18:51 & the Hare starts things of with “Evening all, hope you all enjoyed your day off? Hopefully a few more will join us? Or have they driven to Durham?”

Tap-tap of the watch means that it’s My’ Lil’ O’clock & time to get under way

Fliptop’s intro of “May as well get started. Good evening all and welcome to Herts Hash House Harriers run number X. Your hare tonight is......... wait for it ... I know you'll be surprised........ Mr X!!! Tonight instead of playing Where's Wally we playing spot Dominic, assuming the trail goes as far as Durham. 😀”

The Hare’s Intro begins “Yes its Virtual Trail No.10 Anyhow the good news is that there are only 17 weeks until X-mas🎄!This week we are starting from a Pub Car Park, though when we normally run from here we start from a different venue but this has more parking in this rural area!”

Zing-a-long-a-max adds “Gone to Australia!” [Nope I have no idea either, ask No Eye Deer? – Ed]

This week the Hare the is not so accommodating & the first Check is found at the corner of the Pub of Junior French Royal 👑 Dynastic Patronage? The Dolphin, there are three options, nor-nor-east up the High Street, sou-sou-west down the High Street or across the high street to a narrow old lane away to the northwest?

Fliptop NW for me..  checking! No Eye Deer says “We are going to have to run, Fliptop, if there are not many of us!” as they go separate ways.  Never fear as Canary Boy chimes in with “I’m here! Playing catch up!”  No Eye Deer later replied to Fliptop “I need the exercise!”

A T is found up the High Street by Fliptop, No Eye Deer fares better as she calls “On!” 🙋♂️down the High Street to the south as Canary Boy arrives late!  Fliptop now hatches a plan “We could just walk and let Canary Boy do the running?”

As No Eye Deer calls out “On! On!” Skip arrived later as usual.

Oh! No! No Eye Deer it’s a Bar Check down to the south, so back to find that the Hare has marked the Trail down a southwestern bound alleyway that runs from the side of the Pub that nearly everyone run by without noticing, naughty Hare🐇 as he directs Skip & Canary Boy down there to come out on the dead-end section of Maple Way

Canary Boy says “I’m catching…..” [What? – Ed]  Fliptop tempts fate with “Hope I'm not going to do as many false trails as last week??”

A trot of about 80 yards brings the Pack out on to the top of a T junction, right opposite another Pub, a Check is found there & there are three options.  North-eastward up Orchard Road by the front of the Pub that could be connected to Dick Turpin? , 🐎 The Black Horse south-eastward or south-westward down through the quaint village homes 🏡🏡, but which way do you check it out?

Skip arrives with “Oh dear I must finish my Oxford Gold!” which prompts Fliptop to reply with “That's a nice pint Skip!” Sludge has other concerns & advises “Don’t wait for me, I’ll short cut!”  Fliptop is straight in with “What's new 😀😀!” Meanwhile Sludge begins his Short Cutting up Orchard Road to try & outwit the Hare! Sludge will soon be back with the Pack

Those like Fliptop & Canary Boy who head north-eastward find a T before reaching a wider road, it’s the likes of No Eye Deer who take to the southeast who pick up the Trail as it leads on through the 1970s 🏠🏠estate with side roads all named after trees, for 150 Yards on Maple Way before arrows turn the Hash to the northeast for about 20 yards , where on the bend in the suburban Beechwood Avenue 🏠🏡 road a Check is found – only two options, continue around the bend or head northwest in to another small sub-estate of Elm Way, this one looks as if it was only built within the last 10 years or so?

Canary Boy declares “Round the bend for me!” Fliptop admits “Going round the bend!”  No Eye Deer also round the bend....I'm going round the bend!! Sludge Me too!

