Herts Hash Virtual Hash No.22
Well here we are, the biggest Virtual Turn-out as some think that we are having a Virtual Hash Committee Meeting about resuming Real Hash Trails! Which leads No Eye Deer to type “Ignore any of my confused previous messages 😅!” with 25 minutes to go!
Fliptop calls the Virtual Circle, “Good evening one and all. Now I might be wrong but is this virtual hash 19??” Kylie is on the ball & says “Think it might be 22? I'm sure X will put us right. 😉” then Fliptop replied to Kylie “You are correct it is 22!” as the Hare joins & confirms the Virtual R*n Number!
Fliptop Evening all welcome to Herts Hash House Harriers Virtual Run 22. Thanks to Mr X for knocking it up at short notice. There will be a committee meeting after the run. Over to the Hare…”
But before Mr X starts spouting on, Canary Boy arrives with a cheery “Good evening 😀👣 “ then the Hare gets to start with “Evening all! So here we assemble in an area once known of intrigue & tyranny? No difference there then on the Hash! “Norwegian Hamsters Indeed!” says the Hare as a nod to FUK Full Moon H3 Bingo calling. “At least the weather is with us for now, as We start from an area of a nice garden laid out, we are also beside a waterway & the area is best known for treasonous Rye House plot 👑 💣 ⚔️
There is a Check to start with, hopefully in the real world Hash there will be none of this nonsense to annoy My Lil’ ⌚ but considering the weather its pretty good out there tonight. The options are to head away south-westerly to Rye Road & cross an old narrow hump-backed bridge spanning the river, or head northward by the red brick remaining of the gate house of Rye House through the enclosed Rye Meadows Nature Reserve park area?
No joy up to the south for Milf as she favours he “Hump-backed” Bridge, as everyone else seems to choose correctly & northward to the hedgerow the Trail is picked up by even Fliptop as he runs along with 3D, Kylie, Canary Boy & No Eyed Deer 🙋♂️ 🙋♀ as they follow the footpath out through a RSPB nature reserve 🐦, it’s a nice hard-capped dirt track leading away to the north over what is a marshy 🌾 🌾 area with the odd tree dotted 🌳 about, its damp grass under foot. Then after 210 Yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️there is the next Check, found by a path leading off to the west. There are only two options, one heading northward, or the western option toward a river Lee Navigation?
Up to the North where 3D is suddenly stropped in her tracks by a T & so does Kylie who has followed op with his now wet feet! Meanwhile Milf does better now as she heads away to the west with No Eye Deer who states “To the River, as long as don't have to run through it?” Fliptop replied to No Eye Deer “You can always get a piggy back like on your first hash?” No Eye Deer replies to Fliptop “Cathy got the piggy back, I was left to fend for myself 😂🏃♀️”
No Eye Deer reckons Kylie needs new shoes! as Dust is found as that path heads over a small footbridge over a Toll House Stream water that has a taxing name. Even Fliptop gets it correct again on toward the wooded 🌲 🌳 🌳 🌲 area that runs along the edge of the wide waterway, there the path turns to the north to run along the tree-lined 🌲 🌳 🌳 🌲 river Lea Navigation, the path bends like a spine as it run for 505 yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️to arrive at a path heading away to the east, here there is a Check Point & the options are to stick with the northbound River Lee Navigation river path, or head back over the wet marshland to the east?
The scribe is waiting for someone to question the different spellings of Lea & Lee? Well, it’s interchangeable TBT!
3D has only been out 10 minutes but now claims “I am wet with sweat 💦” as the Hare says ”Thought women glowed?” 3D is now resigned to “It’s obviously going to be a long night for me?” Rustler is up for searching over the Shiggy as 3D asks “Anyone for a swim?” Rustler replies “🏊♀️” Milf is up for a dip!
