Date = 2nd November 2014
Run Number = 1585
Venue = The Griffin
Beer = Griffin, London Pride, Spitfire, Theakston’s Old Peculier
Hares = Mr X
Runners = 14
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Après Hashers = 0
Newies = 0
Hounds = 0
Total = 15
Membership = Taking out another Mortgage for a Pint!!
With a predicted forecast of rain in the early hours of morning, this week’s Hare decided that he would increase the likelihood of the Trail's survival by setting it first thing in the morning [Plonker! -Ed] but who wrong he'd be.
Having just crossed the halfway point, while setting the Trail, the heavens opened & it would be relentless heavy rain for the next hour & a half! Things failed to go to plan & the second half of the Trail would be drastically changed from the original idea.
The thoroughly soaked Hare made his way along the river like High street, there were torrents of water gushing along the road as the drains failed to cope with the downpour, at one point Mr X had to clamber over the street furniture to avoid the deep lake-like puddle where the roadwork footpath diversion were.
With hands like a baker, the Hare stopped & used the stream of rainwater from a shop awning to wash the dough from his hands, before popping in to a local Café near to the Griffin.
While in the Café, trying to warm up with a cup of tea, the Hare received a call from My Lil' to ask where the Pub was in relation to the stop the Bus for the Rail Replacement service pulled up at outside of Oakleigh Park Station? The P-Arrows that were set to mark the way had been obliterated by the rain!
With My Lil' & Hyena put in the right track, the Hare's first encounter with anyone else from the Hash was when Sloppy Seconds arrived at the Café, he told of the problems on trying to drive along the M25 & the spray the lorries produced diminishing the visibility. Especially when you are in a car that is so low to the ground.
The Hare was surprised that the Pack grew in size to double figures, he would not have blamed anyone who would have looked out of their window & having seen the deluge, deciding to give the Hash a miss that morning.
The GM text messaged the RA to let the Pack know that he was running late, so Paxo assumed the responsibilities & stepped up as Joint Monkey to get the Pack moving now the rain had eased.
With the introductions out of the way, the Hare was called forward where he explained that due to the adverse weather conditions that he would probably cut things short if the rain started again, he then said that he would not be sure of how much of the Trail had survived, so the Pack would have to use their common sense! [Isn't that an oxymoron? - Ed]
Anyhow, the Pack were sent southward to the crossing at the staggered junction of the A1000 & where Totteridge lane joins from the west & Oakleigh road heads off to the east.
Having crossed the end of Oakleigh road, the Pack found the dough-like remains of Trail taking them over the A1000. My Lil' & Sloppy Seconds both ignored the Red Man & dashed over in front of the stationary north bound traffic, the rest were more sensible about their road safety.
Kylie was going to take his time, as he was only going as far as the first CHK, for he was suffering with a bad back that has left him a broken man, a few questioned what Milf & No Cookies has done to him?
There was no time to ask Milf & No Cookies what she had done to Kylie as she bounded by the RA while the Trail progressed southward down the A1000. As the Hare walked by the entrance to B & Q, he was nearly struck down by a white Transit, who's driver obviously doesn't know that pedestrians have the right of way at all times (except where on motorways etc!).
Having survived this close encounter, the Hare joined Skip & Paxo on the way down to where a CHK had been by the start of Swan Lane off of the main road, there was only the faintest of remains of flour at this point, the lost look of bewilderment on the faces of Milf & No Cookies, Sloppy Seconds, Sludge & My Lil' seemed to sum things up until the Hare reinstated the circle.
Milf & No Cookies took time to show Mr X the new T-shirt for those Norfolk Harriettes who are endowed enough to war it, as emblazoned across the front chest is the slogan “Weapons of mass-distraction!” [Couldn’t complain about that for trade’s description! – Ed]
The Trail was soon picked up again as it led down by the Primary school on Swan lane, which broke away to the southwest from the busy main road, this road dropped down & before the bend in the lane there were no traces of the CHK that was supposed to be located opposite the enclosed Swan lane open space.
The FRBs were not hindered by the missing CHK & they picked up the Trail by passing through the small open gate in the iron railing fence. They would take the left-hand option at the split in the tarmac path before the small duck pond. A signed warned the public not to feed the birds, the Hash would be too bust for that.
