No Eye Deer is early arrival, but not as early as Milf & Kylie, No Eye Der gets her appolgies in “Sorry. Can't make it today. Got my granddog coming over for the 1st time 🐕 (and my son)” The Hare adss “Woof! Bring the Granddog on the Virtual Hash!” No Eye Deer is not so keen on that & ads “Not trained enough yet or had all his injections. Might run off 😄” The Hare replies with “Sounds like he should be called Sludge?”
Canary Boy “Morning Everyone 👍”As he joins after missing last week’s Trail.
Meanwhile the Hare is now worried “Is the pooch going to the same obedience school as Teddy, Winston & Lucy went to?”
Lemming thinks that he’s funny as he comes in with “We are in Derbyshire, where is everyone?” Since this was supposed to be the Derbyshire Weekend with Max & Alfa. Mr X reminds Lemming that despite the scenes of packed beaches & Scoucers going about in large groups, we are Still in Lockdown, so he informs Lemming “You've got to do your travelling all in one day, unless you are going to test your eyes at Barnard Castle!” Lemming’s wit knows no bounds as he comes back with “Can't see it!” No Eye Deer replied to Lemming “Would have got very wet yesterday 🌨 in Derbyshire!”
As the Hare announces “Two minutes!” No Eye Deer then says “I can do the 1st couple of checks so that I can sign the book 😉” Mr X reminisces “The dusty old book eh?”
Fliptop takes centre circle with “Welcome to Herts Hash House Harriers Virtual Run 15 (possibly last one??). Hare today, who's nearly warn his digits to the bone typing out these 15 trails... over to you Mr X ........”
The Hare speaks out, starting with “BTW No Eye Deer, on the Herts email we are getting spam about contactless payments!” No Eye Deer replies with “Good idea though!”
Back to the Trail & “Today we start in a pre-roman market town, we are outside of a Pub in the centre of town. One thing the Pack notice are the amount of Churches around this area. ⛪ ⛪ ⛪ ⛪of Harpenden
To virtually annoy My Lil’ there is a Check outside of the Cross Keys Pub (Ha!) so the options are north up or south down the High Street, or cross the road to look over by the War Memorial to the west?
While Lemming is confused as to where he is today “Are we in Sussex?” Fliptop offers words of wisdom with “Never check downhill!”
As a late arriving Tent Packer joins the fray & goes immediately wrong, a T is found up to the north by Milf, while another T is found over to the west by Lemming, No Eye Deer, Kylie & Fliptop so they have to avoid the traffic on the way back over, meanwhile Canary Boy 🙋♂️ fares better & lets out a “It worked!” as down to the south he picks up an arrow found by the entrance to a set of Forrester mews leading out to the north-east, a nice little trot 🏃 🏃♀️ up a back passage of Bowers Path for 30 Yards the arrows lead out on to Thompsons Close a road that continues north-eastward for another 30 yards, then the Trail arrives at a Check on the T-junction with an urban street of Bowers Way.
The options are to search north or south along the street or dare to look down the alleyway footpath out to the east? No Eye Deer worries “Is it a blind alley?” But no need to panic
The conversation now turns to Tent Packer & Mrs Mallett’s current whereabouts? Fliptop starts with “Is your flight ✈️ booked TP?” Tent Packer says “I’m home just in time for the real summer weather!” Fliptop offers a welcome back.. & Lemming adds “Welcome to Blighty!” Fliptop reminds Tnet Packer “Well TP you've got 14 days quarantine to get the garden sorted!”
Kylie then asks thankful Tent Packer “How's the garden looking?” to which Tent Packer tantalizingly says “The lawn looked dry but the shrubs are overgrown, I’ll get it sorted in time for a sausage sizzle and 40 pints of home brewed Woodford whereupon!” Then adds “I mean Wherry” to clear things up.
