Date                     18th Aug 2019

Run Number      1868

Venue                 The Tally Ho!

Location             Barkway

Hare/s                 No Eye Deer (& Whatever She Says)

Beer                     Dark Star Hop Head; Trelawney

Runners             20

Virgins                  0

Visitors                 0

Newies                 0

Après                    0

Hounds                1

Total                    21 (Including the dog)

Membership      Surprised by the weather!


The day before the Hash day was a pretty nice, but this morning could have easily have fooled the Pack in believing that this was mid-November & not mid-August!  The dark clouds blew over & began to drop a lot of rain on the Trail.  The RA was given a lift over by the Hares & he was witness to No Eye Deer’s bemoaning of the sudden downpour, how the Trail was no doubt washed out.  A Chalk arrow by where they had parked up to set a Short Cut was barely visible, the RA tried to cheer her up by mentioning that Chalk doesn’t last long, even plasterboard gets washed out without a thin layer of flour over the top of it to make it last a little longer, but plain flour is pretty hardy!

Fortunately a CHK had been spotted a little earlier, the circle was still there & unbroken, which was lucky as the rain then became heavier & No Eye Deer called off the idea of setting the Trail again ‘Live’ - much to everyone’s’ relief.  The Rain ceased as the time came around toward 11:00Hrs, all after the RA had been pooh-poohed & accused of neglecting his weather duties!!

The peace & tranquillity of Barkway was soon spoilt by the noise of a roaring engine & the garish bright orange culprit soon pulled in to the car park, the pilot got out & it none other than our very own Porky Pie.  If he was trying to impress?  Then it didn’t work as across from him was a Maserati, the latter having a wood & polished chrome interior, compared to the Ford’s large, chunky plastic switches that looked like they were left over from the Apollo space programme.

Anyhow, this week also saw the return of Hash Test Dummy, Gemma, Rose & Jamie.  Fliptop called the Circle together as Flying Solo (Jenny) arrived to become another returnee, as Sunday’s are obviously easier for you if you have ankle-biters in tow.  Once the introductions were over, No Eye Deer stepped forward to explain what the Pack could expect, or not if, it was washed out on the Trail?  Whatever She Says tried to distance himself from having any doings with the Trail.  No that the Circle believed him.

Milf demanded that the Pack posed under the Tally Ho signage for Kylie, who apparently said he hoped it would rain on the Trail as he was missing it due to work!  [The RA had rectified that! – Ed]  So, the Pack hesitantly set off northward up into Barkway, with this section originally having been marked in chalk there wasn’t much to go on.  Milf & a couple of others carried on beyond the short dead-end drive of Gas Lane, off to the east, that was where Sludge, Tent Packer & Fliptop had picked up the Trail, now blobs of dough were being seen.

At the end of the tarmac the Trail took to the footpath that started off at a 45 degree angle from the end of the lane, Porky Pie was soon heading to the north-eastern corner of the fallow enclosure but was called back by the others who had ventured over to the north-western corner, so Porky Pie came back without Sludging short-cutting along the northern top end of the field, for if he had continued on that path he would have found the CHK just feet away from where he turned back. 

Porky-Pie completed the all the sides of an equilateral Triangle around the wispy wild grasses, then from the CHK in the north-eastern corner Jamie, Milf, Flying Solo, Porky Pie, Wanktlers, Sludge, Hash Test Dummy & Tent Packer was soon checking out & the only real option was to continue along to the nor-nor-east.  Meanwhile Paxo, Sparky, Rose & Gemma now had the advantage of taking the easy option to the CHK.

There was an option down to the east, which Ketchup & Prince Garmin checked it out, though it may have been the Lotus Elise parked up that attracted then down there?  The Dust, or should I say Dough, was still intact as the Hash followed the Trail over a lumpy area to the edge of a crop field, then taking the route that moves around a gently arcing change in direction to nor-nor-west, running by a narrow wooded area lining the brook.  Some like Tent Packer found running on the muddy edge of the crop field easier than the longer wet grass.

Whatever She Says stopped & picked up a sun-visor, with ‘Antigua’ emblazoned upon it, TBT OBE asked if this was Mr X’s, for next year he is off to the West Indies, but it’s not as he’s going to Trinidad & Tobago!  No one around the middle order seemed to know anything about it, so Mr X suggested placing this on a post, in case someone came back to look for it later on.

