Date = 3rd December 2017
Run Number = 1767
Venues = The Bell
Beer = Buttcombe; Adnams Broadside; Theakston’s Best
Hares = Max Factor & Alfa Male
Runners = 13
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Après = 3
Hounds = 1
Total = 17
Membership = Ding! Dong! We have a new song!
A dull, slightly damp in the air morning greeted those who ventured out for the Hash. Unusually the Pack must have read the Trash as with just one exception, of Where’s Wally?, the all managed to park up in the Public Car Park behind Bell Street. The early arrivals were treated to a nice blast of the original version of “Do they know it’s Christmas?” emanating from the white mini of a local lass parked up by Kylie & Milf.
The GM called the circle when the time came around to ‘My Lil’’ o’clock, [11:00Hrs for the uninitiated – Ed] things were kept brief as Ewok said it was a bit chilly! The Hares came forward to explain what could be expected out there on the Trail, not much different from the norm but of interest were the Held CHKs, also that some of the Trail may have been washed out.
The Pack were ushered away to run through the adjacent area of parking spaces, then out on to Bell Street to pass by the Bell Pub, a shrewd move in case there were those who didn’t read the parking instructions had left their vehicles at the On Inn.
The Trail came up to a very fresh CHK just by the corner of the Fat Goose & Garlic, a restaurant that after 21 Years has now closed according to the signs in the window. Where’s Wally? was up front & he was egged on to search down the short Church Street to the wooden gates to the grounds of Great Saint Mary’s Church, though he did seem to have an issue for picking the wrong central larger gates to start with.
My Lil’ & Mr X already knew that there was Trail down through smaller side gates into the church grounds on the northeast bound path out of the churchyard, cutting diagonally along between the two sets of railings through the school grounds to come out on to The Forebury, near to the small ‘private’ green space. Here the Hares’ cunning caught out Mr X, My Lil’, Tent Packer & Milf as they searched the continuation of the alleyway & down toward the station, two of the others knew that Milf was on the wrong route & there was no dust that way, but weren’t smug about it as they fared just as bad.
The Trail was called “On!” by Ewok heading westward up The Forebury to its end at a CHK where it joins the south to north Knight’s Street. My Lil’ headed off to the south, but he was more interested in peering through the window of the Queen’s Head to see what Ales they have in this ‘Free House’ - while the majority consensus was to head northward down toward Station Road, that was the way the Dust was picked up.
A CHK was found opposite the George IV, most used the nearby crossing on Station Road to get on to the Fire Station side, but none of the options on the north side proved to be of any use, the same could be said of the northbound Bullsfield road. Though a different kind of Hash about on the sleepy streets of Sawbo was noticed as a young lad wandered by, with his girl-friend, in his wake he left a smoky aroma which was rather distinctive wafting from his roll-up.
Again the GM was on form as she picked up the Trail as it heads up to the junction with London Road, where it turned from the west to the south to lead down by the local filling station, & down to another crossing not far from the start of Bell Street. It was wishful thinking if anyone thought that the Trail would go back to the Bell!
The Trail headed over the crossing near to the Mexican & Indian restaurants, which for Mr X & Where’s Wally? this took an age to change from green to amber, after they missed the first group going over to the CHK. The wait was actually a blessing in disguise as they wouldn’t be lured away down the hill, unlike the rest of the Pack. Only the GM headed up toward the Gate & the much nearer footpath sign pointing the way to the local Catholic Church. Again Ewok was “On!” to the Trail as the RA indicated she should take this option through to the dead-end of the back street of Sayesbury Avenue & CHK on the junction where Sayesbury Road leads away to the south.
The Trail would continue along Saysbury Avenue to the bend in its western end, then it was over to the short alleyway footpath that lead down to the first Held CHK of the Trail on the end of Coney Gree [And before TBT OBE gets on his high horse to say that this is a spelling mistake, it is Coney Gree on all the maps, it’s even that way on the road sign post!” – Ed].
This regroup was near to the ancient barns that sit down here, Ewok was impressed by these black timbered buildings of Chalks Farm, with their raised floors to stop the foxes getting to the fowl that would have been inside. As they waited for the SCBs, the FRBs were treated to Tent Packers Sloe Whiskey, which left Ewok with what she described as a “Burning sensation!” only to be corrected my Milf that it was supposed to be a “Warming sensation!” which Ewok conceded it was.
When Max Factor arrived at the Held CHK the sweets were dished out, with the Milk Bottles being a big hit with Ewok, who quickly overlooked the alternative Pink Shrimps. Paxo, Mumblehead, with Meg, & TBT OBE arrived at the Held CHK to find that there were Pink Shrimps left, & a few milk bottles!
