Date =                            7th September 2014

Run Number =             1576

Venue =                        The Gate

Location=                     Sawbridgeworth

Beer =                            Midge, plus 5 other Real Ales

Hares =                         Sloppy Seconds

Runners =                    25

Virgins =                       0

Visitors =                      0                                        

Après Hashers =         0

Newies =                       1

Hounds =                      0

Total =                           26

Membership =             Looking at Rapid Erections!  [Steady there Pebbledash! – Ed]


A dampness was hung the air first thing, then a light precipitation fell & at certain points in the fair county of Hertfordshire it was slightly heavier for a brief period, but, by the time the Pack were all ready & assembled in the Bell Street car park things were looking up as the sun began to burn off the cloud cover.

Tent Packer was prepared for the Herts Run Number at the opening Circle, while Tops & Mr X as FUK Full Moon GM's had to wait for Smartarse to go & check out their Run number from off of the Trashes stowed his car boot!

It was 1576 & 349 respectively, then Sloppy Seconds was called forward as the Day's Hare.  For the benefit of the Full Mooners & this week's Newie of MILF No Cookies, Sloppy Seconds went through the Herts Markings by drawing them out on the car park floor!  He added a b it about roads to be crossed & not all of the potential Falsies were marked, Sloppy Seconds paid particular attention to Sludge when he said that!

Then without further ado, he pointed out the yellow chalk circle of the first CHK of the Trail, but then craftily pointed to the gap in the car park's southern fence to the footpath behind which runs from east to west.

Mr X choose the western option of this alleyway, while the majority of the rest of the Pack choose to take the opposite direction up the back passage [Steady Pebbledash! – Ed], both ways on this alleyway would fun out to have Ts on them.

Back to the car park to find a smug Hare had now marked the CHK down in to the next part of the car park, from which it would cut through the fencing to get back on to the alleyway footpath once again, just beyond where Sludge & Pick or Mix [Not sure which of the twins it was! - Ed] had almost been upon earlier before the T stopped them.

As the Pack followed the Dust out of the alleyway, Sludge suddenly had a bit of an out of control experience as be trod on one of his own loose shoelaces & this caused him to lurch forward in to one of the alleyway's lampposts, the Herts RA & Pebbledash bore witness to the shoulder charge in to the post & the reeling of the former Herts GM.  Glancing up at the lamppost, it was plain to see that the lamp was on so how did he hit it?

The wobbly Sludge joined the rest in coming through by the corner of the Cricket club & turning southward once out in to the corner of the Recreation ground by Vantorts close.

From the CHK in the southwestern corner of the Recreation ground My Lil', Mr X, Sludge, TBT OBE & Tent Packer followed Dust up to where Vantorts close joins Vantorts road, just at the end of the hedgerow was T, but this didn't stop My Lil'  from going around behind the tall hedge to lure the others up the Falsie. 

TBT OBE made sure everyone heard his moans of displeasure on finding he had been duped!  Mr X said that they ought to take some of the plasterboard in the Skip on the drive behind the Hedge, then they could amend the Trail to suit their needs! [A great plan if the Plasterboard was yellow or red to match the Trail! - Ed]

TBT OBE decided that he would indeed break of a piece of the aforementioned gypsum, but he would find it awkward as he tried to discreetly place it down his shorts, it did not look very comfortable!  He was rather like a school boy trying to outwit the Headmaster when under sentence of being given the cane.

Careless Wrister & a couple of the Essex Full Mooners were surprised to see the Herts Keenies running back toward them before they turned back.  The Hare had made sure Banana Bender, Tops & Lightening were put on the correct route of following Pick (or Mix) down the alleyway from the Recreation ground to lead down by the allotments, one of the run down patches of land had a ropey old swing seat facing out toward the path, no doubt a lovely view.

The Trail crossed the narrow footbridge over the ditch for the stream below, just on the south side of this was a CHK which was already marked to point down the footpath running to the east above the stream. 

Sloppy Seconds was surprised that the CHK had been marked in the correct direction, but Mix [or was it Pick? - Ed] had been down this route between the stream & the fenced off rear gardens of Brook road to the next CHK out on East Drive & he had time to sprint back to allow Sludge to mark the Trail with the chalk he had on his person.