Kylie is happy for “More wet feet, over the marshland!” But only a T is found to the scenic flatland to east for Rustler, who now thinks Knitting at the back enjoying the views may be a better option, but a change of mind now has Rustler put down her knitting for a bit!
Milf again calls “On!” 🙋♀ still along by the Navigation riverside, after 🏃♂️🏃♀ 50 yards the river bends & the path follows the change of direction to head north eastward then after a further 80 yards through the area of woodland 🌳 🌳 🌳 🌳 the Trail comes back out to the stream & on to the hard-capped path in an area of ponds & wet-land on the east of the river.
After an 80 yard trot 🏃♂️🏃♀️ leads up to a footpath heading away to the southeast through the RSPB wetlands, here there is a Check & the options are to head out over the waterlogged underfoot wetland 🍀, or stay on the drier riverside of the River lea Navigation path with just a few puddles to avoid on the way?
Canary Boy is happy with heading to the river “As long as it isn't as deep as the one on Nash Hash?” then the Hare drops a bomb with “It’s deeper!” No Eye Deer replied to the Hare “This rings a bell” while Fliptop now says “We've got to turn away from the river sometime, so marsh for me! So, Fliptop reverts to type.
3D also says “Yes the marsh. Hope I don’t sink?” as she joins Milf & Rustler following Fliptop & the all just get wet Hash Shoes 👟 heading through the wetlands 🍀 ☘️ Meanwhile, with his drier feet, Canary Boy calls “On!” 🙋♂running up by the river Lea Navigations edge, as the Trail keeps the Hash away from the otter hides, then after 120 Yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️the Trail reaches a turn in the path as it heads eastward away from the river as that continues to the north under a concrete bridge carrying a A414 main road 🛣️ to Harlow.
After 20 yards on the path the Dust leads up to a Check on a service road, here the options are to head northward under a main road toward a Herts County yachting club, or head southeast along the bottom of the A414 🛣️ roads embankment?
Fliptop moans “It's been a tad wet today in places!” Milf replied to Canary Boy “A BIT DAMP! You don’t say?? 🤣🤣🤣” Rustler then says to Milf “Canary Boy is mostly rather underrated!” then corrects things to “Understated!”
To the north on the other side of the main road, a T stops Milf who thinks Perhaps TBT will be there [Upside down int eh drink no doubt? – Ed] 3D reckons “Might need to rescue Teebs!” Canary Boy & Fliptop are also stopped from progressing any further or even preventing TBT OBE capsizing ⛵! As Kylie Calls “On!” away on what will be the longest stretch of the Trail so far, a mighty 310 Yards 🏃♂️🏃are run before the Pack reach the next Check.
With Kylie arriving first [Can’t believe I wrote that! – Ed] Kylie calls out “On! On! ♂️👣👣👣”even Rustler lets out a surprised “Whoop Kylie!” There are only two options from the Check, to stick with the tarmac access road running parallel to the main road 🛣️, or head off through the gate in the Hedgerow to head away to the southeast on a footpath through an enclosed meadow area?
3D is up for “Gate for me!” while Rustler says she’s happy “Just following suit!” No Eye Deer also fancies the Gate option as No one is tempted to search below the road embankment, which is fortunate as 3D, Fliptop & Milf call “On!” 🙋♂️ 🙋♀ with Rustler following on down the tree-lined wide hard-capped path, this route is displayed as being ‘Easy Access’ for wheel-chairs, as it is a stretch of the Lee Valley Cycle Route, & the like, Skips Scooter would make easy work of this section of Trail as the 20 Yards run passes by an elongated lake to the southwest. The Trail now leads out on to an old lane Rye Toll Road, the Pack don’t need a keen sense of smell to catch a wiff in the air! 💩 🚽 from the Rye Sewage Station filter beds! Milf 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️
Canary Boy posts 🍺👣 while Milf will be happy as there is a wooden gate 💋 at the end of the path, Milf Kiss 😘 💋 beyond this there is an arrow on the tarmac pointing away to the southeast, to another wooden kissing gate! 💋 💋 Yes we can Virtual Kiss on the way through, but don't hang around as it pongs a bit here!! Kylie claims that its not the sewage works but “That'll be TBT's bottom!
