Date = 18th June 2018
Run Number = 1801
Venue = The Cock
Location = Cockfosters
Hare/s = Lofty, Henry & Roadrunner
Beer = London Pride
Runners = 9
Virgins = 0
Visitors = LH3, Enfield H3, Porno Rican, Frothy Butt Slut, Crusty Nuts & Hard to Cum
Newies = 1
Après = 0
Hounds = 1
Total = 23
Membership = On a Trail of memorials!
Early arrivals found that there may be three hand-pumps on show on the bar top, but only one had an Ale – which was London Pride! But it was the attitude of the staff that got those purchasing, as all three pints were served short of a pint, this was a recurring theme throughout the evening for all of the Hash & if you are peed off when continually being asked to top them up, so each was a statutory pint being paid for, pull it properly in the first place!
Anyhow, gripe almost over- Those who thought that they would get a chance to see some of the Football (Soccer Match) were also going to be disappointed as when asked if there were any TV’s showing the England v Tunisia match? The reply was “We’re not that sort of Pub!” Even those who prefer the oval ball game would have supported the National Team.
Mr X, Wanktlers & My Lil’ were the first Herts hashers to arrive, having caught the n the past it was turned down for train stops north of Potters Bar, probably deemed too complicated for the Bumpkins who reside there to leave them with only simple Travelcard tickets.
In the back garden TDH, Chi Su, Chi Su’s Brother Crusty Nuts & his Wife Hard to Cum were sitting out on this warm slightly sultry evening. TDH was talking about Paul McCartney’s birthday, while during the social introductions it was mentioned that Chi Su’s Brother was on the Hierarchy of Mother Hash. [Ooooh! – Ed]
With a Football tournament taking place there wasn’t expected to be a large turnout, Knickers arrived before this ensemble moved out to the front of the Pub where they would find a few more waiting there patiently, they included Zing-a-long-a-max making a return to the fold. He was with a Newie whose name escapes this scribes addled grey matter!
The Herts contingent were ready to go, some like Ewok were surprised when Lofty explained that London don’t start on time, with the norm being a minimum of 15 minutes past the hour. [& the rest! – Ed] With the time being well past ‘My Lil’ ‘o clock’ Ewok, Paxo & Mr X were amused by My Lil’s twitchy, watch-tapping, eager to get on with the Trail behaviour!
My Lil’ finally calmed as the Circle was called, with Chi Su welcoming the Pack to London’s 2417 R*n, Mr X to the Herts 1801 & Mouthful to Enfield’s 229, since the Pub is on the edge of Enfield Chase & the former Herts administrative area of Barnet. [Should have had Harry Hill there, as the best way to settle is in Enfield or is it in Herts would be - FIGHT! But Mark E Mark was elsewhere this evening – Ed]
Lofty went on with her ‘Chalk Talk’ & the main interest was that the Trail was marked in Sawdust for the Long Trail, with Flour Short Cuts somewhere between. She also said that she had an assistant Hare, in the guise of Roadrunner, who would look after the Long Trailers. [He looks remarkable like a Walkie-Talkie Off-spring! – Ed]
Without further ado, the Pack were ushered away up Chalk Lane by the end of the Cricket Club’s hedge to the main Cockfosters Road, which as the Football had kicked off was not as busy as it normally is at this time of day, or was earlier on.
Safely over to the Trent Park, on eastern side of the road the trail would head southward a few yards before entering the park via the Gate-house entrance, though it is a shame to see that the house itself is boarded up. Perhaps it was sealed up to prevent the entry of any biting things that may be hatching from the pond opposite?
