately the Hare had kept back half of the eggs in reserve, so that the Horrors, & Fartin Martin, would each get an Easter Egg!  Pepé le Pew made sure that the Hare wasn’t too upset with loosing half of the eggs, as he produced a bottle of Port & began dishing this out.  Since the Hare wasn’t driving, thanks to a kindly Train driver, he got second helpings of the Port! 

Fliptop found that the Port had loosened his tongue as he was very quick to get in about the missing eggs & the to vindicate himself when it happened to him on Letchworth common several years ago & he blamed the resident Black Squirrels!  [I suppose that’s the end of that story being regurgitated every Easter? – Ed]

TBT OBE was really after the Hare today, as he suggested that Mr X gets down to Specsavers for not seeing the egg thieves lurking about, the Curate was not listening to this attempted grassing up.  Instead the Pack wondered who would pick up abandoned eggs in woodland, especially as there were a pair of abandon blokes pants that Fliptop found next to the wood pile some of the eggs where stashed in.  Perhaps it was a better thing that the Pack didn’t eat the eggs in there, especially if some one had been caught short & had crapped in the woods like a Bear!

Anyhow, the shots of Port must have cheered up the Hare as he pointed the Pack straight down the footpath running along beside the Railway line, so no more searching was needed.  Pepé le Pew wasn’t impressed as he looked out over the grounds of the Nine Hole Tudor Golf Course, this was one of the first short hole course’s that his dad took him to play golf.  The short fairways were looking pretty rough & the guy with his mower wasn’t going to make much difference where it has been left to grow rough.

As the Pack headed off to the south, Sloppy Seconds was stopped to tie up a loose shoe lane, he placed that foot on a log but as the Curate lent forward to tie the lace Skip booted him up the backside!

Along by the Tudor Golf course & a family out walking their dog soon found that they were having to call it back, as the young pup thought that it was good fun to run a long with the Hash!  Finally the pooch was sent back, but this left Puddles & Spillage asking Pepé le Pew if they could have a dog like that?  The answer was in the negative as they still have a bear at home, plus they would have to walk it.  Unlike the RA’s sister, they don’t have some mug who can be palmed off with some dog sitting & walking at the drop of a hat!

Back to the Trail & the Hash only had to make their way back down the path by the railway, the final CHK was at the corner of the end of Tudor Park, but this was quickly dealt with as Sludge ploughed straight on to make his way behind the homes where the On Inn was seen & avoiding the trash on the way through the second CHK of the day by the steps to the footbridge over the railway.

The majority of the Pack were all back by 12:05, & in to the Bar only a few minutes after that!  Once inside the Bar, the conversation heard the latest on Chez Skip et Psycho drying out.  With the RA being the Hare, the Curate was going to stand in for the RA when it came to the Circle.  Sloppy Seconds had scribbled his potential hits on the front of the Trash [Sacrilege & a Down-Down if there ever was one? – Ed] but he had put this down & Skip was soon poking his nose in to read the Hits!

The Pack were confused for a bit as they weren’t sure who they should be paying their subs to, was it the Hash Cash ort TBT OBE with his official looking printed sheets??  Somehow between the two things weres sorted out!

Sludge talked about his trip to see the Aurora Barourilis, then the Heineken Cup with the RA, meanwhile TBT OBE was still trying to get the RA in the sh*t as he showed a copy of the Hare line was wrong with a November date sneaking in to the second week in December, the Curate again didn’t take the bait of the RA having a Tardis to go back I time at the end of this year!

Despite the Cock ups of the Day, the Hare was awarded his Hit for a Trail the Pack enjoyed.  Other Hits went to Puddles for avoiding the Puddles on the Trail, & there were a few!  TBT OBE was out for his encroaching on Hash Cash’s job.

Of course Skip was out for the Hashit, there was really no other option after he had read the Trash & booted the Curate up the Arse, which must have been like a Bellerophonic letter (Bellerophon was sent by King Proetus, who wanted rid of him, with a letter to King Iobates, it read “Kill the man who hands you this letter!” fortunately for Bellerophon it wasn’t acted upon!) Unlike Skips cause!