3D wonders if is “Smog?” as the discussion, as it is on the Hash, now it drops to the lowest common denominator, “Arse says Father Jack!” from the Hare. Milf’s gets a 💋 from Canary Boy 😘! Fliptop now asks “Has Kylie let one go??” as the Hare asks Milf “Does Kylie’s engine toot?” Canary Boy 💨
Once beyond the gates, the Trail continues out over what appears to still be nature reserve, after 105 Yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ the Hash arrive at a Check located on the tip of a wooded 🌲 🌳 🌳 🌲 area that has a series of small lakes hidden within that feed the River Stort Navigation, there are two choices here, to head southward in to denser woodland, or search the wider open “Easy Access” grassy swathe running eastward between the lakes? 🐦
3D takes in the seemingly now fresher air as she exclaims “I believe the odour has dissipated?” Canary Boy is all thumbs as he types “dissi disi diisse ... Gone?” as he comments on the air
No Eye Deer’s “Checking!” echoes back to 3D question of “Any one on?” The Hare grins as a T is found by 3D & Fliptop on the wider option of path, while “On!” echoes from Canary Boy & Milf 🙋♂️ 🙋♀ down to the south as the Path becomes a narrow footpath to one not suitable for Scooters of any description 🛴 👨🦼, after 60 yards this wooded route turns to the northeast to run up between the tree-lined 🌳🌳🌳lakes to the north & a river to the south, beyond the small river Stort a railway & a larger river Stort Navigation & the Roydon Marina.
No Eye Deer says “All seems to be rivers and railways!” & the Hare adds “Nice Eh?” all while 3D is labouring at going wrong with a “Not again! huff puff pant!” Milf says she’s got Tissues at the ready 😀 for someone as the thought of an approaching railway.
It’s picturesque on the rural 🏃♂️🏃♀️ 230 Yards run as the Trail is forced by the small river’s course to turn due north for 25 yards 🚶♀️🚶♂️before emerging out on to the end of the wider easy access path. No Check just arrows to point to the east, now the Pack are out into proper meadow , the route is now a narrow desire line worn in to the lush damp green grass 🌾 🌾 . This next section is a straight 170 yard 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ run, along the way the tree-lined 🌳🌳🌳river comes back up to the north & then heads away southward as it snakes is way along toward the feeder lakes.
Train talk has now got
Fliptop talking of “Trains and boats and planes! Milf
3D reckons Fliptop has the making of a song title! Kylie replies to Fliptop, it
turns out that it was Burt Bacharach & Hal David Song, a hit for Billy J Karmer
& the Dakotas in 1965 & then by
Bill Dionne Warwick in 1966.
The Hare then shows everyone a picture of Steve Martin washing his face on John Candy’s pants from the Film ‘Planes, trains & Automobiles! Which the Hare reckons are Kylie’s Pants!
Kylie's pants out of the way & The pack finally reach a Roydon road, here there is a Check & there are three options, to head over the lane & continue along by the small Stort rivers edge, to head north up the lane, or take the sou-sou-eastern section of lane as it leads toward a Roydon railway station 🚉 & into a village? Rustler post an animal 🐺
Sludge now makes an appearance & says “Sorry I'm late - been at a non-virtual committee meeting!” 3D informs him “Going with the flow this time” as Kylie heads to the railway🚂🚃🚃🚃. Sludge picks up on this & says “Railway of course for me!”
The falsie up to the north is quickly found by Canary Boy, as the Hare doesn’t want anyone on this busy little road for too long. Meanwhile the lure of a level crossing & a railway station is just too much for one & everyone else “On!” 🙋♂ fervently called by Kylie as the rest of the Pack come from down the lane toward the Roydon Station. 🚉
The Keenies are now held up as the level-crossing barriers are down, this lets the back-makers catch up & Kylie to fulfil a dream as a Train rattles on by! Fliptop lowers the tone with “Wet dream?” While Sludge is more concerned with a “what no footbridge?”
