Date = 18th August 2014
Run Number = 1573
Venue = The Prince of Wales
Location= Green Tye
Beer = Stortford Sunset; Henry’s IPA
Hares = Sloppy Seconds
Runners = 21
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 2
Après Hashers = 0
Newies = 0
Hounds = 3
Total = 26
Membership = Green Tye, or was it Tye Green??
This week saw Straddlevarious & Miss Direction join the humble fold of Herts Hash. No doubt like the rest already at the Pub, they were surprised at the arrival of the Hyena-mobile as it came hurtling into the car park, then after a bit of shifting around with Sloppy's 'Fanny magnet' to allow him to leave earlier, Hyena managed to swing his car in to the space & run over the protesting Lobby Lobster's bag!
Once the groans had subsided, the GM looked at calling the Circle together, just as a light precipitation began to fall. Now there were groans about the weather conditions!
The visitors of Straddlevarious & Miss Direction from R2D2 Hash were introduced, then the Hares of Kylie & Mumblehead were called forward.
Kylie didn't have too much to say about the Trail, Mumblehead even less, though an important bit about a small section of road which had to be run & caution was needed at that point. There was one final bit about sheep in a field, then the Pack were ushered away down to the adjacent of the two prongs of Ducketts Lane. On the way out Mr X made sure that Kylie explained the basics of Herts markings to the visiting Hashers.
Away to the southeast the Keenies headed, the uncapped tree-lined by-way led out between two of the properties & off of the tarmac lane to an uncapped track toward the edge of the crop fields behind the village. Zing-a-long-a-max & My Lil' were first up to the Bar CHK near to the end of the lane, on the way back Zing-a-long-a-max spotted the meandering desire line through the small wooded area to emerge by way of a small wooden footbridge to other, separate tarmac part of Ducketts Lane.
The Hares had made sure the Pack knew they had to check it out from this point as there were two CHKs there, one drawn in chalk on the footbridge & the other in flour near to the footpaths out over the crop fields.
Straddlevarious headed away on the footpath off over the fields to the west, Zing-a-long-a-max followed on behind him. Others, with local knowledge, thought better of running that way & preferred to search the footpath running just slightly west off of due south. Miss Direction warned others not to follow Straddlevarious, as he's notorious at choosing the wrong option, then getting lost & running blind!
Miss Direction's words could not have been more prophetic, for the Trail was picked up to the south, heading out of the wooded strip behind the homes in Green Tye & then along by the ditch at the fields edge to reach a CHK at a fork in the route.
The south-easterly footpath seemed to be the correct one as Tent Packer, My Lil', Sloppy Second, Sludge, Paxo & Mr X all found Dust heading out over the field toward the line of trees that hide the east-west route of the Brook lane footpath, that leads over to Sacombs Ash & Allen's Green.
From the CHK just within the tree-line, Tent Packer fancied the easterly option, while Mr X, My Lil' & Sludge preferred the other route, as a short cut could be put in by carrying along by the brook. Things did indeed seem to go that way until they reached a T, & it was a T that was the wrong way around.
No Eye Deer & Ewok caught up at this point, just as a point where the Keenies came back from both directions! Confusion reigned until the RA mentioned a time in the past when Kylie had stated that on his Trails you can go through T's if they approached from the wrong direction!
So, having gone back through the upside down T the FRBs would meet up with Lobby Lobster, Mumblehead, Fliptop & Sis as they SCBed along by the brook to reached a CHK point by Bucklers farm. Zing-a-long-a-max & Straddlevarious joined the rest by completing an off trail loop that came on to Brook lane from the east.
Once the FRBs had avoided the inconsiderate mountain bikers, one of whom refused to slow down on the hedged-in paths, they crossed the junction where two brooks meet, then they could resume the search for the Trail from the CHK.
A farmer looking man was out on the edge of the fields, with a puppy which was over-excited to see so many people running around in different directions. Straddlevarious & Sludge took to the footpath away to try the southeast, they called "On!" just as My Lil' & Mr X found Dust on another away to the southeast.