From the CHK on East Drive, the Hash were led up Brook road to another alley, this footpath took the Pack away between more properties before coming out on to uncapped part of East Park lane then reaching the small car park at the north end of Pishiobury Park.

MILF found the Falsie out through the tree lined avenue to the south, on a part of the Harcamlow way in a direction where 'Beckingham Palace’ lies, though Becks & Posh no longer reside there.

The two options off to the southeast were checked out by Sparky, while the southwest was searched by Careless Wrister, Captain Nibbles & Mix (or Pick) they were surprised to find that all of the options in the Park were False.

The Trail was found back through the wooden gates, leaving the dusty car park & off down the footpath that heads westward behind the homes of Newton Drive, along the way Pebbledash complained about the nettles on this route!  Of course you all know what's coming next, as the RA said "Nettles don't sting this time of year!"  Pebbledash then added that she thought of Mr X saying that exact phrase when she was stung by nettles in her own garden! [Kids: Don't cultivate nettles in your garden then! - Ed]

The Footpath led out on to the Harlow road, a CHK was found on the main drag in to Sawbo from the south.  While Mix (or Pick) searched further to the south, up Bonks Hill [Steady there Pebbledash! - Ed] Omo choose to head back up toward the center of Sawbridgeworth where he stumbled up the Trail.  As the arrows led around on to the start of Brook street, the Herts RA crossed the junction to head up toward the pelican crossing but was stopped as he could not see any bright chalk markings on the pavement, but this was only because the Held CHK by where a footpath emerges near to the crossing had been covered over with leaves!

The Pack now embarked on a small loop around via Brook Street & then over to join the footpath back passage [Careful Pebbledash - Ed] back to London road & the crossing!

The Held CHK was held & the Hare made sure that Taxidermist, Tops & Lightening all missed out on the loop, meanwhile Pick had come back from searching on the west side of the London road junction.  Sloppy Seconds produced a bag of Jelly Babies, these wouldn't go that far with this Pack!

Kylie was not interested in any Jelly Babies as he & MILF were both engaged in some tongue wrestling, even after they had snogged up on Bonks Hill, an event he had to capture on camera!

The respite was brief at the Held CHK as someone pressed the crossing button & it soon stopped the traffic letting the Keenies set off once again.  Pick (or Mix) was back down the footpath beside the stream as it separates the homes on the footpath of the single track Burnside road from the side from Brook lane itself.

No Dust was found on either the footpath or the road to the west, then a call of "On!" Brought the Keenies back to see the rest were heading up the Crest as it arcs around from the south to the west.  It was on this section of the Trail that MILF said that she knows all about Mr X as she's good friends with Mamms (Thanks for the Mammories). 

Kylie said that he thought that the Herts RA was embarrassed by this news, to which Mr X said that he could couldn't be as everything has already been aired in Public & is pretty much common knowledge amongst those of Herts who travel!  Then Kylie accused him of changing the subject when Smartarse mentioned something that had Mr X talking of a Tourette’s syndrome sufferer being banned from his own Bingo Hall.  I wasn’t down to swear words he has as a tic, but the offending phrase he has just started blurting out of “Jimmy Saville’s grabbed my leg!”

The Trail continued to a corner of the suburban street where a block of garages sit, here the Pack almost picked up a dog, who had decided to run out of the open front door of her home for some fun running with the Hash.  MILF managed to grab the dog's collar & the owner could stop calling out before taking back the family pooch.

A  CHK was found on the outside of the garage block, where it sits on the edge of the first field to the west of Sawbridgeworth, while others searched the myriad of options up through the brown grassy space, the RA was the only one to choose to take the diagonal footpath heading to a gap in the hedgerow in the northeast corner, passing through the hedge he found the Trail & just a short way to the east a CHK was discovered by a short narrow footbridge over the stream, on the opposite bank of the stream another CHK was found.

Utilizing his 'local knowledge' Mr X again chose the correct option of the footpath running beside the stream as it heads northward between the fenced off back gardens & the hedged in stream.