Again for Milf only T’s are found to the north, while no one looks to the south but about 30 yards after venturing up the passageway arrows are found by Lemming, Sludge, Fliptop 🙋♀️ Kylie lets out a “Woo woo! By the railway off course. 🚂!” as they lead Tent Packer & Canary Boy up a steep set of steps rising up to a bridge spanning a Bedford to St Pancras railway line 🛤️below, once over the tracks the Pack descend the opposite set of steps to come down on to a back street, here the next Check awaits. The choices are again north or south on an urban street by the railway line, or head north eastward up a rising road with a Royal dynastic name, Stewart Road?
Psycho now comment’s on the weather ☔🌧️💦⛈️🌩️☃️ Lemming reckons it's sunny in Tring, whle Milf adds “No rain here, sun is shining ☀️” No Eye Deer claims “Sunny in the back Garden, cloudy in the front!!” [Careful Pebbledash – Ed]Sludge can see its overcast no rain in St Evenage, Kylie ☀️☀️☀️ while Canary Boy adds “Sunny and windy in Rutland!”
Fliptop Bit reckons it’s a bit breezy today... Lemming then questions Canary Boy “Is that external wind?” to which Canary Boy informs Dr Lemming “Both Really 😂!” No Eye Deer is relieved with “Well that's the weather forecast sorted!”
Milf isn’t doing very well this morning as another T prevents any further progress to the north by a local Hospital 🏥 Canary Boy is daft enough to follow Milf! No Eye Deer, Tent Packer & Sludge fare no better to the south, leaving Fliptop & Lemming up the Royal dynastic route arrows are found, the Hare is still utilising virtual arrows in order not to virtually scare any locals with Dust! The Keenies are led on for 400 yards on the street of nice detached homes 🏠 🏠, but then behind one of the trees a Bar Check is found by Lemming & Fliptop 🙋♂️ ♂️
So, back 100 yards or so to find that the Trail has now been marked off to an uncapped footpath heading north-westward, as the Hare directs Canary Boy, Milf, No Eye Deer, Tent Packer & Sludge starting off by running between two of the large properties for about 60 yards, then the Trail turns by 90 degrees to the left to lead 🏃 🏃♀️. on through a long strip of trees that sit at the southern end of a local School grounds 🏠 🏠. This muddy footpath with turn 90 degrees to the right & after 20 yards it reverts back on another right-angle as it runs around behind the local Hospital 🏥, the Pack now run 70 yards & come back out on to the Carlton road running beside the railway line.
Tent Packer claims “I’ve just seen the virtual check” as the rest find Arrow pointing the way toward the north & up towards the St George’s School , with the name of a Patron Saint 🏴, to where the road joins a road at an acute angle, the road runs from a dark bridge over the railway line, there is no Check here, just arrows pointing the way northward beyond the school entrance on Sun Lane. After 120 Yards a mini roundabout is found, here a Check is found, the options are to the North beside the Railway Line 🛤️, to the northeast & into the housing, or westward over another Railway bridge?
Mother just caught up as Kylie goes westward over the bridge (another train photo opportunity). As Milf says she’ll be there with Tissues at the ready!
Sludge updates everyone “Raining here too now 🌧️” as Fliptop & the late arriving Mother fail to find any Trail to the north, its over the bridge with Tent Packer & Lemming, on the bridge is some graffiti that reads “#Cummings The Covid Spreader” [This place has gone down hill a bit lately! – Ed] at the end of the grey brick bridge Lemming & TP 🙋♂️ find arrows at the start of a set of steps at the end of the railway bridge, down the steep steeps on quite a drop to find the way is marked northward on what was once an old railway line 🚂 .
🌧️ Fliptop & the late arriving Mother fail to find any Trail to the north, its over the Hollybush Lane bridge with Tent Packer & Lemming, on the bridge is some graffiti that reads “#Cummings The Covid Spreader” [This place has gone down hill a bit lately! – Ed] at the end of the grey brick bridge Lemming & TP 🙋♂️ find arrows at the start of a set of steps at the end of the railway bridge, down the steep steeps on quite a drop to find the way is marked northward on what was once an old railway line 🚂 .
