Wanktlers reckons that he “Should be on time this week.  The First Minister is letting us out at last!” while Fliptop mentions that he’s “Getting my Hash trailers on.”

Milf shows the Pack a picture of Corona Bottles on a fridge shelf, with the other different beer bottles wearing face masks!  “Obviously not Kylie's fridge... no real ale!” says Fliptop.  Milf then adds “He is at work thought I might restock 😜!”  The Hare says that “He'll be surprised!” [Disappointed more like! – Ed]

“I'm ready!” adds Wanktlers as he show a picture of a bottle of Jack Hammer Ale, which pormpts the Hare to add “Father Jack Hammer?”  Wanktlers comes back with “Aye!” Fliptop then comes back with “Thought you might be on the Buckie now you're a Jock?”  Wanktlers then declares that “There is national crisis here.  The Buckie ran out months ago!”  The Hare settles this with “Yes, because its made in Englandshire!”  Wanktlers backs this up “It's actually true, the Abbey stopped producing because of Lockdown!”  The Hare ponders “I'd have though the monks could social distance?”  Some light relief from Wanktlers as he lets the rest know that Electric Soup is still available.

Now on with the Trail as Fliptop starts the ball rolling with “Welcome one and not very many to Herts Hash House Harriers Virtual Run 11 (I think losing all track.... empty diary... groundhog days ... Your hare is guess who????  Milf Is quick with “Dr Who?”

Herts Virtual Hash No.11

Yet another week of semi-lockdown has passed, but to still err on the side of caution we have Herts Hash Virtual Hash No.11.  Hopefully the Governments experiment to allow people out to the coast in swarms will prove the state of play one way or the other with the R rating.

Fliptop “I expect everyone has gone to Brighton beach to practice social distancing?” No Eye Deer adds that “I'm walking but can't see any dust so will keep a check!”

Today we start in a town that is mentioned in the Doomsday book 📖 We start from a car park🅿️ behind an important building, Royston Town Hall well those who work there think it’s important!  Again we aren’t going to  appease My Lil’ (if he were here) as there is a Check on the northern edge of this Car Park, your options are north in to a small branch of a housing estate of St Mary’s Park, east toward a main A10 road or westward on King James Way in to the heart of the housing estate? 🏠🏠

Fliptop declares “Let's try west... probably my first false trail of many?”  Canary Boy turns up “Oops, a tad late, I’ll catch up!” 👣👣 but our Rutland guest is not alone as 3D arrives with “Just caught up!”

Nothing to be found out on the main A10 road, not by on the small estate to the north 🏠🏠, but it pays off when Milf & No Eye Deer search 🙋♂️  to the west on King James Way the regal 👑 sounding estate 🏠🏠 by the 1st or 6th Monarch (who was first recorded to say the word Arse in the English Language) & stayed in this area!

Kylie briefly interjects with “Just finishing, sorry, I won't make it. 😢”

3D Calls “On! On!” As the Trail follows the road around to the north for about 300 Yards to be taken up a short dead-end spur road to pass through a gap on to an enclosed alleyway that carries an old name of Butchers Baulk for unploughed land that vegans 🥗 may not  like?  Here there is a Check & there are only two option, do you turn to the east or the west?

3D calls out “No dust east yet!” A T is found by Fliptop, Wanktlers & Milf off to the west, while 3D & Canary Boy fare far better & perhaps a thespian bent 🎭 Stage Right Centre for Performing Arts is all you need to be taken up a back passage toward the east?  [Steady Pebbledash! – Ed] It a long enclosed trot as the Pack run 🏃 🏃♀️on between a school 🏫 to the south & a graveyard of Royston West Cemetery to the north, eventually you come out to A10 main road, arrows show the Pack the way straight over the road to find a Check by Collingwood Court an 🧓🏼 Old People’s Maximum Security twilight home, its position rather too close to the boneyard than some would like!

Your choices are north or south?  Wanktlers warns everyone “You don't wanna be in Maximum Security right now!” in a Covid-19 reference!

Wanktlers catches the picture posted of Kylie & exclaims “Ambulance Chaser?” While Fliptop asks “Kylie had his hair dyed?”

