Date =                            28th May 2018

Run Number =             1797    

Venue =                        Chez 3D et Slug

Location =                    Melbourn

Beer =                            Hobgoblin; Doombar; IPA

Hare/s =                        Slug, 3D, Port & Starboard

Runners =                    20

Virgins =                       0

Visitors =                      0

Newies =                       0

Après =                          3

Hounds =                      2

Total =                          26

Membership =            Witnessing Sparky’s annual bath!

            What a difference the prospect of food makes, especially on a potentially sunny bank holiday Monday, the numbers didn’t look like they were going to be very good to start with, when Mr X arrived & immediately went to wash of the recently deposited bird crap from of his arm! [It’s apparently supposed to be lucky! – Ed] But as the minute hand edged up to the hour for 11:00Hrs, the numbers began to grow toward double figures by the time Fliptop had come around to calling the Circle.

This week saw the return of Made in China, Mrs Mallet’s brother.  Fliptop introduced the Trail as being one set by a ‘Family Affair’, it turned out to be 3D, Slug, Port & Starboard – not 1970’s group ‘Sly & the Family Stone’ as Mr X expected!

Slug, as Chief Hare, took the Circle & kept the Pack waiting as he made time for Psycho, Skip & Party Animal to get changed.  Tales of the Trail being long, sweets stops, other distractions from Slug would all eat up the time until the ‘Nutters’ were ready to go!  Then without further ado the Pack were ushered away up New Road in a nor-nor-westerly direction toward Melbourn High Street.

            On the way up to the first CHK at the Crossroads with Orchard Road, Mr X & My Lil’ decided that they would slow down as they had already encountered a section of the Trail on their walk up from the station.  They would allow Milf, Sparky & Fliptop with Teddy to take up the Checking Out.  From the First CHK these two mockingly made out to search Little Lane, the small narrow single track lane parallel to Mortlock Street, New Road is the name of the continuation of Mortlock Street, leading away from the High Street.

            Mr X & My Lil’ hid at the end of Little lane, a road that is worth a walk down as it has some really Olde Worlde cottages & is like a throwback in time!  These two reprobates hid by the barbers on the corner, [Well, they weren’t going to have a haircut where they! – Ed] so, once Fliptop had been dragged over the junction lights on the staggered crossroads, they would make their presence known as they crossed over to the outside of All Saints Church, there they could see Milf & Sparky going off on a Falsie out to the northeast along the High Street.

            No one seemed to notice Mr X & My Lil’ move off westward along the start of Station Road beside the walled Church grounds, as the old road gently snakes around these two had stopped to one side as Mr X wanted to get a photo-shot as the FRBs passed in front of the old Melbourn Fire Station, eventually No Eye Deer cottoned on & called the others back!

Kylie would take over the photographic duties opposite the old Fire Station, while the Keenies resumed following the serpentine lane around two more slight bends to pass opposite the Old Mill on the river Mel & then to a CHK by a footpath leading away beside the Dance Studio.  Sparky went wrong again, dragging a few more up the narrow tarmac footpath out to in the playing fields behind the Church Grounds.

The Keenies were soon back following My Lil’, Mr X & Port out of Melbourn on Station Road as it heads toward Meldreth.  Sparky, Milf, Tent Packer & Underfelt all caught up with those, who so far, knew where the Trail would go.  Passing through the decorated underpass for the A10 above, the graffiti here was organised & actually cheers up the dour plain concrete, they would find a CHK on the other side.

My Lil’ & Mr X then tried to lure the rest of the Keenies up a Falsie as they took to the footpath that leads away from the CHK just on the north side of the A10.  They only managed to fool Sparky & Underfelt up this route, their cunning plan was probably scuppered by Milf chatting to a local as she searched by the old Piggery & explain what the Dust was, the very Dust he had seen further along his walk across the field from the Station.

No Eye Deer, Tent Packer, Fliptop with Teddy & even Whatever She Says & Paxo were following on behind Milf who could clearly be seen climbing the steps at the Station at the far end of the crop field by the time Mr X had turned back, meanwhile My Lil’ had ran all the way to the end of the long footpath.

When Mr X came out to turn by the former Piggery & get on to the footpath over the field to Meldreth Station, he caught up with the Slug who, when questioned, admitted that one of the Boys had set that Long Falsie & he hadn’t ventured all the way up there!

The RA passed the middle order as he got to the station, where he found Kylie waiting with his camera to take pics of the approaching Hash.  On is way up the steps to meet Milf, Mr X asked if she had seen the tough run where competitors run up an Olympic ski jumping slope?  She hasn’t but he’ll post a video on the Farcebook Page.