The Pack embark on a nice dry trot 🏃 🏃♀️. Under the tree canopy 🌳 🌳 🌳 as the former Bedford to Hemel Hempstead railway line curves around on a large loop to the west, finally after 600 Yards a Check is found, there are only two options, continue along the old railway line 🚂, or ascend the hairpin ramp that allows wheelchair access from above on the steep wooded northern
Fliptop goes for the easier Wheelchair access... than the steps straight up, Mother to wants the Ramp [Careful Pebbledash! – Ed] Tent Packer also goes for Wheelchair thing before Kylie declared “Sadly, I think we now depart the railway. 😢” Mother reassures Kylie “Don't cry!” [Still got the tissues? – Ed]
A T along the line brings the blinkered Sludge, followed by Milf & Canary Boy scuttling back to find that the rest have clambered up the embankment with Fliptop calling 🙋♂️ “On!”to reach a drive way of Highfield , there arrows point the way to the east, the Hash are now being led around in an anti-clockwise direction in an area that was a model self contained Children’s village Home built in 1913 around an oval shape. Firstly the Pack pass 🏃 🏃♀️. by a Model Railway Club 🚂 before making their way up by a Café, then the comes around by the Workshop & Printing School, then after passing the Chapel the Hash pass by the Girls’ 👧 🏠housing to come out of the large green space between the guvnor’s House & the start of the Boys’ 👦🏠housing.
Teebs would be typing away furiously to locate where he is supposed to be!
After this trot around historic former Children’s School which is now used by Youth With A Mission Charity, the arrows now lead the way out to the southwest, here a CHK is found & there are only two options on Ambrose Lane, to the north or south?
A T is found down to the south by Tent Packer, Canary Boy, Lemming & Kylie, it up to Mother, Sludge & Fliptop to find arrows up to the north 🙋♀️ 🙋♂️ these point the way off on a side road heading down to the southwest, it’s a trot 🏃 🏃♀️. of a couple of hundred yards down this nice urban Hillside Road street to come out on to a main road that runs from northwest to south-east, arrows point the Hash back toward the town-centre on the Luton Road, then after 50m yards arrows direct the Pack over a Pelican crossing 🚦 right before the large imposing railway bridge, once over the lights a Check is found.
The options from here are to search under the bridge back toward town, or go back a few yards in the opposite direction to a side street up to the southwest, or take to the steep flight of steps beside the bridge that lead back up to the former railway line?
While Tent Packer contemplates being “Home in time for a T!” Kylie is excited & lets out a “WOO WOO! Back to the railway even if it is wrong!” Lemming becomes concerned & comes out with a soothing “Calm Kylie!”
Nothing back to town, nor the side street for Canary Boy but Milf, No Eye Deer & Mother want to work on their thighs & do better after the steep climb up to the tree-lined 🌲 🌲 🌲 former railway line 🚂, Sludge, Tent Packer & Kylie follow on behind the girls as arrows are found heading away to the southwest. It’s a nice long run of 400 yards to stretch the old legs before the next Check is found on what was once an old foot-crossing over the Nicky Way former railway line 🚂, there are now three choices north or south into the areas of housing on these two sides, or continue along the old line to the southwest?
Kylie Carry on training. Fliptop I hope this old railway line loops back to the pub, we seem to be unable to get away from it😃
Sludge, Canary Boy & Tent Packer fails to find any Trail further along the line beyond the old Signal or part of a halt platform, instead Milf & Mother calls “On!” 🙋♂️ 🙋♂️ out to the north & the Trail is picked up by 🏃 🏃♀️. who now leads the way beyond the front of a school 🏫 & then on to a footpath off to the southwest, arrows direct the pack on down this route between the school grounds to the south & a recreation ground to the north.
After 120 Yards the path comes out on to the eastern edge of farm land 🌾🌾, here there is a Check & there are to choices just off of due north, or around the southwestern bend in the track & back down toward the old railway line?
Fliptop wonders is too early for sweets?? While Tent Packer finds himself “I’m behind Mother again!” Kylie replied to Tent Packer “You wish!” then Lemming ruins the scene with “I'm behind Kylie again!” Kylie now admits “I'm worried!” Milf is stunned “I am worried 😟” & Sludge is just bewildered like its an Abbot & Costello sketch with “Whose behind who?”
