Date = 7th August 2017
Run Number = 1748
Venue = Brambles
Beer = Timothy Taylor; London Pride; Fallen Angel; Bad Apple Cider
Hares = MILF and Kylie
Runners = 18
Virgins = 2
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Après = 0
Hounds = 2
Total = 22
Membership = Drowned and well fed-up!
A call was received by the Hare from Joy (the Landlady of Brambles) this morning asking for numbers of Hashers for this evening’s trail as she was just about to head out to the butchers to purchase the flesh for the evening’s feast.
Knowing how unpredictable Hashers can be, Kylie answered anything between 10 and 25! and not to worry too much as any food is a bonus to the Pack. With the thought of a lot of food being prepared and only half a dozen Hashers turning up and especially with MILF having already researched the Trail a couple of times and now relaying Trail for the second time.
After the overnight rain had washed out our Sunday afternoon’s hard work, the Hare decided to put out an extra appeal on Farcebook, (despite the appalling forecast) for Hashers to don their raincoats, bring their brollies and brave the elements for assurance of free food after the Trail. Which was promised to be doable in the hour, with an extra incentive of a free beer if still out on the Trail after 20:00Hrs must have worked as 18 hungry Hashers turned out to brave the elements and a trail set by MILF and Kylie.
On the A10 near Westmill many of the hashers were caught up in a traffic queue caused by a RTC (accident), on recognising an off-duty paramedic (on her way home) our driver (Jack) tooted her which received some very frosty looks from the PC on point duty. Kylie attempted to contact the JM to let him know of the accident and suggesting that the start be delayed.
MILF, Virgin Sarah with Lionel (the leonberger dog named after Leonberg in Baden-Württemberg, Germany. According to legend, the Leonberger was ostensibly bred as a "symbolic dog" that would mimic the lion in the town crest) all were surreptitiously dropped off near the pub, while Kylie and Virgin Jack drove off to relay some key parts of the washed out trail en-route to the held check. Lobby Lobster called to inform MILF that she, Mark-E-Mark, Ketchup and Prince Garmin had also been caught up in the aforementioned jam.
MILF gave Sarah a quick chalk talk on the markings before
everyone else arrived. Ewok called order at 10 past 7 to allow for the
remaining hashers to arrive, and for the pack to circle up at the rear of the
pub. MILF told the rest of Hashers that the trail had been set using the normal
Florida markings, which received laughter from the pack but no questions.
Virgin Sarah was introduced as their friend and work colleague of Kylie with
‘Little’ Lionel the leonberger
Without further ado, as it was now drizzling and threatening to get heavier, the Pack were directed Northward up the High Street to a CHK at the mini roundabout intersecting Freeman Drive and Vicarage Road. Ewok, Fliptop and Buster headed off down Vicarage Road to find an absence of dust, while Captain Porky started checking out North along Ermine St to find a long falsie that was still in evidence from the Hares’ efforts on Sunday, only to be called back by shouts of ON-ON! by the remainder of the Pack heading West up the footpath by the allotments leading to Bowling Green Lane, False hopes as they would only to find a T at the end.
Returning back to the CHK the Pack now found that MILF in the meantime had been busy laying the trail down the previously checked route down Vicarage Road (Sorry Ewok and Fliptop) and was waiting for the pack to catch her up at the freshly re-laid CHK on the corner of Wyddial Road.
Ewok was unlucky to be caught by a falsie down Wyddial Road, the rest followed Fliptop towards Wyddial, East up Vicarage Road. Being directed off to the right where MILF kindly marked a LC and SC for Lobby Lobster, Sarah (with Lionel), ARP and bump, Sludge and Paxo up the road, whilst the rest went past the Alpacas’ Field (confirmed by MILF the previous day with the Farmer.) MR X fact here: Apparently the main differences between alpacas and llamas are that Alpacas are around a third of the size of llamas and have much finer hair – there are many more which I’m sure Mr X will tell you if you ask him!).
The pack were steered left at the end of this short path (to avoid Saint Bartholomew’s Church and the important On-Inn and around 80% of the trail – a lot even by even Sludge’s standards to short-cut !) then it was onto the bridleway back towards the lane. Turning right onto the road they found Ewok standing on a CHK which gave the Pack the option of heading up the nice dry road which inevitably ended in a T - sorry again Fliptop and Buster, or a very damp bridleway with long grass and plenty of shiggy cutting off the corner leading out onto Brown’s Corner (very appropriate given one of the Hare’s names).
Along this stretch the weather realized its full potential and all the brollies were erected (steady Pebbledash!) of ARP and Bump, Lobby Lobster, Sarah, Sludge and Slug. Exiting onto the road at Brown’s Corner the pack found the fresh flour, re-laid just a few mins previously by Kylie, directing them North West towards Chipping, taken just a few weeks earlier for the AGPU. But on this occasion though the Trail led to a washed out Bar CHK.
Fortunately for those heading to the non-existent Bar CHK there was a call of CoooooWEEEE! from MILF (which apparently is used in the bush, Whoaa there Pebbledash!) bringing them all back. In the meantime she’d sent the horrors, Starboard and Prince Garmin to the held CHK on the corner of Moles Lane where Kylie and Virgin Jack (his Friend and work colleague, and Fiancé of Sarah) had set up camp on the triangle with a bench that Ewok was to make good use of shortly. He very quickly dished out the sweets for the now very soggy Hashers. Soon to arrive were many of the Hashers paddling up the road with the brolly brigade bringing up the rear.
