Date = 25th June 2017
Run Number = 1742
Venues = Chez Sloppy Seconds
Beer = Hobgoblin Gold, IPA, Banks
Hares = Sloppy Seconds
Runners = 20
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Après = 1
Hounds = 0
Total = 21
Membership = Bon Viveurs!
The RA was expecting most of the Hash to complain about the Post Code for the Start Point leading around to the residential homes behind the playing fields of the Recreation Grounds, Sloppy Seconds had ask for the Hash to park up at the Recreation Grounds car park & the Trail would start from there. Claiming that there was not enough room near his home for the Hash to park up, perhaps that was the fact that all of his cars are parked there on the street?
Even with these parking instructions delivered in an email, Trash & Webshite Hare-Lines as well as the Herts Farcebook page, most managed to drive around to where Chez Sloppy is located which is covered by the same Post Code as the Recreation Ground Hall.
In the end Chez Sloppy directed them all around to the narrow entrance for the Recreation Grounds opposite Sterling Garage, as stated in all the correspondence. There Mr X mentioned that post codes weren’t designed for Satnavs, but in fact were issued by the Post Office to speed up the sorting of mail by Post-persons typing this in to a machine that prints a series of fluorescent dots on the mail, the sorting machine reads this to allow it to distribute the mail. The post code can cover one whole side of a street, with the Post-person being able to read the house number to shove bills through your front door.
Anyhow, there was a wait for Flanders & Sludge, as well as Psycho & Skip to arrive, during this hiatus the RA admitted that after receiving a txt from the Hare about buying a couple of packets of sweets for today’s Trail. He did pick these up on his way through, but getting out of his car he managed drop one & to step on the bag of Jelly Babies, popped open but none spilt out & the bags was handed to the Hare. [No Jelly Babies were hurt in this action! – Ed]
The Hare was then spotted standing out on the main village road, waiting for any later comers before he was called back to do his Spiel on the Trail in the opening circle. In the absence of the GM & JM, the RA welcomed everyone to the correct Run Number, then handed over to the Hare. What followed were some apathetic groans when Sloppy Seconds mentioned the Trail was marked ‘Two & On’, which is dangerous with the likes of Sparky & Where’s Wally being present.
A mention of Short Cuts brought a more cheerful response from the Pack, then just as the Pack were about to be set free to start the Trail, Ketchup & Prince Garmin arrived on their push-bikes. It sounded like they had taken a separate route from that of Mark E Mark, who had also cycled over. Manu took these two late comers around to Chez Sloppy to lock their bikes away. They just had to follow the cryptic ‘CS’ & arrows marked by Sloppy around to his Gaff, Milf asked the Hare what the CS meant, turns out that it was ‘Chez Sloppy’.
The Trail began with Mr X leading the way over toward the grassy space toward the wood behind the kids playground that Prince Garmin & Manu were now messing around in, for Mr X & My Lil’ hadn’t wasted their time with their early arrival & had taken a look around the park looking for Chez Sloppy & had picked up the double arrows pointing toward the woodland.
On a route slightly off of due north the Hash disappeared in to the woodland, the Dust led the FRBs on a convoluted path that crossed through the adjoining paths from one parallel path to the other as the Trail wove its way among the trees. Prince Garmin had the cheek to accuse the RA of Short Cutting as he came through one part of the undergrowth after he had hear Sparky call “On!” form the opposite path as he was on, all this happened before the Pack came out of the woodland at the northwestern corner of the plantation.
Mark E Mark set off along the edge of two crop fields over toward the M11 in the west, while Sparky chose the easterly path around the northern edge of the plantation, Sparky called “On!” again! Mark E Mark & Tent Packer turned back from toward the motorway but then the Hare called Sparky back, followed by a subtle comment of “I don’t want him stumbling upon the Inn Trail if he goes too far!” So, for the second time Mark E Mark would set off over toward the Motorway.
Mr X was lured off the westerly route, after he saw a small footbridge over a ditch, but there was no Dust on this southerly route through the wheat, the Pack made their way over toward the noisy motorway in the cutting below the level of the fields. By now Mark E Mark, Tent Packer, Milf & Alfa Male were pulling away from the rest as the Dust avoided taking the proper route in the field’s corner to the very edge of the hedgerow above the motorway, instead it took a north turn for a couple of yards & then a west bound trot for as few more around a wooded hollow before sticking to the northbound path along the hedgerow.