The Keenies followed the dust up by the small fenced in play area & on up to a Bar CHK just outside of the gate back on to the A1000, a trot down the adjoining third part of set of triangular paths now had the FRBs running through the established pines to the back of the small building that is a Café in the park.
The FRBs now found the Hare & Paxo had cut across to the CHK beneath a large pine, this CHK was still on tact though a bit fainter when first laid. My Lil’ was too busy to search for Dust, as Sludge enquire if he was “On Trail!” standing in from of an out-building wall in the wooded area.
Sloppy Seconds asked if anyone had took to the short southward entrance, the answer was "Not yet!" As Paxo was encouraged by the Hare to search down there on what was a Falsie!
Meanwhile Milf & No Cookies had taken the path to the park's southwest exit, there she picked up two blobs of dough & was out of the gate to find a CHK on the north-south alleyway path of Swan lane, she then went wrong as she choose to head northward on the path, with the park railings on one side & a high austere brick wall on the other.
Sludge & My Lil' to advantage of Milf & No Cookies mistake, they headed off southward where the path has brick walls on either side until it emerges on to Woodside lane. An arrow was still intact, so the Pack followed its direction down the hill. Party Animal pointed out the local Catholic School across the road & it having a connection to a friend of hers.
Milf & No Cookies passed by the Hare, on her way to the bend in Woodside lane she did slow up to look up the entrance to the local allotments but there was no Dust up there, so she continued around to the south. Ahead of her were Sloppy Seconds, Sludge & My Lil' who had all gone through where a Bar CHK once was only a couple of hours earlier. The Hare called them back & Milf & No Cookies now benefitted in having not caught them up.
The Hare marked the way down Laurel road. As Milf & No Cookies set off in to this slight dip the residential road nestles in the bottom of the valley, she & Sloppy Seconds had a bit of competitive running that she thought was worthy of the RA's attention. Sloppy Seconds tried to allay this by breaking in to a very strange comedic run that John Cleese would have been proud of.
Milf & No Cookies got by Sloppy Seconds at the bridge over the Dollis Brook & continued along the road after passing the entrances on either side of the long tract of park land that is the Whetstone Stray in the valley floor.
Sloppy chose the correct side of the road to search as he headed northward in to the green space of the Whetstone Stray. Party Animal was concerned as Psycho arrived & proceeded in clouting her elbow on the metal gate latch, it did make a clang!
Mr X called Milf & No Cookies back, while the other Keenies were soon followed on behind Sloppy Seconds on the tarmac path as it twisted in an S-bend to cross the now gushing water of the Dollis Brook in the Whetstone Stray. Dust was found on the east side of the waterway & the FRBs would run northward & on to a Bar CHK.
Meanwhile the Hare ushered Paxo, Hyena, Party Animal, Skip & Psycho northward over the sodden grass west of the tree-lined Dollis Brook. Hash shoes would now get sodden, Sloppy Seconds would comment yet again on the still ‘new looking’ footwear that Paxo had on his plates of meat.
Not only was the going wet, it was also slippery with no tarmac path until halfway up the west side.
The Trail passed by a swing hanging from the bough of a large established tree, unusually not one of the Pack took up the offer to sit & swing on the wet seat when it was offers to them.
TBT OBE was chatting to Party Animal along the way & the RA overheard that Psycho had joined her daughter in Zumba Classes. TBT OBE said that the two of them should do demonstration performance of Zumba in the Circle!
Milf & No Cookies was first to the CHK which had amazingly remained upon the round metal drain cover in the middle of the green. She then went off through the nearby alleyway to Longlands Drive to the west, no Dust would be found out there.
Party Animal & Hyena briefly led the way on the easier tarmac path, while the Keenies made their way back from the long Bar CHK. Much to their consternation, the Keenies would now cross back over the Dollis Brook on a narrow footbridge to the east side of the Whetstone Stray.
On the way up to the end of the Whetstone Stray with Totteridge lane, the Hare admitted that he had thought of continuing further along the west side & then having a water crossing. Fortunately for the Pack he had a change of heart, as the rushing grey water didn't look very nice & later on the possible cause was found.
Milf & No Cookies suddenly stopped her run & came back, which threw the other Keenies off their stride. The Trail was not False, but Mild & No Cookies had seen a distance marker painted on to the tarmac surface, so she got Mr X to take a photo of her standing with her foot on the bottom of the E at the end of the word Mile, so, it now read 1/3 MILF.
