Date = 18th September 2016
Run Number = 1697
Venue = The Crown & Falcon
Beer = Adnams Lighthouse & Mosaic
Hares = Mr X & My Lil’
Runners = 13
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Hounds = 0
Total = 13
Membership = We plough the fields & scatter………………..!
Well, what could you say about the state this morning of two of the only Six to make it from start to finish on the World's End Pub Crawl of Newton Haven? Pretty tired looking to start with, though Mr X was happy that when he exited Tent Packer's car he didn't receive the same collective gasp & statement from the crowd of "Oh look at the state of him!" which was aimed at My Lil’!
Ewok was another who attended the crawl, her only effect was to be wearing 'Bedhair' as Milf pointed out! Hardly worst of the four? Pepé le Pew now took advantage of the poor disheveled wretches, producing a hip flask of Port which had an effect on My Lil' & Mr X, though the RA finally accepted the Hair of the Dog, then went over to the corner shop to buy a can of Dr Pepper [Other sugar-based fizzy drinks are available! - Ed]
If the Port on offer wasn't enough to make some behave like Vampires exposed to a Crucifix, Kylie then produced a bottle of Greygoose vodka, on Pepé le Pews request this was watered down with a little Dr Pepper, Mr X & My Lil' did the same, but wondered if it was a good idea as it tasted like Benylin!
Ewok called the circle together, the welcoming speech was a bit flakey, but she managed to get the all-important toast to the late Goose done without issue outside of his old local Pub, after the toast there were a few groans & shudders, 2-1-2 Maureen being one!
The Hares ushered the Pack away around the corner of the Pub to head northward along the old High Street, the Pack soon became split in to a couple of distinctive groups, the FRBs with Milf & the half dead looking SCBs staggering along with Kylie!
While Tent Packer, Sparky & Pepé le Pew led the way up the High Street, the SCBs followed Kylie's advice to head up Coach Road to the west. Mr X finally ditched his now empty can of Dr Pepper & joined the others on the way out through the newer estate in Puckeridge.
The Trail came up to a footpath sign, My Lil' & Mr X went through the front garden of one detached house to find the Trail, this route didn't look like a right of way, but it is, as the footpath was there long before the house or the A10 by-pass! My Lil' asked Mr X to keep the noise down as they crunched their way over the pebbles before the path, now hidden behind a hedge, this would take to the steps up in the tree covered embankment to the A10.
A lot of groaning up at the front from My Lil’ was drowned out by the noise of the passing traffic, then after an unwanted dash over the four lanes, the Trail continued down a flight of steps & then resumed the westbound course. A series of fields lay ahead, this path would stick by the course of a stream that was mostly dry these days, each field was linked by a kissing gate in the hedgerow.
One gate had a sign warning to keep 'Dogs on leads' & to 'Be aware of the Bull!' This third field had a couple of bovines in the northern end near to Mentley Hall Farm in the distance. The Trail would go nowhere near the cattle, but followed the line of oak trees that provides some shelter where it divides the field.
Mr X & My Lil' kept looking back on the long westbound trot, even though they were ambling along they couldn’t see or hear anyone else behind them, it all seemed very odd. It wasn't until they had come to the end of the northwest corner of King's Wood that Sparky & Tent Packer finally caught up with them, which made a change for see the many quail that were out & about dashing all over the place this morning.
Up above the wood & My Lil' spotted a large Red Kite flying around, no wonder the quail were taking cover.
Sparky & Tent Packer soon got by the two staggering around up front. Milf was soon up there too, just as the Trail turned southwestward around the outside of the wood, she arrived in time to stop the SCBs from taking the loop the Long Trail would take.
Once Sparky had come back from the Falsie along the field’s edge, beyond the ash & burnt ground where the charcoal like remains of a branch remained, Milf set the Walkers Trail to the west. Sparky was confused at the ash as he couldn’t tell if it was flour or not? Perhaps he should have tasted it?
