Date = 12th January 2020
Run Number = 1894
Venue = The White Lion
Location = Apsley
Hare/s = Mother & Lemming
Beer = Paradigm Touch Point; Haresfoot Lock Keepers;
Runners = 10
Virgins = 0
Visitors = 0
Newies = 0
Après = 0
Hounds = 0
Total = 10
Membership = Jacketless!
Two of H4 bravely stepped up to fill the void left by the
original Hare, who did a moonlight flit to go back to Papua New Guinea, so a
well done to Mother who convinced
Limping Lemming to join her in setting
the Trail. Mr X had to listen to the laughing Lemming on his voice mail as he
explained “Mother said she do it live if she has too!” then after a pause “If
you give her an hour!”
Just a few yards from the venue, while walking down Durrants Hill road, a car pulled up by My Lil’ & Mr X, thankfully it was only Fliptop who was offering them a lift & so they climbed in & then Fliptop drove all of the 427 Feet to the White Lion!
Parking up in one of the three spaces of the car park at the rear of the White Lion, they sat there to await the Hares’ arrival, but it wasn’t too long before the inquisitive Landlady came out to ask “Can I help you?” Soon it became clear, judging by the dumbstruck look upon her face, she knew nothing of the Hash being there this morning.
Landlady appeased with the prospect of a bunch going in after “An hour’s Run!” [Quote Fliptop – Ed] for a drink or two! The Pack began to assemble outside the front of the White Lion, where the Hares were waiting. The time came around to the Circle being called by Fliptop, then after the welcome, the Circle had to listen to Lemming’s far-fetched tales of having to shelter from a tempest & that the Trail had been changed to try & keep the Pack dry, but judging by the Hares’ Shiggy splattered legs this was a complete fabrication!
So, without further ado the Hash were sent off over to the western side of the London Road, which led Mr X to ask if the Pack were going to the Sex Shop? Yes Apsley has its own Sex Shop, & the only reason Mr X knows is that Junior informed him about its presence many moons ago, but it’s not easy to spot!
Anyhow, our two Mary Whitehouse Hares made sure that the Trail turned off well before the Private shop came in to view, to lead away up Sealy Way, the Pack were now running up a small area of new builds before coming up on to a CHK where it joins Weymouth Street.
“On!” was called by Hippie Hunter away to the southeast, on the way the Pack could see the difference between this street & tthat of the new builds, for this was an established area lined with Victorian terraced homes, which had rather elaborate wrought-iron gates to the very small spaces out front. It was only another hundred yards or so to the next CHK, which was by an alleyway section of Kents Avenue.
Mr X was called back from searching further south-eastward as “On!” was heard echoing down the south bound alleyway to set of steps leading up to a high bridge over the Mainline to Euston, Fliptop stopped on the top of the bridge & turned around to indicate it was a Bar CHK to Milf, except it wasn’t [Naughty Fliptop! – Ed] as “On!” was heard being called by Hippie Hunter who was now on the opposite side of the lines!
Another new estate was discovered once down the second flight of steps, there a CHK was found, from which My Lil’, Fliptop & Mr X fell for the Falsie heading south-westward, it was down to Hippie Hunter, No Eye Deer, Milf & FWB to pick up the Trail on the footpath that runs parallel to the railway line. Kylie must have enjoyed this, as like the previous Trail, there were lots of Train lines & locomotives whizzing by in this case!
The Trail entered a wooded area & then came up to a CHK point by a footpath out over the local Shendish Manor Golf Course, of course the Hares hadn’t mentioned any flying golf balls as this would have given the game away, for the Dust led straight over a couple of fairways, the first had a group who were putting on the green & no doubt they didn’t appreciate Whatever She Says bellowing out of “FOUR!” The RA didn’t appreciate this lack of fairway etiquette either as it was right in his ear!
Traversing the second fairway had a hidden danger of guys teeing off, a warning was shouted out to those ahead about the threat from the right-hand side but it seemed to fall on FWB’s deaf ears as she carried on regardless with vigour to cross the golf course to get into Cock’s Head wood [Thankfully Pebbledash wasn’t present! – Ed]. Fortunately the golfers held off any more drives until the Pack had made it in to the safety of the trees.
The Trail headed south to leave the Cock’s Head to trot through to Hen’s Head Wood then on to the narrow single track lane, where Mother said a CHK should have been. Mr X had an idea that the Trail would head southward toward Shendish Manor, this proved to be correct as indeed the Trail was found down by the converted farm out-buildings & Stables to lead the Hash on around the front of the Golf Club Clubhouse & on to a CHK by the driveway up from Nash Mills.
