Date                   13th Oct 2019

Run Number    1877

Venue               The Victoria Tavern

Location           Loughton

Hare/s               Smartarse

Beer                   Tim Taylor Landlord, Doombar; Sharpes

Runners            30 odd?

Virgins                  0

Visitors               London H3 F.U.K. Full Moon H3

Newies                  2

Après                     0

Hounds                 0

Total                    14

Membership      Avoiding Digger’s Dirty Ditches


            It wasn’t the best of mornings, with rain still falling as it did over most of the weekend, resulting in it didn’t look like it would be too good for the Trail.  The start was not the normal 11:00Hrs for Herts, who were happy to fall in line with the advertised 12Hrs with the F.U.K Full Moon & this was extended further to 12:30Hrs to incorporate London Hash who normally kick things off around that time.

Mr X, My Lil’ & Wanktlers all stopped off at the local ‘Spoons, for they weren’t sure that the Victoria would be open before Noon?  Upon their arrival at the Victoria Tavern before the hour, they would find the doors still locked which meant that there were a lot of Hashers huddled under the shelter of the eaves of the Pub, or the covered shelter across in the Pub garden as it wasn’t going to be open until midday.

Stand-in Shit was given some devastating news by Mr X, that one of his former haunts, the Albert in Hitchin, now sports a ‘for lease’ sign outside & currently boarded up!  This small drinking hole nearest to Hitchin Station has a place in Herts Hash lore, as well as being the down-fall of many a newbie to H4 who thought that they could stay the pace, Stand-in included! 

Fortunately Stand-in Shit had a Beer to help him get over this sorrowful news.  Most had a quick Ale before setting off on the day’s Trail, for Vicky Vomit an Ale may have been an attempt to calm his nerves as Scotland were now playing the mighty Brave Blossoms of Japan in the World Cup Rugby.

Where’s Wally? pulled his car forward to allow Mr X & My Lil’ to avoid the large puddle half of the car was covering, this allowed them to stow their change of clothes, which had Wanktlers commenting on the fact that Where’s Wally? Hadn’t done the same for him in moving his vehicle

            The drizzle was easing as the joint Pack were coaxed out of the Pub just before half past the Noon, then with Chi Su admitting that this was actually London’s 2,500th Run & not a couple of weeks earlier when a few present today were at the weekend Trails which were staged to celebrate it.  Wanktlers was one who was proudly wearing his London 2,500th T-shirt, he was not alone.  Mr X enquired if anyone present today could have, even if they missed the 2,500th earlier in the year?

Along with Smartarse & Mr X the Pack were introduced to the correct respective Run numbers for their Home Hashes of Herts, F.U.K Full Moon H3 & London H3.  Two Virgins were introduced, with Harriette [Which Mr X said was an apt name! – Ed] being brought along by Where’s Wally?  The other Virgin is a Loughtonite, so a local lass, hopefully the dour weather wasn’t going to put either of them off in turning out again?  [Harriette wasn’t sure about a Pint or two before going for a R*n around? – Ed]

            Introductions over, it was time for Smartarse to step up & go through his ‘Chalk-talk’ for the benefit of those who wouldn’t be familiar with Full Moon Markings, setting out the various symbols for the on looking Circle to observe, the major difference is that all of the CHKs were in the shape of a Moon, & not that type you’d see in the night sky! 

Then it was off, as Digger jumped in the puddles on the way out of the end of the car park & on to Forest Road, which as its name applies runs north-westward to the southern edge of Epping Forest.  Meanwhile, as the Keenies set off, Full Moon Stalwarts of Tops, Windsock, Banana Bender & Iron Maiden all managed to not move very far, in fact you could say they went backwards in retreat & were soon ensconced back in the corner of the warm & dry Bar!

            Action Man was quick away over the green open space in the edge of the woodland of Epping Forest, running up the green embankment of the hidden Loughton Brook Storage Pond beneath, but it would all be to no avail. 

The others who had heeded the Hare’s ‘Chalk-talk’ noted that the majority of the Trail was set in flour within the woodland, but recalled that Smartarse had mentioned that the road sections were marked with chalk arrows, so meant those who were searching among the trees & wouldn’t find anything. 

Mr X & My Lil’ located the Trail arrows along by the homes lining Shaftsbury, which in turn becomes Staples Road.  The first CHK was found on the junction on the end of Staples Road with York Hill road.  Of course the Trail took the Pack up the commuter-belt hillside to arrive at a Regroup opposite the Gardener’s Arms, as most got their breath back while gathering outside for the backmarkers, Mr X & My Lil’ broke off to have a look inside the Gardener’s Arms, a Pub that was a venue for a Full Moon many years ago.

            Looking out of the Pub window, the two imbibing within could see the FRBs hanging around outside in the light precipitation falling on the open area of the small green across from the Pub.  Safe & drier inside the Bar, the pair could view the range of Real Ales on offer for a potential Trail again at this venue, they may not have had the greatest of options when it came to choice, but they were a lot cheaper than the Victoria Tavern. 

The Pack had moved on by the time Mr X & My Lil’ supped up & prised themselves out of the Bar, having Hashed with the Full Moon many times around these parts, normally when former local resident, & F.U.K Full Mooner, Dobber set a Trail, these two knew that they could afford to short cut a section & still catch up with the others. 

So, a nifty bit of Short Cutting to run the uncapped lane running through an area of large house that could be called ‘Stock-broker belt’, some of the abodes up here on the edge of the forest have tennis courts & swimming pools! As the footpath they were on came out in to the woodland, they moved on Northward & could hear the rest of the Pack calling as they ran around from the loop around Baldwins Hill, which the likes of Action Man, Ryde, Tablewhine, Wanktlers, Where’s Wally? Dawn’s Crack & our two Virgins, Stand-in Shit, My Perfect Cousin & Fireball were happy to run.