Soon it was time to check out the Trail once again. My Lil’, Where’s Wally? & Mr X all headed off on the footpath that runs behind the fenced off back gardens one the east side & the hedged-in brook to the west with the open fields behind it.
The Shiggy route would lead up to a CHK point at the T junction where the two options were to head back up the short way in to the housing estate as Where’s Wally? did, or take to the short narrow footbridge like My Lil’ & Mr X to come out on to the edge of the farm land.
The Trail was found on the arable side of the hedgerows, then leading on to another CHK in the southeastern corner of the open fallow fields behind the Rivers Hospital. This is a large space on the sloping hillside that has permissive access around the various sections of feral areas, wild grasses & plantations, Mr X, My Lil’ & Where’s Wally? fanned out on two different paths toward the south, they would not find any Dust, instead it was down to Milf, Ewok & Tent Packer to head over the fields out toward High Wych.
My Lil’ made his way back around to join the rest of the Keenies to run the path along the northern & western edges of the land, while Mr X & Where’s Wally? did a ‘Sludge’ [And got away with it! – Ed] to cut across the path through the centre of the open space to meet them on the westbound footpath to come out in to the crop fields.
Another turn lay head to lead the Pack over to the tree-line, where a CHK was found, those who ventured in to the thicket like wood would find no Dust in there. Along this tree line there was a long standing attraction forming with Tent Packer & My Lil’ both stopping to scare off the local wildlife, though after Tent Packer had finished frightening the squirrels he stopped to point out a dead Badger to everyone else.
While Where’s Wally? came back
from within the tree-line, seemingly not too damp from the other two’s
activities, Ewok & Milf had made good progress in picking up the Trail on the
path that leads away in a southwesterly directly between the crop fields toward
High Wych. It was at the elbow in the long Farm track that the next Held CHK
was found, here Ewok could experience another
burning warming sensation
as the Hares got out a very nice bottle of Taylor’s Port.
As the FRBs looked back out toward ‘Sawbo’ in the northeast, they could see the figures of Paxo & Mumblehead walking along with Meg, every so often a stick would be seen flying through the air for meg to retrieve, then from behind them came a figure that was running. It was noticed that TBT OBE had broken off of the Trail to head back to the Pub, perhaps he was upset he couldn’t have a go with the stick?
My Lil’ peered into the distance & stated that it could be Sparky running up to the Held CHK, but as the figure’s appearance, the figure removed his cap to reveal a bald head, which still didn’t an narrow things down, but as he came further in to view it would become clear that it was Fliptop & not Sparky running up to the Held CHK, all of which made the rest of the Pack laugh.
Fliptop needed a Port when he arrived to be ridiculed by the others! There were more insults & lots of scoffing at Paxo as he arrived, saying that if he had known there was Port here that he’d have “R*n” to the Held CHK. If that wasn’t enough, when the Keenies were allowed to search again, Kylie failed dismally as he tried to Fool the rest in to going back toward the Held CHK when he called “On!” on the footpath that runs due west from the elbow of the Track to High Wych Lane.
None of the FRBs fell for Kylie’s failed attempts to lure them back, more jocular mocking happened as they headed southward on the farm track on its way behind the homes of Broadfields in the west of High Wych before coming out on to the end of this road where it joins the High Wych Road.
A CHK on the roadside would rapidly be dealt with as the Trail was picked up on the Public Bridleway 18 that runs southwards from beside the allotments on the opposite side of the road, this hard capped track led on beyond the Rowney Bois Riding Stables as it curved around a few degrees to the east on its arc by Rowney Farm to a driveway of Chaseways. This southeast drive led on the Harlow Road, but there was a CHK before the Pack ever reached there. The Trail now change direction to head off along another driveway, this having large homes at its far end.
Before reaching the aforementioned homes, the FRBs were well & truly caught out by a combination a strategically placed blob of flour on a footpath up through the spinney like tree-line separating the horse fields & a large smear of fungus which fooled My Lil’ & those following on. So, beyond the horse’s jackets & back to the drive, up ahead to the northeast a happy Alfa Male was spotted well ahead of them on the way out to Wychford Drive. Exiting on to Wychford Drive there was a slight eastward diversion as the Trail as the Northeastward bound route take to Falconers Park, a road set back from the road & lined with homes only on its west side, the tree-line to the east didn’t offer much of a natural barrier to the noisy & busy Harlow road. Though the traffic wasn’t loud enough to mask My Lil’s calls of “Come on Sparky!” to Fliptop running behind him!