To pass the time the Hare says “Last time we Hashed around here the ‘Kids’ set the Trail!” Fliptop is on the ball with a “Ah that's a clue?? 😳“ the Hare confirms this as 3D ponders a “Mmmmm. None the wiser!”
A lot of beeping & lights flashing as the barriers are raised at Roydon Station. Kylie has now calmed down & given a box of man-sized [Sorry you can’t say that any more – Ed] as the Trail continues southward, it ignores a footpath off to the east, just before a white stone bridge crossing a wide river, however there is a Check now the Hash are on the south bank.]
Skip pipes up with a “Beware bionic Skip is now full charged and will soon be out and about again soon!” then disappears leaving Sludge puzzled “?” Fliptop offers the Pack’s felicitations with a “Congrats Skip, they managed to restart you then?”
Choices are to continue to search south-westward along a tow-path, to head back over the crossing & risk getting cut off again over the busy railway lines 🚆? Or search south in to the village? Be careful which option you choose!
Sludge’s confusion continues as he asks “Where am I?” then the Hare lets Sludge in to a secret with “Your at your keyboard!”
Rustler’s now busy Village checking! The Hare laughs as Kylie heads over the tracks & now gets stuck as the barriers come down again but he won’t care as another fast train rumbles on by, lucky it was a large box of Big Tissues – the charity paper for Train Spotters?
Fliptop wonders on Kylie’s predicament & asks “Can't he run back over the footbridge......?”
Sludge replied to Fliptop Can't he run back over the footbridge......wat me? But there is no footbridge, road & village too small, even if there is plenty of money there but it would spoil the place.
The Hare calls Kylie back! As the into the village there is more luck for Rustler 🙋♀ who find Dust leading for 100 yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ to a footpath off of a bend in the High Street Here a Check is found. As Fliptop reckons “Looks like some committee members have turned up to find themselves oh a run??” & the Hare agrees with a “Good about time they did some exercise!” Rustler replied to Fliptop “Curtesy the amazing Mr X” 3D accurately sums it up with “Thought they were off the hook!”
Milf says to Rustler “You can see flour? 🤔” The choices are now into the Roydon village as the main road turns to the southeast, or look southward on a footpath out onto an old Temple farm, with a name of an old place of worship?
The southern path yields only a T toward the farm for Milf, Canary Boy, Fliptop & Kylie who has now caught back up again as well as Sludge who has also caught up after a late start!
The Hare marks the Trail as those knitting on the Check call “On!” these can be heard from 3D & Rustler as they find arrows on the High street, but its not far in the village as arrows are found pointing the way through the local St Peter’s churchyard ⛪, taking the Pack away on a footpath to the west & keeping them away from the New Inn first of the village Pubs! Naughty Hare! But is the naughty? As he now admits that the Trail is deliberately turned here to keep the Hash away from a Michael Barrymore’s notorious Swimming Pool! ☠️ 🚫 🏊♂️ 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️
The short footpath through the St Peter’s ✝ ⛪ Churchyard is soon back out on the Temple farmland, & the Hare is found there after ambling up the earlier falsie! He is now standing by a Check point, where the Pack will find only two options, to search southward on an uphill route? Or search westward & again this is an uphill search?