While 3D loiters at the Check, up to the north on the A10 with Milf where 🙋♂️   🏃♀️ beyond a second graveyard of Royston East Cemetery arrows are found on a dead end side street of Haywoods Lane that point the way further northward until reaching a side street 🏠🏠 off to the northeast, then the Pack can peel off from the main road to run the quieter suburban side street 🏠🏠.

As the road weaves its way nor-nor-east on its elongated s-shape Milf find a Bar Check, so its back to the bollards [Steady Pebbledash, Bollards! – Ed] on the first bend to find that the Trail has now been marked through Cherry Drive that way to the southeast, following on behind 3D takes advantage of the Hare’s marking the Trail, the Keenies now find a Check as the Trail leads away from the dead-end of this new road Cherry Drive, it is situated by an alleyway, do you take this sou-sou-westerly route, or stick with the housing estate 🏠🏠?

3D “Huff puff!  Following the Pack!” as Milf calls out “Bugger!” as she heads back.  It is a warm one out there tonight, & the Hare reckons the Hash should thank the RA!

3D Port and Starboard popped up in a piggyback photo, Fliptop says “Taking his training a bit seriously?” Wanktlers also wonders “What's he training for?” & 3D adds “Sport in general!” with the Boys.

While Milf & Canary Boy go wrong, having passed through the double anti-cycling barriers Fliptop 🙋♀️ finds the Trail on a long wire fenced-in tarmac route, with The Greenway school fields to the east & a few homes 🏠🏠 on the western side for about 🏃 🏃♀️  200 Yards then the Trail comes out on to a Check on a road Garden Walk, where there are now three choices, northeast, southwest or southeast on a side street a few yards off over to the northeast?

3D is no happy to admit “I’m following MILF!”  Canary Boy may have other distracting reasons to as he adds “Me too!”  Milf lets slip “I’m lost too 😀” Then Milf claims she needs ”A weeee!”  No Eye Deer is surprised “Already?  Wanktlers asks “A wee what?”  Milf 🍷then clarifies things with “Need another wine 🍷!”

The Pack all got this one correct following Milf who now leads🏃♀️ the way up to the northeast on Garden Walk to pass another school 🏫 & on to a dog-leg in the Hawthorn road to the south,   🏃 🏃♀️are disappearing through a gap in the bushes 🌳🌳 to pick up Dust on a footpath running out over the northern end of a crop field 🌾 🌾, which looks like one day it may end up as Housing (It probably will when we get to run this Trail for real!) after 50 Yards they find the second Bar Check of the day, naughty Hare!  Who is pleased to see that Milf & Co have been caught out.

Back to the crook of the dog-leg & the Pack now advanced down the urban street of Hawthorn Way, it’s a nice 900 Yards trot  🏃 🏃♀️the Trail continues southward, though a narrow drive of Ridgeways on the southwest bound bend, this way leads out by some new builds & then on to a playing field.  Away from the tarmac & the 3 D now leads the Pack after being shown the way by the Hare earlier, the Hash are led down over the grass, still in a southerly direction until reaching the small wooded ridge 🌳🌳 🌳🌳 at the southern end, to keep TBT OBE happy the Trail takes to an unofficial but much used gap in the tree line to the main Newmarket road.

An excited 3D calls “On! On! Yay I am up front!” while Wanktlers reckons he’s knackered after “900 yards!? I'm knackered!”  Fliptop agrees with “Me too!”  Once through the 🌳🌳 trees a Check is found on the tarmac footpath, only two ways from here, east or west along the Newmarket Road?

Milf comments on the weather “Hot one tonight!” [Steady Pebbledash! – Ed] 3D’s good going now flounders “Lagging a bit now!” Canary Boy doesn’t find a thing away to the east, Fliptop, Wanktlers & Milf have overtaken a flagging 3D & make a far better choice to find the arrows seemingly leading back to the centre to town, but after 60 yards the Pack are all shown the way over to the southern side of the main road 🙋♀🙋♂️  🏃 🏃♀️& up on to another ‘unofficial’ looking desire line of a path in amongst the trees 🌲 🌲 that line a long strip of woodland 🌲 🌲 to the east of a 79’s/80’s housing estate with equine names 🏠 🏠, 🐎 like Goodwood Road, Haydock Road, Aintree & Lingfield to name but a few

At the end of the long meandering path through the plantation 🌲 🌲, on a gently rising terrain, some 300 Yards & the Path abruptly stops when it comes out of the wood & on to the edge of a crop field, where a Check is found.  The footpath away to the east doesn’t look promising, the one to the west is far more inviting, but are you’re a sceptical Sludge?  Make your minds up.

