Run No. 1512             14h July

Venues:                      The EHMR

Beer:                            Sawbridgeworth Gold;

Location:                     Van Hage’s

Hare(s):                        TBT OBE

Runners:                       20

Virgins:                           1

Visitors:                          0

Après                               0

Newies:                          1                       

Hounds:                         0

Total:                            22

Membership:              Bewildered & confused, and that was just the Hare!


                This year’s EHMR overnight campout saw a good turnout for those staying under canvas from the Saturday barbeque, drink & a bit of messing about with the Trains!   The RA returned from his overnight stay-away back at his own home, due to having dog-walking duties to perform Saturday night & Sunday morning.

Joining all of these on Sunday was Jaws, who had already met My Lil’ out in Budapest over the Easter Hoilday when the F.U.K Full Moon Hash had paid them a visit.  He had made his way over from St Albans, later on he learnt that he could have joined the Hash the previous weekend at the Six Bells Beer-festival!

            The Circle was held up at the camping area.  Kylie seemed keen on getting the show on the road & he gave the GM a countdown to the hour.  On the hour the Circle was called & the Pack were welcomed to the Hash, then the Newies were introduced. 

Once Jaws & Abi had been shown to the Pack, so the rest could prevent them getting lost on the Trail, the Hare had to go through the motions of explaining Herts Hash markings to the Newbies, but one flaw in this was that the Check point the Hare had drawn out on the ground was more like a wobbly square!  TBT OBE then threw a few Red Herrings in to his spiel as he went on about crossing railway lines & water obstacles.

The Trail started with the Pack making their way down the track to the Garden Centre car park, this was quite a long route around before the FRBs found the first CHK out on to the entrance of Van Hage’s.  Sloppy Seconds headed southward up toward the top of Amwell Hill, while Sludge, My Lil’, Mr X, Jaws & Sparky headed down the hill toward Ware.

These five crossed over the main road & found a Trail leading up Madgeway’s Lane but they would be stopped by a T up the narrow shaded lane!  So, it was back to the road & looking back up the hill they could see the Hare, with the large group of SCBs all heading away toward the south.

An arrow pointed up Cauthery lane, a little further up the hill, saw the Keenies peeling off to the left on an acute angle as the lane slowly moved to start heading eastward, this group would again be on their own as they ran on to arrows directing them around on to the even narrower Hillside to the south, it was at this junction that the RA said “I hope the driver doesn’t ask the Hare for directions!” as they saw a parked up bus headed of them where the driver had flagged down a passing motorist!

             A short way down the lane & the likes of Sparky, My Lil’, Sludge, No Eye Deer, Sloppy Seconds, Mr X & Jaws were suddenly stopped in their tracks, right at the start of a footpath down to the west & back to the main road, for here they found an arrow here pointing back toward them!  Sludge & My Lil’ headed off though the old kissing gate & down the edge of the fields near to the local boot fair.

Meanwhile, the others went back to the road junction to double check they hadn’t missed something, they hadn’t & this would cost them a lot of lost time before they realised the Hare had put the arrow the wrong way around, they were now well behind the other FRBs as they ran on down the edge of the light brown fields.  Jaws asked Mr X what all of the cars over in the distant, largest field were doing parked up there in neat rows, it was explained that this is boot fair.

The Trail came back to the main road & arrows (in the correct direction) pointed over to the west side of the road, then it began to lead back toward the Garden centre but suddenly the Trail left the road before getting too near for an early On Inn! 

The dust led down Gypsy lane, at least this was down hill & invigorated with an easy trot the RA called out “On! On!” which led a local to come out of his home & ask what had he lost?  Having explained that these FRBs had only lost the Hare & the rest of the Hash the local was happy it wasn’t an emergency, Mr X now came up to a SC marked with an arrow pointing further down Gypsy lane, & another arrow directing the Trail down a footpath between a couple of the homes on the lane. 

Jaws & Mr X chose to follow the whole Trail & headed off down the enclosed alleyway the Footpath runs down, this would lead out to a CHK on the edge of the Stanstead road, there they found Sparky going back a forth like a headless chicken as he couldn’t find the Trail.

The RA thought that Sparky may have had too much sun as he couldn’t seem to find the Trail, did grasp what the RA was trying to explain about checking it out to the north as the short cut would come out at the end of Gypsy lane, down toward the bridge with the A10 above it.  Mr X took this option & he found the Dust that way.  Sparky, Jaws, Sloppy Seconds & No Eye Deer followed on, they too crossed over when directed so by the arrows (again pointing the correct way) under the shaded A10 bridge.

The Trail was now marked at the CHK by a set of steps that lead back southward along the edge of the A10, this track run though the edge of the first enclosed field & passed through a gate by a Vodaphone tower, this stretch was quite exposed to the sunny skies as the Pack made their way up to the very east end of Goldings wood.

The RA again had to bring Sparky back on course as he was off in to the next field beyond the finger of the wood, he had missed the arrow directing the Pack away from the CHK on the short wooden bridge over the dry tributary it spans.  After running over the dry ground of a paddock, the FRBs appreciated the shade of the wood.

The Path weaved its way along a desire line that followed the contour of the outer southern perimeter of the wood, it was soon noticeable that out in the sports field side of the trees that there were a few race marshals in fluorescent bibs were out there, they were making sure that the Ware Joggers running a preset course kept to the Trail marked out for them.  It was a few of these joggers that Sparky had spotted up in the field earlier that he was homing in on before being called back.