Having gone around the bend (And not due to the lock-down) on Beechfield Avenue Canary Boy, Fliptop, Sludge & No Eye return after finding a T, so the Trail is now marked into the small estate 🏠🏡 Elm Way where in the north a narrow gravel path can be seen in the copse 🌳🌳, this leads through about 20 metres to emerge out on to a dead-end of a small side street 🏠🏡, then it’s out on by a Surgery for 60 yards to the main road, here there is a Check directly across from the entrance & there are only two ways to search on New Road nor-nor-west or sou-sou-east

Skip is now bragging & probably will do well to finish this Trail as he announces “7.3 McEwan’s - 7.3 beginning to get me in my stride!”  The Hare adds “You'll be no Electric Soup* soon!” *Buckfast Abbey Tonic Wine, drink of choice for Tramps & NED’s in Scotland!  Fliptop also concurs “I think Skip is more of Buckie man!”

Sludge panics “Is the check marked yet?”  Fliptop goes wrong, nothing new there then!  As No Eye Deer calls “On!” 🙋♂️ & Nor-nor-west it is with Canary Boy in tow, as they pick up the Trail up 50 Yards up New Road toward a crossroads, here there is no Check but just an arrow pointing the way over to the north-eastern arm with a Melbourn Baptist Church on the corner, this is a continuation of the Orchard road the Pack were checking out from the second Check right near the beginning of the Trail on Orchard Road, this allows any late comers like Sludge to catch up as the Hare marked it as a Short Cut.

The Pack now run some 150 Yards by the back of a Melbourn Primary 🏫 school playing field on one side & a graveyard ️ on the other to find the next Check point is found by a gravel lane off to the nor-nor-west, do you take to the noisy crunchy route or stick with the urban street Orchard Road? 🏠🏠

No Eye Deer is getting delusions of grandeur as she declares “I'm clearly a leader of men😁😁😁!”  Skip is on a different wavelength as he replies “I often wondered about your sexuality lol?”

Sludge goes all hip, down with the street kids as he says “Crunchy 4 me!”  Skip has other things on his mind now as the 7.3 McEwan’s takes effect & in a frustrated vice he squawks “Time to find a bush!”  Sludge asks Skip “Is the bush on fire?” to which Skip comes back with “It will be when I've finished!” [Too much info! – Ed]

Fliptop is now fixed on “Crunchy is to the sweet stop!” as noisy gravel sounds almost cover the sound of calls of “On!” from Sludge, who is fresh after his Short Cut as he leads Canary Boy & Fliptop how think Crunchie is a cue for food!  The calls bring back No Eye Deer from the Orchard Road street as the Pack run 🏃 🏃♀️the way up Meadow Way by the area with a mixture of various types of abode, ranging from bungalows to large detached homes that could be self-builds?  🏠🏡 Eventually the Trail comes out on to the High Street of the village where the Pack ae turned eastward, not taking the usual route over the junction to the north.  The usual route has hints of Othello? The Moor No Eye Deer replies “clearly a clue, but no idea what!”

The Trail now looks like its leaving the village as it pass by an industrial 🏭 🛰of Melbourn Science park to the north & a theatrical 🎭 sounding Drury Lane side road to the south, this is the longest stretch of the Trail so far, taking some 600 Yards as the Cambridge road curves around to north-east to the edge of the village & beyond.  Now the Hash are directed to the east, its off of the tarmac & on to a footpath crossing a crop field 🌿 🌿 🌱 🌱 until the Trail merges out on to a Driveway to a Golf Course at the Kings Way Golf Centre

A Check is found here, only two choices, up the drive to the northwest, or northeast on a footpath rung beside the club grounds? Make your minds up. Fliptop elects to go Northeast in an attempt he might find some spare golf balls ...  Skip may be talking of different balls as he slips in “I need lubrication!” Fliptop is on the ball [see what I did there? – Ed] as he says “Skip it's a good job Pebbledash isn't here!”  [Thankfully Pebbledash iwa not there! – Ed]

As Sludge wonders “Is TBT here?” Other Hashers minds wander with Canary Boy asking “Beer stop needed for Skip 🍺🍺🍺🍺!”

Nothing up the driveway & as all of the Hackers are lured on by the prospect of finding lost balls they find the Trail & it’s off along the hedge-rowed field for 150 Yards to once out on to the elbow of single track lane, no check here as the arrows point almost due east on the lane by a builders 👷 merchants and on to a river Shep that sounds like it could be named after a TV dog? 🐶   A Check is found by a footpath just over the river, this heads off of the lane toward the nor-nor-west, do you take this or stick with the narrow Fowlmere lane?