Milf shouts out “Run 🏃️” which receives “I am!”” back from Fliptop who worryingly adds “As long as there aren't any stinging nettles.... they’re getting high now!”  The Hare takes the opportunity to remind everyone that “Nettles don’t sting this time of year!”

Off to the west it is with Wanktlers  🙋♀️calling “On!” making Canary Boy & Fliptop turn back from the Falsie to follow Milf & 3D out through another wooded strip 🌲 🌲, the path rises uphill as it passes behind the fenced off back gardens of the homes lining the south-eastern end of town, the Trail comes out to a Held Check on a slight curve in a main road, 🏃 🏃♀️off of this a small side road 🏡 🏠, heads northward, this has a name that eludes to this area producing agricultural & building products.

Once all together the Pack can check it out, three options are there for you to search, northward down to a footpath off to the side of the estate 🏠 🏠, or take to the main road, either up to the southeast, or down to the northwest?

3D is pleased that she’s making “Good choices this week so far. Keeping up!”  as Milf & Canary Boy find nothing up to the north by, while those like who checked it out uphill don’t find anything either, it’s down to the likes of Fliptop who couldn’t resist the downhill main Barkway road 🚗 to the southwest, 🙋♂ 🏃 he’s as pleased as punch as he leads way as it heads back toward the centre of town, but this isn’t a direct route back, not just yet, as the Hare has set the Trail to cross over the Barkway road & on down on to Bedlam Avenue in to an 80’/90’s estate 🏡 🏠

On the southwestern side of the road the Trail takes a left to lead the FRBs down Grange Bottom [Ooh-err missus! –Ed] to the southeast, a couple of hundred yards to find it’s a dead end, but all is not lost as there is a gap in the bottom through the a wooded ridge 🌳 🌳, this southwestern route takes the Pack 🏃 🏃♀️out over the northern end of a farm field 🚜 🌾 🌾, with homes to the north.  Out on to the north-western corner sits a Check inside a wooded tip 🌲 🌲 of a plantation, the choices are nor-nor-east up though the long wooded plantation between the estates, or westward out through the wood to a set of steps down to a main road? 🏡 🏠

Milf is obviously better & over her Covid-19 as she asks “Any kissing gates?” Wanktlers adds “Hugging hills😜”  No Eye Deer  then adds “Sorry. Just back from my walk. Couldn't walk and talk. ☺!” as she seems to have gone AWOL fomr the Trail!  Wanktlers advises “We can always improvise?”

Milf, Wanktlers & Canary Boy go astray, while Fliptop calls “On!”  🙋♂️ Leads the way out to the west, with 3D picking up the Trail & taking the flight of stairs down to the main London road, there arrows again have the Pack believing they are heading back in to the heart of Royston town, but again they’ll be disappointed as these will soon point the way over to the west side of the road to a CHK by a footpath beside a Royston Hospital 🏥

As the rest as they ponder - Do you continue southbound, or take the southwestern option? Wanktlers is cursing “Shagging Stiles?”  Meanwhile Fliptop’s thoughts change to “Any pubs nearby? Really need a drink!” Milf adds she’s happy “Grinding grass 😮” Canary Boy now puts himself down with ”This week.  Only got one check right so far 🤔😳” [Now he knows how Fliptop feels! – Ed]

Sorry Milf & Fliptop you’re not heading home just yet, its back up to the southwestern footpath leading up the 🏃 🏃♀️hillside behind the Royston hospital 🏥 this is the longest stretch of the Trail & its uphill!  As it turns to the west, the rise becomes steeper.  So, having laboured up in the heat to the top of the ridge by a reservoir there is a Held Check yes its sweetie time on the Bury Lane Track, where there is a nice vista to look at away to the south. 🍭🍬 🍭🍬 🍭🍬  Milf is happy & she lets out a Yippeee - Canary Boy m🍭🍬🍫