At the next CHK Flying Solo searched the north-eastern path up through the crop field to the east, Porky Pie searched straight ahead, while Milf led those off to the west in search of Dust.  Fliptop decided to let Teddy off of the lead, which meant the pooch made a direct bee-line to the brown pooch being walked by a local.  Fliptop whistled, called, clapped, shouted for Teddy to come back, but as My Lil’ dryly commented “See the dog obedience lessons are working?” as Teddy ignored Fliptop.

Teddy, the obedience school’s rosette winning dog [Do they hand out rosettes for just turning up? – Ed] was finally rounded up, then put back on the lead & not to be released for the rest of the Trail.  Meanwhile Porky Pie had picked up the Trail to the next CHK & had sailed through this to pick up the next leg.  Those who had been delayed & entertained at watching Fliptop’s Basil Fawlty-esque lead throwing performance weren’t too sure at the calls of “On!” echoing back from the Barkway Recreation Grounds, found on the west of the serpentine stream that is the river Quin.

Over the wooden footbridge went the FRBs to run out from the edge of the wooded area & out on to the side of the Sports ground, there they just caught sight of Porky Pie disappearing out of the southwestern corner on an enclosed footpath out to the high Street.  The Keenies bunched up by the War Memorial, Mr X had to call back those who had crossed the almost blind bend to head over to the Royston Road, for he knew that the Dust down there was fresh from No Eye Deer putting in a Short Cut earlier that day.

So, Mr X led Milf & FWB up to the northeast & away from Barkway where they picked up the Trail & headed on by the Village Hall, only to find a Bar CHK!  With the FRBs going wrong earlier & then the Bar CHK for the others meant that TBT OBE was now leading the way on a footpath beside a ‘Private’ gated building.  The Path only ran a short way to the northwest before it turned due north, it became a track that had tall hedges on either side as it led up to a crossroads with another path, this one running from east to west, here the Held CHK was found.

By now the grey clouds had been blown away, as the Pack were gathering to regroup in bright sunshine under blue skies!  Mr X was quizzed on the obelisk in the not so far off distance to the north.  A joke about ‘Where’s Asterisk?’ from Wanktlers seemed to have gone over the heads of some, obviously they haven’t read Asterix the Gaul?

AMAZINGLY Mr X didn’t have an answer, so here you are:

The Obelisk at Newsells Park was erected by Sir Hugh Rose, later Lord Strathnairn, in memory of his favourite charger, which had carried him well during the Indian Mutiny.  It is said that Lord Strathnairn found many gardeners and few grooms when he inherited the estate.  Being a 'hunting man', he sacked most of the gardeners and increased the number of grooms.  

One morning he was so irritated by the poor state of the gardens that he told the head-gardener that he had 'had better men than him shot before breakfast'.  The gardener promptly knocked Lord Strathnairn to the ground.  His lordship got up and informed the gardener that he was a better man than he had thought and that he deserved more help in the gardens!

Newsells Stud & the surrounding countryside have always had a close relationship with equine pursuits.  Newsells Park Stud continues this heritage, aided by its recent extensive renovation & building programme ensures the future of quality bloodstock production in north-east Hertfordshire.

            No Eye Deer arrived & then handed out the three bags of sweets, Whatever She Says had the fourth bag & he was on his way with Paxo, Rose & Gemma, they all made an effort when the mention of ‘Sweets!’ was made by No Eye Deer.  Then, for some reason, Milf asked the Pack to put one foot out around the Held CHK, so there was a circle of Hash boots around the regroup, the picture looks far better than my bland description.

After a bit of chat it was time to search again, Flying Solo headed off to the east, while Mr X, Milf & TBT OBE all took to the northbound grassy track toward the Obelisk, all where wrong as “On!” was called from the west!  A nice long grassy track lay ahead, taking the Hash near to the large aerial, which is the Barkway (BKY) VOR air navigational beacon, at one time the holding "stack" for Stansted & Luton before GPS was brought in!  The route turned north, then west, north again & west once more to come out behind the solitary homes & out on to the Royston Road

The Dust was still intact as the FRBs turned southward to run along the edge of the Royston Road, this wasn’t too far as there are now ‘new builds’ going up on the western side of the road.  Gemma & Paxo kept an eye on Rose, as Hash Test Dummy & Jamie joined the other FRBs in running down to the bend in the Royston Road & on to a southbound track off by a field of stubble.