No Eye Deer now realises that the Pack are a bit thin on the ground.  The Hare replies “Yes, a bit thin today, but it is bank holiday & the can still all drive back from the coast tonight!”

Fliptop in a pirate voice “Ah the river Lassie!” while Skip adds “What an armchair ride!”  No Eye Deer iognore Skip but replies to Fliptop “Or the river spot?”

Nothing is found by on the lane by Canary Boy & Sludge, but it is better for Fliptop, who guesses the wrong dog, but who locates the Trail with No Eye Deer up to the nor-nor-westward up by a stream for about 500 Yards before the footpath leaves the fields & takes the Pack on through the edge of a bottom tip of a woodland 🌳 🌳 then a change of direction away from the river’s course to run along the bottom of a crop-field 🌾🌾 to head north-westward out on to the edge of a small side road Dunsbridge Turnpike with a few homes 🏡 l🏡 lining what was once a Turnpike 🛑 (Turnpikes were installed in roads to prevent passage unless a toll had been paid for the upkeep of the road)

Ahead of the Pack is a closed Green Man Pub with a name of a ‘Fertility Symbol’ a Check is found here & again there are only two options, northeast or southwest along the narrow lane?  Skip now states “Oh yes, I'm lost. Time for another beer!” No Eye Deer wonders where are all the girlies tonight, while other wonder where Psycho is to keep an eye o Skips Units (of alcohol)

Only Canary Boy goes for the Northeast, which is wrong & so it’s down to the southwest with Sludge & No Eye Deer but not for too far as the Trail arrows start on an amphibious sounding Frog lane just beyond the Pub, now it’s a north-easterly to the dead-end of this 60 yards lane to come out by the bollards at the end by a main road to a seat of learning, no Check here as the Pack need to safely cross over the wide road by way of an elongated traffic island in the A10 to reach the continuation of the amphibious 🐸 Frog lane which is populated with some nice homes 🏡🏡

Near to a bend in the road the Pack pass by a footpath sign 🏃 🏃♀️& a path leading away to the northeast, a few yards beyond this is a Check on the bend, opposite a small green wooded triangle 🌳 🌳 on the northwest top of the road’s arc, your options are cross over to the wooded 🌳 🌳 green, continue on the road as it heads north-eastward & leaves the hamlet, or go back to look on the footpath the Pack had passed?

No Eye Deer Go back Skip Time for another beer.

Nothing to along the Frog End road, nor is there much luck over through the wooded 🌳 🌳 corner, so it is back a few yards with No Eye Deer, Sludge & Canary Boy to footpath off between the homes to come out in to an enclosed field 🐑 behind, a diagonal path over the grass & takes the Hash 🙋♀🙋♂️ on over the road, emerging from the top point of the field on to the lane that not checked out earlier!

The Trail now follows the road around to the north where it enters a village 🏡 🏡 at this southern end is a All Saints Church & by this is the next Check, you can either carry on up the High Street road into the heart of this village of Shepreth & possibly see some exotic creatures? 🐅 at Shepreth Wildlife Park, or take to a southwestern side drive just before the All Saints Church?

No Eye Deer is excited & let out a “Oh. Exotic creatures for me 🦌”  No Eye Deer has to be called back from the exotic (not erotic) creatures as nothing up by the agricultural sounding Plough Pub 🚜, just the memory of going for a pint 🍺 lingering long in the mind of the Booze hounds 🦮🍺, they are called back by Skip 🏃 who has picked up the Trail through the to the southwest, after 90 metres this path joins the one that runs 🏃 🏃♀️up from the wooded 🌳 🌳 corner of the road the previous Check was found on!  No stopping as arrows point the way to the northwest to lead over a meadow area of a Nature Reserve 🐑 🐑 🌾, this should be no issue for the Pack as these days no one seems to be out of breath on the Hash, taking long stretches easily in your stride?