Sparky now joined Tent Packer in the loop around southward toward Old Hall Green before it turned west bound & then up by Brockhold's Farm to join the north bound lane to Stockalls. Meanwhile the Walkers Trail now left the green set-aside strip, after this the going would become harder as it crossed the first of many ploughed fields, Mr X remarked that it was probably easier to have taken the longer option?
It was a long, slow progress to get over the brown soil as it began to cling to Hash Boots on the way out on to the lane at Stockalls, there the first Held CHK was found by an old abandoned truck in the hedgerow. Again Mr X & My Lil' were on their own, with the rest of the walkers getting further behind.
So, in order not to seize up at the Held CHK, the first two there decided to Check things out, with Mr X going wrong on the footpath out to the southwest! My Lil' fared better as he set off northwestward over the field of stubble that lay ahead as the footpath to Great Munden dropped in to the valley, he was soon out of sight of the RA who was on his way from returning to the CHK.
In the vale Mr X & My Lil’ crossed the Dane End Tributary, one of the feeders that lead to the River Lea. Dane End gets its name from the fact that after the Battle of the River Lea, the Danes were stopped there & progressed no further.
The Trail rose up out of the valley, again a ploughed field lay ahead on the way out on to the Great Munden Road, there was plenty of mud to be kicked off of the bottom of Hash Boots once on the tarmac, but this would be a bit premature as from the CHK by the farm house the Trail would be discovered on the edge of another wide ploughed field.
Looking back over the vale & the rest could be seen like little brightly coloured dots in the distance, unbeknown to the two up ahead of the rest, there was a sweet stop happening back at the Held CHK. There was also a competition to see who could keep a mini Daim Bar in their mouth without chewing, the winners would later be award a prize but for the moment it would wait, as the FRBs set off with Milf toward Mr X & My Lil’, while Kylie led the SCBs around on the road.
Another footpath sign pointed the way to Great Munden, Mr X now began to think that ‘All roads lead to Great Munden’ & perhaps not Rome! More earth inside & out of Hash Boots, again more kicking off the sods of earth from the soles as the Trail came out outside St Nicolas’ Church. Mr. X had picked up an old plough sheer, which wasn’t quite as good as the antler that Kylie had discovered while setting the Trail, but he wanted it for his rockery.
Looking back to see how Tent Packer & Sparky were progressing behind them it would still be a bit of a wait, Mr X then turned his attention to the Church grounds, he noticed the small memorandum plaque set in the stone wall by the gate, also beside this small entrance was an old boot scraper & so Mr X used this, again it would be too premature!
Mr X read an interesting sign, at the bottom of the Church’s name that states that the Church roof lead has ingrained smart-water DNA, in order to prevent any scum from stealing it. The Trail progressed just a short way to the northeast before reaching another Held CHK by a farm entrance. This time the RA & Beermaster decided to hold this CHK, My Lil’ said “We’ll get told off for not holding the last CHK!” & sure enough it came to pass that Milf chastised these two when she got to the CHK.
Here a second round of sweets would be handed out, these included more Daim Bars, Jelly Babies, Opal Fruits (Starburst) or some blue sweets that made 2-1-2 Maureen’s tongue go blue. After the previous day’s Trail & the Blue Drink that was had at the Beehive stop, two of the Hash refused the Blue Sweets! Daim Bars were originally called Dajm in their native Sweden, were known as Dime Bars in the UK & completely misspelt in the USA & something that has happened since the US bought up the UK plants!
Kylie handed out proper size Dime Bars tot eh winners of the completion, apparently Milf’s screams as Kylie removed these from the fridge scared the pigeons out of the garden trees!
The Short Cutters arrived & the innuendo started about holding a Daim Bar in your mouth competition without sucking on it! It came as no surprise that Pebbledash didn’t win this! Time to move on & the Trail was obviously through the farmyard, cutting through a low dell like grassy area before came to pass through a northeasterly path above Great Munden, a place where Herts haven't Hashed from in quite a while, not since the Plough stopped being a Pub & became a private residence. It used to be a great Pub, Fartin Martin’s favourite venue to set a Trail, famed for the fact it had a Compton Organ [Whoa there Pebbledash! - Ed] in one room.