Here the Pack split in to two, those on the farm track & those on the path through the crunchy, golden cellulose of the stalks, both would meet up as the those on the Track moved over to the cross a small footbridge & enter a green gassy area to north of the grounds of St Mary Magdalene.

The Pack were now going to get to the section of Trail where the rain had it biggest effect, most ignored the option of taking the Short Cut of following church lane, this was the choice for Sparky, Paxo, Gemma & Rose.  For the rest the long option seemed the only way, My Lil’ was in two minds, since his back was aching, but he too took opted to take to Church lane in the opposite direction & heading way from the Short Cut.  But this was not the plan, they were supposed to find a T along that route, as it had long since been washed out!

No Eye Deer did her best to get the rest to come back & follow the Trail she would run & mark once again on a loop out toward Rokey Wood, & then back from the west to turn south-eastward down to Church Lane.  Whatever She Says stuck with the lane, to try & round up the strays.  Then just as it looked as it looked as if the Keenies had got too far ahead, Wanktlers was found standing in the lane, by a pump-house after finding a Bar CHK.  As for the rest, well, they had listened to Fliptop’s “I know the way!” & followed him down a route this is a private track, before turning back!

Whatever She Says explained that with the T being washed out, the FRBs had approached the Bar CHK from the wrong direction, the Bar CHK was supposed to be found from the loop, if they had been on it!  So, it was On through the Bar CHK to find the Trail off on a footpath leading south-eastward along the edge of one crop field, here the path had some slippery Shiggy to slow the going in places, then more of the same lay ahead as the Trail turned 90 degrees westward for a trot.  This was followed by another 90 degrees to head due south behind Ash Mills & then arrive out on to Buckland Lane.

A turn to the left had the Keenies finishing with just a few yards to arrive at the end of the High Street, into "Birchwig" the Olde English for Birch Way that Barkway’s name derives, right opposite the Tally Ho.  Hash Test Dummy & Jamie asked if the other FRBs had seen Gemma & Rose on the longer option, but they had been spotted taking the Short Cut, then sure enough they came in with Paxo & Sparky just a couple of minutes later.

By now the weather was a complete contrast to the start, the sun had dried out the seating & so the Pack sat outside, enjoying what an August day should be like!  The Hash were spoilt as there were a round of Chips on the Hares, very much appreciated.  High Fives all around from Rose as she left with the rest of the family before the final Circle

When it came to the Down-Downs the Hares were rewarded for a great Trail which was really nearly all intact. Paxo for was called out for an incident at breakfast at the Isca Roman Away weekend, where an attractive young Harriette sat at the Herts Breakfast table, Paxo made some small talk at Mr X’s expense, a she questioned her on what her RA was like?  Was her RA a low life, sneaky, underhand son-of-a-bitch of an RA like Herts have?  Her reply was “I am the RA!”

Porky Pie was out for driving up in his penis extension Ford Mustang! FWB’s campervan was given more attention & a detailed inspection by the Pack!  Whatever She Says was out again after going back for Flying Solo’s Hat, as he knew where he had left it!  The Hashit went to Wanktlers, who was caught rubbing Ketchup in to it [The condiment & not the Hasher! – Ed]





Last week an unfounded & totally delusional rumour was started about our Christmas Party Weekend venue being closed, boarded up & on the market for sale!   Your Herts Hierarchy have been busy checking these falsehood out, contacting Yogi & his staff!


We can confirm that Yogi & co are still working hard, & the Stuart House is still open, just recently hosting a successful Beer Festival last month!


The perpetrator (who hall remained unnamed for now) who started this unfounded rumour was:

a) Not watching his units at the time!

b) Needs to go to Specsavers

c) Needs to check location with what3words app (Used by the emergency services & Herts Hash to locate 3 metre square areas around the globe) 


Stuart House has the excellent what3words address of