Anyhow, the Trail now passes under a railway bridge, 🚆 Kylie would be excited by being under a railway, this route follows the Guilden Brook under the tracks & out ion to a wooded 🌳 🌳 section of the L-Moor nature reserve, it’s nice a shady here as the Path splits in to two, no Check as the Trail takes the Pack down the left-hand fork in a westerly direction to the edge of the L-Moor woodland 🌳 🌳 & out on to the lane that the Trail will now take to as it runs south-westerly into another village, Meldreth

As the River Mel curves around to due south a Check is found its counter turn to the southwest, your options are to head southward out through the 🚜 farm fields 🌾 🌾 to the south of the Meldreth village, or do you stuck with running along the roadside further in to the Meldreth village?  No Eye Deer reckons “Starting to look familiar!” While Sludge stops “Tying my laces!”  Skip is Stadler to Sludge Waldorf as he quips “Managed to bend down then?”  Sludge retorts with “Cheek!” & there may well have been if the elastic is going in his shorts!


The temptation of running to the railway line may be too much for some, but there is only a T before the tracks!  Back in the village as No Eye Deer & Canary Boy 🏃 🏃♀️ make good progress around some 100 yards to the next Check, which is located on the opposite south side form the local Holy Trinity Church , your options are cross over to the footpath running beside the Holy Trinity Church to the north, carry on westward further into the village, or take the due south option down a drive to an old Mill House?  No Eye Deer is on the ball as she says “A village with a church and a pub.  Not many of those about!”

Nothing for Skip by on the consecrated grounds of the Holy Trinity Church , neither does Fliptop & No Eye Deer fare any better further into the village, Canary Boy picks up Dust 🙋♂️ & calls “On!” down by the old water mill, the Pack have to cross over the river by way of a small footbridge & then head out by the Mill into a meadow, mind the cow-pats 🐄 🐄

💩watch out!

At the end of the Meadow, in to the southwestern corner & the Trail leads on into a woodland, a nature reserve 🐝 of broadleaf trees 🌳 🌳, it’s a slightly wavy route as the footpath followed the gently snaking route of the crystal clear water as it makes its way southward, on the western side of the chalk stream river hoe to water fowl 🦆 🦢 are back gardens to some nice homes 🏡 🏡, to the east its nature reserve & some orchards. 🍐 🍐 (Nice Pear) Canary Boy 🐮

It’s a long 1,100 Yards (That’s 1 Klick in Eurospeak) 🏃 🏃♀️& through the pleasant reserve which the locals are clearly fond of, so it’s the ideal place to have a Sweetie Stop & allow the back markers to catch up 🍭🍬 🍭🍬 🍭🍬

No Eye Deer quips “Yum!” Fliptop under his breath so Sis can’t hear “Yippee sweets!”  Skip requests the rest “Save one for me!” The Hare reckons Skip should “Stick to your Old Buckie!”  Canary Boy adds more sweets 🍬🍭 No Eye Deer is disappointed with no Jelly babies?  The Hare confesses “Don't have a Jelly Baby Emoji!”

Admire the nice surroundings on such a nice evening, don't forget to thank the RA!️ No Eye Deer is first with “Thanks RA!  Canary Boy also wants to be on Mr X good side as he adds “Thanks for the ️ RA!” as Skip reaches around as he searches for some sun-block “Time for some more sun lotion. 🕶️!”

The Trail continues southward to come out to another bridge where the river runs beneath the railway 🚆 you are not far from the local Station 🚉, here you can either duck or grouse as you crouch down & go beneath the tracks above, or go up to the line & use the foot-crossing over the line 🚆? Fliptop hits the roof with a “Damn another bump on the head!”

No Eye Deer prefers to go over with Canary Boy, No Eye Deer now lets the Pack know “Suns gone down in my garden, feeling a bit chilly!”