The FRBs followed the Trail around the dusty track to the east as it headed back out through the crop on a wide farm track, suddenly this group would be stopped in their tracks by a Bar CHK, which gave Mr X & those like Prince Garmin & Manu where were near by a chance to track back to the bridge over the M11 on the wide farm track over to Quickberry Farm in the west.
Mr X’s good luck soon ran out as he searched on a footpath through the crop of barley on a route toward Cowick, Mark E Mark fared no better as he searched southward on the footpath off down the western side of the M11. The noise of the motorway made the Hare shout several times at Mark E Mark to get him to come back to the fold, as “On!” was called by Alfa Male who led Max Factor, Tent Packer, Sparky, Milf, Where’s Wally? Prince Garmin & InCider on the wide route over to the group of large outbuildings buildings of Quickberry farm.
The crocks of the Hare & the SCB of My Lil’ were not too far behind as the Pack now advanced through the Farm area to find a CHK on the north bound concrete driveway out to the Sawbridgeworth Road. From here Sparky & Where’s Wally? chose to head out along this main drive away from the Farm’s small group of industrial units, trouble was that these two found one blob of flour & continued blindly almost to the drive’s end, at least they got a chance to get a good look at the splendid view over the bottom of Sawbridgeworth & the distinctive Maltings in the valley.
Meanwhile Mark E Mark & Tent Packer headed off after No Eye Deer & Whatever She Says who had already taken the opposite southern route, Mr X turned around to follow on behind them on a footpath that the SCBs were heading along. Before the path’s end, it stepped up over a squashed down barbed-wire fence in the hedgerow, a warning was shouted out, especially for My Lil’ after he (literally) fell for the booby-trap set for him by Lemming over at the end of the Berkhamsted Trail earlier in the year that left him crocked. Struggling with his latest injury he managed to get over this little hazard.
The Pack regrouped at the Held CHK found just around on the footpath in the field on the opposite side of the ditch that is a tributary down in to Lower Sheering. Here was the first Sweet stop, with Jelly Babies being offered around. There were still some left as Sparky & Where’s Wally? made it back from the back of beyond where there was no trail.
When the Trail resumed Mr X headed off down along the edge of the tree-lined ditch still thinking that the Trail would head clockwise after hearing the Hares earlier words to stop Sparky stumbling upon the On Inn. Mr X was not On & was called back as “On had already been called & the Keenies were well on their way up the footpath through a crop of broad beans as it rises up to emerge out on to Back Lane, on the way Sloppy Seconds & Mr X discussed that this route had been run before, but the other way on a Hash from Sawbridgeworth. At the top of the hill arrows directed the Hash down the tarmac lane to on a slightly south of due west route until the Trail took to a footpath on the elbow of the bend in the lane.
A trot down though a field of wheat stopped in the shallow valley at a CHK, Sparky, Milf & others went wrong, as Mr X caught up he was told by the returning Milf that she was ‘elbowed out of the way a little earlier in the Trail by Sparky & she nearly ended up in a ditch! Lucky that she didn’t meet the late Windmill & his distinctive running style!
It was up to Alfa Male to find the Trail heading southeastward on a rising path up to the next CHK behind a row of homes, where the footpath split in to two. The first left-hand option was found to be false, so it was off to the right hand one, that like its left-hand cousin joins the Harlow Road that leads in to Sheering.
Once around the few houses on the roads edge, the Hare allowed My Lil’ to hobble off over the road bridge spanning the M11 to go back in to Sheering, known as Sceringa in the ‘Little Doomsday Book’ of 1086. It is one of only two places in mentioned in England at the time to have a Mule listed amongst the village assets!
The Hare didn’t live up to his early claim at his Chalk Talk as he too joined the Hash on the Southwestward tentative trot in the verge down the busy roadside, then after 50 yards or so the Trail crossed over & headed around the perimeter of another wheat field, running along the inside of the Tree line along the northern edge of the crop field, this would turn direction to the tree-lined top of the embankment above the M11 below.
A southern turn to head down along by the noisy motorway, then arrows directed the way beyond a solitary traffic cone & On over the arched footbridge spanning the M11 & then on to a CHK just inside Glyn’s Spring Wood. Tent Packer & Mr X were caught out on the Falsie straight on, so they retraced their steps to head out through the woodland on a meandering desire line that avoided a couple of fallen trees to the second Held CHK on the inside edge of the wood’s southern edge, the FRBs assembled out of the shade of the tree canopy to enjoy the warmth of the sunshine in the open crop field.