Anyhow, the Trail progressed along the tarmac drive to take the Hash by the ‘Duke’s Monument’ - the first of three the Trail would pass by. To save bleary Hash eyes from reading the inscription it says, ‘To the memory of Henry Duke of Kent’. The memorial commemorates Henry Grey, a non-royal Duke of Kent, who died on 5th June 1740, after holding high offices of state between 1704 & 1720. The second inscription reads: ‘These gardens were begun in the year 1706 and at several times inlarged alterd and adornd to this year 1740’
A call of “On!” had the rest of the Pack moving along to car park at the bottom edge of Oak wood, where there is a Café & the first section of the Go-Ape centre. There was some confusion as to where the Trail went, Hashers searched all points of the Compass, of course Stand-in Shit, My Lil’ & Mr X commented on that the large area of wood chippings at the base of the wooden frames, ladders & ropes of the ‘Go-Ape’ climbing area, & how these chippings could be Trail & Lofty did well in hauling all of this to this point.
Eventually “On!” was called around behind the Trent Park Café, it was here the first divide in the Trail occurred, with the saw-dust leading north-eastward in to Oak Wood on a would around through the woodland in an anticlockwise direction to bring Knickers, Mouthful & Optimist to where the Short Cutters had taken their route across the open playing field with a hidden reservoir beneath, then off of this & in to the wooden strip that runs along by the Cockfosters Road, heading northward to pass around by the distinctive water-tower.
Chi Su was on hand to capture action shots including Mr X r*nning from out between the trees, & there are those who believe that Herts Hashers don’t r*n! Moving on & now the likes of My Lil’, Chi Su, Crusty Nuts, Mr X, Strand-in Shit now led the way as the Trail moved off of due north on to a northeast direction run along the edge of the Seedfield area of the park, beside the farm land on the northern side of the fence. This area seemed to have an abundance of flies, which for the likes of Zing-a-long-a-max must have been a ‘Veggie nightmare’ as Hashers spat out these unwelcome pests.
More woodland lay ahead as the pack made their way in to the ‘Rough Lot’ section Moat Wood on the estate, here the FRBs caught up with the SCBs. Mr X now said that if a Trail is going to go through Trent Park then it has to take in the Obelisk & he was correct. Though by now he had gone awry after Road-Runner had pointed a few off down the wooded hillside from the CHK before this section of the Park.
The second monument on the Trail was soon upon the Pack, this 60 foot stone ‘needle’ is inscribed with "To The Memory Of The Birth / Of George Grey Earl Of Harold / Son Of Henry And Sophia / Duke & Duchess Of Kent / 1702" & like the other two it was brought from Wrest Park by Sir Philip Sassoon in 1934 in order to impress the Duke and Duchess of Kent, honeymooning at the estate. For some unknown reason the date on this inscription is wrong!
There was a good view back down the channel which was carved through the former forest to afford a grand view of the monument from the windows of the Stately Pile that is Trent Park House. In 1777 George III leased the site to Sir Richard Jebb, his favourite doctor, who was rewarded with the estate for saving the life of the King's younger brother, the then Duke of Gloucester. Jebb chose the name Trent, because the King’s Brother was treated in Trento, Italy.
Later in the Second World War the house was used as a special prisoner-of-war camp, the 'Cockfosters Cage', for captured German Generals & staff officers. They were treated hospitably, provided with special rations of whisky, allowed regular walks on the grounds. Microphones & listening devices allowed the British military (MI19) to gather important information to gain an insight into the minds of the German military elite. V1 & V2 rocket development at Peenemünde Army Research Centre, when General von Thoma discussed what he had seen there. This led to a targeted attack by RAF heavy bombers. Intelligence was also gained on war crimes, political views, as well as the resistance in Germany that led to the attempt to assassinate Hitler.
Anyway, the Trail would move around the small moated isle known as Camlet Moat. A survey of the area conducted between 1656/58 attributes the site as the seat of habitation of Geoffrey de Mandeville (The Robber Barron) during the reign of William the Conqueror. In 1429, the lodge was demolished and the materials sold to help pay for repairs to Hertford Castle. [Not Enfield Castle! – Ed]
Around this area are trees that are adorned, like Bodhi Trees, with various ‘spiritual objects’ like, feathers, dreamcatchers, cherubs & plastic animals including sacrificed zebras, as in recent years it has developed an association with Pagans & Druids, with a local writer spearheading the argument that Camlet Moat & surrounding area is connected to the origins of Arthurian legend, being named after Camelot.