Milf goes wrong again, taking Mother along with Tent Packer behind Mother up to a T! However Fliptop‘s searching away back toward the line pays off as Dust is picked up & he calls 🙋♀️ “On!”& the Hash now progress for a couple of hundred yards, then after passing through the line-side tree-line a Held Check is found, yes its Sweetie time! Kylie is happy to play with an information board that tells tales of the old Railway line 🚂 ℹ️ 🍭🍬 🍭🍬
Milf Yummy 😋 Canary Boy 🍰🍫🍬🍭 Kylie “Save me a jelly baby.” Tent Packer replied to Mother “Chocolate balls as she post a picture of a chocolatier’s creation. Sludge then says “Chocolate Oh yes please!” Mother adds “Yum yum tickle me ...!” Lemming then reckons “Someone's been sweating!” To the Hare it reminds him of something else as he post a picture of South Park’s Chef & his Chocolate Salty Balls!
Ok, too many gross pictures now....Time to move on & there are three options, further along the line to the southwest, due south on a farm track through historic farmland 🌾🌾 of scientific 🔬 ⚗️ importance, or off to the east on an old hedged-in uncapped lane that even in the drizzle possibly has the smell of a barbecue wafting from there in the distance 🍔?
Mother’s progress is now hampered as she claims “Got a stitch now!” Milf replies “I have a cure for that😜” as Sludge can only offer up “A stitch in time saves nine!” followed by Tent Packer’s A stitch in time saves mine!”
Milf suddenly stops & declares “I need a wee stop 🛑” Tent Packer asks “Only a little one?” Mother adds to the effects with “Weeeeee!” the Lemming lowers the tone with “Is that a waterfall?” Could be embarrassing
A master of changing the subject, Fliptop asks Kylie “Do you ever manage to photo any hashes running??”
Nothing off to the Southwest for Canary Boy, nor to the east on the old Townsend lane as there is no food down there just some pig 🐖 sty’s, so to the South with Fliptop, Milf, Lemming, Tent Packer & Sludge it is on a track between the jig-saw line plots of 🚜 farm land 🌾🌾 separated by hedgerows on the Rothampstead Research Centre, Mother now picks up a stitch as you notice each of the fields appear to have a different crop 🌱 🌱. After some 70 yards another Check is found, the two main options are eastward in a direction back toward town, westward away toward the long arcing route of the former railway line 🚂 & a golf club ⛳ beyond, or further south bound toward a site of Roman Burial Grounds ⚱️?
Sludge & Fliptop are keen on heading toward the Golf course in the hope of finding lost golf balls or as Sludge puts it “
Milf, Sludge & Fliptop fail dismally to the west, nor does Tent Packer as he puts it “Dead Centre” southward, As Lemming 🙋♀️ 🙋♂️ calls its on an eastward trot along the edge of the small side field & then after 40 Metres the track becomes a footpath that runs southward behind the homes on the western edge of town. The narrow path stops after 40 yards & on a hairpin bend heads north-eastward around the bottom of the back gardens of the homes in a Park Avenue crescent 🏡. The Trail now heads eastward & comes out into the top north-eastern corner of a large area of Parkland, here there is a Check point.
Your choices are now southward along the western edge of the park, or heading out eastward above the soccer pitches or just scuttle off anywhere over the large green space between the two main choices?
Lobby Lobster send in “Morning guys just off 2 work enjoy ♡”
Sludge goes straight out over the grass on his own, as he would, with Kylie following on behind Sludge! Meanwhile Lemming & Canary Boy go wrong as well no dust is found yet!
Finally Canary Boy calls “On!” 🙋♀️ 🙋♂️ southward down along the western tree-line 🌳 🌳 🌳 in a southward direction down a route that after some 150 yards turns to the east, running 🏃 🏃♀️. along the outside of the top of an enclosed field, then after another 150 yards at the north-eastern corner of the enclosed field the Trail turns by an area that was once an old Sheepcote, 🐑 complete with an old unused concrete dip, around this & there is a short south-eastern trot up to a tarmac drive running through Rothampstead Park.
