Run No. 1516 11th August 2013
Venues: The Royal Oak
Beer: GK IPA!
Hare(s): TBT OBE
Membership: On a large wibbly-wobbly race!
On the way over to this week’s Hash, the RA just happened to say “Well, it must be better than the last Trail TBT OBE set?” The answer to this you will read later (or if you’re impatient, about halfway through this report) [You’ve given the game away! – Ed]
Not a bad turnout on this Sunday, the early dark clouds had been blown away before the Pack arrived. The early birds of Mr X, My Lil’ & Hyena had a little wait before anyone else arrived at the venue. The next arrival was heralded by a long sound on the horn of the impatient driver who was tail-gating too close behind 2-1-2 Maureen when she turned off in to the side-street.
More arrived, Ewok was presented with a crop by My Lil’, she asked if he had used it? [Christ! With his size what breed of horse was he riding, a Brewery Dray Horse? – Ed] Then as the time edged toward 11:00Hrs there was some musical cars, especially when Skip & Psycho arrived, drove through the car park & then headed up the side street toward Hertford Rugby Club before turning off on to a spur road!
The Start was delayed as the Hash waited for Skip & Psycho, but they failed to come down in time for the GM’s welcome to the Hash in an ancient Roman style of MCXIV, as the eager Pack wanted to get away! This meant that they also missed the Hare going through his drawing out of the Hash Markings, which seemed only to confuse the Hare Himself! Pepé le Pew wondered why the Hare was demonstrating this as there were no Newbies about this week!
Anyhow, the Pack were directed up Hoe Lane with the fateful words from the Hare of “I set the Trail backwards & went wrong a bit!” The Trail was soon off Hoe lane, making its way through the back streets to the Southeast of Hoe lane leading up to the Local RFC. The Trail here was spot on as it had the FRBs running all over as the Trail cut through some short alleyways to Presdales Drive.
There was more trickery from the Hare as the Trail headed down Gilpin road to the main London road, where a CHK was found. The FRBs spied that Psycho had made her way over the road, on what they presumed to be a short cut to pick up the Trail on the path on the other side of the ‘New River’. My Lil’ called “On!” away along London road toward the southeast, & he found the next CH just a short way form the local garage where a lot of car washing was going on [Much more entertaining to watch than the 1976 film! – Ed].
My Lil’ sailed by the CHK by the alleyway heading back south-westerly into Red House Close, other FRBs like Sparky, Pepé le Pew, Spotted Dick & Sloppy Seconds did exactly the same & all exclaimed “That arrow is too close to the CHK!” as it could be seen just a few feet away from the CHK, again the RA ‘tempted fate’ saying that the Hare could be a ‘double-bluff’ & the Trail could go that way.
Indeed it did go that way as those up beyond the soon stopped in their tracks & turned around, this allowed Pebbledash & Custard to start off down the alleyway to run back through the small housing estate in the presales area of town. The Pack made their way around on to Presdales drive once again turned to the right to head to it’s end in the southeast where it meets Post wood road. AT the CHK there the Hare was found with Hyena & 2-1-2 Maureen!
Mr X led the way up toward the wooden gates at the end of the road, where this stops beside the edge of Post Wood. He & Pepé le Pew were first in to the woodland & then to follow the Dust up the steep leaf-littered bank in the wood. Sparky kept asking these two were “On!” which they were as the Dust did indeed go that way.
The RA would tempt fate for the last time (he gave up after that) as he said “I bet that we’re (FRBs) on a long loop around the wood!” The Dust led southward, passing by several groups of dog walkers & their yappy pooches, perhaps the passing sight of Sparky’s pale white legs reminded them of bones?
To try & write what happened next would be impossible, as the FRBs, SCBs & the rest of the Hash were led astray, the Hare eventually kept up with the lost souls & admitted that things had gone wrong. Sparky apparently had led some astray down the hill & the CHK that almost everyone had stumbled upon was supposed to be found later in the Trail!
The Hare now changed the Trail & took the Pack down in to the open area of a fern covered gully before bring the Hash around in an anti-clockwise direction & back in to the wood. Everyone was now confused as the Dust led up the steep embankment to cross the route they had already been out on! [Some thought it was bad enough last week in the rain! - Ed]
Pepé le Pew decided that as the Pack were running all over like ‘headless chickens’ that they should be a regroups, so he draw a Held CHK out in the leaf litter! The omens looked bad, the Hare was missing & there was a Police Helicopter flying over the woodland. The RA wondered if he mooned that it would be picked up on the thermal imaging camera?
Once Psycho & Paxo came up over the wooded hill, the collective group followed Dust up to the edge of Pressdale’s recreation park, where even more dog walker seemed to be out & about walking their hounds over the sports field. A False call of “On!” came as Sludge & Skip made their way out in to the open green space.
