Date = 5th February 2017
Run Number = 1719A & 1719B
Venues = The Boot
Beer = Woodeforde’s Wherry, St Austell Trelawney
Hares = Milf & Kylie
Runners = 19
Virgins = 1
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Apres = 0
Hounds = 0
Total = 20
Membership = Over the fields & far away & away & away & then back again.
TBT OBE started his Hash by standing on some dust at the back edge of the Boot’s car park, TBT OBE would soon be rewarded for standing on the Trail as this was deliberately placed there by the Kylie in order to highlight & prevent anyone from standing on the dog turd it was covering, it didn’t work as TBT OBE was soon seen to be vigorously wiping his foot on the bit of grass before the alleyway.
Ewok called the Circle together around 5 past the hour, as there were a few late comers of Mr X, My Lil’ & Mrs Mallet who were driven there by Tent Packer. Upon their arrival Mr X had told Tent Packer to park really close to Sloppy Seconds ‘Fanny-Magnet’ & box it in so he couldn’t do an early runner without paying his Hash subs!
This week’s Virgin of Ollie was introduced & then it was down to the Hares, with Kylie taking the lead as Chief Hare, there were mention of Short Cuts, longer loops & a sweet stop! Then there was a request to use a boot scraper at one point in the Trail where its services would definitely be needed, a famer was putting this out to prevent the Hash wiping the Shiggy off of their boots & rotting the wooden stile at the end of one field.
The Trail began with the Keenies being fooled in to running out through both of the alleyway passageways over the back streets of Easington Road & then Kingsfield Road to emerge out on to the edge of the crop fields of Kings Field of Easington Common to the north of the village.
Here the Keenies had to three options, or so they thought as they searched the path up toward All Saints that sits Church upon the hill, which was a shame as this was false, meanwhile TBT OBE led the way out to the northeast along the dog turd-laden path that the family out walking their pooch warned the Pack to avoid, though it was too late for TBT OBE, this route too would be a Falsie!
Mr X kept a keen eye on where he was putting his feet, since one of his Hash shoes has now developed a split down the side & he didn’t want any dog’s egg squeezing its way through his now exposed section of sock!
Back to the gate & the third option over the fields was started to be searched & this too turned out to be another False Trail! Eventually the Keenies sussed it out & went back through the passageway to discover the Trail was marked to the east along Kingsfield, there was no sign of the SCBs since they were out of sight around on to the back street of Whiteley Close on a loop that saw the Pack run back out up on to Gladstone Road, & here Milf joined them all by cutting up from Kingsfield Road!
The lure of heading up toward the All Saints Church proved too strong for some & so at the road junction Ewok, Incider, Mr X, My Lil & Sparky all led the way up from the CHK at the junction where Gladstone Road joins Church Lane as it headed northwestward up by the outside of the fence of Easington Common toward the School & All Saints Church, a T suddenly brought this all to a halt!
A turn around to head back down Church Lane along the east edge of the village toward & descend to the main road Munden Road. TBT OBE could clearly be seen up ahead wearing what Ewok said was a Ushanka, which was slightly misconstrued to sound like she was calling out “You *anker!”
Mr X then talked to My Lil’ about the Rugby, which ‘Uncle Eddie’ said was an ugly Win, Mr X said that it was & it was in the ‘John Merrick league of ugly’, but it was still a win!
The likes of Max factor, Alfa Male, Paxo & Pebbledash followed the Arrows around the bend around the path to the right that sits above the Munden Road & back in to Dane End, but this ended with a Bar CHK! Those who had gone wrong earlier now could see Sludge & Sloppy Seconds had missed this little detour out & had continued over the Munden Road to find the Trail on the footpath up through the crop fields to the southeast of the village.
It was a long, long climb up the Shiggy path, the going slowed as the incline became longer & the Pack more & more stretched out, around a third of the way up White Hill the path became enclosed with a fence on one side & to the left the rising tree-lined embankment which offer shelter from the dank damp air, though at least it wasn’t raining.
The Shiggy became less & it became easier to run as the footpath levelled out, but for Mr X there was suddenly an unwanted obstacle that appeared right in front of him, in the guise of Sparky’s backside when he bent over to scavenge a large lump of the white chalk that are dotted about in the clay & help the soil drain. A little further along Kylie had picked a round lump of chalk up & placed it upon one of the wooden fence post.
Out by the redevelopment of the barns & outbuildings of Whitehill Farm to find a CHK on the lane, Ewok was first to this but then hesitated as to which way to go, the option to the north was ignored in favour of the bridleway track down through the farm land toward Cock’s Wood [Steady Pebbledash! – Ed] in the south, but My Lil’ & Sparky would lead the way down this Falsie. This would be the last time that Sludge would be seen by most of the Pack for another hour & a quarter, as he probably doggedly headed beyond the T & on toward White Hills Golf Club
Instead of going cross-country just yet, the Trail would continue along the wet potholed lane with Mr X leading the way with Fliptop & Lucy following on, then suddenly Mr X eased up to a walk & raised his arm to indicate a Hash Hush as the Trail passed by a paddock which is home to a normal sized horse & a few mutant ‘Thelwell’ ponies.