There is now a conversation about Cakes, No Eye Deer replied to Milf’s “A friend made it!” with a “Wish I had friend who made me cakes!” The Hare adds “Mr Kipling makes cakes and he Hashes!” No Eye Deer adds “I hear they are exceedingly good cakes 🎂.” While Tent Packer reminisces with “Prefer Kunzle cakes!” Milf replied to No Eye Deer “I can ask her to make us one each xx”
On the rising path to the west “On!” is called by 🙋♂️ Canary Boy & Rustler, Sludge hollers “Westward Ho!” which is North Devon, so he must have good eyesight! Any-ho! Kylie & those away to the south have to scuttle back from the southern rise, to come back down & then start on the western hill! As the Pack trot some 100 yards to reach the top of the hill, from the peak they have a great vista & it’s the ideal place to have a Held Check & the sweet stop. 🍭🍬 🍭🍬 🍭🍬 Canary Boy 🍭🍬 Rustler “😋 🍭Mmmmm bit disoriented from looking around!” Milf Sweets 🍬 sweets 🍫
Fliptop is falling in on where the Pack are as he sputters “Very naughty swimming pool if it’s the one I'm thinking of. He has got away with it so far??” 3D Good clue! Before Fliptop adds “Mind you having said that we're not in Essex are we?” Just says the Hare
Time to take in the lush green panorama as the sun begins to set, down to the west the Hash can see a large open water with lots of boats moored up at the Roydon Marina & its own village, while over to the southwest there is one blot on the landscape as there are a set of tall metal chimney of the Rye House Power Station over on the edge of an industrial estate 🏭 🏭 in the distance in Hoddesdon.
Time to move on & the Hare marks the way on the track as it heads down to an elbow where its course is turned to the north for 60 yards, this route then changes tact to head westward & it leads over toward the water way. This working river Stort Navigation has plenty of narrow boats moored up on this section between two locks.🚣 just before it join the other Navigation & becomes the Rive Lea Navigation heading to London
Canary Boy is slowed up “I’ve eaten too many sweets now 🤢” While Rustler is far better & is ready with a “Ah back on Track!”
The Hare resists the temptation of putting a Check by the canal Lock gates & luring the hard of thinking over to the Brick Lock Island named after the cargo once stocked there between the two sections of the river Stort. Instead the Trail continues along the southern bank 🙋♂️ 🙋♀ as the water way rolls away to the southwest. The pack are now on a long 420 Yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ run to a band to the west. Now after a mere 40 yards the FRBs arrive at a Check.
There are two options to stay with the river’s edge to the west, or take to a short southbound path?
No Eye Deer Rivers edge. So scenic Rustler mWest me too 3D Short path
By the river it is very scenic, but a T is found by Milf, No Eye Deer & Rustler. Sorry Girls your leading Canary Boy, Fliptop, Kylie & Sludge astray! 3D So on on then! Kylie n(bye Charlotte). 3D Right way for a change
By the river it is very scenic, but a T is found by Milf, No Eye Deer & Rustler, Sorry Girls your leading Canary Boy, Fliptop, Kylie & Sludge astray! Sludge calls “On back then!” Rustler reckons “Canary boy is easily led astray!” as Mr X adds “Hyena had an ashtray!”
So it’s back to find Dust to the south for the few yards to reach a T junction with a path running along the top of a small lake, here there are two arrows, one pointing to the west & one to the east, it’s what Essex H3 call a Turkey/eagle split! So, choose wisely as one option is the shorter of the two choices that will both meet up later on. In response to Rustlers early comment, Canary Boy now says to Rustler “Definitely! Come on Rustler let’s take the long cut! 🏃♂️”
Fliptop asks “Can anyone smell the pub yet? While Kylie replied to No Eye Deer who can't find the volume button on her phone, “Phones must be buzzing too much!” [Thankfully Pebbledash isn’t here! – Ed]
The likes of Sludge who 🙋♂️ 🙋♀ chose the eastern option find the Tail turns after 60 yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ to head down the side of the lake surrounded by trees🌳🌳🌳, this choice runs through dense broadleaf woodland on a longer of the two paths between the smaller lake & the large Glen Faba lake!