Over the railway bridge & down the other set of steps to the footpath’s exit, Mr X looked back as Whatever She Says stopped for a photo on the London bound platform, but since the change to the Great Northern timetable, lack of drivers trained to drive the new locomotives meant the prospect of actually seeing a Train moving is as rare as Rocking Horse Sh*t, especially on a Bank Holiday weekend with Engineering works also taking place! [You couldn’t make it up! – Ed]

Anyhow, the Trail continued out through the old wrought iron kissing gate & down a few feet to a CHK to on the edge of Meldreth High Street.  Mr X turned right to head northward up toward the old village shop, where he would find Fliptop & Teddy waiting at the First Held CHK of the Trail, there was no sign of Milf, My Lil’, Tent Packer who had all gone wrong by heading southward on to Station Road.

The Pack regrouped, with Psycho, Sis, Skip, Party Animal & Paxo catching up after not being too far away.  Sweets were dished out, Vimto bon-bons, Mentos & Wine Gums being the order of the day before the senior Hare pointed out that the Trail would split, with the Long Trail heading off down the alleyway footpath out to the playing fields to the west behind the High Street.  The SCBs remained with Slug & 3D.

The Keenies made their way along the edge of the park enclosed by homes, passing the fenced in Kid’s play area, a woman out walking her Labrador seemed amused at the sight of the Hash passing by, especially the RA in the Hashit when he stopped to explain to her what the powder markings were.

The Dust led westward out on to Whitecroft Road, arrows pointed the way to a CHK opposite Mary’s Way, My Lil’, Sparky, Milf & Mr X found arrows leading along this L-shaped road of new builds, of course this was a Falsie as it didn’t lead anywhere, but they weren’t to know.  My Lil’ turned back around the L to let the rest of the Keenies know that it was no more than another rouse that caught them out.

Back out on to Whitecroft & No Eye Deer seen was moving further ahead on the correct route, unhindered by the last Falsie.  The Keenies caught up with Skip, Psycho & Party Animal on the nor-nor-west bound road out of Meldreth, at the crossroads a CHK was found.  It was here that Milf & My Lil’ went wrong again, while No Eye Deer seemingly could do no wrong in heading along Fenny Lane, away from their bad choice of the Kneesworth Road, or Tent Packer & Fliptop’s equally failed attempt to the north!

A Photo shot was in order by the road sign, with an outstretched arm to make to look ruder than it was.  No longer than they had started off again after the rest of the Pack, Milf, My Lil’, Mr X & Kylie had to stop again for more pictures, this time at the point where a N,E,S,W with arrows was chalked out marking the cardinal points of the compass in front of the ornate marker stone indicating the direction of the Prime Meridian, the line that marks 0° from Greenwich that goes around half of the Globe, it is also the line that marks Greenwich Meantime.

The photogenic of the Pack [Apart from Milf, who are you kidding? – Ed] made their way up to find the rest of the Hash gathered on the small green by a large Horse Chestnut tree, here was the second Held CHK of the day.  More pictures were in order as Mr X & Sparky sat in the village stocks, though Sparky didn’t get the idea of having your shoes on the other side of the stocks, balancing them on your toes that were poking through the hole in order to make it look like your feet where actually in them!

A sign on the small section of the triangular green actually had the word Sweet on it, so the Pack all moved over to line up against this, hiding the H that sits before the Sweet, all of which had a traffic calming effect on a couple of cars which slowed down on seeing such odd behaviour!

Time to move on, My Lil’ & Mr X were pretty keen on searching away on to North End lane, which as its name suggests sits at the very northern top of Meldreth.  They picked up the Trail as the road bends around to the east leading up to one CHK on the eastern roadside footpath, opposite a footpath sign out of the village to the west, this was ignored in favour of continuing eastward to find another HCK that was located on the opposite side from Holy Trinity Church.

This CHK was also dismissed by these two as they believed that the Inn Trail would take them over by the old mill & along the meadow to run alongside the River Mel.  Sure enough once they headed down the ‘Private’ drive with its footpath only access that runs beside the large detached property, the Dust was found leading on over the small pack-bridge spanning the Mel where the old Mill stands.

Hash Hush was observed at the next section, which had the Pack running the entire length of the enclosed meadow, for this had a few cattle in there & they had rather large calves with them.  Once out of the enclosed area the Footpath would continue with only slight diversions off of due south as it followed the chalk stream gentle weaving course through the long narrow nature reserve to the east of Meldreth.