Once the r*****s were quickly sent off to find a long falsie past Home Farm on the bridleway towards Cherry Orchard Plantation, Kylie explained to the brolly brigade (more reminiscent of the Ramblers Association than the normal Herts Knitting Circle) that they had a choice of a Short Cut or even bigger Short Cut. As the weather appeared to be worsening and as Sludge appeared to be the spokesperson for the brolly carriers you can guess which they chose!
Kylie and Jack now drove back to the pub to find a bemused Joy (Landlady) saying that she thought we weren’t going to come and it was only someone who heard the Pack out the back on arrival, that had prompted her to put the ovens on and apologize that the food may be a little late! - “No matter” said Kylie “as 9pm would be fine”. Beers were soon on the bar in a time which would make Sludge and My Lil proud.
Back to the Trail - Whilst the Short-cutters, led by Sludge, headed off towards Moles Farm the r*****s had now found a Bar CHK (amazingly not washed out) and heard another shout of CoooooWEEEE! from MILF calling them. Returning back towards Wyddial they now found MILF’s fresh dust pointing them across the several paddocks to come out through a hedge lined alleyway back onto Vicarage Road.
Turning left, after a short run up the road the trail was then marked across the field along the back of the very palatial houses to a CHK marked on the road. Where’s Wally? did a short stint of checking up the road Northeastwards but had to return as his glasses were so steamed up (and was to admit afterwards that this was the hardest it’s ever been for him to find a trail!).
Ewok and Fliptop headed west as per the Falsie of the AGPU a few weeks earlier (at which time the GM and Beer Meister ignored Flip-Top and MILF’s calls of ON-BACK!), with Ketchup, Mark-E-Mark, Sperm-‘Ed and Captain Porky all now re-grouped at the CHK like puzzled sheep.
As the drizzle was now turning into steady rain MILF was herd (sorry about the pun!) to prompt “Is anyone going to check out anywhere else” which motivated Mark-E-Mark, Ketchup and Sperm-‘Ed to sprint off like three Cheetahs (or cheaters) across the Masai Mara Park to check out the final leg of the CHK past Peartree Field Wood. With calls of On-Back from MILF to gather the remaining lost sheep of Ewok and Flip-Top (with Buster) to follow on behind the FRB’s now cantering towards the next now washed out CHK.
The FRB’s found some dough on the path towards Moles Farm, laid earlier that day adjacent to the hedge on the right. Noting on the left the fields of majestic corn, which, when MILF checked out the Trail only some three days previously there was a delicate sound of popping which she deduced was the wheat ready and ripe (Mr X?).
A field was then passed with a brown horse, a discussion between MILF and Ewok then ensued as to the sex of the horse as they couldn’t discern what it’s ‘dangly bits were at it’s rear! Ewok went for the obvious but MILF was convinced it had not long fed it’s foal! The aforementioned horse then became very excited by Flip-Top and Captain Porky’s brightly coloured jackets and T shirt.
They then popped out at the end of the footpath onto the road where a chalked arrow remained, pointing the hashers left past Moles Farm. Plenty of Shiggy was then encountered but the trail was well marked and easy to follow from earlier that day.
Mark-E-Mark, Sperm-‘Ed and Ketchup turned left following trail towards Beauchamps (the Hare didn’t like to admit that she got herself lost) then back along the other side of the hedge (previously marked). Captain Porky followed but did a U turn despite being told that he was ‘On’ when he saw MILF, Flip-Top, Ewok, Where’s Wally? branching right, all the runners were now within sight of each other.
MILF said that they were now well on their way back and it was all downhill. Where’s Wally? was heard to comment that she’d said this half an hour ago! Finding a Held CHK the boys (now ignoring this fact – probably due to rain) checked out to the right. MILF called them back knowing the temptation of running straight back down the road to the pub was too great.
Following the markings due-south towards another CHK and now seeing glimpses of the H4 ramblers in their bright outfits and brollies between the hedges eventually spotting Lionel like a horse having lost it’s rider. There was now a Plethora of Bridleways, the Ramblers led by Sludge with a map lead the Brolly brigade off in the wrong direction towards St Bartholomew’s church which the Hare managed to dissuade some of the r*****s from following, instead taking the very Shiggy route around the other side of the field. The Pack eventually joined up at the end of the causeway.
MILF told locals about flour (dough) as she left the FRB’s to search their own way back and to add some extra markings to ensure a well marked trail for the ramblers. En route Lionel swam in the ford where there is a bench (now partly vandalised) in memorial to a 4½ year old boy – “Callum Eveleigh – who loved to come here and feed the ducks”. The ON-INN was found shortly after, with just the short jog back up the High Street back the Pub.
MILF was first (after Kylie and Jack) in the Pub whilst the FRB’s got changed. Superb food of Chips, chicken sausages, pizza and all manner of goodies were served to the now drier hash.
Down-downs were awarded to the Hares (though Kylie couldn’t manage very much due to his piriformis muscle [think deep buttocks! – Ed] damaged during the previous weeks Herts white water rafting!). The Virgins of Sarah and her fiancé Jack. Hashit was awarded to Ketchup for abandoning his son mid trail. Joy the Land Lady was called out and thanked for her marvelous food and told that we’d definitely be back.