Having run an extra 150m yards than the western option, the FRBs find that in the southwestern corner of the lake the two paths meet & see Fliptops & others who wisely chose the western short path now are off in the distance on the southbound hard-capped path on a long spit of land between large Glen Faba lake to the east & a different wide river Lea Navigation to the west!
A run of 235 Yards d 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ own a nice yellow hard-capped path, but not for Sludge, who, like the Hare cuts across the open grass area below the wood to the southern apex where the wider top of the spit narrows, here there is Check where an access road from the Feilde’s weir at the north-western corner of the spit comes down the western edge, at this conflagration of paths there are three options.
There is a south bound option between the large Glen Faba lake on the east & the wide river to the west, or head northward to the Feilde’s weir, or head westward & cross the concrete bridge over the river Lee Navigation?
No Eye Deer says “They've left without paying their subs 😱” as Spotted Dick & Custard arrive & immediately leave, was it something someone said asks Kylie? 3D is more forceful with a “Send in the debt collectors!” No Eye thinks on this “22 virtual hashes at €4 per hash...... Ok. Let's make it £4 then!” 3D “I have an idea! Thought we were coming out of Europe?”
Sludge is keen to go over the Bridge, as is Fliptop & Rustler admits she has a fetish “I like bridges!”
Sludge warns those heading toward the weir with a “Don’t fall in!” but the northern option ends with a T for Milf, No Eye Deer & Canary Boy after along 150 Yards & before the water crossing! So, it following on after ♂️ 🙋♀ Rustler, Fliptop & Sludge who have crossed the bridge & picked up dust into a wooded 🌳🌳🌳island that has a small lake in its centre!
Arrows point the way along the weaving road as it comes around from north to northwest, these old narrow Ratty’s lane shares a name with a Kenneth Graham character 🐀 as it crossed the water two more times via a narrow bridge & then a canal lock.
The Pack now find themselves out on a tow path on the River Lee, here is a Check & there are three options, North or south along the tow-path, or headed out west into an Hoddesdon industrial area on the old lane that definitely pre-dates the modern units here.
Milf & Fliptop go wrong to the west, & Sludge does the same to the south but a northbound holler of “On!” from ♂️Kylie drags the rest along to the north, as he (rightfully) believes he’s heading toward the On Inn, it’s a nice flat run for some 500 Yards 🏃♂️🏃♀️🚶♀️🚶♂️ , to the west is a huge Sainsburys distribution centre 🏭 & a road that celebrates the Normandy Landings, there also new builds squeezed in on to the old estate 🏠 🏠 !
It is now mentioned that You can almost smell the Ale in the air, which prompts Canary Boy 🍺🍺🍺🍺! Rustler now says “I need a shortcut! Even though she’s not far from the end of the Trail. Kylie now realises that the Pack are not far from a brewery? Which cheers up Fliptop “Yippee beer!”
No Eye Deer is late to the Check & goes wrong to the south, call her back! The Check is marked! Back up to the north & to the east on the opposite side of the wide river are a couple of racing circuits 🏎️ of The Karting & Speedway tracks, the Pack are relived that this is a short Run today as the sky is still overcast on the way to the On Inn by the ramp up from the tow-path to a bridge over the adjacent Rye House Railway Station 🚉, to cross the navigation bridge & back to the solitary Red Brick Gate House Building, all that remains from a Popish Plot!
On Inn so Where have you been virtually Hashing today?
No Eye Deer By Rye Meads - Yes No Eye Deer is a winner says the Hare!
The Rye House Plot, when Charles II & his brother James were to be ambushed at Rye House
Rye Meads RSPB Nature Reserve
River Lea Navigation
Hertford County Yachting Club
Rye Meads Sewage Works
Liverpool Street to Cambridge & Stansted Airport Lines
St Peters Church
Max & Alfa set the Trail
Michael Barrymore’s Swimming Pool
Rye House Power Station
River Stort Navigation
Roydon Marina & Brick Lock Island
Rye House Karting & Speedway Tracks
Rye House Railway Station