Out to a small area by Chalks Farm, to pass by the Barn & farm outbuildings that are far older than the 1960's homes surrounding them on three sides.  The Dust led out on to a CHK on Coney Green road, where a loop lay ahead as the Trail went up hill on Whiteposts  & then northward along Roseacres before descending back Down to  Coney Green, where a curved arrow pointed in to another recreation ground.

Mr X was well ahead & out on his own as be passed by the swings & other playground furniture, but his Front Running would soon be curtailed as he stepped over the low wooden single rail fence to find a CHK on the edge of West road.  From there he would find a T down the footpath out over the crop fields to the north.

Having come back, Mr X had sussed that every time the Hash thought that they would leave Sawbridgeworth they were always caught out by the Hare's trickery, instead the Trail would not really leave the town.  So, with this in mind, Mr X now headed up toward the main London road, in this direction the Trail was found.

Three quarters of the way up the hill, there was another curved arrow pointing over the road but the Herts RA mistakenly took this to mean the Trail was on the short dead-end lane beside the Mandeville School, but it wasn't as he would find no Dust out on the footpath between the school & the playing fields in the northeast of Sawbo.

MILF was lured down this route with no Trail, then it was an about-turn to join the rest in heading up to the end of West road to see arrows directing the Pack over the lights at the crossroads.  My Lil' & Sludge decided to give up now & like Lightening they chose to stay on the Gate side of the road.

The rest of the Pack set off northward up the Cambridge road, before they turned off to the east to head out through Cutforth road to start to descend the home covered hillside to a CHK on Bullfields.

MILF found the Falsie  southward on the road, at the end of which the Herts RA was spotted walking down Station road, with Puddles in tow, the rest of the Hash took to heading down toward the River Stort in the bottom of the valley.

Mr X & Puddles continued down Station road to the point where the Trail crossed this road from Mill lane & over to the back passage [whoa Pebbledash! - Ed] up to the southwest, between the homes to come out on to a CHK on the Forebury.  This is an area of nice homes surrounding a Private Green!

The last leg of the Trail cut through one last passageway, this one being by the school playing field before coming out in to the walked Churchyard of St Marys.

Out through the heavy old wooden gate to pass through to amble up Bell Street to the car park, Puddles being the first to the On Inn.

Sparky was critical of Mr X, believing that the Herts RA had failed to do the Trail down to the Stort & see the On Inn!  Sparky was put right when Mr X said that he had been passed the On Inn twice, the first being when he had come up from the station with Panda, My Lil', Bastard & Co Who all crossed the Stort on the way up to the Churchyard.

Sparky stripped off his top [Urgh, the thought! - Ed] he was not the only one as TBT OBE got an eye full as MILF flashed him!  Sparky was curious as to MILF’s name, Kylie had to correct Sparky who thought it was Milk!  Sparky didn’t understand what MILF meant, so Kylie told him to Google it! [Poor old George must have got a pounding if Sparky did Google that! – Ed]

Back in the Pub & the Pack settled down on the small patio in the rear car park.

The could circle was called by Tent Packer, he would toast the Hash & after a few more words, the Two RA's were called forward, by now they weather was sunny & pretty warm.

The Hare was rewarded for the good Trail of an hour, which caught out those who thought they knew better.  The Cambridge band for the FUK Full Moon Weekend had to sing Acapulco for their Down-Down

Sludge was out for the George Formby award of whacking in to the lamppost.  Sparky was out with TBT & Sparky as there was a bit of confusion as to which one should be in the Circle for being Flashed by MILF, who nominated her Down -Down.

Kylie was out for being a Z-list celebrity on the Herts Mercury website.

Panda was awarded his Hit from a heavy two colour glass, where the black outer glass layer has been cut away to reveal the white underneath to form an image of bamboo & a couple of pandas on it.

Smartarse awarded Lightening & Mix (or was it Pick?) who were out for being the two opposite of the Hash spectrum! Smartarse was out for outing 50th Herts Run in the Herts Hash Book, which led Windsock & a couple of others to do the same!!  Mr X had the Down-Down as ‘If one RA drinks, all RA’s drink!’

It was noticed that there was no Hashit, seems the Sloppy Seconds will be wearing its big longer!