Mr X headed his bets & they paid off as he headed further around a long semi-circle of a footpath route to the south, finding the next CHK at the end of the treeline & out in to the gusty wind. Again Mr X relied on his instinct as he took to the south-eastern option of the two paths on the hillside of wild grasses. While others searched away to the southwest, Mr X would pick up the Trail again but as the footpath descended the hillside he would soon discover that the going was pretty slippery underfoot, especially when the drop became a lot steeper, but having said that it was sheltered.
Somehow all got down to Rucklers Lane in one piece, to find a CHK on the opposite side of the narrow tarmac lane, it was positioned right by a set of steps cut into the wooded hillside of the Nucket. My Lil’ & Milf caught up with Mr X & they found the Trail up the flight of Shiggy steps on a steep climb up between the Hangings to the west & Merceys Wood to the east.
After a lot of puffing & panting by the two who had been on the Full Moon Hash Pub-crawl the day before, they all reached the top & emerged out through an old iron gate in to the corner of a paddock. Hippie Hunter had caught up by now, obviously the climb up through the trees wasn’t so much of a strain on him as he dashed westward from the CHK in the field. My Lil’ had stuck with the Shiggy footpath running along the western edge of the paddock & that paid off for him as the Trail was found to lead beside Barnes Farm & then out on to Barnes Lane.
The Hares now showed their cunning, for the Keenies fell two Falsies in the same direction! The first Falsie was found by Hippie Hunter on the raised footpath within the wooded edge of Barnes Lane away to the east, having come back from the first Falsie, Mr X, Milf & Fliptop all fell for the second Falise marked on the tarmac around behind the grounds of a secondary school. The sneaky Hares had placed this at the lane’s edge so it was out of sight from the first Falsie!
The two Falsies made sure that the middle order had begun to catch up with the FRBs, only Hippie Hunter & My Lil’ had got away to the west on Barnes Lane, there they found the Dust & On the Hash went. FWB & No Eye Deer were also on their way to the large road bridge for the by-pass over in the west. So, once beyond front of Barnes Farm the Trail passed beneath the flooded bridge, but there was a slightly raise strip on the side that kept hash feet dry, those who did this shouldn’t have bothered, for on the other side of the bridge the whole of the lane was flooded.
Having waded through the shallow river crossing like puddle, now beyond the water & Fliptop was having issues with his fit-bit type of watch as he started on the long stretch out on the rustic hedged-in lane, a natural barrier which only stopped a little of the wind. Shelter was gone upon reaching a CHK point in the gaps created by a diagonal footpath crossing the lane on its way to Scatterdells Wood to the south. To the north the sound of crack, crack, cracking of shotguns could be heard.
Hippie Hunter & My Lil’ headed off toward Scatterdells wood, while Milf & Tent Packer chose to search further along the lane, but Mr X was keen on the footpath that heads nor-nor-east over near to the area of the clay pigeon shoot, as so many times in the past the Pack have been led on by shotguns!
Now ‘On!’ Trail, Mr X & Fliptop reminisced about a Surry Hash weekend Trail that had a Falsie they were exploring that ran so close to the Shotguns that ‘hot lead’ shot actually fell through the tree canopy to land on these two! Thankfully nothing so drastic this time as the footpath cuts away from the shoot, which was handy as the Pack had to concentrate on keeping an eye on where they were running to avoid the large holes left by horses hoof prints.
Over the large field & distant two figures could be seen, these turned out to be Kylie & Lemming. As Mr X approached the Hash-flash he said “I can’t look up as I don’t want to fall over!” & then Lemming let the cat out of the bag about someone having taken a tumble earlier, so Lemming gave a warning about the end of the field being slippery, then Lemming added “I won’t mention any names as to who fell over, but………., he’s holding a camera!”
Down on to Rucklers Lane were not one but two CHKs were found a few yards apart, Whatever She Says had already moved on for here, after taking the earlier Rucklers Lane Short Cut along with Lemming & Kylie from under the by-pass bridge. The second of the two CHKs was a Held CHK, this was also the Sweet Stop & when Mother arrived there were Wine Guns or Sours available to eat.
Tine for the Trail to resume heading westward up toward Phasels Wood, though a nutty woman in a small yellow car nearly hit some of the Pack as she was travelling far too fast toward them for the road conditions. All survived & made their way up away from the few large homes to pass by the entrance of the Phasels Wood Activity Centre (Scouts & Guides camp) where H5 had their 500th Weekend.