It appears that the Hash are now heading back to the village the Trail started in, it’s another 1100 Yards 🏃 🏃♀️& over arable land 🌾 🌾 to reach an old main road, here the Trail does take to running under the bridge the normally busy road 🚗 🚗 to emerge up on to the southern side & into along wooded strip 🌲 🌲 running along the rivers course, it’s been a while since there was a Check point & here one is found on the edge of a playing field of a local Football Club & Sports Centre 🏏.  Your options from here are over to the east & the pavilion with some out of the world graffiti on it, or stay with the southern option?

Skip “More knowledge then!” as the Hare says tot eh Pack “You are all covering these last two long stretches with ease, hopefully we'll see this in action in a months’ time if we are allow out?”  No Eye Deer is not so optimistic in her reply of “I wouldn't count on it!

Nothing is discovered by No Eye Deer over by the Sith Lords & Star Wars Mural, its called” On!” 🙋♀ by Fliptop down to  the south bound route to find the Dust & this path to a Check where the Path splits in two, do you head due south 🏃 🏃♀️& toward the local Norman All Saints Church , or take the southwestern branch to what appears to be a Mill

Skip is wondering “Where's  Sludge short cutting?” as Sludge has been too quiet for too lng!

The RA wonders if “Sludge must have fallen in the river? He should be floating by at any time!” adding “Sludge is a floater?”  No Eye Deer worries “We need a 1st aider for sludge but they aren't here 😲!” [There was no Kylie or Milf this evening! – Ed]  No Sympathy from Skip as he doesn’t look for Sludge & instead call out “This is thirsty work, time for another beer!” The Hare adds “It’s not thirsty if you’re drowning! Someone throw Sludge their Pile Ring!”  But Skip relents slightly with “Don't worry I'll patch him up.”

A late arriving Wanktlers chimes in with “Hibs ya bass!! Sorry I'm late again. Still on Nicola Sturgeon timetable.  Where the feckarwee?” Sludge is back & asks “Is junior about?” [Thankfully he isn’t! – Ed]

Only T waits for Skip on the way to the All Saints Church , so it’s to the Sheene Mill it is after No Eye Deer & Canary Boy 🙋♀ 🙋♂️as they lead the way out by the old buildings & small business to come out op to a road by the Mill & arrows point the way back toward the High Street 🏠.  A short way down the road to a  where the penultimate Check sits in wait, you options are to follow the road back by an old Melbourn fire station 🚒 & into town (This will be the option Sludge will take) or do you head off down a southwestern Dolphin Lane side street 🏠 🏠?

Fliptop has made his mind up “That's what we all want to know!! I'm with Sludge!” Sludge excitedly says “Getting near pub time!”  Then Skip chips in with “Good choice Fliptop! Follow Sludge you can't go wron!” No Eye Deer treis to put them off with “Don't think the pub takes cash, only card?  That means you will all have change for subs 😂!” Canary Boy’s witty retort is “I’ve got a birthday card!”  Sludge then cheekily deflects the cost by “Charge the Hash account!”

Sludge undertakes the longer of the two routes with Skip & Co in tow, no doubt ignoring the T before the High Street, while the rest will follow Wanktlers & take to the south-eastern on Rose Lane road of homes 🏡, 🏡 the Trail suddenly turns to the south on a flowery named 🌹 single track lane, home to bungalows at the start as it works its way to the On Inn back on the High Street 🏠 🏪

Where have you been Hashing today?  Its an area we cover once or twice a year?

Fliptop Melbourn?

This will give it away as the Hot Tub is ready, but then it brings back memories of Sparky in the hot Tub!

Spot on Fliptop

Fliptop Chez 3D and Slug

Clues were

Dolphin Pub (Dauphin is the French equivalent to the Prince of Wales)

Black Horse (Black Bess was Dick Turpins Horse)

Drury Lane

The Moor (Othello)

River Shep (Dog Name)

Green Man

Frog End

A10 Cambridge Road

Dunsbridge Turnpike

All Saints Shepreth

Plough Shepreth

Shepreth Wildlife Park


Old Mill Meldreth

River Mel

Meldreth Village

Holy Trinity Church

Melbourn Village College & Sports Grounds

Melbourn Fire Station

All Saints Church