No Eye Deer now has the chance to reply to Fliptop “Any pubs nearby? Really need a drink!” with “Loads of pubs but none open 😣”

Fliptop contemplates “Not so many falsies for me must know where I am NOT!” as Wanktlers bemoans “Fornicating False Trails?”  then the Hare adds “A couple of weeks before that is likely, then it'll be self-distancing!”  Fliptop wonders “How can you do distance fornication?” Milf teases with “Wait and see 😜”  The Hare then says There's probably a tech version out there! Ask Lemming!  Fliptop wonders “Is that like tantric sex?” & the Hare is straight back with a “Thank you Sting!” we will leave the last word to 3D “Remote sex sounds interesting!”

3D calls “On! On!” but not all are reads as Milf “Hang on I can’t run with my mouth full 😉”  “Oh Eerr!” Says the Hare

Milf then warns others “Remember what happened to Mr X!” who agrees with “Indeed, Haven't eaten Skittle since! Taste the rainbow my butt!” Milf asks “Your butt tastes of what?”  Wanktlers exclaims “Don't wanna know now!”

Mr X tells 3D “I choked on some Skittles on our last Real Hash Run & need a pat on the back!” 3D wonders “Who slapped your back?” Milf “More like a very large back blow if I remember rightly 😜”  The Hare adds thankfully it wasn’t Sis!  While No Eye Deer ups the Story with “I thought you were messing about. If it hadn't of been for Milf you could have died 😲”

On again & the Hare has kindly marked the Check to the north, with a slight rise on the way to the north there is a little shade as the lane comes out by a farm & then starts to descend 🏃 🏃♀️on the dusty Bury Lane track down toward a green triangle of land on the edge of a Royston heath area that has links to ancient Britons.  A Check has three options from the green triangle, north down to a 60’s 🏡🏡 housing estate on Echo Hill, east toward some newer builds or west out over the wispy grassy heathland 🌾 🌾?

Fliptop is keen on going “West to the Whispering Grass!” as the Hare adds “Thank you Loft Sudgen!” for those who can recall It Ain’t ‘alf hot mum?

Nowt is found by Canary Boy & Wanktlers to the west, only a T is found to the north, but eastward is good for Milf 🙋♀️ as arrows are found & she calls the Pack “On!” the Pack run 🏃 🏃♀️on down the solar 🌞 sounding hillside of Sun Street, lined with houses as it curved around to the northeast there is a mixture of old homes from the 19th Century & newer late 20th Century homes 🏡 🏠, the Pack are now on the last stages of the Trail as they arrive on to the  old ‘Capital Road’ to the old Market area of town.

Milf calls out “On! On!” Canary Boy 👣 After a turn to the north to run through near to the old Fish Market a Check is found on the edge of a regal 👑 sounding Kings street with a counting houses sounding Pub Chequers 🏁. Market area of town.  Options are north, or east?

Fliptop “Is it a short run tonight?” to which the Hare replies with “Yes it is a short Trail this week, I am a knackered & its hot out there today!  Next weeks is longer....” Milf 👍

Surprisingly Fliptop goes wrong, since he lives here as does Canary Boy & 3D, north it is as Milf & Wanktlers run 🏃 🏃♀️on through the old shopping area of this old market town, there are options for the Hare to lead the Keenies on a convoluted route & he does as he utilises the passage ways to head off eastward on to Market Hill, then north again, out by the old town hall & west to join the rest out to the main Baldock Street -  naughty Hare

Out on the main road & here a large boulder Roystone sits, the On Inn is found there, right by a strange grill in the pavement by the local bookies, with the Royston Caves below

So where have you been Hashing today?


King James I (VI Scotland)

Butchers Baulk

Theatre School (Luvvy!)

Newmarket Road

Royston Hospital

The Hilltop Reservoir, Roytson Heath

Sun Street

The Chequers

Royston Market

The Roy stone

Royston Caves


3D I know where we are

Wanktlers Royston

No Eye Deer Buntingford

Canary Boy Completely bloody lost on that one! 😂

3D Even though I went the wrong way

Royston it Wankters