Date = 28th Jan 2018
Run Number = 1778
Venue = The Goat
Location = Hertford Heath
Beer = Greede King IPA; Old Leg-Over
Hares = Ewok
Runners = 16
Virgins = 0
Visitors = Creeper
Newies = 0
Après = 2
Hounds = 0
Total = 19
Membership = From Tarmac to Shiggy!
A warm morning, well for this time of the year with little wind & the sun was trying its best to poke out between the few overcast clouds. Those arriving at the Goat Car Park were marshalled into their parking spots by Paxo, My Lil’ received a ticking off when he parked up & left a few thousandth of an inch too far away from the vehicle to his left. After a few mains & groans, the My Lil’-mobile was moved out & back again, until Paxo was satisfied.
The next vehicle to pullup was Tent Packer’s Merc & this was soon swaying from Starboard to Port several time, this German Pocket Battleship finally steered aft-ward before dropping anchor, Paxo steered clear of this beast!
This week saw Creeper arrive, with Mark E Mark & Lobby Lobster, to join the Pack for her First Herts Hash, the Pack tried to reassure her it wouldn’t be that bad! The Pack were not too sure of how Creeper would receive Tent Packer’s ‘Hasher’s Breakfast’ [Calm down Pebbledash, it’s not what you think! – Ed] as he handed around a packet of Pork Scratchings, but things went well after Creeper noticed Tent Packer’s Qatar Hash patch on his jacket, they now had something in common, having both Hashed out there. Cue a few Selfies!
As the minute hand edged around to ‘My Lil’ O’clock’ it was obvious that our esteemed GM, & today’s Hare, wasn’t going to be back from the Start of the Trail. So, Paxo fulfilled his JM Duties to introduce the Hash to the correct R*n Number after which Paxo was in a quandary as he didn’t know which way the Hare had gone, but the RA piped up as he said he had seen a CHK down Vicarage Causeway, while on his way up to the Goat.
Paxo then asked if anyone had any Flour, Chalk, Plaster-board so he could mark the Trail until the Hare arrived, No Eye Deer had a lump of chalk, which Mark E mark claimed she had confiscated from a 7 year old School Kid! Anyhow, Mr X led the Pack away from the green, the descending Vicarage Causeway would be the start of the Trail & before reaching its westerly junction with London Road, a CHK was found by start of the dead-end of Hogsdell Lane, which Mr X knew had a footpath leading away northward at the opposite end.
Mr X & Where’s Wally? came back from the Bar CHK on Hogsdell Lane to find the rest had all made their way around on to London Road, heading southward by the War Memorial & the sad sight of the new unsold home that was once the Townsend Arms, the Pub with the best selection of Ales in the Village for years but now all gone to developers.
As the Trail made its way beyond the New Builds, Where’s Wally? failed to spot the Trail turning around the 90° corner of another new home that only a couple of years ago was a local Shop, he was called back from his continuing along London Road toward Hoddesdon. The Trail would now head up Church Hill to the east, then breaking off to run on to Woodland Road for a few yards around to the south, before taking to Trinity Road. The next CHK was found near to the cut-through the small Park Area where Hertford Heath FC are based.
By the time the RA had made it thus far, after his earlier Falsie, he could see Mark E Mark & Creeper heading further up Trinity Road to the east, then Mr X heard Max Factor calling “On!” from within the sports field to head on the hardcore path out through an alleyway on to the south bound Woodlands Road again, then over on the spur road section of the westbound Woodlands Road out on to London Road.
There Arrows pointed the way southward up London Road toward the Silver Fox, & a CHK almost opposite this other Greede King Pub in the village, had Where’s Wally make up his lost ground & was seen following the bend in the road just as Alfa Male, Tent Packer & Milf where spotted crossing back over from the Bridle Way between the Garage & the Silver Fox on the west side of the main road, it looked as if the Trail would not cross the farmland to the west of the village.
As the Trail headed on toward the remaining village corner shop, the Hare caught up with Lobby Lobster, Creeper & Mr X, Ewok explained that she was late getting to the Pub as she was doing her best James Herriot for they had a couple of lambs born that morning, which is very early. One survived but sadly one didn’t.
Suddenly Where’s Wally? was found to be running back toward Ewok & Co. He was only running back to the CHK point on the opposite side of the road from the East India College Arms (or whatever name it has these day?) where there is a bridleway that heads out toward the western section of the Hertford Heath Natured Reserve & Goose Green beyond, but the Trail would not pay this a visit today.
Again Alfa Male, Tent Packer, Milf 9who stood out distinctively in her long scarf0 & My Lil’ could all be see crossing back from the west side of the street to pick up the Trail as it headed down toward Haileybury College grounds, following the road around by where the old Garage used to be & on to the drive to Northern edge of the College Entrance with its distinctive Verdigris dome, once of the largest unsupported in Europe.
Alfa Male, My Lil’, Milf, Tent Packer & Max Factor were seen running across the front of the College grounds on an almost semi-circular trot back around from College Road & by the impressive Boer War Memorial, like most private schools, Haileybury would had its own ‘Cadet Force’ from the days of it being the ‘Imperial Service College’ to modern times, who’s members would have been have taken part in many armed conflicts over the years. In total, Including one Teacher, Nineteen of the Old Haileyburians have been awarded the Victoria Cross!
This half a loop led back on to London Road once again, by this point the Hare had put in a Short Cut back on College Road that would lead due east out toward the College Sport Pitches. Mr X explained to Creeper that Haileybury, originally the East India College, was school to a couple of Prime Ministers including Clement Atlee, as well as a few notable celebrities, like Sir Alan Ayckbourn & Stephen Mangan.
