Date = 18th March 2018
Run Number = 1787
Venue = The Plough
Location = Tyttenhanger
Beer = Marlow Zebedee, Visionary; London Pride; Dirty Tackle; & More
Hares = Sparky & Little George (Well it was cold out there!)
Runners = 7
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Aprčs = 0
Hounds = 0
Total = 7
Membership = Beating the mini beast from the East!
Another weekend of snow, well light fluffy flakes tumbling gently all of Saturday none of which really settle over night, but it was probably enough to scare off a few of the regulars, most notable absentee of this week was My Lil’ [What I hear you cry dear reader! – Ed] Perhaps it was the weather, the knowledge of who the Hare was or a combination? Anyhow he wasn’t there!
Wanktlers was found standing alone outside of the Pub, wondering if he was at the right Plough? He was relieved when the rest of the Pack all arrived in one car! The Kylie Mobile, which was full of smut & innuendo from the Tesco Pick up for Mr X with the GM asking him if he need her to ‘Guide him in?’ [Calm down Pebbledash it was for the seat belt retainer! – Ed]
More noticeable was the lack of a Hare, Sparky was not to be seen [Was that a good or bad thing? – Ed] Kylie insisted on having a picture of the few, outside of the Air Ambulance banner at the front of the Pub, Mr X suggested we all stood above it, & so the Pack clambered the snowy steps.
Mr X couldn’t resist making a couple of snow balls but not as big as the one that Ewok moulded in her gloves & threw at the RA – hitting the Hashit & the RA could feel the cold melting virgin white snow cleanse the dirty outer garment! [Washing the Hashit! – Ed]
Anyhow, the lucky six only had a few minutes before ‘My Lil’ O’clock’ but since he was there Milf took the opportunity to use the Pub’s facilities while the rest were eager to get on with things, then when Milf re-appeared Ewok realised that she couldn’t recall the R*n Number, with a little help from Mr X it was worked out to be 1787.
With no Hare in sight, nor his car, the Pack split up to search for the Trail from the sawdust CHK to one side of the Pub Car Park entrance. Perhaps that’s why My Lil’ was there, as he doesn’t like starting a Trail from a CHK?
Mr X ran down Barley Mow Lane where in the sound of the ‘not-so-far-off’ shotguns going off were a lure that the Hare had been warned to stay clear of a week earlier! Still, thinking that he would not have gone down the tracks to the north & by the shooting, Mr X decided to search to the south, on the footpath at the end of the houses lining the end of the east edge of the village, on the very footpath that 3D fell over on around 20 years ago at the start of a summer Hash!
There was no Dust on the start of this path out to the fields to the south of the village, so on his return Mr X found Wanktlers coming back from the Farm Track that heads northward down on the shallow valley, both were encouraged by Paxo to follow on behind Milf & Ewok who were calling “On!” - heading back beyond the Pub, westward out through Tyttenhanger Green.
Things seemed to be going smoothly, but then as the Trail of sawdust ‘hidden behind the lamppost & street furniture’ passed by the village Hall & kids play area to the T Junction with Highfield Lane where to their surprise Ewok & Milf stumbled upon the On Inn! So, it was back, back all the way to the Pub I tell you! To the Pub & having seen the On Inn, Mr X would be happy if this was the end of the Trail. Sadly it wasn’t.
As Mr X, Milf & Wanktlers passed the Plough, again, a car horn sounded many times to disturb the locals with a different sound from the crack-crack of the shotguns in the distance, it was Sparky sounding hooting away as he pulled up. Perhaps it was to make up for the fact that, as Hare, he didn’t have his Horn with him this morning? Anyhow, the Trail was eventually picked up on Barley Mow Lane as it heads eastward, toward the Gypsy camp but Mr X found a blob of sawdust before the S bend in the road, this led off to the north on the track heading down toward the wood where the shooting was taking place in the valley.
Egged on by sawdust blobs, Mr X headed down this way, passing by the guy with the walkie-talkie to stop the shooting, he was followed by Milf, but unaware to them Ewok & Paxo were heading that way to a little later on. Mr X said to the guy with the walkie-talkie that 6 more would be following on, then the RA headed up the opposite side of the vale only to find that there was no more dust, not in any shape or form, like a large T!
Milf joined Mr X & he said instead of turning back, they ought to check out the footpath where it passes though the corner of the top field & emerges out on to the Smallford Road. Turning Tonto, Mr X pointed out that all of the footprints in the dusting of snow & in the mud were all going one way, toward them & not with them!
Out through the hedgerow & this was the first time that the bitter easterly wind was felt blowing into their faces. There was no sign of dust on the roadside path, so to cut their loses & keep out of the biting wind Mr X said that they would run southward down toward Barley Mow Lane, in the misguided hope that the Trail would come out via Barley Mow Farm. It didn’t.
With no sight of any other Hashers, or sawdust, the pair took to the footpath over the deep soft loam of a ploughed field toward Barley Mow Farm, then on to the one that veers over to emerge out by the Gypsy caravan site on to Barley Mow Lane. Mr X knew to run up by Barley Mow Stables, where some new houses are being built, then they found the Trail in the shape of a CHK by a stile on the open end of the now dead-end old lane that leads out to the A414, this is now only a walk through, just before this was the Barley Mow Pub.
