Hash Trash for run number 1878 20th October 2019
Membership 13 and 2 halves
Venue: Crown and Falcon
What 3 Words:- in.Goose’s.Memory; Broadside.Oddy.Southwold
Tent Packer and Mrs Mallet arrived in good time to see Sludge apparently changing his socks in the car park, while Lemming and Mother were relaxing in their car already parked the pub chariot park. As Tent Packer engaged Astern Propulsion Machinery, Mother covered her eyes demonstrating a hurtful lack of faith in his navigational ability. But mooring was eventually completed without incident.
The rest of the Pack assembled and Paxo tried to call the circle, but by that time Flanders and Ewok had split off to offer comfort and conversation to an old boy they had picked up as he passed by looking for a non-existent bus service. [Yes, sadly the days of coming through from Stevenage & Hitchin to Buntingford & Puckeridge via Omnibus on the Sabbath* are now gone due to cuts, thus denying those who do not wish to drive, & enjoy unfettered imbibing, the option! - Ed] *Christian Sabbath, other Sabbaths are available on other days from various alternative Religious beliefs.
No sooner had Flanders & Ewok been rescued than the knitting circle were talking about heading straight for the local tea shop. All this was before the circle had even started, but Paxo pressed on and the Hare told us that it was the usual markings and that we might see a busy road (really?), a railway station (really?), some animals and perhaps some Dust. Heir Flash and Instant Whip were on form and ready to go.
Notable absentees this week were Wanktlers, Mr X and My Lil Sperm ‘ead who were not present, presumed to be sporting “rat catchers” as the Herts Away Team on the Bull Moon H3 Peaky Blinders Hash. [By order of the Peaky Blinders H3 they were summoned, & they looked Blinding in their 1920’s gear! Sparky’ll remember those threads well, or more than likely still got them! - Ed]
True to form the Hare was sneaky but the walkers had been told to keep him within sight. Tent Packer was nursing his poor ankles and walked along with Pebbledash and Paxo, Flanders and Mrs Mallet were seen for a few minutes but then they swiftly did a short cut worthy of Sludge and vanished into the tea shop, where they stayed for the next hour and a half.
As the editor of this edition was hobbling at the back of the Pack, he did not see many misdemeanours but he did see everybody in front of him running futilely in every direction possible as the Hare had put in some killer Falsies. [Are we talking breast implants? - Ed?] So much so that when comparing technology at the end of the run, Heir Flash had covered at least two more miles than Tent Packer.
Walking quietly by the side of a babbling brook could have been delightful, but the sight of an old red telephone box made Pebbledash confess that one of her fantasies was to have a telephone box shower cubicle, that sprayed her with baby oil instead of water. Best not to take this thought further.
The ‘Phoney Phone Box’ company can supply you with a far lighter replica of the original 1926 Sir Giles Gilbert Scott designed K2 Red Phone Box (for the London Area only), which weighed in at an impressive one Imperial Ton! Or the much loved & Iconic K6 Red Phone Box introduced all over the UK in 1936, weighing in at only three quarters of an imperial ton, or the 1985 BT substandard final version of a Red Phone Box, all available from £2100 plus £240 P&P! In John Timpson's book a ‘Requiem for a Red Box‘ he quoted someone saying, "a natural for the bathroom or by the pool or both. [Wonder what Pebbledash want in her Christmas Stockings for Christmas? - Ed]
Back on the Trail and away from Pebbledash’s bizarre fantasies - Behind us in the distance but gaining ground rapidly was Flying Solo with her two girls on scooters. Taking the scooters, she told us, was the only way to bribe the girls to come with her.
As might be expected the next time we saw Flying Solo she was carrying two scooters over her shoulder as the girls ran on unencumbered. Maybe in the not so far off future there will be Hashers at the other end of the age range on (mobility) scooters going around H4 Trails? Rather like Boggers did with London H3 in the last few months of suffering with Multiple Scleroses.
At the Held Check, the Hare was clearly running a “Vote for my run to be the run of the year award” because he dished out two varieties of fruity sweeties, a bag of genuine ‘in date’ Bassets Liquorice All Sorts [Take note Sparky! - Ed] and a bar of dark chocolate (30pence worth no less). Ewok rummaged through the All Sorts in a quest for a Bertie Basset but was disappointed yet again. She seemed to miss her little black man, which she said were her favourites.
The Falsies seemed to be the high spot because the Hashers that followed them were treated to a view of the A10, and a railway station complete with signal box, a platform and two carriages, Mark 2s no less on the road to Braughing. We also saw some donkeys at the beginning and the end.
Getting back to the chariot park, Flanders and Mrs Mallet were found to have prised themselves out of the tea room into the pub, settling nicely into a cosy nook for yet more “information exchange”.
Sludge had timed his arrival in the pub to coincide with the rugby, which was appreciated by most. Because it was cold outside, we had a sitting circle and the down downs went to Flying Solo for Ironman training by running the trail with two scooters on her back, and to Pebbledash for something else I can’t remember.
The Hare was appropriately rewarded for a first class trail with a pint. The real Hash Hero was Milf, who turned up in the pub with two trays of sandwiches and wraps which she had rescued from a course she had been on. They were much appreciated.