Sparky caught up & managed not to blow his horn as the Hash passed by, Milf was also up with the Keenies & now marked the Trail with an L & an arrow off on the Nor-nor-east uncapped Langton’s Lane (Track) a long By-way. Milf was disappointed that Max Factor preferred to take the shorter option of sticking to the tarmac lane to the southeast, no amount of pleading from Milf was going to get Max to change her mind.
The SCBs were escorted by Kylie, while Milf kept the Keenies in check as they took to the long hedged-in by-way to a CHK where the track splits in to two at a Y –shaped junction just below a spur of a larger section of woodland. Sparky went wrong here as he took the option toward the north, meanwhile the others picked up the Trail on the eastbound track over the top of the Trenchern Hills toward Hatchett’s Poultry Farm. This wire-fenced in track passes over some really crater like land, with a water course & possible spring emerge from the hillocks & deep craters that could be swallow holes dotted around on the other side of the fence.
The next CHK was found by a footpath leaving the track & passing through the deer fence, Sparky & My Lil’ continued on by this gate & ran on to find a T up by the Poultry Farm, while Alfa Male had made it all the way through the large area of enclosed scrub land with its surrounding deer fence, the footpath was more like a desire line through the damp tufted wild grasses that are obviously encouraged to grow for the deer to feed on when they are penned up in there. At the next gate Sparky decided that he would clamber over the wooden barrier, all while the rest looked on before they took the easy option to simply open the gate & walked through.
The Dust led the Pack out of the next gate, Milf was insistent that the string was also put over the gate-post, making sure Sparky closed it & didn’t keep up his record of leaving these Deer-gates open! The Trail now passed through a field of Black Sheep by Rough Ground Wood, on the single longest stretch of the Trail before passing nearby to ‘Cock’s Spring’ [Whoa there Pebbledash! – Ed] then the FRBs were greeted by the sight of a large harrowed & seeded field.
The footpath was clearly marked straight over the smooth brown field filled with little sprouting beans, now the going was to get tough as the loam would cling to Hash boots like ankle training weights. Milf said it was alright for Ewok as she only has little feet, though this didn’t prevent the clods of earth to form under her feet & make Ewok feel taller, as if she was wearing 1970’s platform boots!
At the end of the field was the ‘boot scraper’ that a local farm had put out to prevent the Pack from cleaning off the couple of acres of fertile Herts land stuck on their Hash boots, sensibly the Farmer had chained this to the gate post as Sparky was on the Trail!
With shoes a little lighter, the Keenies made their way down the enclosed grassy strip to find Kylie & Ollie at the Sweet Stop by Three Gables, there was no sign of the SCBs, but they must have been there as half the sweets had vanished!
The Farmer’s arrival was heralded by the loud barking of his large black lab, but the pooch was friendly enough as the FRBs munched on their sweets. Kylie cheered the Keenies up by now telling them there was no way that they’d be back for opening time, on hearing this devastating news My Lil’s was soon inching away from this stop.
Moving on again down the drive way to Potter’s Green & out on to the Lane, Mr X, My Lil’ & Alfa Male already knew that there were two options, with the Short Trail turning right & the Long Trail heading southeastward toward Standon for a trip along the narrow rustic lane until reaching the wide gravel ‘V shaped’ entrance to the uncapped Lowgate Lane, which funneled the Keenies on a route that runs just a few degrees below due west.
Along the second longest section of the Hash by way of the drive way there was plenty to see, over to the south was a solitary deer that was keeping a beady-eye on Mr X & Alfa Male as they ran down the track between it & the rest of the small herd who were gathered in the safety of the Rowney Wood to the north.
Mr X queried Alfa Male if he knew where Max Factor & other SCBs were, but Alfa Male just said that he didn’t have his mobile, so couldn’t check on Max Factor’s Whereabouts! He was hoping that the Hares would have swept Max Factor & Sludge up, but he would have been mistaken.
The Track came out by a horsey area where some paddocks, stables & a couple of bungalows were, there a CHK was located, from where My Lil’ & Alfa Male headed down the tarmac lane with Mr X in tow, though Mr X hadn’t progressed that far after marking the CHK before Milf emerged on to the dead-end lane & called him back, in turn he retrieved the other two ahead of him.
Sparky remarked the CHK, in the correct direction than the one the RA had kicked it through. Now the Trail took to a footpath through the hedgerow below the stables & headed a short way through the a small thicket area before turning south to merge from the trees & take to a southwest path over by a smooth neat field of black plastic that had small Christmas Trees growing thought it.