If you are in to this kind of stuff, Camlet Moat marks one of the corners of ‘The Barnet Triangle’, the two other sites being The Parish Church of St Mary the Virgin in east Barnet, & The Parish Church of St Mary the Virgin in Monken Hadley (drawing a straight line between these sites on a map will give you a near perfect equilateral triangle). The belief is that The Barnet Triangle is a powerful conduit of earth energy that, in turn, feeds into a complex ‘sacred geometry’ of ley-lines throughout the London area & beyond. [You could also find something slightly more spiritual, in a different sense, if you drew straight lines & paid a visit to the points from the Cock, to Ye Olde Mitre & then the Duke of York, you’d get an Acute Triangle & headache to match! – Ed]
Having been intrigued by Pagan symbols, some hidden in the hollows of trees, Not Out, Wanktlers, Optimist, Mouthful, Knickers, Zing-along-a-max began leading the way eastward through Moat Wood, with Titanic, Stand-in Shit, Chi Su, Crusty Nuts & Hard to Cum, led Titanic DH & Stand-in Shit who were following on.
Meanwhile Mr X & My Lil’ were making their way through the lower edge of the wood, an Orange shirt came running toward them, leading them to believe that they were soon to be back ’On Trail’ but the approaching chap turned out to be a Trent Park R*nner who didn’t acknowledge Mr X’s “Good Evening!” perhaps continually r*nning the same routes takes its toll on their minds? So, no point in asking if he had seen any of the rest of the Hash, it would probably have been beneath him to answer.
The Keenies would now pass though in to the connecting Camlet Hill Wood, this would turn from east to southbound to come down through Ride Wood, named after the former hunting ground of the Enfield Chase rather than Ryde, who, like Tablewhine was busy catching up with the rest after their late start. Also in the ‘late arriving boat’ & trying gain ground on the Pack where Ketchup (as is the norm for him) & Woof! Woof! Woof! However, Rambo was even further behind as his boat must have bene cast adrift.
The Trail would now emerge from the trees to come out in to the open area where the Fish Ponds are found in the bottom of the dale, it was at this point that Mr X & My Lil’ found Paxo wandering around aimlessly, even Paxo’s ‘Tonto-like’ Tracking skills were being put to the test looking for sawdust amongst the wood-chippings & leaf litter!
Having set Trail around here many years ago, Mr X wasn’t worried as he had a good idea of possible routes & where they may eventually stumble upon sawdust. A CHK point by the edge of another planation was found, Mr X was now convinced that the Pack would head up toward Bramley Road way, as Sarries Supporter an area he knows well!
The Trail was picked up & it would have the Pack enter the shade again, not that anyone would complain even as the path led up hill. Halfway in & there was another break for a Longer Loop deeper in amongst the trees, while the Short Cut would carry on to come out near to the third & last Memorial on the edge of the internal road.
The ‘Pineapple’, at the eastern end of The Main Drive, is a cylindrical column with a pineapple finial, holding the inscription: ‘To the memory of Emma Crewe, Dutchess of Kent’ This commemorates Jemima Crewe, daughter of Thomas (2nd Baron Crewe), wife of Henry Grey from the previous obelisk.
As it is with modern times the Pack would pass by the large area cordoned off in the Park, since it is no longer used as a College, parts were sold off to a construction company & this is a new housing estate being built behind the hoardings, no doubt there will not be any affordable housing there?
The Trail would now leave this & cross the splendidly name Snakes Lane to pass a few degrees southward off of due west above the Southgate Hockey Club, which resides in the Park, & where the pitches were in use. The Hash began a nice trot along an avenue, probably another of the ‘Rides’ which would bring the Pack out by Go-Ape Section 2 with more climbing apparatus as it passed through Church Wood.
Again there was a CHK with a sawdust Longer loop or a flour Short Cut, the latter crossed over the Merryhills Brook to lead out on to the green open space the Pack ran along at the start. Meanwhile the Keenies would have a trot out via Tringle Wood.