The Pack would now become split in to two, with one lot of Keenies heading out through the crop fields that were under the plough that very evening, a tractor was out busy making large furrows in the clay soil. The breakaway Keenies were now too far ahead to be called back, so the Hares cut their losses & the SCBs where lead along to field’s edge behind Sludge & Straddlevarious.
Having not been stopped by a T, the breakaway group headed up to the path to where it passes between the properties at South End (No not the Essex coastal town) where they were barked at by a large resident dog! Sloppy Seconds encouraged those with him to persist with this route until it reached Brook lane at South End.
Once out on the tarmac there was no sign of any CHK, so an executive decision was made to run down the lane in the direction of Perry Green, where the correct Path had led those with the Hares to the next CHK.
Having followed Zing-a-long-a-max straight down the lane, the lost souls would be reunited with Sludge, as they spotted an arrow on the single plank bridge spanning a ditch in the hedgerow across from the Hoops Pub. Fortunately for them, Sludge was on his way back from finding the long Falsie in these fields beyond.
Back out to the Hoops where a wee bit further in to the Hamlet Mumblehead, Sis & Fliptop were found by the CHK on the green. Fliptop was wondering if the Hoops was shut? Mr X explained that it now belongs to the Henry Moore Foundation & doesn’t open on a Monday!
The RA asked Mumblehead to mark the bridge toward the CHK point, as Hyena & Crispy Bush were amongst those who were on the unofficial Trail to South End & back, especially as The senior Hare, Kylie, was briefly spotted running straight down the lane back to Green Tye, he was off back to his car so he could get back to his choo-choos!
Out on Perry Green’s green is the first artwork of the ‘Red Box’ which is an Old Red phone-box with paintings & the like inside [must be the smallest Gallery in Hertfordshire?]
Sludge now redeemed himself by taking to the Path that Straddlevarious had already gone down but was out of sight & earshot of the rest from the CHK, this being the one that runs off to the west, through Hoglands, the former home of sculpture & artist Henry Moore.
Miss Direction was impressed to see a few of the Henry Moore's work dotted about behind hedges as the Trail led on through the estate of the Henry Moore foundation. The statues passed by were ‘Mother & Child' then 'Reclining figure' & 'Large figure in a shelter'
Mr X would tell the Hash about one of these gargantuan works of art being stolen a couple of years ago & suspected to have been melted down, hence the beefed up security with dog patrols around the grounds.
Only last year a couple of lads stole the famous bronze sundial & tried to sell it for £60 scrap value, when it’s probably worth closer to £250,000! The scrap dealer called Plod & they are now incarcerated at Her Majesty's leisure!!! Mr X also asked for no mooning at the CCTV!
Having passed by a couple of large sculptures, the Trail turned from westward to head northward out toward the Chase Farm, on the way the more modern looking angular piece of 'Associate' by Richard Deacon could be seen, My Lil' reckoned it resembled a helicopter crash!
Mr X admitted he didn't appreciate some if Henry Moore's work, & said he felt sorry for women if they really felt like the way they were depicted in these Sculptures!
Anyhow, the Trail led on to a CHK on the footpath out to the Cemetery in the north. The Dust would be found over the sheep fields to the west, but it was at the next CHK were things would go wrong, or possibly right, for Zing-a-long-a-max, Sludge, Sloppy Seconds, Miss Direction, Mr X & My Lil' as they searched down the hillside & out of the foundation’s land.
Once through the gate to leave the estate, the Dust just vanished but after an extensive search that included Zing-a-long-a-max going in to Mill Wood, nothing was picked up. Sloppy Seconds suggested following the power lines over the crop field, in a direction back toward Green Tye.
Sludge followed the footpath up around behind the copse on the hill in a bid to reach the power lines, suddenly the group found Trail up behind the wooded knoll upon the hillside overlooking Much Hadham, nestling in bottom of the green valley to the west.
Overhead planes from Stansted could be seen on their flight paths, one taking off turned above the FRBs leaving the RA to say "Wonder if that's Porky Pie showing the way up there?"
Sludge was quickly away but almost immediately he was next seen with his arms outstretched to indicate he had found a T! So, it was a slow turning trot down the hill to the CHK this lot had missed out, & on the decent Straddlevarious could be seen in his Dyno-rod day-glo orange top, he coming along the lane from out of Mill Wood.