Mr X now mentioned the fantastically named ‘Bonks Hill’ that the Harlow road becomes, as the Trail came out on to the busy Harlow Road & then by way of a crossing went over to the east side of the busy road that Pishiobury Park sits behind. Mr X told of a time many moons ago, on a Full Moon Hash Trail along here, that the Police arrived after the Circle was held in the Car Park for the large Park, the reason for this was that the Beckhams’ lived just down the road at the so called ‘Beckingham Palace’ - when they were in residence in this area & getting far too much public attention.
Not that the Beckhams were the most famous person to have lived on Pishiobury Park, for the real (Future) Royalty in the guise of Anne Boleyn’s home was in this park. Anyhow, enough history & back to the Trail as the route through the Park wasn’t taken, instead the Trail continued all the way down to Bonks Hill, where Milf & My Lil’, then Milf & Mr X had a photo stop behind the road-sign.
Pictures taken, which no doubt looked a bit bizarre to the passing traffic before the Trail continued up the hill toward Sawbridgeworth, if that wasn’t enough double entendre to have had Pebbledash in fits of laughter, Mr X noticed the driveway to the large house near the ‘naughty’ road sign was named “Little Acres” which he pointed out. Thankfully for the rest of the Pack Pebbledash was absent today!
The roadside route would soon end as the Trail took to the footpath heading up a short bit of earthen embankment to run behind the homes on New Drive, this southeasterly fenced-in way stopped at a CHK by the crossroad with another footpath.
For My Lil’ & Mr X, though not Milf, had the advantage of Hashing around these back-alleys before & so without hesitating they chose the correct northeastern footpath to come out on to Brook Drive, directly across from this the footpath continued down between more homes & then on to a footpath that follows the course of the brook on its northwest to southeast journey to join the river Stour in the east.
Again ‘local knowledge’ meant that Mr X & My Lil’ were happy to cross the narrow footbridge to pass by the local allotments on the left & the building works going on the right, last time the Hash ran here it was some waste ground with a couple of derelict bungalows, but now there are lots of new homes going up at a rapid rate of knots.
These two FRBs knew that they would follow the footpath up to the end of Springhall Road, not to be confused with Hyena’s surname, which as TC found out to his cost from Mrs S with a curt “There’s no H in our name!” when he gave her a Christmas Card!
Anyhow the final leg was to cross the edge of the green space of Vantorts, passing the local Cricket Club & then coming out on to Vantorts & the On Inn, which amazingly Where’s Wally? spotted for the second week on the trot. The FRBs grabbed their gear from the car park & made their way to the Pub, where they found Sludge, Whatever She Says, No Eye Deer & her daughter all ensconced within the nice warm bar, though Kylie ruined this by peering in & holding the door open long enough to let all of the heat out, until he was shamed by the others to shut this.
The Pack were treated to a dish of nice sausages & roast tatties, TBT OBE seemed to forget his ‘Veggieness’ but can’t blame him for these were nice, so nice he had to go& pinch some more off of the Bar! Anyhow, there was plenty of banter before the Pack got around to the Circle, which was held out in the rear patio garden. Ewok announced the Toast to the Hash, as Paxo tried to dobb her in for not having a glass of anything to raise, then it was over to the RA. Mr X then asked the Pack what they thought of the Trail, all agreed that it was a great Trail that took an hour & 10 maximum.
Milf, who was driving, had completed 100 Herts Ru*ns but this was skipped as she had to get behind the wheel later, plus there was no 100 R*n award available from the Haberdasher, also the RA didn’t want to interrupt the Hash Choir Mistress’s new found songs from her trip to the States! Where’s Wally? received his Hit for spotting the On In for a second consecutive week, then the Hashit was to be awarded.
The RA said he had a dilemma as whether to give the Hashit to My Lil’ who had found a £1 coin the week before, but it was an old style round one he can’t spend anymore – which upset him greatly! Or Ewok for her suspicions that Tent packer [Mrs Mallett more like? – Ed] had washed the Hashit, such was her conviction of the washed out card & paper adornments, that she was even driven to have a sniff at the hem while Tent Packer was wearing it! To add to her woe, her much beloved addition to the Hashit, of the ‘Sausage Tossing’ beer-mat was now missing [Must have become detached during the ‘spin cycle’? – Ed] In the end the popular vote went against our esteemed GM, who adorned the Hashit – not without talk of laminating a new Sausage Tossing Beer-mat to add again to the sh*t-shirt.
After the hits & announcements, Milf said she had a gift for Mr X, what happened next had Max Factor going in to fits of hysterical laughter, when Milf started to talk about Mr X’s appendage that fact that it’s too hot to handle in the summer & too cold in the winter, then producing a pair of baby socks – things didn’t improve with Max Factor as Mr X went to explain, using American phrases, that the end of his ‘Stick-shift’ gets red hot when the sun shines on it, & freezing cold in the winter! [Thankfully Pebbledash wasn’t there, or it could have been far worse! – Ed]