On the drive is a Check point, there are four options. To the west on an uncapped track from the triangular point of an enclosed area of farm land 🌱 🌱 🌾🌾 that expands out as it heads south-westward, another option is to head south-westward on the tarmac drive, there is the opposite north-eastern option on the drive way (which is temptingly downhill) or the final & fourth choice which is an eastbound footpath off into the tree line just some 30 feet away off the main
While Sludge hangs about on the Check [GM have a word with him! – Ed]Nothing to the West by Canary Boy or along the main drive by Milf & Mother to the northeast, it’s down to little Lemming & Kylie who finds Dust heading off down the tree-lined footpath, along the way the Hash pass by a large area of what appear to be farm or factory units 🏭 to the south, while through the northern tree-line 🌳 🌳 🌳 tennis courts 🎾 can be seen. After 250 Yards the 🏃 🏃♀️. pack come out by an old cottage sat slightly back on an old Leyton Road lane that is set back a bit from a busy main St Albans road on the wooded 🌳 🌳 🌳 edge of a Harpenden common.
A Check is found here & there are three options, south down the lane, north up the lane toward Shambler’s favourite Pub (Who remembers him?) or eastward through the trees & over the main road 🚗 🚗 to the wide green common?
Lemming dreams of going to the pub. It may be open! Milf replied to Lemming “Not until the 4th July 😀” Lemming adds “You never know your luck!” perhaps he has heard of the Ale in a Teapot that rocked Harpenden?
Mother now says it “Sunny in Tring” as the RA winds Mother up with “Someone's Phone is ringing, no tech on the Hash!”
To start with No one searches southward, no Trail is found over toward the Harpenden Common by Fliptop & Tent Packer (not since the Pop-up Bar was not given a license!) Milf & Mother now make up for their last ‘wrong doings’ & call “On!” 🙋♀️ up toward the metallic trophy Ag🏆 Silver Cup of a hostelry, then by the local Fire Station to find a double set of arrows direction the Pack on through the ornate gates in to the Rothampstead park again, more arrows lead the Hash along the drive 🏃 🏃♀️. for 50 yards or so then off of the drive to head north-westward on a narrower footpath over toward the local Swimming pool 🏊♀️ & local Skate Park 🛹 This area is also known for its annual Harpenden Highland Gathering & you may be able to hear the sound of Tent Packer playing his Pakistani Bag-pipes next year?
Fliptop has cottoned on to where we are “Are we close to TP's gaff?” as Arrows mark the way through a short narrow cut-through on up to the dead-end of a Hay lane with a car park on its western side. There is a Check at the end of the of the narrow lane, your choices are east or west, though there is the temptation of heading straight over to the car park of a Pub that allegedly sold Ale 🍺 in Teapots 🫖 during the lock-down! Tent Packer adds a clue of “That was Odd!” Lemming is straight over and hope that he can get a Beer in the Oddfellows Arms? He claims he’s now having a cuppa, which prompts Tent Packer to ask “Mrs Mallet has put the kettle on!” Milf replied “Bless her 😘!” Fliptop wonders “Does it suit her 😃?” Tent Packer replied to Fliptop “Makes her look so hot!” Kylie does a Paxo & says “Careful she doesn't get scalded!” Mother politely asks “No sugar in mine!”
Canary Boy stuns everyone with “I find a chin strap really helps!” Milf replied to Canary Boy “Helps what🤣🤣”
A T is found down to the east toward Church Green by Milf dragging Kylie, Fliptop & Canary Boy, as Lemming hopelessly flounders straight across the road, so the Hare marks it westward up the suburban street of Amenbury Lane lined with large detached houses 🏡 🏡 toward the local Tennis Club 🎾 on Back everyone! Milf On back 🏃♀️🏃♀️
Up in the west with Milf now leading the way, the old Amenbury lane is a narrow route on by the Harpenden Lawn tennis clubs 🎾 to the left, after 150 yards the road turns southwest on an elbow that then turns up to the northwest, after 40 yards & on the corresponding elbow in the lane where lead the way another 100 yards down the lane, only to find that it’s a dead–end with a Bar Check lying in wait for the Pack which brings out an expletive from Milf “Bugger 😟” & Fliptop “On back!” Canary Boy turns back again, as Tent Packer claims “I’m back!” Fliptop is quick with “Looking!”