A collective decision was again made & the majority of the Hash made their way over toward the Pavilion to South, over in the east corner of the park the Hare could be seen marking the Trail over toward the car park, suddenly Dust was found & the Hash made their way through the tree-line to get on to Walnut Tree walk, a long path that makes its way between the avenue of trees, all the way to come out beside Van Hage’s garden centre! [Still away from the Pub! - Ed]
On the way down this shaded lane, Spotted Dick & Custard handed the RA a puff-ball, recommending that he dries it on his window sill & then slices it up to eat! [Watch this pace to see if he survives their ‘foraged food’!] 2-1-2 Maureen & Hyena had followed the Hare on his short cut at the oother end of the playing fields.
Tent Packer & Sparky soon passed them, as did the rest of the Pack as they ran on out beside Van Hages to find the CHK on the main road back in to Ware had been marked by the Hare. Again IT pointed away from the On Inn, as that lay down at the bottom of the Hill!
The Trail crossed over & the Hare now had the Hash heading further south-eastward up the narrow lane of Madgeways. The Hare had the FRBs taking a loop out up Hillside & then down the footpath that cuts back behind the homes & then through St John’s Churchyard, all in order to keep some of the Pack out of the George the VI! The Trail dropped down the steps & on to the edge of the New River.
At the CHK here the Hare had placed a Short Cut in for the SCBs, but not before the FRBs had head up toward Standsted Abbotts on Amwell Lane & then just after the War Memorial, it led down the grassy bank side & over the lane to a footpath heading north-eastward toward the River Lea Navigation, just before reaching this part of Lea Valley park, those on the long Trail had to cross the railway to Ware.
Sparky was the only one to go over the footbridge over the navigation, the rest were now getting a little weary & they kept to the tow-path on the west bank of the Navigation. Sludge, Tent Packer, My Lil’, Mr X & Pepé le Pew all made their way down to the next bridge up stream as the Trail finally headed northward!
Sparky came over this bridge from the east side of the navigation & joined the rest to run a little further down the tow-path until they reached the a path off to the west, opposite Hornmead Lock. This was a relief for m Pepé le Pew as the RA had been teasing him about there still being a chance of the Hash ending up in the Navigator in Ware town centre, after he did say that the Royal Oak does open only on certain days!
The shaded track crossed back over the branch-line form Hertford East & led out on to Lower road, & at the end of the track the Trail turned on to the bend in the lane & headed over to the ‘New River’. The Trail took to the path along side the New River.
The FRBs caught up with the SCBs, those who passed by Skip soon found that he had an old vase light under his arm, that on closer inspection may have had a crack in it & that may be the reason it was in the skip of rubbish he had passed by on the Short Cut!
The final part of the Trail was to lead along the edge of the New River to the roundabout opposite the John Gilpin Pub, a swift dash over to London road & the end of the Trail was insight as the road curves around to the On Inn.
Now, upon returning to the Royal Oak, there were a few groans about the only Ale being on was GK IPA. But as it was straight out of the Barrel it was probably the best pint of IPA any of the Hash has ever had. Even the RA was shocked to enjoy this, so Hats of to the Pub’s Cellar-person for the keeping of the Ale!
After the Pack had devoured the sandwiches, excellent Chicken legs & really tasty chips (no puff-ball on these for the RA!) the Circle was finally called. Having toasted the Hash (in English & not Latin) the GM handed over to the RA & all were surprised that when he asked “What did you think of the Trail!” the Pack were rather nice to the Hare, as Pepé le Pew said “It was expected!”
With one Hare out of the way, the RA awarded Paxo a Down-Down for the previous Trail, where the Circle was cancelled as it was hammering down with rain after that Trail! Other Down-Downs went to Sparky [& George! – Ed] (for perhaps a treasonable offence?) as the Royal Baby was named George, he denied all knowledge!
Ewok was out for not taking the riding crop she was given earlier, around the Trail! Which was fortunate as the Hare would have ended up with an arse lie a Baboon! Sloppy Seconds was out for bitching before the Trail started that his favourite yellow Kenya hat wasn’t with him but in Mombassa! My Lil’ was out for now getting one run ahead of Fliptop to record the most Herts Trails (he’s been itching for Fliptop to miss one for ages!)
Spotted Dick & Custard were out for reaching 69 Herts Trails (each) but when it came to drinking these they seemed to have a strange idea of what 69 meant [Its Prawn Balls & Sticky Rice in my local Chinese! – Ed] The Circle was finished with My Lil’ having another hit for not wearing a Hash Shirt in the Circle!
The Circle disbanded & the Pack actually went back for more IPA, as well as listening to Pebbledash & Pepé le Pew go on about male bovine genitalia!