Having emerged from the Short Cut [Well the time almost 20:00Hrs! – Ed] Paxo, Mr X & My Lil’ saw over in the distance the figure of Ewok wandering around looking perplexed at being back at the Out Trail, Paxo called out & the three crossed over to meet up with her on the driveway. Ewok said that she had seen Ketchup start the Trail late after transport issues, before getting herself lost!
Ewok joined the other three H4 crew on a simple case of running out of the entrance, to make their way back by the Cricket Club. Ewok & Paxo didn’t hang around & went off to their Shooting, while Mr X & My Lil’ went to the Bar where they found Spare Rib & Linford huddled scrooge-like over a Spare Rib’s Mobile & watching the football in the almost empty Bar.
It was one all by this time & the second half had just kicked off. Mr X would mention that England would win in 4 minutes of extra time, like Man UTD used to a few years ago. Sure enough that’s what happened, even if some aspects of the game resembled a wrestling match than a game of Football!
It was quite a while before the Keenies were all back, the last one being Rambo who was at least another 15 minutes behind the rest of the FRBs! As the pack settled down Porno Rican & Frothy Butt Slut joined the fray, having made their way up through London from their home Hash in Texas, it wasn’t long before Frothy Butt Slut was talking to Mr X (Still attired in his Texas State Flag shorts) to discover that they have mutual Hash Friends in Texas, especially She Muscle Bitch.
Porno Rican & Frothy Butt Slut talked to Ryde & Mr X as they were given some in of on how to find G’s Birth place at 80 Breakspears Road, Brockley, & his dedication on the nearby family memorial in Brockley Cemetery. They planned to go & seek these out later in the week on their travels before they move on to Belgium, another great place to Hash!
When it came to the Circle Spare Rib would RA for London, while Mr X
would take care of things for Herts. After the Hash was toasted, R*n numbers
announced, Spare Rib had to get in “Our Hash has done more R*ns than yours” in a
playground like taunt [Yep, Herts aren’t as old in the tooth as LH3!
– Ed] Spare Rib kicked things off, the Hares of Lofty & assistant Hare of
Roadrunner were called forward & rewarded for this
Historical Trail; Also out were Crusty Nuts & Hard to Cum (both of whom were now
sporting newly purchased London Hash Shirts) Optimist was out, then we had the
Texan Visitors of Porno Rican & Frothy Butt Slut. With the latter two present
the Hash Songs were vastly improved. [With a couple of new ones to note down Mr
Rib! – Ed]
Mr X’s hits included Zing-along-a-max, Stand-in Shit & Ketchup, who have all been regulars with Enfield, Stand-in was actually wearing Enfield Hash R*n number one commemorative shirt! Mouthful was no longer around to have a Down-Down. Wanktlers was out for being ‘cosmopolitan’ with a soccer related dilemma of wearing his blue England top “Giving it a short outing before putting it away for another 4 years!” as he couldn’t wear his Republic of Ireland top, though he could wear a French one due to marriage.
Spare rib didn’t seem to trust Mr X, he knew that there was a special Down-Down awaiting him, but he need not have panicked as Mr X produced a Glass of JD & Coke in a Jack Daniels Glass for Spare Rib to keep & add to his collection of Jack Daniels memorabilia. Stand-in was out again for glueig his teeth together by eating Sparky’s two year out of date Malteesers at the Herts 1800th Beerfestival! Of course both the RA’s had a Drink for the weather! Chi SU was out for asking to copy Mr X H4 R*n Report, after admitting he axed three quarter of the previous joint run! [Heretic! – Ed]
With the state of the railways & recent Rail Replacement buses, most of Herts didn’t hang around too late. Sitting at the Bus Stop waiting to get back to Potter’s Bar, Mr X’s phone rang, it was Ewok who had just driven by with Paxo, they turned off to pick Mr X, My Lil’ & Wanktlers up & drop them at Potters Bar, saving half an hour on the journey home!
BTW the Cock was deemed by the Herts Hierarchy now to be in Enfield, they can keep it with staff attitudes like that! Customer service courses are also available!