Turning back Milf can see the Hare has now marked the Trail up a narrow tree 🌳 & hedged-in path 🌳 for the last elbow in the lane, 🙋♀️ 🙋♂️ the likes of Sludge, Kylie & No Eye Deer are seen disappearing 🏃 🏃♀️. through the overgrown greenery to follow the narrow path some 50 yards between two of the larger properties 🏡 🏡 in town to come out on to a wider residential Rothampstead road, named after the local Rothampstead Manor that is now site to a Scientific 🔬 ⚗️ centre set up by John Bennet Laws in 1843
Kylie claims “Still catching up!” But the Hare reminds him “ You've just been given a short cut !” Having been away for so long Tent Packer relates this to a question “Are barbers 💈 open now!”
The Trail now heads westward, then follows the Rothampstead road around the shallow bend as it takes to the northwest for only 30 yards before a Check is found on the pavement. Here the choices are to continue around the bend, or cross over the road to a dark footpath, this narrow route is almost hidden from view at the end of a wooden fence, which do you take?
Lemming is now “Trying to remember what flour looks like? Mother says “I'm going round the bend!” which the Hare wonders if she means on this Trail or just in life as a result of living with Lemming?
Kylie is more concerned with Tent Packer going for the “Dark lane! Are you allowed to say that?” Tent Packer replies with “Dusky Lane then!” [Sounds like a Hash Name or a Country & Western Singer! – Ed]
Nothing to be found by Milf as she is happy to go around the bend with Mother, whereas Canary Boy, Fliptop & Tent Packer fare far better on the shaded footpath which they have to lure Mother & Milf down for around 50 yards long to lead out in to the 90 degree elbow where two different roads join, here a Check sits & you have an option of nor-nor-west on Longcroft Avenue or north east on the road that has a Scottish 🏴 sounding Church name of Kirkwick Avenue ⛪
Nothing is found by Fliptop, Lemming, Mother & Canary Boy so it along the Celtic religious building named road 🏃 🏃♀️. for 150 Yards to its end, then arrows point the Pack nor-nor-westward up an Salisbury avenue for about 50 yards, there on the eastern side is another fenced in alleyway with a Check right beside it. Do you head off down the alleyway, or continue along the avenue 🏡 (which some of the Pack know that one of their own lives down off of at the end Crossroads) in hope of a Beer Stop 🍺? Fliptop wants to now for after the Lockdown “Did you have time since getting back to get some beers in??”
Since the Hasher who lives up that way has only just returned from being marooned overseas in Malaysia the lure of a beer only leads Mother, Tent Packer & Lemming on to a T, Kylie has other ideas & finds that the alleyway is the best option & down this narrow route the Trail is found by Kylie 🙋♂️ & so begins a nice straight downhill trot 🏃 🏃♀️. that leaves the homes behind on the right-hand side as these give way to the grounds of St Nicholas Church, ⛪ its almost 200 Yards before the Pack come out just behind the High Street, but the Trail runs behind this, sticking with the southbound Churchyard path to come back out by the On Inn before emerging near to the green with the War Memorial.
Where have you been virtually Hashing today?
Milf Harping yon
Lemming mIn a dry area Harpin ting Kylie Harp in done
Tent Packer I’ve got five beers and three small packets of crisps so enough to go around
Milf Harp in town
Milf replied to Tent Packer Who do you think you are hon🤣🤣🤣
Well Done Milf:
Clues were: Bedford St Pancras Line
St Georges School
The Old Harpenden to Redbourn (& Hemel Hempstead) Branch Line
Highfield Children’s Home
The Nicky Line
Harpenden Swimming Lawn Tennis Club
Harpenden Highland Gathering & Tent Packers Pakistani Bagpipes!
No Beer Stop at Tent Packers House