The Trail made its way westward through Goldings wood to the west, still there was no sign or sound of the rest of the Pack.  A couple of female joggers were soon on the same path the Hash were following, had the Hare decided to use this path as it was marked with large arrows for the benefit of the Joggers, & this would save him buying a couple of extra bags of flour?

Eventually the lost FRBs found some of the SCBs in the wood, they managed to even have a few Jelly Babies at this regroup.  There was no sign of My Lil’ or Sludge as they had continued on toward the west, the Trail as now making its way further out toward Haileybury College in Hertford Heath, not far from where Ketchup lives, not that he was here on this Trail.

It was up near to the college grounds that Sparky & a few others went astray as the Hash Trail was indistinguishable from the Jogger’s Trail.  With the likes of Slug, 3D, Port & Starboard taking a short cut that was offered, with Pepé le Pew, Pebbledash, Puddles, Spillage & our virgin, Abi, all taking that route as well the FRBs would be on their own for a long loop around Much wood & down through in to Leafyoak wood.

Kylie also took it upon himself at this point to short cut back, so he could ‘Sort the drinks out!’  Ewok caught up with Mr X & Jaws shortly after Kylie had abandoned the Trail, she heard the RA bemoaning the fact that he thought that he would not be able to catch up with Sludge & My Lil’!  [Sounds far too competitive? – Ed] So, it was a surprise to them that these two came back with Sparky after going astray & this meant that Mr X was actually ahead of them!

The Dust finally left the Jogger’s Trail, no more big arrows or tied up bunches of red & yellow warning tape, instead the Pack had to deal with sparse markings of Dust, some of which were no bigger than drops of bird guano!  The Trail weaved its way off of the established tracks in the woodland & down in to the leafy dell where several tributaries meet.

Somehow the small group of Keenies managed to make their way around through the outer reaches of the wood, every so often having to regroup when the Trail seems lost before spreading out to pick it up again. Sparky was still running amok amongst the bushes as this group starting to come back down to the eastern tip of Golding’s wood by the A10.

The Trail ran back on to the track the Pack had used for the out Trail, this time heading Northward away from the phone mast & back down the steps, on the way they passed by the first “On Inn” but once down the steps there was some confusion as a blob of Dust could be seen by another footpath on that side of the road, this leads back up to Leafyoak wood.  The RA , My Lil’ Sludge all ignored this & headed back under the A10 to get on to the footpath that runs from the edge of the bridge & straight over the crop fields behind the Garden Centre.

Again there was a bit of confusion as to the start of the path, with a blob of flour being in the right place to lead Sparky off in to the scrubby bush to one side.  Sludge & My Lil’ led Ewok, Mr X & Jaws out on to the edge of a wheat field, Sparky was soon back on track as he too came out by a couple of civilians out walking, they warned the Keenies that they’d have fun when they reached “The tree”!  It was here that the second On Inn was found.  [How many On Inns does a Hash need, if it’s not a Pub Crawl? – Ed]

The Dust led up through a tree line separating the fields behind the garden centre, but around the halfway mark out to the east, a fallen Tree blocked the route, so the obstacle had to be circumnavigated by going out in to the adjacent wheat field, but once beyond the fallen tree there was no way through the hedgerow & back on to the path for some way. 

The resulting trot up along the crop’s edge resulted in lots of small grass seeds getting in to Hash socks as they made their way through the wild grasses.  Ewok had one last surprise as she made her way back on to the path & got stung on her hand, she was right by the RA who said he was shocked that nettles stung in such strong sunlight!  The Trail emerged from the footpath by the small factory units & out on to the main road.

O the way through the Garden Centre car park, Sparky was found to be buying ice creams, Mr X & Ewok accepted Sparky’s offer & both had a Cider flavoured Ice lolly, no surprise there then!  Puddles, Spillage & Abi came back from the EHMR to do the same.

Having got a real cider, or the remains of the Ale in the garage, the Pack settled back up in the campsite for the Circle.  But this was delayed as No Eye Deer & Sloppy had yet to return.  Mr X explained to Jaws that not all Herts Trails are like this, & that he also believed that there are still Hashers out in the deserts of Qatar from a TBT OBE Trail!

The Keenies were surprised that Flanders, Pebbledash, Pepé le Pew, Paxo, Backpack, 3D, Slug, Port & Starboard were all ready back & sorting out their spots under the gazebo, but in fact the Keenies were probably more relieved that the SCBs did take the short cuts as they would could have been in the woods for hours!

No Eye Deer & Sloppy finally came back, both looking a little worn out when they got back which got Pepé le Pew casting aspersions.  Perhaps they should have done what the RA did & get a lift the few hundred yards to the camp site by cadging a lift in the Hare’s car!  All those already under the gazebo could hear was the RA saying to TBT OBE not to spill his pint of Cider! [That’s Cider & not Cidre! – Ed] The RA was jeered on this entrance, by those lounging about in their sun chairs.

            The Circle was called, the GM did the honours & toasted the Hash, then it was over to the RA.  The Hare was rewarded for a Trail that had many smaller Trails within it!  Sparky, Sludge & TBT OBE (again) were then called in to the Circle, the RA explained that these senior Hashers would soon be incommunicado as the final Telegram - their preferred form of modern communication - would be sent in the world at midnight as the Indian Telegram service was ceasing.

            Jaws was awarded his Down-Down for completing his first Herts Trail; then the RA turned his attention to Sloppy & No Eye Deer getting lost & they were awarded a Down-Down, before returning to the subject of Newies & calling Abi in to the Circle for completing her first Hash.  Then finally Pepé le Pew was out for not mentioning her Red Hair, Pepé le Pew said that there were certain boundaries but he would take that out on Porky Pie at the following days Hackers Golf!