The Keenies were now at Sacombe Green & the Trail was found leading over a field to the southwest & down in to Church wood, & as you can guess the when the path rose in the woodland it would come out right behind the St Catherine’s Church, then Dust came out beside this & on to the lane in front of the Churchyard, this gently dropping lane turned to the west & it looked as if the Trail would take to the footpath straight down to the Sacombe Road, but an arrow pointed northward from one elbow in the lane to the corresponding one a little further along.
Here the Trail left the tarmac to start on a long, but not too
severe a climb up the ridgeway of Smart Hill, in distance up ahead the SCBs
could be seen about to join this path, Sloppy Seconds stood out in his Yellow
Mikhail Gorbachev TBT OBE wearing his ‘dead cat from a Spec-saver’s
TV advert’ Ushanka up his head. There was no sight of Max Factor, Sludge,
Fliptop & Lucy, nor Ollie & Kylie
At the highest point on the ridge there was a great vista, though Mr X said he’s rather see the All Saints Church that sits above Dane End, but this was hidden by the trees far away on the other side of the valley! However, more Deer, including a white one, were spotted on Brookfield Common on the west of the Valley.
“Nice view!” said Milf, as the Pack made their way on to the edge of a fallow area of land, the RA replied to Milf’s comment with a “Yes, if you like to see sewage works!” as the local filter beds came in to view. It was still a long way to go along the edge of a field of what looked like beans, then the Trail went away from the obviously marked footpath eastward over the very top of the ridge & on to Lodge Farm, any relation to Where’s Wally?
Perhaps the Keenies should have asked Where’s Wally? as they had finally caught up with him & Incider. But by now even the keenest of the Keenies had run out of steam & didn’t have the gumption to ask any questions. After a short bit of scrubby land in the northeastern corner, the Trail would turn to the west & head down the slope toward the road in to Dane End.
One last effort by the FRBs, which to most felt like a Herculean task, resulted in Sparky leading Mr X, My Lil’ & Alfa Male down the hillside behind the sewage works, finally to be greeted with a right turn & a tarmac finish back up by the old Forge. Though Sparky nearly didn’t make it as a local in a Chelsea Tractor just turned right in to a drive mere inches in front of Sparky, missing him by the closest of shaves!
Mrs Mallet was found still in Tent Packer’s Car, Tent Packer joked that she must have read a book? To which Mr X said she could have finished War & Peace in the time the Pack had been out there! Grabbing their Gear, the Keenies made their way around to the Pub & make shrift work on a well-earned Pint before changing, outside the back door of the Boot were a pair of ladies running shoes, these must have been Max Factor’s as she was found already ensconced within the Hostelry.
Well, the Hash would now have to put up with Sludge & Max factor sitting in the corner of the front of the Bar with grins of their faces larger than the Cheshire Cat’s! These two were a smug as smuggest of smug things, as they commented on how they had been there for over 50 minutes, it was pretty noticeable that Max Factor had been enjoying the extra 50 minutes drinking as she was starting to get a bit squiffy!
Max & Sludge heartily chortled at the plight of those who looked slightly worn-out having endured the Long Trail, which Sparky confirmed to be 7.7 Miles! My Lil’ then mentioned other epic Kylie Trails of yore, including one that was set on horseback!
Mr X wasn’t surprised to hear that that Sludge had been over Whitehill’s Golf Course, what he was shocked at was that Sludge didn’t get stuck in any bunkers along the way like he does with the Herts Hackers!
Meanwhile outside Kylie found a Citroën key, after asking behind the Bar which drew a negative from the staff, it was later revealed to be Fliptop’s Car Key!
The Circle was called before the Rugby Kick-off & TBT OBE was warned to avoid a flattened Dog turd out on Patio garden, he managed it this time. Ewok toasted the Hash & then it was over to the RA, so the Hares were called forward, with Milf protesting that she could have run the Trail in 50 minutes (This omitted doing the Falsies) as the RA claimed that this Trail was set in Nautical Miles, which as everyone knows is one minute of latitude & so is 6,076.2 feet where a land mile is 5280 feet!
Incider was awarded her Bumbag [Oh no she wasn’t! - Ed] for completing her Decca Herts Run (10 Runs) she was joined by TBT OBE as he is the current Herts Haberdasher, he had forgotten to bring any Hash awards along! This week’s Virgin received his for getting around his first Herts Trail.
Sloppy was reminded that he hadn’t worn the Hashit, then the RA produced a nice new shiny £2 coin that he placed on the table, then he went on to tell about an incident on the Short Cut when Kylie stumbled upon a nice new £2 coin, being honest he asked if anyone had lost the coin & Sloppy Seconds was quick to say “Er, well, I do have a few loose in my pockets!” Which he proved as he still had his pocket open.
After the Circle Kylie said that the RA was losing it, as he forgot to mention Fliptop losing his Key & TBT OBE standing in dog poop! The RA said has been busy Studying, reconnoitering The Gispert Trail & trying to fit in the Rugby! But the underlying reason was fatigue & the lack of oxygen to his brain after that epic Trail!