Date = 22nd April 2018
Run Number = 1792
Venue = The Countryman
Location = Chipping
Beer = Chas Wells Bombardier; Rock Cornish
Hare/s = Fliptop
Runners = 17
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Après = 0
Hounds = 1
Total = 18
Membership = Its AGPU time again!
For me the day started as it has for the last few weeks, mooching around the garden but this day soon became different when I was called inside the house to find two strangers wearing running gear, both huffing & puffing as they sat down on the sofa. Time to welcome them to the household by chewing at their feet!
Next thing I knew it was time to get in the shut in the back of the family car, thankfully this time the windows weren’t open, it plays havoc with my blonde hair! Fliptop pulled in to the Car park of the Countryman & everyone got out, not much do to start with but then there was soon the fuss as various other ‘Hashes’ arrived & there’s nothing like greeting someone with a wet nose in their crotch!
Being new to the Hash some of this may be wrong, as I overheard the RA was heard to that it’s funny how 13 months roll around so quickly for the AGPU! He added that he lure of food, Mmmm Sausages, sorry I was distrcted then! It was also said that the good weather should result in better turn out than the apparently there was in the last couple of weeks.
The one known as the GM was still on her way as the rest of us gathered in the car park, where the main attraction was now welcoming back Psycho & Skip, the latter being equipped with a ski-pole which made the RA wonder if they had come along from Ware & its snow-capped hills may be the reason that the GM & JM were late? (I don’t like the sound of that!)
Anyhow, my attention was soon grabbed by the appearance of some juicy bones arriving, apparently they are called Sparky? He got out of his car already wearing his body armour, Skip’s reaction was one of laughter as, like me, he hasn’t had the pleasure of seeing Sparky in his full safety garb until now.
Others, like My Lil’, Milf & Mr X turned their attention to the fact that the back garden of the Countryman was that small compared to when they attended the ‘Sausage Tossing contest’ last year. ‘Mmm Sausages!’ Sorry I lost my attention there! It looked plenty big enough for me to mooch around in & it had chickens at the far end.
The RA said he was preparing to have to step in for the GM for the second week, but as the Pack began to assemble near the centre of the car park the Paxo-mobile arrived, some wondered if the GM was with Paxo, Pebbledash & TBT OBE? She was, it was just the booster-seat that was missing.
After a quick sniff in the crotch, Ewok was prompted about it
being at least 5 past My’ Lil’ o’clock, then as the Pack ‘Circled-up’ they were
delayed in waiting for
Sparky Paxo to get changed. Eventually the Pack
were welcomed to the R*n then it was over to Fliptop to explain about the Trail.
After what the RA described as ‘a trawler full of red herrings’, the Hare finally gave some info the Pack were interested in hearing, namely that there was a major short cut, but then the mood changed when Fliptop admitted that he had set the Trail the day before, he hadn’t been back around since the overnight deluge! The prospect of following blobs of flour lay ahead if any was left!
Apparently it was St George’s Day Eve, Milf & Kylie had brought a plethora of St George’s Day Flags & so the whole Hash had to have a photo taken outside the side of the Pub, with the Pack standing behind the largest of the Flags. Pictures taken it was time for Mr X to resume heading off down the old Roman Road of Ermine Street, now the A10, on a due south course, he had already been off down this route earlier until he was called back for the photo-shoot!
Down by the Pub’s front porch, which apparently was completely destroyed a couple of years ago by someone driving a van while trying to use their mobile phone, luckily no one was seriously hurt, though the driver required paramedic assistance when the van also ploughed through the railings beyond the Pub.
The first faint signs of a thing called a CHK was found by the farm track that starts through the bone dry ford to head up the hillside to the east, My Lil’ took this route, while Alfa Male chose to continue southward, Mr X on the other hand crossed over the busy A10 to wandered aimlessly in the verge of ankle deep nettles on a pretty much un-walked path over the farm fields to the West. [Luckily the nettles don’t sting this time of year! – Ed]
“On!” was called by My Lil’ as he picked up the Trail heading up the hillside, things started with a gentle climb but it was a long haul up only 85 Feet in height, time for me to r*n back & forth between the Hare & Sis. Ah, the feeling of running free on such a nice spring day. Up ahead Milf & Ewok stopped to look at the faint doughy remains of the Trail, they should have had a sniff at it! Then another couple of hundred yards stopped again to get a picture of the rest of the Hash coming up the hillside.