Briefly Miss Direction & Straddlevarious were reunited, before she opted to follow the Herts boys on the northerly footpath on to Sidehill wood, this would pay off for her as they would begin a long stretch without any real deviation from this direct route along the bottom inside edge of the long strip of Sidehill wood with various horse fields, enclosures & paddocks to the west!
Also out to the west was Straddlevarious, who would find no Dust out there at all, just the shut Crown Pub in much Hadham & not venturing as far as the Bull, which is open, as he had a longer loop around than anyone else.
The group of FRBs were now getting further ahead of the rest, which luckily for them meant that they would be in the long woodland when the heavy rain came down. Even better was the fact that it eased as they came out on to Danebridge Lane at the bottom of Stansted Hill.
There was some disbelief at the arrows pointing down to the bend in the lane at Hadham Cross, but as the RA mentioned the Trail would go down to one of the fords in the river Ash if he had set this Trail. Sure enough it did go that & Sludge was heard being factitious when he called for Mr X & Miss Direction to use the footbridge & not walk through the almost bone dry ford in a reversal of the usual unwritten rules!
Taking the lane further to the north, just for a short way would lead the Hash in to a fallow area by Dane wood. At the north end of the open space the Trail led in to amongst the trees of Dane Wood to take to a path sweeping around the inside perimeter & then up hill to the crop fields west of Green Tye.
The skies above were still a dark grey & the fine rain was falling once again. Looking back over the valley it looked like a mist was in the air.
The FRBs were now on the last section of Trail, but it wouldn't be a straight trot in to the hamlet visible over in the east. The paths course would reach the centre of one harvested wheat field, take a turn to the north then a right turn as the path headed eastward once more, as it disappeared in to the tree lined track to Grudd’s Far, the On Inn as found.
Once out by Grudd’s Farm, there were a few doubters to the RA’s sense of direction, Miss Direction wasn't one & unlike Sludge didn't question the left-hand turn once immediately on to the lane. As the lane turned by the nurseries, the Prince of Wales Pub sign could be seen like a beacon of hope at the damp end to the Trail.
With no keys to the Hyena mobile, Mr X & My Lil' took some shelter in the bar & some comfort in a pint of Stortford Sunset!
They would have a quick chat with Straddlevarious & Miss Direction, it wasn’t long as the RA wanted but time just flew by, as Herts have run with R2D2 in the past. Straddlevarious was impressed with the write ups, which led some wag to say “Don’t mention the spelling or grammatical mistakes!” [Anyone else is welcome to write these up! – Ed]
Eventually Mumblehead came in with some very damp stragglers, including Ketchup & Jaron, but at least the Hares had laid on bowls of hot chips to warm the Pack up.
My Lil'. Seemed more interested in watching the Chelski score, while the RA made sure the Hash pooches didn't miss out on the food by getting them all a couple of dog biscuits the Pub had on the Bar for visiting canines.
The GM was keen to get on with things, as soon as the chips had gone it was time to have the Circle once the toasting of the Hash was carried out by Tent Packer!
The RA started off with the Pack's thoughts on the days Trail? He's actually enjoyed it as he managed to get around with the leading group to be back at the Pub for 1 minute to the hour, but he was concerned about the lack of flour, suggesting that Kylie must have baked a cake for the Hash with the rest he had left over? Like the cake, Kylie never materialized!
Now, the Herts GM was questioned on where he had set off to with the aid of his Satnav, it tools a while for him to suss that Tye Green is in deepest Essex, unlike Green Tye which remains on the west side of the county border.
The two visitors were summoned forth for completing their first Herts Trail
Sis was suddenly called out when the FA noticed the Coke can, Mumblehead was topping her drink up from, had Sis written on the side!
Crispy Bush had his for his return from a dry state! Hyena had the last Down-Down for running over Lobby's bag!
A mini Meeting took place, main concern was the raising of Hash Subs, unfortunately everything has gone up & so it was unanimously carried. The other subject was the X-mas do & this also seems to be going to plan so book your accommodation at Broadlands Holiday village now, final price for meals & limited drink's to accompany will follow……..