Lemming recounted that he & a few others were in one of their locals, minding their own business, when the Pack from the 500th Weekend came by. All of which led Mr X to tell of the time he was called by one of H5 Hierarchy to inform him that he was no longer camping at their event, but was now in a room on the end of the main hall that only had three beds in it & he was now in with two Milton Keynes Harriettes! The worried Hare & Hounds woman wanted to make sure that Mr X & the two MKH3 girls were not going to be “Up to anything? As we have kids at the venue!” upon asking if it was Doggie Bag & Floss, which it was, he explained that he’d love to, but it’s never going to happen! He added that these two always used to share dorms with the Herts Lads as they knew that they’d be safe billeted in with them. Which Mr X added was an honour!
By now My Lil was tiring of the tarmac, he had slowed down to a gentle grumble, while Hippie Hunter continued running, but then suddenly he too stopped as he fund the VP (View point) which wasn’t a rural idyll of a countryside panorama as expected, but a lot of white plywood stuck high up in the tree. A lot of pondering went on as to what it as wedged up in the branches, where they panels a caravan, a boat or a horsebox? It was certainly a mystery, but rest assured the Hares couldn’t have put these up there.
A little further along the lane & the Trail would finally turn off of the tarmac, as it took to the north-easterly track up though the western edge of the Great Wood section of Phasels Wood, this route was slightly stony in places & Hash shoes could get some purchase to enable the FRBs to run on the longest section of the Trail, all the way up to its termination at an elbow in the delightfully named Featherbed Lane. Mr X was sure that the Trail would cross over the A41 deep below the bridge, & sure enough it did.
Hippie Hunter was already over on the western side of the by-pass, he was found wanting over there as his progress had been hampered at a CHK the hilltop over-looking Apsley & Hemel Hampstead with its tower block further off it the distance.
Now Mr X was hopeful that the Trail would be in the strip of feral land leading down to Home Wood, but this was not the way now. In fact the Hares wanted to take a route down on a footpath but at the end of this they discovered that it was cordoned off at the opposite end due to the construction work that was underway on another small estate.
Having had to roll underneath the security fence, & as Lemming said “Not doing that again at our age!” they decided to change the route to the slip-road down to the roundabout!
With the Hares not prepared for a second go at Commando rolls, they joined the rest on the slip road down to Two Waters, then it was simple case of passing by the construction of the new homes, over the railway bridge which is split in to two individual lanes, on the other side of this the On Inn was found before running down to London Road & a few hundred yards back to the White Lion.
Back in the White Lion & most were pleased to see that this Pub is a bit of a LocAle place, with three of the four Ales being locally brewed. The Haberdasher was busy selling his wares again, Lemming thought he was in a souk with all of the merchandise being hawked. Meanwhile Mother kept making the Landlord jump every time he walked by her, he is obviously a character with a perchance for the theatricals, leaning toward Pantomime.
Everyone talked about the Christmas Weekend & how good it was this time around, not that previous ones have been bad. Lemming said that his blow-job pants have now been washed & repacked for someone else’s present [Eewwhh! – Ed] Talk was turned to the local Pubs in Apsley, with Mr X saying that the Oddfellows is a music place & that the red Lion was ok, though it was shame Pebbledash wasn’t there as it’s got a different cuisine now, she could have gone there for a Brazilian! [No, Brazilian Food! – Ed]
Hippie Hunter had to leave before the Circle, which was handy for him, for this meant he didn’t have to join after pandemonium broke out in the ‘Find Milf’s missing blue fleece hunt’ as she now couldn’t find her Norfolk top.
Lemming helped the situation with “It’s the mind that goes first!” as the whole of the remaining Pack searched the Toilets, backs of chairs, under tables, the entire Bar area & even the leather seats were turned up to see if it was behind them. Nope, nothing was found, so Mr X emailed Hippie Hunter to see if he had accidently picked it up on his way out? The reply said that he hadn’t.
Kylie had been strangely quiet for a while, as he went through the pictures he had taken earlier on the Trail, he soon realised that Milf was not pictured wearing a blue fleece in any of the shots, so he sneaked out to the car & came back with a large grin on his face, & of course Milf’s Blue Norfolk Fleece!
Time for the Down-Downs & the two Hares were rewarded for stepping in & laying a great Trail of just over an hours running at the last minute. Kylie was out for completing 400 Runs, as well as falling over en route! Of course Milf had hers for ‘Losing her fleece in Kylies car’, which will please the innocent Hippie Hunter!