Mr X explained to Milf that this was a great Pub in it’s hay-day, when it had 16 hand-pumps but later on it was taken over & run down by a developer, at one time the local Lib-Dem MP was blamed by the owner for not helping to save the Pub, so for 20 odd years it has been shut never to be a Pub again.
Anyhow less lamenting lost Pubs, in the distance over the other end of the field of little green shoots dusted with snow, two figures could be seen & one was Kylie, so these two presumed that the other was Paxo? It was here that the bitingly cold easterly wind could again be felt whipping across from behind them. Milf called Kylie on her mobile & after they realized that there were no longer to be parted for long, she joined Mr X in crossing the white covered crop from the next CHK at its edge, to cut directly over to a small footbridge spanning a ditch.
In to the next crop field & having avoided the large puddles the Trail would led up to the northern tip of Knights Wood, where there was an opportunity to run around the permissive paths within this, but Mr X said that all paths would head out from the western corner to Highfield Manor, sure enough the Trail would take to the westbound hedged-in track out to the large stately looking magnolia coloured building, which stands prominent on the edge of Highfield Lane.
On the way Milf & Mr X caught up with Kylie, but the other figure turned out to be Wanktlers, who was on the other side of the five-bar gate at the end of the Track, here was the first Held CHK of the Trail where Sparky was handing out Gummi-Bear sweets, but there was no sign of Ewok & Paxo. Again Milf was on to technology to find out where the other two were?
Eventually The GM came skipping in to sight, followed on a little later by the JM! They had a breather as the sweets went around again, then eventually the Hare allowed the Hash to search again, leaving the relative shelter on this little driveway to the newer homes hidden at the end.
Mr X & Wanktlers both searched around Highfield lane to the south, in a direction toward the A414, on the next section of the S-bend both found Dust, both were lured away, with Mr X choosing to run down another hedged-in farm track but only to find a T.
Back on to Highfield Lane they could see that Milf & Ewok were ‘On’ Trail heading northwestward through Tyttenhanger, they had run beyond the CHK that was situated almost out of sight behind a telegraph pole near to a Footpath heading out by the first of the homes. Mr X spotted this & tried to call the others back, for this was marked with a W & an arrow pointing into the field that lay to the east, best still the second field along was directly south of the Plough!
Wanktlers came back, as Mr X told him that the time was two minutes to ‘Opening Time’ – plus the W could stand for ‘Wanktlers Trail’? These two ventured out behind the homes, taking to the cold wet puddles strewn Shiggy of the seeded field, then once through the Tree-line it was a case of cutting out over to the footpath that Mr X searched to start with, the one that 3D slipped over on around 20 years ago! [She won’t thank you for keep mentioning this! - Ed]
Meanwhile the rest stuck with the Trail, which they mistakenly believed would lead straight back to the On Inn they had seen earlier, Wrong! Before reaching the Tyttenhanger Green lane it would take them to the west bound footpath over more crop fields behind the farm to the old disused Nightingale Lane, from there Ewok, Milf, Kylie & Paxo were led on a merry dance toward an area once known for its Mental Hospitals of Hill End & Cell Barnes, the gardens & parkland of which make up a large part of the now publically accessible nature reserve..
While the rest were trying to find the Trail around through the Highfield Park area, with a Hare now lost, confused & bewildered on his own Trail, fortunately this Scribe was perched at the bar in the nice warm Pub, with was Wanktlers & both were enjoying a very nice pint of ‘Visionary’ – ironically those still out on Trail could have done with a Visionary to help them get back in!
The rest of the Pack weren’t helped by the information board on Highfield Park they stopped at for a photoshoot, but eventually they all came back Inn, some half an hour [Or one pints worth of drinking! – Ed] after Wanktlers & Mr X had come in from the cold. Mr X was glad of his mongrel heritage as the chat started with the Rugby results in the 6 Nations then turned to Irish Rock/Blues Music, for those who saw BBC 4 the night before.
At least the chilly wind hadn’t dampened the ardor those who did the whole Trail & soon they were sat around the table & the conversation degenerated in to smutty innuendo! [Nothing new there then! – Ed]
With the Pub food smelling so nice, the seats in the small side bit being so comfy, it was decided to put off the Down-Downs to the next week & stay in the warmth. Also most had some of the food, with Ewok going for the Kids portion of Fish-fingers & chips, having earlier seen this was a pretty good size portion for the price.
The GM fell for a good one while the table were discussing the seemingly endless Hollywood remakes of perfectly good films as apparently they are remaking Mary Poppins [Thought you said perfectly good films? – Ed] as when Dick Van Dykes name came up (with obligatory bad Cockney Accent that he has since apologized for! Mr X said that Dick Van Dykes agent made him change his name as he wasn’t getting any acting work with the name of Penis Van Lesbian!
Later on Mr X, while walking home, realized that he had been stitched up to wear the Hashit for another week, by not awarding it this time around & it had been cleaned by the GM!