Anyhow, Mr X pulled up as his leg began to ache, he slowed & walked with No Eye Deer as the Trail took to Hailey Lane, which leads away eastward toward Galley Hall, but at the CHK where College Lane joins this, the Trail was found to run back in to the College grounds, to weave its way northward back between the school buildings & then out on to the route leading outward to the Sports Area.
The Keenies were now out of sight on this long trot down to the next CHK, Yeshmeelady, Kylie, Lobby Lobster & Creeper could all be seen taking the northbound path over by the tennis courts & sports buildings to head into Goldings Wood, the FRBs however had all continued on beyond the Sports Complex to run down along the outside of Hailey Wood to a CHK, positioned by the stile for the steps leading down to the A414 Roundabout on the A10.
The CHK had been kicked through by the FRBs who had already passed through, for No Eye Deer & Mr X to pick up the Trail along the bottom of the lower section of the easterly sports pitches, this route was right above the A10 & the noise of the motorway would drown out any calls of “On! On!” if there were any? Having run the first half on mostly tarmac, the rest of the Trail would be a contrast of lots & lots of Shiggy!
It was long here that Mr X & No Eye Deer went wrong, too busy gassing these two continued along through the eastern edge of Goldings Wood only to realize that there was no Dust on the gate or footpath signpost in to the cattle field to the north!
Tracing their steps backward they would meet a man out with a Dalmatian who said “The others have gone that way!” as he pointed westward up through the inside edge of Goldings wood, next to the sports fields. It was a long way up within the edge of the woodland until they found Dust, all after having missed the Trail running along at a diagonal angle over the lower sports field!
The Trail would bring the Pack up through the really Shiggy Path on the preset riding & running routes marked with large white spray painted arrows on the trees within the wood, there reminded Mr X of a TBT OBE Trail, set in permanent spray-paint. Anyhow, the trail would eventually make its way around to the east & down through the leaf litter & more Shiggy Paths to a Held CHK in one of the inside corners of Goldings wood, there the Hare was found waiting patiently at what was the ‘Sweetie Stop’.
Unfortunately for Mr X all that was left were Strawberry Bon-Bons [Little Devil’s Testicles! – Ed] while all the Wine Gums had been gobbled up by the rest! [Note to the Pack – there isn’t any wine in Winegums! – Ed] Ewok said that the Pack were getting worried about the whereabouts of No Eye Deer, including Yeshmeelady, but they were all getting a little chilly waiting around, so without further thought the whole of the Pack set off!
It was now that No Eye Deer, who was enjoying the Strawberry Bon-Bons, could hear the calls of “On!” for the first time in ages as the Trail continued along the inside of the woodland before it rose up & tuned toward Hertford Heath, passing through a part of the eastern section of the Hertford Heat Nature Reserve.
As the those who thought that they were the last of the Pack came around to a CHK by the local Stables & equine habited Horse Paddocks, it was found to be marked through to the bushes & trees in to the end of Mount Pleasant which is lined on one side with distinctive powder blue cottages at this dead end.
This was the direct route back to the On Inn, the Hare wasn’t adding any further loops or devices & this was born out by the sight of ‘On On Inn’ being found written out on the side of the lane. On the way the Pack would pass by a tree in one front garden that had little fairy’s door in its trunk, or was it a door to a Pogles’ home? Not everyone saw this, especially Ewok, whose name had been linked to this little curio.
Back at the Goat within the hour for the Keenies, Yeshmeelady was vocal when he finally saw No Eye Deer come in to sight “Come on, where’ve you been?” he shouted out, guess he only had Wine-gums & didn’t have the car keys?
The last to get changed were surprised to see Sludge & Flanders arrived back after going around the Trail, Sludge, like many others had been laid low with the Lurgy – it just doesn’t seem to go. The Pack settled in to the lower Bar, some were surprised to see that there was an option of a non-Greede King IPA option on. Things were looking up.
Back in the Bar & Creeper was impressed that Herts still have a weakly Hash, not that anyone reads the drivel the Scribe scrawls but at least the Funnies are worth skipping to. This was followed by more talk of Qatar, it’s a shame the other two of H4’s ex-Qatar weren’t there.
When it came to the Circle, the Hare was awarded a decent Cider [Who have sold out to Coors! – Ed] for a great Trail set that very morning after she did her best James Herriot even earlier that morn. Other Hits went to: Creeper for completing her First Herts Trail. Mr X’s introduction of our guest included the fact that Creeper started off the Tradition that Full Moon Nash Hash GM’s meeting has to consume several bottles of something spirit before the newly elected GM is duct-taped to a Table, tipped upside down for a Down-Down! Something that Mr X has had done to him, though being hirsute the removal of the duct-tape was rightly of more concern.
Mark E Mark for keeping up the smut levels of the Hash, ion the absence of Pebbledash by saying “There’s really no other way to say this, but can I have a ‘Legover!” to the Bar Maid. Sludge & Paxo for being the Lurgy brothers. Finally the Hashit went to Ewok, for the RA had tried most of his ‘Chilli themed’ Chrissie pressies but in an attempt to put on his chili Bawbags she had bought him, he suddenly found that a Large Size pair wouldn’t accommodate one leg, let alone any other package at the front, or a second leg.
It was noticed that the Hash Choir-mistress had a couple of new songs, while there had also been some practice with others almost being in time with the same lyrics, which wasn’t a bad effort as it took long enough for the Pack to learn the Caveman version!
After the Circle the Pack were joined by Paula & Jade, who used to Hash a long, long time ago & those who remembered them had a brief chat before tales of the previous night’s party at TBT OBE’s, seems some kind of game was played that involved the players resembling the inflatables in the back of Del Boys Van – in one classic episode, then it degraded even more to talk about ‘bizarre Japanese sexual practices!’