InCider seemed to go slightly awry in the woodland by eventually made it out to he Held CHK before the Hare caught up & the second bag of sweets went around, Prince Garmin was surprised he was allowed Wine Gums [Those were the days when you thought Wine Gums actually had wine in them! – Ed] No Eye Deer & Whatever She Says were last to the CHK.
Ketchup then went & spoilt it all by saying if you placed the palm of your hand over your ear facing the din of the M11, then you could look like Junior if you raised the opposite Arm & point in the air! Mr X said that Junior hasn’t done this for a while, better still he hasn’t shouted out random “Shabba!” not that Juunior would know who Shabba Ranks is?
The Hare mentioned a Short Cut would be soon available, the Trail resumed to lead the Hash around the southern & then the eastern inside edges of the woodland before taking to the original eastward footpath over the two more fields to come out on to the Church Lane that runs by St Mary the Virgin’s Church, the short cut was on the footpath by the front of the Church, Mr X pointed out to Whatever She Says the Chruch’s distinctive clock that has Work Hard, Pray Hard in large gold words upon its black dial.
The Keenies were taken on a series of three short paths which run around behind the Church grounds, before meeting up with the SCBs on the path up to Sheering in the north, the Hare now stopped the Mark E Mark, the first of the FRBs at the gate where the two groups met, saying that if anyone wanted it there was another Short cut coming up when the Trail meets the Village High Street, if they wished to do so they could take a left & head up past the Cock Inn. [Steady there Pebbledash! – Ed]
But once through the set of V-shaped metal stile gates either side of a fallow field, the majority of the Hash elected to cross straight over the High Street & run the last looping section of the Trail to continue northward before turning westward & then back through the woodland that Trail originally ran through at the beginning to emerge out at the bottom end of the Recreation Ground.
The Hash made their way around following the CS markings to Chez Sloppy, where Sludge & Flanders were found to be already comfortably sat imbibing in the back garden. Sludge looked in fine fetal, collaring a few to set a Trail before they had even gone in to Manu’s annex kitchen & got an après Run Ale sorted out!
Sloppy’s nice backyard is packed to the gunnels with plants, fish
ponds & worldly curiosities. To compliment the first drinks the Hash were
treated to Carol’s Fantastic home-made samosas, packed with meat, veggies &
seasoned with just the right amount of chili to give them a slight bite! TBT
OBE then arrives, having been away on a Sailing Weekend & having capsized too
many time to stand a chance of winning the
Americas Banana Republic Cup’
he made the very good decision to join the Hash.
The RA received a txt message from Psycho to apologies to the Hare, on their behalf, that they couldn’t make it to the après Trail, this resulted in a far from sympathetic conversation that this would mean more food for the rest! With the prospect of more good food coming out, the Circle was called for the Down-Downs to take place, where TBT was reminded of Sparky’s 200th last Week, as well as Max Factor & Alfa Male coming up with who is owed what in the ‘Traditional’ Herts Runs Awards!
The toast was presented by Mr X, then he said “It over to, Oh! Me!” As RA he called the Hare in to the Circle, for setting an excellent Trail of around 4 miles according to some GPSs!
Where’s Wally & Sparky were out for running the most Falsies, while Alfa Male joined them for following these two! My Lil’ was out for his injury that deserved a pain killing remedy of an Ale, joining him was Sludge, who, if he had been allowed to – would have gone around more of the Trail instead of the First CHK he managed to get to!
The weather threaten to rain a couple of times, but the couple of the short light spells of light drizzle didn’t last being blown over, so the brief evacuation to the conservatory was soon abandoned for alfresco dining.
When it was time to start on the main meal, with no Paxo to cry “Women & Children First!” Mr X had to borrow Paxo’s metaphorical ‘pinafore’ & shout this out. The veritable cordon bleu feast had a salad, chapattis, beef & rice, stew, mieliepap & chicken, it was so good that Mark E Mark decided that the Hash ought to have the next week’s Run from Chez Sloppy, as well as the following week. Mark E Mark spent the rest of the afternoon drinking & trying to establish himself residency at Chez Sloppy. Mr X said that he would have been happy if he had paid for his meal in a restaurant with food of that quality.
After creating the splendid feast, Carol came out to join the rest of the pack once the food was out of the way, the Pack enjoyed the hospitality of the hosts as the rest of the afternoon was enjoyed spotting gold fish & admiring Sloppy Second’s Plums [Who Pebbledash, the fruits on his tree! – Ed]