Back behind them & my run was temporarily curtailed when a Landrover came down the track & a shout of “Petrol!” came back from ahead, as a warning from the FRBs of the approaching vehicle that did slip sideways as all four wheels slid on the slip like coating of clay.
Back off on the R*n, stopping to sniff at the dough it was back & forth between Sis & Fliptop, I did notice that Ewok was the only one to go off down a farm track that was not a footpath, but it did have the remnants of a CHK there which obviously worked in throwing her off of the scent, not surprising as the overnight rain had washed out the odour of Fliptop’s Hash Shoes! M Meanwhile My Lil’, Alfa Male, Milf were followed by Sparky as they led the way around the kink in the path’s course until it dropped around & down to the southeast.
Ewok Mr X & Sludge then made up the middle order & as they came down to the first & only Held CHK on the Trail, they could see Sparky flagging down the driver of a large green tractor, Sparky presented the tractor driver with his bin lid, which had blown off of the bin on the back of the Trailer.
Bin lid back on & the driver moved off, thing were now beginning
to become like a version of ‘Dad’s Army’, as one of the large grain sacks then
blew off of the Trailer & the Driver was waved down by the now approaching
L/Cpl Jones Paxo, all of which entertained those waiting for the Hare to
arrive with his bag of sweets at the regroup by a junction of paths & farm
It took a while for the Pack to regroup, Skip wasn’t doing that badly with his stick, while Psycho, Pebbledash & Sis were content to walk along with me, they were over taken by a sprightly figure that turned out to be the late arriving Tent Packer.
Some wanted to move on, but the Hare held until the Keenies at the CHK until everyone had reached the CHK & had some sweets, which included Pontefract cakes which Mr X said ‘will keep you regular!’ At least there was a nice verdant view over to the north & plenty of exciting smells drifting on the low breeze. At least Sis had my treats on her & although I wanted some, Fliptop wouldn’t allow me a Pontefract cake.
Finally allowed to check it out, both Mr X & My Lil’ choose to take to what one described as the ‘usual route’ by searching southwestward down toward Wydbury Farm, after a long stop it was a bit of a struggle for them to get going then suddenly it all came to a sudden halt as calls of “On!” were heard coming from the other FRBs, who were all on the northeasterly farm track.
Was it rally the correct way? As I saw the Hare was teasing the SCBs as he faced the opposite direction, then went to mark it away from those now ‘On Trail’ but when he did mark it, it was done between his legs in the direction that Ewok, Sludge, Sparky, Alfa Male & Milf were running away on.
That’s enough from me, Teddy, as I have some butts to sniff now, so over to Mr X to finish the R*n Report! Woof!..........
The Keenies were soon pulling away from the middle order as they passed by the farmland track that leads in to Wyddial, but it wasn’t clear if there was a CHK there or not – Sparky wouldn’t have seen it if there were as he was head down & leading the way further toward the northeast to a point where a CHK was definitely located in a fairly visible state.
Keenies fanned out to search the four possible option, Sparky continued straight on by the tree-line & disappeared through the crop fields. Alfa Male also went wrong on the opposite side of the tree-line, but he came back, as did Milf & Ewok but without his hearing trumpet Sparky just ploughed on as My Lil’ picked up the Trail heading through the seeded field over to the northwest. Mr X would say that he thought perhaps Sparky was going to run on to Stansted Airport & get a cab back to the Pub?
While the Keenies made their way over the seeded field as it ran up to the ditch along it edge, way back on the Trail & the SCBs were taken over the crops to eventually make their way along as the footpath turns westward along the bottom edge of Capon’s Wood, at the southwestern corner of the wood the path would join up with the one that leads directly back down the hill to Chipping.