Sis, No Eye Deer, Whatever She Says, Fliptop & Teddy were all found a third of the way down this shaded route, having taken the short cut through from the Held CHK earlier.  The Keenies ran by them, with local knowledge of the lay out of the reserve, Mr X wasn’t going to be diverted off of the riverside route at the next CHK & this paid off as the looping path around the small open space within the wooded area re-joined the main path.

The Trail would come back out to the railway line, here there were two options, the Trail stuck with the river’s route under the line but Mr X chose to take the level crossing over the Tracks & he was ‘pooh-poohed’ on this by My Lil’ & Milf!  However, as Mr X waited with phone in hand to take a picture off these two emerging from the low bridge he was only greeted by a black Lab they had passed by earlier!

 “It’s far too low!” were the cries of Milf & a Porridgesque “What with my back?” from My Lil’ who on a previous Hash through this had banged his head, those who had mocked the RA had now turned back to use the less backbreaking level crossing.  It turned out that the woman with the Black Lab knew of the Hash when Milf explained about the white powder when they met.

By now the weather had changed from its cool misty start, this had burnt off by the time the Hash emerged from the shape of the wood.  The Sun was now at its highest & the temperature had increased, the humidity had gone up as well as the Pack started on the last leg of the Trail.

The Trail would now head out down on to the edge of the wheat field on the west side of the A10 by-pass, continuing along by the River Mel to a CHK at a point where another path breaks away straight through the crop to the A10, the favoured option to continue along the river’s edge proved to be correct as it runs a few degrees eastward off of due south to pass under the A10, via the bridge that was far taller than its railway cousin at the opposite side of the field.

More graffiti murals could be seen as the Pack made their way out on to the Park on the northwest of Melbourn.  A CHK was found in the small wooded copse where the footpath temporarily splits in two before coming out on to the open playing fields.  Milf & Mr X had a slight diversion over to the Cricket Pavilion to get a picture of the rather splendid Star Wars ‘Dark Side’ mural on its southern wall.

Meanwhile My Lil’ was with one of the junior Hares & they were traversing the pitches to run straight over to the row of bungalows lining the eastern side of the park, there it would pass between two of the bungalows to come out on to Vicarage Close, it was here that Mr X stopped as a couple out walking their Black Lab asked if it was a Hash Trail?  Turns out that lady’s brother Hashes out in Grenada, which had Mr X coming out with the fact that it’s the only Nation to have a Spice on its Flag, that being nutmeg!

After a card was handed out, & talk of the state of the average Herts Hasher & the type of Trails we do, Mr X left these two to get on with the pooch walking just as the rest of the Pack came along to prove that we have all ages & abilities with H⁴!  Hopefully the sight of the padded up Sparky wouldn’t out them off?  The On Inn was found as the Trail came out on the northern side of the walled All Saints grounds.

It was simply a case of following the Out Trail backwards over the crossroads & straight down Mortlock Street & the New Road, though No Eye Der was a little confused as to whether she & Whatever She Says had missed a bit out?  The RA reassured her that the On Inn was back by the Church!

The Pack settled in to the back garden, where Milf & Kylie’s colleague was waiting.  Snacks & Ale, with chats about our new Sausage Tossing Queen, as Max Factor had come out on top of the female competitors on Saturday.  Mr X got to hear how the Long Trail on the FUK Full Moon Trail he had set, before he went to the Premiership Rugby Final, ended up being a lot longer than expected as the fields they had to cross were being Sprayed, which meant a detour of an extra couple of miles!

The day was good one for the Hash with the music, food & entertainment at the Chipping Sausage Tossing, while Mr X was at the final which Sarries beat Chiefs 10 – 27, but he fared even better after he had asked Milf to buy him £5 worth of raffle tickets on the Booze raffle, which ended up with Milf & My Lil’ picking out two of his tickets that won bottles of Red Wine!

Also there was talk of the excellent visit to the Tower of London to see the Ceremony of the Keys, plus our newly crowned Sausage Tossing Queen of (The competitive) Max Factor.  For the more energetic No Eye Deer, she joined Milf on the Trampoline before the Barbeque was stocked up with local sausages, chicken & homemade burgers, all of which was very delicious.

When it came to the Down-Downs the Hares were rewarded, Made in China was welcomed back. A couple of anniversaries were celebrated included Sis who has probably done more than in the sacred Book.

            The Hashit went to Sparky, unnecessary emails about venues (As Paxo said “If only everyone read the Trash!”) After this the Ewok arrived, just in time for the hot-tub to be ready.  Psycho, Skip, Ewok, Milf & Kylie were soon in this, before they were joined by Sparky who was due his annual bath!  Slug muttered that the water was in need of changing!  Others, who were not water-babes played either table-tennis, or partook in the large Jenga set.

All in all a great day from 3D, Slug & boys.