Further back Mr X & My Lil’ descended to pick up the north-western track of one of the ‘rides’ ahead of them out along the tracks, most littered with puddles, equine poop, but thankfully no sign of any nags out on this dull morning, all of which complimented & added to the tracts of glorious Shiggy to avoid, the deepest being at the bottom of the hills.  Some wanted to pussyfoot around them like Thunderthighs, but it was probably best to do a ‘Digger’ & just wade into the stuff splashing all in your way!

The Trail would come out to a CHK where the Green Way track crosses it, a Short cut mentioned by Smartarse at the beginning was now found at this point.  Most of the Pack took to heading further northward into the woodland, this would be a larger looping route around toward the Epping New Road & then back around via Kate’s cellar to come down to Earl’s Path.

Now, this sounds like an easy Trail over familiar ground to quite a few, but the Hare was keeping the Pack on their toes as he repeatedly took the everyone off of the established paths & rides, the Trail would lead the Pack on a merry dance around the trees, holly bushes & shrubbery, crossing leaf littered wooded areas of Epping Forest.  No trip around the forest would complete without a run by Loughton Camp, the old earthworks being of a Roman fort.

Ryde, who was wearing the same Tasmania InterHash red poncho as Mr X, commented that these may be good to carry with its built-in a pocket but they are really only wind-cheaters & not really waterproof, so it was good that the rain had ceased by now & the only precipitation falling was that from the remnants of the tree canopy above Hash heads. [Who said Head? – Ed]

Mr X & My Lil’ caught a glimpse of Fergus, & so broke off to catch up & have a quick chat before coming around to the CHK on the track away the old fort.  As the Trail moved on westward there would again be more ‘off of the beaten track’ to descend in to the small wooded valley that had the FRBs coming down to one feeder stream of the Loughton Brook, here the local kids had set up a rope swing over the water course.

Digger stood in the cold & smelly water, he started off splashing those who tried to cross, but then his attention turned to encouraging those who were game to use the blue rope swing with its branch of a seat/foot hold.  Seems that some have obviously never used a rope swing as a kid & there were some spectacular fails, should have videoed them & sent them off to Harry Hill for You’ve Been Farmed!

Anyhow, there were lots of laughs, with Dawn’s Crack, Ryde, Tablewhine, My Lil, Wanktlers, Stand-in all getting over then watching other’s misfortune, especially when Fireball’s Shoes went across before her, but then ended up going in to the smelly water as the wearer, who had been lent them by Fireball, dropped off of the rope in to the deepest section!  Fireball would get her other pair of shoes wet, for she those was currently also got a dunking as she too failed in an attempted to swing over the brook.

After a clamber up through the leafy ridge, the Trail weaved its way up through the trees to come out on to Earls Path Road, crossing over & some of the Hash would be again lead off of the Green Way Track to run through the bushes & trees, to a CHK near a small open space where a family were out & about.

“On!” was called from three separate ways, with Wanktlers heading back out toward the road, My Lil’ carried on southward heading into the woodland.  These off-trail shenanigans would eventually cause the likes of Ryde, Tablewhine, Fireball, My Perfect Cousin & Stand-in Shit to go astray after My Lil’.  Some thought that they were now running the Trail the wrong way around, for the Dust splatter [It was like an episode of CSI! – Ed] indicated they were going against the Trail, also the Dust was on the placed on the back of the trees, when it would be easier to follow on the opposite side!

Wanktlers’ calls of “On!” up on the Track running up parallel to Earl’s Path Road, brought the ‘lost sheep’ all back to pass the same family again, which must have amused the civilians?  They then went on to pick up the Trail along by the road. 

By Now My Lil’ was grumbling, like an old appendix, about being “Fed up with the Trail!” by this point.  He need not have worried as the path made its way southward & out on to an open green space, there the Trail would depart a main route for one last time as it headed back into the woodland to the south, here the Hash would begin the last section of Trail as it came out to Nursery Road.

The On Inn was found on the long grassy space beside the south-eastern side of Nursery Road, there the option of following the road seemed the most sensible, but taking the diagonal short cut over the green would prove to literally be the down-fall for Mr X, as only yards from the On Inn, he slipped & went over, fortunately he got up before Chi-Su, who is ever on hand with his camera, could get a photograph of this!  This scene would not escape Digger’s mind for the Circle.

The On Inn was found on a tree stump as the Pack came down to Smart’s Lane & around to the front entrance of the Victoria.  On his return Vicky Vomit would discover that Scotland were now out of the World Cup, losing 28-21, if that wasn’t bad enough, this was also the same day that the World Porridge making championship in Carrabridge, Scotland, was won by an English Woman, Mrs Lisa Williams from Suffolk, who was awarded the Golden Spurtle! 

When the Circle was finally called, our token Scotsman, Vicky Vomit had long gone to drown his sorrows with a wee dram no doubt? 

Once everyone was outside, Windsock asked that very familiar question?  So the Circle was soon broken as the Pack sung & ran about toe “How Would?”  Things finally settled down after this raucous opening!  This being a joint run meant that there would be three RA’s up there waffling on, so here are just a few of the Hits that this scribe can recall after the booze consumed.

Obviously things kicked off with Mr X toasting the Hash, then the Hare was rewarded for setting the Trail, which he stepped in to lay after the original Hare couldn’t make it over to do the honours.

Other hits included, not in any order of for any logical reason this scribe can recall, Dawn’s Crack, Fireball, Stand-in Shit, Mr X, Airhead, Rambo, Fergus, Basher, Harriette & the other Virgin, there were plenty of others after combining the funds of the three Hashes together!