The Trail continued to the north end of this section of parkland, a Held CHK was found by the brick pillar at the end of the bridge where the Dollis Brook passes beneath Totteridge lane. Here the sweet stop took place.
Paxo & TBT OBE were the last in to the bag of wine gums when it came to second dibbs, not that that were the best of wine gums! [Maynard’s next time! – Ed] Then the RA spotted Tent Packet running toward them, having finally caught up. Mr X said that the last couple of wine guns should be saved for our glorious GM! So, the last two wine gums were put back in the bag & handed to the unaware GM!
By now Skip had sussed where the next stage of the Trail would go, as he correctly said it would be up toward the tube station but before getting that far it would break off on to the next section of parkland as the Whetstone Stray continues heading Northward.
The Keenies soon got ahead of the SCBs, as the tarmac path slightly weaved from side to side on its northbound course. The Pack had to move in a similar fashion on the path, mainly to avoid the outfall of the smelly water & waste from the outfall sewer running through this part of the park, this effluent would run down to the Dollis brook which was now down on the west side.
The remains if dough blobs marked the way as the Trail arced around slightly to the left & reached a larger green space with a pavilion up on the east ridge, the rumbling of a passing tube indicated that the Northern line was behind this tree lined embankment
The final CHK of the Trail was found on tact beneath the canopy of a mighty oak, the Hare informed Sludge & Tent Packer that the Trail would continue along the north bound path onto the edge of Wyatts Farm Open Space, then turning eastward to run up the next Tree line before coming back on a loop to the path parallel to the Tube line to meet the Short cutters behind the Pavilion.
My Lil', Milf & No Cookies, along with Sloppy Seconds who was called back from the Falsie up by the Pavilion were all up ahead of the GM & Sludge, but somehow the word didn't get through tom them & combined with washed out parts of the Trail, it would mean the FRBs would be out a little longer than they should have been before coming back on to the Trail.
Behind the Pavilion, the Trail would leave the car park at the top of the ridge & follow the single lane driveway over the tube line to go around the perimeter of a couple of vacant soccer pitches on the east side of the line.
The Dust now led to almost the end of the drive, before cutting over to the footpath on the southeast corner of the park to run on down an alley way footpath by more local allotments again, this enclosed route would come out on the edge of the A1000.
Out on the main A1000 again & the RA Joked about Junior's new gaff at the sight of an old abandoned shelter that looks like it is home to a tramp or two! The On Inn was still visible on a small grassy patch beside the main drag, but not everyone saw it.
With the Pack back outside the Griffin just under the hour, it was a case of collecting dry gear from cars & getting changed in the extensive rear outdoor Bar & shelter.
There were a few jealous eyes as the Hare munched away on a sausage, bacon & Psycho's homemade bread, it was extremely good & much needed after the soaking he got earlier.
Milf & No Cookies changed in to something a bit different as she was sporting a sexy nurse outfit [There were a few rises in blood pressure around part of the Circle! - Ed] it was supposedly to help with Kylie's recovery but looking at it, it may have the opposite effect & compound the situation.
The Hashit was absent this week, Ewok not being present led to why she was awarded it? The RA said it was for going through TBT OBE’s pants in the back of his car [While he was in a burger restaurant! – Ed] it then went on to Ewok’s relief at wearing a decent bra! This in turn was like a cascade effect as it led to Psycho telling Milf & No Cookies about the time Sis was awarded the Hashit & My Lil’s comment about ‘Hammocks Я Us!” being her bra supplier!!
After some sensible talk of the Herts Christmas weekend, the Moroccan Night & Full Moon Nash Hash, Kylie finally mentioned his 50th (details now in the Hareline). Some of this was gone over again when the circle was called & Mr X downed his Old Peculier [Whoa there Pebbledash! - Ed] but with the average price being £4:10 when it came to the Circle only the Hare had a Down-Down.
After the Circle, most didn't stay too long as instead they opted to go somewhere a lot cheaper, which was a pity as it is a nice Pub. Sloppy Seconds sat there & was groaning away at being none too happy not read his name in the Trash this week [He really should have the Hash Name of Narcissus! – Ed] until Sludge, TBT OBE & many others pointed out that he wasn’t there, which may account for that!