The Trail was now on a northerly route through the small village of Nasty, which sits above Great Munden. Nasty, like the village of Ugly just over the border in Essex, is famous for the change of name for the local WI & the jokes associated with that!
Sparky was off up the narrow rustic village lane, on by the wooden chapel, Milf suddenly stopped Mr X to prevent him from running a long way to a Bar CHK. Instead the Trail turned off to the east on a path that started off by the home called Fairview & then over to one side of the ditch of a grassy area, the ditch was leapt by Mr X & Sloppy Seconds in one stride, but My Lil' decided that he didn't have enough of a spring in his step & so he went down in to the ditch & then up the other side. Mr X pointed out to Sloppy Seconds that his ‘New Shoes’ would get a clean-up with the damp grass, this running joke [Get it? – Ed] has been going on for the last year or so that he has had them.
Then for Mr X, My Lil' & Sloppy Seconds all went wrong, so Milf whistled at them like a Sheppard rounding up lost sheep! Two came around to the south bound path along the edge of another plough field, but Sloppy Seconds seemed to be stuck in the northern hedgerow, scaring the squirrels!
Now, on the subject of scaring helpless animals, it was at this part in the Trail that the RA heard about the earlier incident with Pebbledash asking those around her what the squealing noise she could hear was? It wasn't anyone's phone as she thought, oh no! It happened to be a baby rabbit she was standing on! Fear not gentle reader, the rabbit hobbled away on its three good legs!
If that was bad enough, Tent Packer told of how he accidentally killed his daughter's pet dwarf rabbit! Why do people laugh at these subjects?
Anyhow, another ploughed field was crossed, Paxo had to get 2-1-2 Maureen to help him over this as the Trail came out on to the Great Munden lane to Puckeridge. Ahead lay a long, slightly twisting lane, all the fields around here had been ploughed & a tractor was busy working through another one near to Mentley Farm.
Sloppy Seconds was now weary, stating he thought he was on the second of two good Trails so far! Enthusiasm to run on the tarmac waned, even Sparky slowed up to a walk in places. To relieve the boredom, Mr X said "I feel sorry for 2-1-2 Maureen, for she's not keen on driving in the dark!"
As the Trail came around first of the double bend by Mentley Farm there was something else to break up the continues scenery of fields as a herd of Deer sneaked through the hedgerows behind the FRBs to the farm fields to the south of the Golf Club, Mr X pointed these out to Sloppy Seconds, My Lil’ & Tent Packer, & especially made sure they saw the white one among them.
On the way Inn the Pack looked for the HV CHK Milf had mentioned at the start, V was for view point, but a farmer had ploughed it up, which Milf was miffed about! So, was the view looking out over the Golf Course to the north, or the fields to the east of Puckeridge in the far off distance?
Finally the Trail came out on to the edge of the A10, one last dash to avoid the traffic & the pack came down in to the northwest end of the village. This part of the village was once connected to the Great Munden Road, now it is cut off by the bypass but the old Puckeridge sign still sits at the side of the road but no longer has anyone to welcome. Just before the sign was the On On Inn was far more welcoming to the Hash.
Up by the White Hart to the Crown & Falcon, where a well-deserved pint was waiting after two hours in the field! A great little feast was put on by the Landlord & Landlady, which was complimented by the excellent Ale or two.
Paxo was like an overpowering Dinnerlady, he kept badgering 2-1-2 Maureen to eat more! Though she may have been put off her food by Pepé le Pew & Pebbledashes five-legged pony story!
Finally the Circle was called, the Hares were rewarded for 'Two Good Trails', then Pebbledash & Tent Packer were called out for their Rabbit related Stories, of course with Pebbledash being in the Circle there were a few innuendos about certain vibrating products sold by Anne Summers
Finally, My Lil' & Mr X had the last two for the state they were in after the World's End [Sounds quite apt!- Ed] Mr X necked his while My Lil' struggled!