Back with the Keenies & the going wasn’t easy as the edge of the field was a bit rough so care was taken on sections by the ditch until it reached the CHK in the bottom of the valley, one distraction was the Red Kite that was hovering over the fields not that far away from the Hash on their descent. Other distractions from looking at the ankle turning ground were the bright Primroses in clumps on the sides of the watery ditch.
My Lil’ was on to the Trail as it ran away from the large Green tractor parked up at the crossroad with another footpath, to take to the western section. The RA was soon up with him, for on his way down the Hill he had seen the white-capped footpath marker posts from a distance & he wasn’t going to waste any time looking at the other options. Over in the distance on the opposite side of the valley the Church Steeple of St Andrews Church over in Buckland, somewhere the Pack had run by before in the past, but not this time.
As once over the ditch via a narrow wooden footbridge My Lil’ was once again on form as he ignored the path that was covered in a crop over toward the Church, there was no sign of anyone having been through the green crop. SO the option of heading uphill toward Capons Wood in the south was the only other choice. Tent Packer was convinced that this Trail had only gone up, with the one downhill section so far, Mr X reassured him that it would eventually have to come down to get in to Chipping.
Sparky final caught up, after Alfa Male had passed the now walking RA, who had tweaked his ankle on the uneven route up by the edge of the ditch, most of the fields around here had drainage ditches around them. Tent Packer now claimed that Sparky looked like a Superhero, the one he was trying to think of was an Autobot from the Transformers series, due to his elbow & knee padding. Which amused the RA on the climb up to Capon’s Wood.
Milf was slowed up on the climb as she admired more yellow primroses in the shelter of the ditch, also on this side of the field were bluebells taking the place of the now fading daffodils. She & Ewok caught up with Mr X as the Trail had run around the northwestern edge & down the western edge of the woodland, where Mr X explained that Sparky had to be put right where the footpath changed direction as he said that the Dust had run out, failing to see the footpath marker-post direction the way along the outside of the woodland.
Ewok, Milf, Sludge, Alfa Male, Sparky & Mr X passed by the southwestern corner of the wood, where a Held CHK was a few AGPU’s ago, the Tarck would now take the long route directly down the hillside of farm land to come down on to the cut off end of Brookside Lane, on the way a very excited young Westie thought that she was going to play & run with the Pack. Milf explained to the girl walk the pooch that the White Dust was nothing more than flour, which the Pack were following.
The Trail would turn by the solitary farm house at the end to cross over the River Rib & then around on to the main road & over the Rib to reach the Pub after a few yards. Then it was back in to the Pub. The weather was son nice the Hash could sit out in the garden, which still seemed to be too small to fit in the Sausage Tossing Festival.
This year’s elections were slightly different, with most having agreed to do the Job their name was next to on the North Korean ballot form, if anyone disagreed then they could out a cross in the ‘No’ box, but when Max Factor - in her last job as OnSexy – counted up the votes to find that the result was a positive one that Kim Jong Un would have been proud of!
Soon it was time for the food, Paxo declared Women & Children first, since there were no Horrors present it was Harriettes first, then ‘Faketarians’ (Fake Vegetarians), at which point TBT OBE didn’t let us down as our regular ‘Veggie’ soon came back with a large slice of sausage platter which he tucked in to with relish, while he ignored the mushroom pies especially there for the Veggies!
Having gorged ourselves stupid, it finally came around to the Down-Downs. Well, it was the New Committee first, see the top of the sheet for who is now doing what! With that out of the way it was down to the Trail, so Fliptop got another Down-Down for setting the Trail, the other was for being elected to replace Ewok as GM (Not sure Sis was that happy about that!) then we had Sparky for heading off toward Stansted Airport.
Mr X got a whole Pint for his Birthday Down-Down, while Paxo (who thought that he was off the Committee) was proposed (it was seconded & carried) that he would be ‘Hash Hen’! Then Sparky presented Mr X with a Raspberry Chocolate Troll [What’s he trying to say? – Ed], which he purchased in a knockdown sale, also he had a Chocolate Steam Train for Kylie, but Kylie wasn’t going to share his out with the Pack like the RA did!